Les Écrans

I feel like my whole life is interfaced between me and a screen.

The other day we were watching television in the living room. I went downstairs and played video games, all the while texting / facebook messaging on my smart phone. Later I was back upstairs and looking up the recipe for sugar cookies on my phone while making them. I took out my laptop to work on my resume and email some professors. At the store I call my mother to ask about a gift for my dad. Minutes later we are driving somewhere and I use my phone to find out where the store is. I have a dentist appointment; when I return the living room is dark except for the television screen and my dad searching his iphone over the rims of his glasses.

Screens everywhere, and for everything.

Screens connecting me to people al over, and yet disconnecting me from right now and the people who are right beside me.

The odd thing about this connectivity, this virtual connectivity, is that I know many people and have only ever interacted with them through text, or through facebook; 'virtual' friends. Friends that are 'in real life', but not in the 'real life' that I can reach out and touch. The problem being that I can only deal with so many people at once, and typically, only effectively with the people I interact with and see everyday.

So it's paradoxical the way screens offer connectivity and yet divide.

Some of my thoughts.

D.Fa

Hating Sin

Hey,

So over the last while I've been able to speak to a guy and recently we had some really in depth conversations and got to know each other better.

Somehow the topic of video games led to him sharing like his biggest secret with me, and revealing like the thing he struggles with the most that he has carried for the last ten years, since before he was a Christian. Before he told me he made me promise we'd still be friends.

Ultimately, it is a variety of masochism. He desires to be hurt and crushed.

My reaction (to the specifics) was not that he was weird or to start avoiding him. My reaction was first to get a better understanding, but as he continued explaining my reaction was just like heartbreaking. To hear him say he'd love to die by being crushed by an elephant? To hear him desire for others to hurt him? I almost cried.

I hate hearing about the depth of sin my brothers are in; the twisted and corrupted desires which lead them to seek satisfaction in actions that ultimately mutilate the body rather than glorify God. Made in His image and as the temple of the Holy Spirit, how can we degrade ourselves like this?

Interestingly, there is also quite a bit of overlap in our largest areas of temptation, so it's been cool to be fully open with each other. But the cooler thing is that it is really opening my eyes to how disgusting sin is.

Rom1:18-32 really just shows how far we have fallen, exchanging God for images made by man; exchanging natural relationships to the degrading of our bodies; inventing new ways to sin.

But He has made us new in Christ. He has removed our sin as far as East is from West. He has purified us and we now have Jesus' imputed righteousness. May His Spirit truly work in us and danctify us.

May I remember how terrible sin is and that it does produce death, despite the temporary pleasures it may provide.

Not a Bed

Hey,

so I guess I should catch you up a bit. On Wednesday I woke up at 7:20, later than I had hoped, and then packed, took a shower, cleaned the mess in the house that was mine, all that in an hour and then I bussed to work with my suitcase. Got some funny looks.

Later I went to my parents' house. That's how I moved. haha.

But I was only there for an hour before I went bowling with a friend and a bunch of her friends. lol

Anyways, I'm at my parents' house now. When I got back after bowling my parents were asleep. So I just crashed in my old room with a foam pad as a mattress, a towel and my coat as a blanket. The next day I had inflated the air mattress and rearranged the stuff being stored in my room; I didn't have a blanket, I used the foam, but I couldn't sleep well. So I made sure I got like 3 blankets for last night and now I'm all good.

My puppy, Max, is a monster though. He just turned 1 year old today and he's still really bite-y and his teeth are quite sharp. He loves my socks and just put a hole in my hat while I wasn't looking.

My brother can't stay here long since he has to take care of his dog Duke. So only during the day or potentially overnight he thinks would be okay, which is kinda sad. He should be here for the holidays. > . >

Today I 'braved the storm' and went to church. It really wasn't as bad here as my dad was making it sound. Sunday school was interesting. The grade 5/6 class joined us and EC led us in a Bible trivia game about Genesis, which they had been studying. The grade 7/8s didn't do too well. lol

The service was about living in the Spirit and the main thing I got is what it actually means to have your mind set on the flesh; not just on sin, but on pursuits solely within the realm of flesh.

