Thinking It Through: Do Not Turn From Christ to Sin (Part 11 of 15)

Yo,

Good morning. :P G👃D MORNING. ;P SH is so funny and caring. Woke up yesterday to a close-up photo of his face with Good morning written on it, but with his nostrils instead of O's. :P So I sent him one this morning. hehe

"11. The Scriptures warn against turning from Christ and practicing sin: The epistle to the Hebrews repeatedly warns them against drifting from the gospel. "For this reason we must pay much closer attention to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away from it. For if the word spoken through angels proved unalterable and every transgression and disobedience received a just penalty, how will we escape if we neglect so great a salvation?" (2:1-3). And again, the author warns against unbelief: "Take care, brethren, that there not be in any one of you an evil, unbelieving heart that falls away from the living God" (Hebrews 3:12). And again, the author warns about falling away:

     "For in the case of those that have once been enlightened and have tasted of the heavenly gift and have been made partakers of the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the age to come, and then have fallen away, it is impossible to renew them again to repentance, since they again crucify to themselves the Son of God and put Him to open shame. For ground that drinks the rain which often falls on it and brings forth vegetation useful for those for whose sake it is also tilled, receives a blessing from God; but if it yields thorns and thistles, it is worthless and close to being cursed, and it ends up being burned" (Hebrews 6:4-8)

And later on, the author warns about sinning willfully:

     "For if we go on sinning willfully after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a terrifying expectation of judgement and the fury of a fire which will consume the adversaries. Anyone who has ignored the Law of Moses is put to death without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. How much more severe punishment do you think he will deserve who has trampled underfoot the Son of God, and has regarded as unclean the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and has insulted the Spirit of grace? For we know Him who said "Vengeance is mine, I will repay." And again, "The Lord will judge His people." It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God" (Hebrews 10:26-31).

Finally, the author warns: "See to it that you do not refuse Him who is speaking. For if those who did not escape when they refused him who warned them on earth, much less will they escape who turn away from Him who warns us from heaven" (Hebrews 12:25). These warnings cause me to tremble and fear the very thought of deliberately turning from Jesus and exposing myself to God's wrath. You mentioned you are not concerned about your lack of assurance. How can that be?

'Neglect such a great salvation'. 'Fall away from the living God'. Perhaps I've been neglectful. The last couple years have been tough. Perhaps I've grown a bit distant from God. I want to reestablish that if possible. I want to love and serve God and feel near to Him. I want to hear His voice. I want to feel His presence. 

If I can have a believing heart, that seeks His righteousness and Kingdom, and abides in Christ, and lives and serves Him, can I do that while loving myself and my boyfriend? Does changing the word boyfriend into the word husband make any difference? If we both live in such a way that encourages each other, points each other towards God, stirs one another on to love and good deeds, that does all things aside from this one, is that enough? He who breaks one sentence of the Law is a lawbreaker and guilty for the whole thing, ya?

I think I just stopped worrying about assurance after a certain point. I had been on the edge struggling to fight temptation, giving in semi-regularly, feeling so broken and helpless and hopeless, attempting to fulfill all my church responsibilities and appear good and ok while at the same time feeling terrible. After a while I guess I kinda gave up on holding onto assurance because my life was so messy anyways..? Would I be saved and forgiven if I'm always falling into sin? If half the time I'm actively pursuing it? I guess I kinda just gave up feeling bad because that wasn't getting me anywhere. It felt like I was asking for help, I was asking for forgiveness, I was asking for strength, I was asking for a solution, and I was getting nowhere. Living a life of constantly sinning while fighting against it versus a life freed to live and love. Can I still ask for forgiveness as I now regularly 'sin' without fighting against it? Is it possible to redefine this? How does everyone else live a life of sin while also having assurance? Jesus died once and for all that sin past, present, and future could be forgiven and paid for for all who would turn to Him, ya? Can I pursue God with my all, and give my boyfriend the leftovers, and claim forgiveness when I mess up along the way? I really don't know the answers to these questions. 

D.Fa