I'm honestly in a really terrible mood right now.
It's really lame.
I want to destroy something, punch something, explode something...
Why am I feeling this way?
>.< Grrrrrrrrr.
Showing posts with label Bad Mood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bad Mood. Show all posts
4.11.11
23.10.11
Sometimes I'm Bipolar..?
Yo! This morning was really awesome. So, I was worship leader this weekend because the YApro went away on a retreat thingee and so I took over as leader. I was choosing songs at midnight Friday and I wasn't satisfied with my song selection. I had a lot of really awesome gospel centered songs, but I thought they were all too slow and that the congregation might not know them too well... I wanted to find an awesome fast paced song that is well known for the set, but I couldn't find one because I'm kinda bored with the standards that fit that description and didn't think they really fit... So, 1am came and I gave up and finalized my selection even though I wasn't 100% behind the choices made.
Practice yesterday was great. It's weird being in charge. SM, NC and JC were on team (only JC was actually scheduled. The other two were replacements like I was). It was SM's first time on team at OCBC! He's really good at playing piano. He didn't know a couple of the songs, but he figured them out within the practice time. God got me to choose the call to worship really quickly and I was well satisfied with it. Psalm 66.
Anyways, this morning went really well. People kept telling me that the song choice was good. I really like Christ is Risen. Especially the bridge. Heehee. I think I am setting a precedent as to the type of set that I choose when leading. The sermon was about Jesus and sacrificial substitution present throughout scripture. There were a couple things I hadn't thought of before. Like, the very first death was done by God on some animals to make clothes for Adam and Eve and by it's death the whole sacrificial atonement system started. Also, Barabbas. His crimes and notoriety led him to a death sentence, but by Jesus' death, he was freed.
Ya. Me, JS and CW went to Farmer's Pick after we got home from church.
Then I got to work on a Phys chem assignment that made me really really really furious at thermochem. >.< I was sooooo mad. I felt like I should destroy something. I feel really bad when I get in those moods. How did it go from awesome worship in the morning to being so filled with anger and rage (at simple algebra no less) that I want to destroy everything around me. >.>
Acts class was good. JS might be going to seminary! She graduates this year and it's an option. We read Acts 3-8 and discussed it. Stephen's trial was cool. He talked all about how God is always moving with His believers.
Ya.
Oh! I had a really cool video chat with my EA family (well most of it. TT.TT)! We'll be doing it again soon since PW, MC and the staff families weren't involved. It might get super laggy though... xP
Ya. I was kinda almost crying when I was walking to AL's for the video chat. They are all leading DGs. >.> God will use them all in amazing ways.
Yup.
Ttyl.
D.Fa
Practice yesterday was great. It's weird being in charge. SM, NC and JC were on team (only JC was actually scheduled. The other two were replacements like I was). It was SM's first time on team at OCBC! He's really good at playing piano. He didn't know a couple of the songs, but he figured them out within the practice time. God got me to choose the call to worship really quickly and I was well satisfied with it. Psalm 66.
Anyways, this morning went really well. People kept telling me that the song choice was good. I really like Christ is Risen. Especially the bridge. Heehee. I think I am setting a precedent as to the type of set that I choose when leading. The sermon was about Jesus and sacrificial substitution present throughout scripture. There were a couple things I hadn't thought of before. Like, the very first death was done by God on some animals to make clothes for Adam and Eve and by it's death the whole sacrificial atonement system started. Also, Barabbas. His crimes and notoriety led him to a death sentence, but by Jesus' death, he was freed.
Ya. Me, JS and CW went to Farmer's Pick after we got home from church.
Then I got to work on a Phys chem assignment that made me really really really furious at thermochem. >.< I was sooooo mad. I felt like I should destroy something. I feel really bad when I get in those moods. How did it go from awesome worship in the morning to being so filled with anger and rage (at simple algebra no less) that I want to destroy everything around me. >.>
Acts class was good. JS might be going to seminary! She graduates this year and it's an option. We read Acts 3-8 and discussed it. Stephen's trial was cool. He talked all about how God is always moving with His believers.
Ya.