After service we went for Pho and I picked up the Shadow of the Colossus game. 2 Colossi down, 14 to go.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Two-Pronged

Mission of the day: get the missing half of my PS2 AC adapter power cord. Check! Had to go to 4 stores.

Double check to make sure everything is good: PS2, complete with memory card, controller, and cords is functional!

Now I just need the game. Was goign to go pick i up at 4, but a few blocks away from my house I got the text that the kijiji guy wasn't going to be home at that time anymore, so I got off the bus and text convo'd him for like 15-20 minutes? He's actually never played Shadow of the Colossus! His friend gave him a PS2 and a pile of games and he didn't really care, so he put the ad up on kijiji like 2 months ago. He's more into PC gaming now. He said he'd text me when he got home, or we'd do the exchange tomorrow. So just a litttttle more waiting.

Before that though I had worship practice. Always good. And afterwards I also did some Christmas shopping. Way too expensive.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

No More Patience. None.

So, I am no longer employed. Fun times.

The last couple weeks have been good though. One intense week of cramming for an exam and then cramming a co-op report in a couple days followed by a Secret Barnabas Christmas party gift exchange that I was nearly dying to complete. And now this week with nothing exactly due, so I've been really productive, oddly.

Unfortunately I am now craving video games. Specifically 'Shadow of the Colossus' for PS2. I've been listening to the soundtrack all week and reminiscing about how frightening it was. You are this guy with a sword, a bow/arrows, and a horse. That doesn't change in the slightest. And you are supposed to go defeat these 16 monstrous enemies to like bring this girl back to life. But these monsters.These Colossi... They are SO BIG! and you are so small. and..... Those EYES! So terrifying and you have no power and need to think through how to beat them, not just charge in and get trampled. I've also been reading about how much of a masterpiece it is, so I cannot wait another second to play it.

Today when I got home it began, my hunt and quest for the game in our old playroom, which has become somewhat a storage room.

In this quest my brother reminded me of how we used to be EB Game traders, i.e. we often traded our old games for new ones. o.O . . . we. traded. in. Shadow of the Colossus?????? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!

TT.TT

And now I am meeting up with a guy from kijiji to buy it tomorrow afternoon. lol. Pretty desperate. lol.

All week I was listening to it, but as much as I wanted to look at the monsters and everything I was like "no. that'll spoil it for when you get to play it Friday night" . . . So I can't wait any longer. lol.

We also appear to be missing half of the AC adapter. > . < hopefully the AC adapter for my old laptop has 2 prongs and can be used as a replacement. and HOPEFULLY the PS2 actually still works.

I'm a little obsessed.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Biased

Yo,

so, for the last couple days, like, Monday and Tuesday I didn't go to work. Well, kinda. I was actually at Health Canada's Science Forum. I completely do not consider this 'work' in the same sense. lol. It was good for a change of pace and a change of location and a change. I pretty much considered it two days off. I only had, well, I didn't have to be at it at all, but it was only from like 9-4 instead of my recent 6-6. lol. so it was a good change. Got to hear a bunch of cool things and kinda relax. Got to chill with EJ too, so that was good.

One thing I've been thinking today is that idea that with the same set of data you can come to a very different conclusion than another person. You may put a different emphasis on certain parts of the data, like subsets, and find different conclusions. Or you could only get part of the data and get conclusions that aren't fully formed. But my real thought is about how sometimes you go into the project with a certain outcome already predicted. You are so sure that the conclusion will be such that you actually unconsciously, or consciously, skew the data and leave out certain things and mold the data into the outcome you wanted. There couldn't be another answer. This makes so much sense. Sure there a few things that don't quite make sense, but there are always exceptions, right? So instead you kinda try really hard to get your theory to work around them. Your theory seems to work and is applicable. There may be some issues, but it sounds like the most reasonable idea and it slowly turns into a personal truth.

But then you find out that someone else sees a very different picture. They see a conclusion that, after hearing them explain, is as obvious as could be. All those little issues there were before fade into this amazing explanation.

You have two options:
Admit you were wrong and try to better understand the new theory.
OR
Fight it and defend your position, despite the little issues.

But sometimes these theories get so widely publicized and known that people stop treating them as theory and treat them as law. What can be done now?

