Yo
I've had quite a day. :P Finally asked my housemate to not wake me up at 6 am every day and he basically just yelled at me. So I went to the gym, came back, cleaned the whole bathroom, then went and hung out with SH before work. Whatever. :P Things will get better one way or another.
"9. There is no ground for sinners to question God's goodness in view of the Cross: Paul was assured of God's love in suffering in part because "tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope..." (Romans 5:3-4). This is the Biblically based hope for believers that we will enjoy God's glory after Jesus returns. This hope is definitively grounded in the Holy-Spirit-given-conviction that God loves us (Romans 5:5). And this love is definitively established by and seen in the cross of Christ:
For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life (Romans 5:6-10).
It boggles my mind that anyone can actually question God's love, with the cross of Christ screaming loudly right at us. We deserve eternal conscious torment in the full fury of God's unimaginable, eternal and terrifying wrath; but despite how totally evil we have been - and often are - the Righteous One laid down His life to save us. No matter what God painfully withholds and inflicts on us in His Fatherly discipline in this present age, we cannot question God's goodness when we are not receiving what we actually deserve. (In fact, if God treated us according to our sins, He would certainly be good - that would be pure justice!) But in His rich grace towards us, God paid the ultimate and infinite cost to save us - His enemies! Jesus bore the wrath we deserved, so that one day - when we see Jesus face-to-face - we can fully experience God's eternal glory and everlasting happiness. If you find yourself doubting God's goodness in moments of suffering and frustration, ask: what do I deserve and am I receiving my dues now? Only the truly self-righteous question God's goodness. Do you think more highly of yourself than God does?"
The thing that consistently makes it difficult for me to comprehend God's love (one of many reasons), is that eternity is so far off. I've been asked lately what my next years look like, or even weeks from now, and I don't generally look that far ahead. The furthest I tend to look ahead is to the next day to see what time I have to wake up to do the things that are scheduled for me. I don't spend time thinking about tomorrow. I've got so much to think about today. So take that, and scale it up past my current lifetime; past my average life expectancy; past the age of my country; past the age of written history; past the age of the planet; further than that even. How can I grasp eternity? How can I understand and compare the present, which I'm always living in, with the distant eternal future? So, then, it becomes hard for me to truly grasp what eternal punishment, or oppositely, eternal glory and joy look like. If I deserve constant eternal suffering, how do I comprehend that? How do I compare that to suffering I keep being told is insignificant and yet takes up the majority of my day and feels like it will never end?
I have many times in the past been annoyed that God gives us such readily available grace; that we don't see immediate consequences to our actions (or at least, we don't personally experience the negative sides of sin). Like, it feels like if I were to commit a small sin now, it would make sense to get a small punishment to help me realize I should avoid those things. Is that not the discipline we need? Instead, God is gracious and merciful and through the cross has forgiven such an infinite amount of transgressions that that grace just overflows. We take advantage of that grace. I take advantage of that grace. And so I have on many occasions forced punishment upon myself. Which, is the opposite of what that grace should do. Instead of a negative reinforcement (punishments for sins), we get positive reinforcements (God's grace and forgiveness making us more grateful for His goodness and more willing to reconsider our choices next time?).
Objectively: Is God good based on Him sending Jesus to the cross in our place, making a way for us to know Him and a way to be purified and forgiven, when we truly deserve eternal punishment for rebelling against an eternally worthy God? He not only bled in pursuit of holiness. He was obedient to the point of death on a cross. Jesus was good to the end. God, in providing a sacrifice in our place, has also done an amazing thing. Even while we were 100% not trying to live a good life, and ignorantly living lives blatantly in opposition to His rule and worshipping anything other than Him; He died in our place. Incredible.
Do I think more highly of myself than God does? Never. "I am fearfully and wonderfully made". All my days were written in Your book before even one of them. None of my ways are hidden from you. Psalm 139. In God's eyes, through the cross, I can be an adopted child of God, part of His family, His Kingdom, His plans. Me on my own merits? Not even close. What do I have that was not given to me from God? What is my own that I earned and deserve? Nothing good. Can I do good for others? Only so far as I have been given goodness. Can I receive goodness from others? Only so far as that goodness has been given to them. Apart from God goodness will run dry.
Is God good? sure. Does how I feel about Him matter? Objectively? Probably not too much. But in reality, probably quite a bit. If the ultimate goal is to be in a relationship and experience joy in knowing Him and experiencing His glory, I need to feel good too. If eternal hope satiates that need, good. If not, what is the answer? How can I feel God as good while feeling like I'm suffering needlessly? I need a daily understanding that God's goodness is tangible; that His plans are good even when I don't see the end of the journey; that He is in control and works things for good. I need more faith in Him.
Hmm. May He grant me more faith.
D.Fa
No comments:
Post a Comment