Oh! I had a really cool video chat with my EA family (well most of it. TT.TT)! We'll be doing it again soon since PW, MC and the staff families weren't involved. It might get super laggy though... xP
Ya. I was kinda almost crying when I was walking to AL's for the video chat. They are all leading DGs. >.> God will use them all in amazing ways.
Yup.
Ttyl.
D.Fa
9.10.11
Testimony Time!
So, today was church. Bussing takes forever. I left around 8:35, shortly after meeting MM's family. (so funny) I got to church at 9:24. CW, my roommate had left half an hour after me and got there before me. I'll bike next week. I had bussed for a reason. I had work immediately after church, like ASAP, so I needed a drive from someone the second it finished. If I had biked I'd have to leave my bike there...
Anyways, I was in a really really bad mood this morning.
Sunday school was cancelled because KK forgot the cheese, T(?) was playing piano and JS was in Hongcouver with his girlfriend, so we hung out for a bit and then went to Starbucks. Talking with JW, I got a free Caramel Macchiato cause they made it wrong for a woman who ordered it.
We got back, set up some chairs, then service started. Guest speaker. Prodigal son. Worship. Still in a bad mood.
I knew I needed to just give it up and ask God to give me a better attitude, but I wasn't...
I was kinda forced to humble myself though, I mean I had to give a testimony. I had written a page, but that was two days ago and it was 11pm when I wrote it, and I'm not good at presenting things, especially testimonies, so I needed the Spirit to help me.
I think it went pretty well. It helped having a translator interrupt me and give me time to think. xP
So, I was thinking, 'dang, I want to share this testimony... I'll have to type it up... >.> Oh! I typed it to begin with! (out of D.Fa character.)'.
Herewith:
"Hey everyone! My name is Dylan and I’m in second year biochemistry at Carleton now and I was blessed to be a part of this year’s VBS to Charis EFree in Scarborough this August. I had just returned to Ottawa for the second time this summer and just a week later I was gone again. I was definitely planning that week as a break, as a relaxing time to refresh and refocus again. I wanted to spend time with my family and friends and I wasn’t preparing nearly as much as I could have. You see, since we were doing the same VBS material as last year when OCBC went to Brooklyn, I had assumed it would be easy, but I was given the role of telling the Bible Stories. I do not normally consider myself someone who can tell good stories, teach people things, clearly explain things and it was a lot to memorize too, so I really did need work. The entire week I spent hours each day working on how to tell gospel centered Bible stories. I still did not feel prepared.
Aside from the preparation before VBS, we also sat down and talked about what our goals in this week were. Our main mission was broken down into a three-letter acronym, UPI. Understand, Provide, and Inspire. Help the children come to an understanding of the gospel, of God’s love and the gift of eternal life through Jesus death and resurrection. Provide each child with their own copy of the Bible. And inspire each child to share what they’ve learned with others. We prayed that God would really use us to accomplish this and to be an encouragement to the church.
Throughout the preparation and the week we saw God answer prayer. I saw God answer prayer in placing me outside my comfort zone and growing me in an area of weakness. I saw God bring the 10 children we were praying for to the VBS this year whether they were church going children, or not, or even if it was their first time in the church, God gathered His children and answered our prayers on Sunday. We saw Him delay the storms Wednesday so we could go to the park and be a light in the community. We saw the children and youth come to a greater understanding of the gospel. We saw every child receive a New Testament. And I only found this out this week, but one of the mothers of a child at the VBS was exposed to the gospel for the first time through conversations she had with him. Also, the youth grew so much that the church even got a new youth worker for them.
Even though we weren’t fully prepared, even though we aren’t there to do follow-up or see what is happening right now, even though we aren’t perfect, God chose to use us, God uses his Spirit in our lives to speak his truths to others, God did so much more than we could have asked or imagined and He is still doing so much.
So, ya, I have been really encouraged by what I have seen happen in the lives of the children, in my life and just everything He is doing through the steps we take in faith. I’m really glad I got to experience this this year and if the opportunity comes up again, I would be really excited to go again.
Thank you for supporting us in prayer and sending us out!
D.Fa
"
And that's a rough copy of it, but ya. God is awesome. He really helped shift my attitude and when I went to work I was ready to glorify God. I worked super hard until 6:30 then I went home for supper, went back to work, came home for pie and now I'm at my house with a large pile of leftovers. lol.