The Best Sleep Ever

Yo.

Well, I don't think this is a secret, I hate closing doors, and I moreover hate locking doors. So, since first year I haven't closed the door when I sleep. Not going to lie, to a degree, it was about decreasing temptation to sin by minimizing 'privacy', but really it was mostly about air circulation. lol.

The downside to this though is that people can be loud. In first year my housemates would shoot each other, and other people in Halo quite often. They weren't on the same floor, so no big deal. In second year I went to sleep much later than my roommate and everyone else was two floors up. Now? Only a couple feet from both of their rooms.

Additionally, is light. I hadn't noticed, but light makes it difficult to sleep. In first year I had a small light from the streetlight outside (I don't close my blinds either, or the window when it is warm outside), no problem, everyone else on the floor was asleep = dark. Second year, I lived in a basement (I hated the lack of natural light / waking up in darkness every morning) so there was no light. I got to go to sleep in the darkness. Super easy. My roommate always semi-complained about how easily I fell asleep. lol. Now? No. they stay up later than me and the light is significant.

So a week or so ago I realized I could close my door. It had never occurred to me. lol And now it's so much easier to sleep and my room is warmer. lol.

Anyways, I need to sleep. xP

Ttyl.

D.Fa

PS. Sleeping in hotels is a whole other level of best sleep. Control of noise, temperature, light, and an amazingly comfortable bed and sheets. Zzz...

Logarithms

Hey guys,

today was really interesting. I really like it when the whole day just fits together so well. lol.

This post is about what it means to be taken captive by a philosophy. In our BaD guys Bible study (which I may not have explained is the 'Becoming a Disciple' study I am doing with some guys that go to OCBC sometimes) we were looking at the first principles, what that concept means. Basically, building blocks to build upon in our faith, elementary concepts or things to apply. Best analogy is math: without basic addition and subtraction you can't do algebra, so we have to figure it out first. (Vi Hart's video that breaks down logarithms: (http://youtu.be/N-7tcTIrers) mind blowingly simple.)

Anyways, the point, we looked at Col 2:6-8 and verse 8 contained the idea of being taken "captive by philosophy". Which, I didn't really get, and still don't fully get, but I do fully understand this one: being taken captive by an idea.

Today's sermon was on Romans 6. Literally the whole chapter was read out loud. xP So good. What really hit me was that we need to see ourselves not as who we were, but who we are in Christ now. No longer to 'hate the sin and not the sinner' in such a way that you are still a sinner, but to love regardless of what has been done since we are new in Christ.

Over the last few months I've really been held captive by just thinking of myself as a sinner. Like, each and everything thought, action, or whatever, that could point to me being a sinner to the core and that being my identity would make me think and act like it was fully true. But in Him we are new, set free, and it's mind blowing to have such a change in attitude and thought.

May His truth renew our minds and free us to the reality of the future He has for us and the fullness of the plans He has prepared.

D.Fa

PS. There was also stuff from Sunday school that tied into BaD guys really well. xP

Prophets

.

I don't know what to say. I don't even know what to think right now.

I just had, well, I guess you can't call it a conversation because it was a bit one sided... I just spoke with a man who has had such an incredible role in my walk with God and right now my mind is blown.

I don't know where to begin, and I probably won't because I do believe I need to take some time and really digest this.

---

When you think you know everything, and you don't.
When you think you can simply diagnose, and put pills in it to make it better.
When that hole in your heart pushes you past your comfort zone to find solutions and ways to fill it on your own.
When you jump to conclusions.
When you repeatedly try to do the same thing to try and get different results.

And then time stops.

Your whole world stops spinning.

Momentum has been broken.

The silence, that lets you think again.

What now? What about then? What about tomorrow?

What will be written on that next page?
Is this even true?
Can I trust in this?

Can the scientific method prove this statement?

But this is the answer. Isn't it? Isn't this what you've always been thinking? I didn't even say it and the words were there. I didn't even say yes or no, but the script kept going. Literally ripping the thoughts out of my mind because I was too scared to say them.

This absolutely changes everything.

But is it too late?
Can this momentum be stopped?
Can what is written be erased? Can I rewrite this?

