"14. It is backwards and dangerous to search for theology after deciding on a course of action: You have decided upon a course of action for the immediate future: you will be dating another guy. From what I understand, your own emotions and desires are driving your decisions. You're open to the idea that your previous convictions are mistaken, yet you have not settled on a methodology for confirming or correcting your theology. There are several problems with this approach:
First, since the Bible is sufficient and authoritative, then the study of it should be directing your course of action. However, in this case, you have chosen to do what you said you know or have believed (and still believe?) is contrary to Scripture. This reverses the proper roles and perhaps reveals a lack of commitment to the authority of Scripture. If you were committed to the authority of Scripture and you genuinely believed that there is ambiguity about what Scripture teaches, the outcome would be different: you would have erred on the side of caution. This would have meant postponing a course of action until you have studied the Scriptures and received Biblical counsel. How committed are you to the authority of Scripture? Do you believe that there is ambiguity about what it teaches or how it applies in your circumstances?
Second, if your emotions/heart are driving your decisions, there is a serious danger that you will use your study of Scripture to justify your decisions. On the one hand, it is good to examine our beliefs and actions against Scripture. But, if we are instead committed to the authority of our own emotions and thoughts, we risk distorting the Scriptures to fit our predispositions and agendas. Paul spoke of Churches that would accumulate teachers who would simply tickle their ears: "For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires, and will turn their ears away from the truth and will turn aside to myths" (2 Timothy 4:3-4). These teachers would not simply shrink back from teaching the whole counsel of God, but twisted it to teach what people wanted to hear -- i.e. what would accommodate their desires. How are you guarding against this danger?"
Honestly, at the very beginning of this, I don't even know if I was willing to think that my convictions may have been mistaken. It was more just that it wasn't working and something needed to change. I do think I'm open to the idea that they may have been mistaken now. "It wasn't working" kinda says something was mistaken, either me or the convictions? All I did was postpone action and that got me nowhere. So I jumped in. I probably should have been a bit more methodical. I should have. Jumping in was a little rash. Some people have gotten hurt that I could have avoided by spending more time in research and study first. Perhaps because research and study and logic and stoicism and repression is what got me to where I am now I reacted so suddenly and impulsively and emotionally as a means of finding a different way forward.
Do I believe that the Bible is the ultimate authority? I think God -- creator of all things, sovereign of eternal destiny, sustainer of all things, just and the one who justifies -- should be the ultimate authority, and His word -- as unchanging as He is -- should be taken with just as much seriousness. I'm doing what I can to get back into regular Bible reading and prayer about it. I still want to uphold God and His word. I want good solid teaching. But like none of it matters unless I have a good relationship with God ya? God's gotta be saviour, then Lord, ya? It's kinda like I'm starting over again, trying to realign myself with who God is and what it means for all aspects of me. But I need to know Him more closely again first.
Do I want this to work? Ya. I feel so much more happy and alive than before. Do I understand that God calls everyone to turn away from sins that they cherish and turn to Him with everything they have? Ya. Do I understand that God leads us through difficult times in valleys to get to better pastures? Ya. If they hated Jesus, they will hate His followers. I don't want to just hear things that justify decisions I make. I want to be challenged, I want to grow, I want to be real, I want to be able to stand behind what I believe with passion and conviction. I need to hear both sides of the argument and seek solid research. I very much appreciate that I have a number of people I can talk to about whatever as I figure this all out. But yes, I have made a decision, whether it was fully intentional or not at the time. I am going to be dating a guy. :)
Ttyl.
D.Fa
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