Ttyl.
D.Fa
Anyways, I was in a really really bad mood this morning.
Sunday school was cancelled because KK forgot the cheese, T(?) was playing piano and JS was in Hongcouver with his girlfriend, so we hung out for a bit and then went to Starbucks. Talking with JW, I got a free Caramel Macchiato cause they made it wrong for a woman who ordered it.
We got back, set up some chairs, then service started. Guest speaker. Prodigal son. Worship. Still in a bad mood.
I knew I needed to just give it up and ask God to give me a better attitude, but I wasn't...
I was kinda forced to humble myself though, I mean I had to give a testimony. I had written a page, but that was two days ago and it was 11pm when I wrote it, and I'm not good at presenting things, especially testimonies, so I needed the Spirit to help me.
I think it went pretty well. It helped having a translator interrupt me and give me time to think. xP
So, I was thinking, 'dang, I want to share this testimony... I'll have to type it up... >.> Oh! I typed it to begin with! (out of D.Fa character.)'.
Herewith:
"Hey everyone! My name is Dylan and I’m in second year biochemistry at Carleton now and I was blessed to be a part of this year’s VBS to Charis EFree in Scarborough this August. I had just returned to Ottawa for the second time this summer and just a week later I was gone again. I was definitely planning that week as a break, as a relaxing time to refresh and refocus again. I wanted to spend time with my family and friends and I wasn’t preparing nearly as much as I could have. You see, since we were doing the same VBS material as last year when OCBC went to Brooklyn, I had assumed it would be easy, but I was given the role of telling the Bible Stories. I do not normally consider myself someone who can tell good stories, teach people things, clearly explain things and it was a lot to memorize too, so I really did need work. The entire week I spent hours each day working on how to tell gospel centered Bible stories. I still did not feel prepared.
Aside from the preparation before VBS, we also sat down and talked about what our goals in this week were. Our main mission was broken down into a three-letter acronym, UPI. Understand, Provide, and Inspire. Help the children come to an understanding of the gospel, of God’s love and the gift of eternal life through Jesus death and resurrection. Provide each child with their own copy of the Bible. And inspire each child to share what they’ve learned with others. We prayed that God would really use us to accomplish this and to be an encouragement to the church.
Throughout the preparation and the week we saw God answer prayer. I saw God answer prayer in placing me outside my comfort zone and growing me in an area of weakness. I saw God bring the 10 children we were praying for to the VBS this year whether they were church going children, or not, or even if it was their first time in the church, God gathered His children and answered our prayers on Sunday. We saw Him delay the storms Wednesday so we could go to the park and be a light in the community. We saw the children and youth come to a greater understanding of the gospel. We saw every child receive a New Testament. And I only found this out this week, but one of the mothers of a child at the VBS was exposed to the gospel for the first time through conversations she had with him. Also, the youth grew so much that the church even got a new youth worker for them.
Even though we weren’t fully prepared, even though we aren’t there to do follow-up or see what is happening right now, even though we aren’t perfect, God chose to use us, God uses his Spirit in our lives to speak his truths to others, God did so much more than we could have asked or imagined and He is still doing so much.
So, ya, I have been really encouraged by what I have seen happen in the lives of the children, in my life and just everything He is doing through the steps we take in faith. I’m really glad I got to experience this this year and if the opportunity comes up again, I would be really excited to go again.
Thank you for supporting us in prayer and sending us out!
D.Fa
"
And that's a rough copy of it, but ya. God is awesome. He really helped shift my attitude and when I went to work I was ready to glorify God. I worked super hard until 6:30 then I went home for supper, went back to work, came home for pie and now I'm at my house with a large pile of leftovers. lol.
Ttyl.
D.Fa
18.1.11
Another Shot at 'Evangelerving'...
So.
I am kinda in a crummy mood again. When you spend 3 hours walking around, looking at people, talking to people you do know only as a distraction and you even have them all praying for you and then you say hi to one guy who is willing to talk if his group members don't show up and then one of them does, when you are trying so hard to find excuses for why you aren't sharing that you even spend 5$ on vitamin enhanced fruit juice... You feel kinda crummy...