Stop. Be still  and know that I am God.

The silence.

Fellowship

This morning Pastor DB (although freshly ordained) did not give a sermon at OCBC. Instead a guy who is like district superintendent for like Manitoba and Ontario spoke about Fellowship.

He started with the passage from Acts 2 asking "how can our churches today see expansion like back then?" and explained a numebr of the terms used at the end, like devoted to the teaching and prayer and everything. But then he shared how most of this last section is actually about fellowship and community. He spoke of how at a conference the speaker was saying 'if you take one thing away from this conference it has done its purpose' and he took this back: that community and fellowship is super important. The conference speaker challenged everyone to go back to their churches and eavesdrop over fellowship time at church (coffee time) and see what they were talking about. The weather. Sports. That isn't fellowship.

So he told us about real community in small groups. Getting to actually know the guys in your groups. At his church they implemented small groups of 4-12 people and since then the atmosphere really changed from cold to warm and it was awesome.

Fellowship = in depth spiritual community. Open, honest, Christ-centered community.

That is what happened tonight for the BaD guys' study. (Becoming a Disciple, guys' Bible study). We have open conversations and discussions of Biblical topics, eat and fellowship with each other. This week the group was a little different cause a couple guys couldn't come and we had a new guy to the group, but it was sweet. Talking about baptism. lol. After the study today me and a couple guys stayed and really discussed our stories and what God has done. It was awesome. And ya. This group is kinda the highlight of my week now.

Now that we are done the study on baptism we can start getting to the teaching and applying it. Cannot wait. lol.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

PS. Blessed and humbled to be a part of this study. So much grace.

Be Still; Ponder His Works

Wait.

I was about to write a really depressing post about sin and struggle and the somewhat monotonous turn of events that lead you up to a great place only to fall flat on your face the next day, but I'd rather not right now. There's way too much stuff to praise God for.

Last Sunday was the first meeting of a Bible study that was just 6 guys. Other than me there was a guy who had just accepted Jesus as his saviour, repented and asked for forgiveness; two Chinese masters students who were both really open to learning about Jesus and were asking amazing questions; a friend of mine from a while ago who has had his fair shares of ups and downs with the church; and my buddy who grew up in a conservative church and recently has really come to experience God's faithfulness as he takes steps in faith to follow God's calling to reach the world with the message of the gospel. So, it was an amazing group and I cannot wait for tomorrow.

Last week we talked about the gospel and how Peter first preached it to the Gentiles. We discussed what it means to us, how we first heard it, the main points that Peter brought up and why. This week is about baptism, so I don't know exactly what will happen. lol. But it should be awesome.

This week I slept in a lot and stayed at work until 6pm.

Wednesday was great. For our Discipleship Group time, me and five other guys broke off into pairs and went around campus talking with other students about significance and how God gives us significance. We all had really awesome conversations. AG went with RB and they had awesome conversations. I went with ZL and we ran into his classmate and we also had another awesome conversation. And MS went with EP for his first time and had one scary guy and another awesome conversation. xP. There was a general 'I'm busy now, but we should talk about it later' kinda feel to the conversations, but it was good.

Yesterday was a discussion coffeehouse event at school about significance and there were a number of students not involved with P2C that had come out and it was cool. And afterwards me and SM went to KK's to practice for the Christmas concert with KK. We were doing an acapella piece and it sounds so good. xP

Today I had nothing, so I slept in, like way later than normal, like 10.5 hours of sleeping..? Kinda wasteful. haha.

But ya, going to Pastor DB's ordination service in an hour. Excited for that too. So many exciting stuff is happening and the fact that God chooses to let me and you, who are so stained by sin, so rebelious and stubborn; that He chooses to have us involved in this master plan of His is absolutely amazing. We don't deserve a shred of it. We deserve the punishment which Christ took for us; and instead we get life, forgiveness, and purpose. A significance in the eternity of others. A role to play that has been written specifically for us. The depth of this love and grace are unfathomable and I need to take it seriously. That which is only being accomplished by His Spirit and power at work, why should I ever try to accomplish it by my flesh and weakness?