I have to put an end to this.
I've got to just do it.
I've got to get over this stupid inability to meet people in unawkward ways.
I've got to live the rest of my life more intentionally.
Scratch that.
I've just got to rely on Him more and more and just forget about what I have to do.
Tommorow will be better. I have 5 hours between class. With God's help I want to talk to at least 10 people. In 5 hours this should not be a very difficult goal.
Ya...
I hate when I do this.
D.Fa
I am kinda in a crummy mood again. When you spend 3 hours walking around, looking at people, talking to people you do know only as a distraction and you even have them all praying for you and then you say hi to one guy who is willing to talk if his group members don't show up and then one of them does, when you are trying so hard to find excuses for why you aren't sharing that you even spend 5$ on vitamin enhanced fruit juice... You feel kinda crummy...
I have to put an end to this.
I've got to just do it.
I've got to get over this stupid inability to meet people in unawkward ways.
I've got to live the rest of my life more intentionally.
Scratch that.
I've just got to rely on Him more and more and just forget about what I have to do.
Tommorow will be better. I have 5 hours between class. With God's help I want to talk to at least 10 people. In 5 hours this should not be a very difficult goal.
Ya...
I hate when I do this.
D.Fa
17.1.11
Mood Swings
Ok.
I feel pretty crummy right now.
I didn't really talk to my bio lab partner.
I didn't end up sharing today for various reasons*.
I wasted so much time.
I didn't write much of a testimony.
I don't really know my friends.
I have deffinately been relying on my own strength all day...
I havn't really prayed today.
...
I just don't feel good.
As a side note Paramore is my band of the day... xP
Ya.
I need to remember all the stuff that God has revealed to me. That He is good. That He loves me. That He saved me. That if I was on my own I would fail, like I do, but with Him we can do anything.
I wish I had an amazing testimony, but I don't really remember things very long. xP I don't remember who I was. I only remember who I am, in Christ, and who I will be when I am transformed even more into the image of Christ.
Also, Starfield is pretty good. xP
xPP...... Getaway!
D.Fa
*'reasons' which should be able to be overcome.
I feel pretty crummy right now.
I didn't really talk to my bio lab partner.
I didn't end up sharing today for various reasons*.
I wasted so much time.
I didn't write much of a testimony.
I don't really know my friends.
I have deffinately been relying on my own strength all day...
I havn't really prayed today.
...
I just don't feel good.
As a side note Paramore is my band of the day... xP
Ya.
I need to remember all the stuff that God has revealed to me. That He is good. That He loves me. That He saved me. That if I was on my own I would fail, like I do, but with Him we can do anything.
I wish I had an amazing testimony, but I don't really remember things very long. xP I don't remember who I was. I only remember who I am, in Christ, and who I will be when I am transformed even more into the image of Christ.
Also, Starfield is pretty good. xP
xPP...... Getaway!
D.Fa
*'reasons' which should be able to be overcome.
12.1.11
It Is Irksome.
I'm kinda upset right now.
I got my essay back today.
You know there's a problem when the course that 3rd years are taking to raise their average is significantly bringing down my average. This is like last year when Steel was bringing down my mark. Like what the heck.
But in any case. If I actually think about it, I'm pretty sure (because of the whole letter grade thing) that my average is not really affected and that my entrance scholarship is by no means in question of being renewed, so in actuality I have nothing to complain about and I will have no problem if I actually fail FILM, but it is irksome.
...
This morning I awoke at 5:30. This was to go to the prayer meeting thing in Russell at 7. It was pretty cool. One guy challenged us though. He challenged us to fast once a week and just humble ourselves before the Lord by voluntarily weakening ourselves. He also chalenged us to wake up half an hour earlier and just spend 30 minutes with God in quiet time just getting filled up and pumped so that we have something to bring to the meeting.
...
Then I had Bio.
...
After that I went to Oasis, had some lunch and went sharing with AG. We talked to two people. One guy had the idea that creligion is a beautiful thing, but the people had hurt him which is why he was turned off from going to church. He was a really cool guy and he's in AH's program and year, so they'll get to talk some more. The other guy was hindu-raised and grew up in Malaysia where there is freedom of religion. He has many different friends and has been exposed to some extent with various religions. A lot of what he believed is in line with what I believe, but some of it is just so... empty..? I mean not knowing if you have a relationship with God until you die..? only to find out that you weren't and so you get reincarnated to try again..?