Hebrews 6:1-3 "Therefore let us move beyond the elementary teachings about Christ and be taken forward to maturity, not laying again the foundation of repentance from acts that lead to death, and of faith in God,  instruction about cleansing rites, the laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgment. And God permitting, we will do so."

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Best Bible Study

Yo!

So, I just had like, the best Bible study ever. haha. Just me and 5 other guys today (was expecting 6, ohwell, next week maybe) looking at what is the gospel? haha

So good!

Like, three of the guys really don't know much about Jesus and the gospel and what it means to follow Jesus, so they asked a lot of questions. One guy who came really didn't say anything in a larger Bible study the other week, but was really involved today and even volunteered to pray at the end, and I don't know for sure, but I'm pretty sure he isn't Christian yet. So it's really exciting. Also another guy I literally just met on facebook who isn't Christian was asking a million questions and seemed to be really really interested in everything. haha

Acts 10:34-48. Peter's first sermon to Gentiles.

Anyways, I'm just so excited. haha. I cannot wait for next week. xP.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Book Reports and Constructive Complaining

Yo. Today I didn't go to work.

I work for the Government right now, so we don't work on Remembrance Day. Instead I worked on an assignment due on Thursday! =D ... > . <

I also got to go to school and talk with Pastor DB about a bunch of things. The idea that we need to train people fully before they take responsibilities vs. People being in roles requiring responsibility and needing to learn more. Hmmmmmmmm. I like the compromise: People who are learning and also being pushed into responsibilities. But where do we begin? *sigh*

I was kinda really annoyed. haha Glad to have good brothers to vent to and filter my anger. haha. Seriously appreciative.

Oh. And I'm really excited about leading / doing an intro Bible study with our new brother GC. xP And it sounds like another guy is really interested in coming out too?!?!? He hasn't been interested in Bible studies in a while, so..! =DDDDDDDD

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Snow?

Hey guys,

I'm back in Ottawa and have been hard copy blogging for the last few days, so you can be vaguely excited for that. What I wrote down probably will not describe the BILD conference well, so don't get too excited, but it was pretty crazy awesome. XP.

Yesterday, after the prayer breakfast my day consisted of Iowa State college football, reading a book, and airplanes.

I was in Chicago for four hours, just chilling in the airport. So I got super bored and wandered around the airport so I could talk to someone. At this point everyone was flying away, like 8:20pm. I talked a bit with a Chinese guy who is working in Mexico. XP. He doesn't know Spanish, or much English, but he's pretty cool.

Later I talked to this guy who looks 10 years younger than he actually is. He wasn't asian.

Then I talked to the asian guy with a cowboy hat. He was just coming back from Texas. Lol. Cool dude. Almost sat next to him on the plane.

I ended up beside a girl from Washington instead. She was Christian, and applying for med school, and was really cool. She was way too excited when she saw snow though.

I wasn't excited for snow when I had heard. It means cold and wet and not good yet.

This morning in Sunday school one of the Aunties shared about snow and how every time she sees it it reminds her of Jesus covering up our sin with His purity making us look clean as snow.

So, now it's wet and the snow is gone.

I'm also kinda really annoyed and complainy. >...>

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Long Range Forcast

This week I have said this phrase a couple times "I can't wait to be unemployed" and I mean it in the best way. I mean, the way I live now I book myself with everything I could possibly do and every second is filled to the point where there is no flexibility.

With a government job I have quite a bit of flexibility, so long as I make up all the time, so with this conference my coming weeks are booked with making up the time at work.

I want to be able to go wherever God calls me, to do whatever whenever.

Being unemployed is one way to do that. And I really can't wait for next year. I am trying to decide between being a res fellow, or living with my parents. Both are great opportunities for ministry and there won't be money being passed around through me hands. So I consider that unemployed. lol. Personally, I really want to live on campus and meet a million first years and do the whole morning prayer meeting res fellow life. I'll be taking only 4 courses a semester which will be good and being on campus will save so much time commuting. But it actually is a job, I'm just being paid with a room and food. lol. So I'm trying to weigh it against living at home. So I gotta figure that out. But I'm still looking forward to next year. xP I also hope I won't be doing Sunday school teaching anymore. lol...

Beyond that though, what will I do? Like, after I graduate?

I do not know.

I really want to do ministry for a bit. I do think that. Maybe. A lot that still needs to be prayed about.

But ya, ultimately it isn't about being unemployed so much as finding a job where I can enjoy every second and do it all for God. I'll probably discuss this more next week. lol

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Home Remodelling

Yo. So, this post is about my church in Ottawa, OCBC.

Like, all of last year I was saying how when my friend gets back from China everything would be so different she wouldn't recognize it. Then I left for the summer, and came back only for one day when no one was there. Then two weeks later came back for one week, went to Summit, and now am able to go regularly.

But in that time, so much changed.

OCBC used to be such a nice small community where I knew everyone. Primarily Carleton University students or grads that are Canadian. Like a couple families with university student children, students, children, and E & CH We'd see a new person every couple weeks or something, but that's easy. It was the same old service: 3 songs, announcements / greeting, offering / 1 song, sermon, (optional communion,) 1 song, silent prayer, musical dismissal.

Now: like 2-5 new people each week, a million people I don't know, we barely fit in the church building anymore, so many uOttawa students, so many Chinese students from China, so many adults, new service order (1 song, sermon, offering / communion / prayer / 3 songs, announcements / greeting.

SO many really good things there, but a bunch I am semi-upset about for no real good reason, and it isn't worth complaining here. xP

I am serving now on the worship team 2-3 times a month, trying to co-lead grade 7/8 children's Sunday school, trying to facilitate young adults' fellowship, and other stuff. I think I will stop teaching Sunday school next year. I cannot handle those girls. lol...

So, ya. Things have changed and it's almost like it isn't my home anymore, but it's also become so much more like home. When you are away you miss people and realize how awesome it is when you do get to see them. xP

I am really excited for the future of OCBC and what God's plans are. xP

He's Got the Whole World

Yo, so sharing my story with friends and stuff has been good so far. In general it has been really good feedback and good stuff.

The issue now is trying to be organized in doing it.

I have a lot of friends (on facebook) and am trying to sort them into a prioritized list so I can better have these conversations with people. So, that's actually kinda slowed me down. And it's made me realize how much of a Christian bubble I sometimes live in.

More over, I've kinda gone back to just hiding it. Being scared of what new people would think, or how it would completely change my relationships with those who don't really know me yet. It's kinda the same thing as before... Which is stupid. haha.

I've also been over thinking about it way too much. It doesn't define me. I have been adopted by Christ's blood and am a son of God first and foremost. So, who cares if they find out about this. Who cares if I lose a friend or two. Who cares, so long as the gospel is preached and people can hear of God's love for them?

So, I google+ hungout with a brother in Christ from Quebec and talked the other day. He's pretty cool. lol. It's so much more simple than I make it out to be by over thinking. Pretty much all he said was "it comes down to will you follow God or not?" lol.

Sunday at church kinda was great. lol

First was Children's Sunday school. We sang 'This Little Light of Mine' and 'Nothing but the Blood of Jesus'.
The lesson was about the Holy Spirit. One verse said "those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God." Later I was on worship team. Always good times. After service I met JC's friend and he was just really inspired by my story. Like, he isn't Christian yet, but thought it was awesome. o.O

So, pretty much, 'stop worrying about it. Just follow my lead. I can do more than you can imagine.'

The old saying 'do your best and let God do the rest' applies I believe. haha. I don't need to worry, I just need to go where He tells me and follow His lead and don't worry about it.

Twice this last week I've had a couple guys pretty much tell me I am relying on my self too much.

I gotta keep remembering that He is with me. That His Spirit is in me. That to live is Christ, a daily sacrifice, and all for eternal life; to know God and experience Him personally and to be His ambassador to the nations, including Carleton and Health Canada and my family.

If my whole life is about me, than it's wasted.

He's always got bigger plans than I can imagine. Just gotta trust in the little bit I can see as He reveals more and more of it.

Easier said than done. Pray for me to be always filled with the Spirit and seeking to live as Christ did, embracing the suffering ahead for the glory to come.

P2C this Semester

Aside from Summit I have been involved in P2C ministry in a number of ways.