I then found out that VW was too sick to meet up and get her planner today. We had a brief text conversation and now I am praying for her situation. It's kinda difficult, but God must have a plan for her.
I want a heart for doing what is good, a heart for doing what I should, a heart that loves people for who they are and not appearances, a heart for the lost, a heart that is never hypocritical, that just loves the Lord with all of it.
Here's a song:
Ttyl.
D.Fa
I got my essay back today.
You know there's a problem when the course that 3rd years are taking to raise their average is significantly bringing down my average. This is like last year when Steel was bringing down my mark. Like what the heck.
But in any case. If I actually think about it, I'm pretty sure (because of the whole letter grade thing) that my average is not really affected and that my entrance scholarship is by no means in question of being renewed, so in actuality I have nothing to complain about and I will have no problem if I actually fail FILM, but it is irksome.
...
This morning I awoke at 5:30. This was to go to the prayer meeting thing in Russell at 7. It was pretty cool. One guy challenged us though. He challenged us to fast once a week and just humble ourselves before the Lord by voluntarily weakening ourselves. He also chalenged us to wake up half an hour earlier and just spend 30 minutes with God in quiet time just getting filled up and pumped so that we have something to bring to the meeting.
...
Then I had Bio.
...
After that I went to Oasis, had some lunch and went sharing with AG. We talked to two people. One guy had the idea that creligion is a beautiful thing, but the people had hurt him which is why he was turned off from going to church. He was a really cool guy and he's in AH's program and year, so they'll get to talk some more. The other guy was hindu-raised and grew up in Malaysia where there is freedom of religion. He has many different friends and has been exposed to some extent with various religions. A lot of what he believed is in line with what I believe, but some of it is just so... empty..? I mean not knowing if you have a relationship with God until you die..? only to find out that you weren't and so you get reincarnated to try again..?
I then found out that VW was too sick to meet up and get her planner today. We had a brief text conversation and now I am praying for her situation. It's kinda difficult, but God must have a plan for her.
I want a heart for doing what is good, a heart for doing what I should, a heart that loves people for who they are and not appearances, a heart for the lost, a heart that is never hypocritical, that just loves the Lord with all of it.
Here's a song:
Ttyl.
D.Fa
19.10.10
Kindness Always Propagates.
So, ya.
I just watched this really uplifting movie in FILM. Like, it is just a really cool movie. It is super funny, very ... I don't even know how to describe it, but I fell really good now. [The name of the movie was Amelie btw.]
Yesterday I was in a terrible mood.
Sometimes I get in this mood where I question what I am doing and how I think. Like I got really fed up with work for no good reason. I felt that just because I had a shift Sunday night that I should quit my job. I felt that work is taking away all my time with my YA friends when really I spend all my free time with them...
I felt that I should tell my boss that I didn't want to work Sundays anymore, which is true, but at the same time there are never enough people to work on Sundays, so I didn't request that... Then I thought "why do I never stand up for myself..? Is it wrong to be selfish..? Is it really being selfish to not want to work 20 hours each week..?
When I am at work, far too many thoughts go through my head.
When I am at work, all my energy
[continued in following post]
I just watched this really uplifting movie in FILM. Like, it is just a really cool movie. It is super funny, very ... I don't even know how to describe it, but I fell really good now. [The name of the movie was Amelie btw.]
Yesterday I was in a terrible mood.
Sometimes I get in this mood where I question what I am doing and how I think. Like I got really fed up with work for no good reason. I felt that just because I had a shift Sunday night that I should quit my job. I felt that work is taking away all my time with my YA friends when really I spend all my free time with them...
I felt that I should tell my boss that I didn't want to work Sundays anymore, which is true, but at the same time there are never enough people to work on Sundays, so I didn't request that... Then I thought "why do I never stand up for myself..? Is it wrong to be selfish..? Is it really being selfish to not want to work 20 hours each week..?
When I am at work, far too many thoughts go through my head.
When I am at work, all my energy
[continued in following post]
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