First thing for me was that prayer was absolutely important, so I determined to go to a prayer meeting everyday, which at first was going to be either P2C prayer meeting or the morning res prayer meetings (which I don't think I would have actually been able to wake up for) but after Summit I committed to going to P2C prayer meetings.

I've also been at most of the weekly meetings since getting back. Largely because MT kept asking me to speak or give a testimony or help out in other ways. Weekly Connect Meetings were low on my priority list, but now are higher since it is the chance to encourage the whole group an dchallenge people to go on project with me. xP

Ya, I really cannot wait to go back on project this year. I have applied to be an intern for a project this year, meaning that I'll be kinda a student leader with responsibilities for training other students and discipling some guys. DRP. I made sure to fill out my application before Thanksgiving ended, simply so that I could get going already with support raising and everything. xP. Every other time it was like Jan 31st when I applied (deadline), so this'll be good. Gotta nag my one remaining reference though. xP. I'm really excited because of how many other people God is speaking to about this specific project though. xP

The main way I have been involved though has been DG's, Discipleship Groups. I'm involved in two of these groups. The first is just the one I am in for the guy DG leaders and we are reading through Ephesians, which is pretty cool. The other one I am kinda leading. I say kinda because I don't want to be. haha. It's an upper year guy DG, so all the guys in 2nd year or higher, excluding the other two guy leaders, are in my group. So, since they are older and more experienced, I'm kinda challenging them to own this DG and lead it sometimes, and be contributors and really engage and apply what we learn. We are going through Daniel and looking at how to do ministry in a secular environment. So far 4 of the 7 guys have co-led the DG. The other three aren't as committed it seems. One guy hasn't been to any of the studies. > . > But ya, positive: the four who have led are pretty committed and should be built up to lead in the future.

Of those 4 I am trying to kinda disciple two of them. One I have been able to really develop a great relationship with. He kinda annoys me sometimes (xP) but his heart to grow and be salt and light in the face of hardship is sweet. I want to be there for him and just encourage him in everything. He is applying to go to East Asia, and I kinda wish I was going with him. No, I do wish that, not kinda. lol. The other is really growing and tryign to step outside his comfort zone. He's an awesome guy who I met back in second year who is just now getting serious about putting his faith into practice.

Pray for my involvement, that I wouldn't be over burdened, but give it all to God, and pray also for all seven guys in my DG. These guys are awesome I want to see them make a great impact both on campus and in every aspect of their lives for the Great Commission.

Summit 2014

So, although I am on co-op, I can do P2C stuff and the thing I was most excited about was going to Summit the annual fall retreat. xP. Last year a girl who was on co-op had gone, so I couldn't wait to go. lol

Anyways, it was interesting. Usually Carleton sends a lot of students. This year there were only 13 of us. Queens had like 11 students and this was their first year restarting the movement. So, we were pretty small, but God really spoke to our group.

The main speaker was a Carleton grad, DL, who had also been to Asia and had lived in Scotland for the last couple years doing ministry in Glasgow, so he had so many stories of what God had done around the world and at Carleton when him and the other students prayed big things. His main challenge was to live out our faith barbarically, meaning that we follow Christ full out not hesitating because we know who He is and that He is worth following.

But ya, our small group was really challenged. This was true for everyone of the 13, but especially for BG and AG. They had both come from pretty conservative churches where being pushed out of your comfort zone to go and share the gospel was kinda like, and additional thing, not really required of everyone. So the idea that initiative evangelism and sharing with strangers on campus was really foreign and, as it should be, scary. But being being challenged and spending time thinking  praying about it both of them were ready to take that step and the following week they went out on campus and did just that.

One thing that was awesome is that DL like took us aside and had dinner with us ad challenged us specifically to pray for big things. So, what did we do? We prayed. xP. We actually ended up late for the next session because we just kept praying. haha. Cool thing is that God really started to show how faithful He is to answer prayer and be active on campus in the hearts of students. The week after Summit we saw a girl accept Christ and saw a whole bunch of people really interested.

Pray that we continue with this momentum. It's a little different for me since I'm not on campus much, but I really do want to go sharing more often and be involved on campus more, but I can't do everything, right? / It isn't about me, it's about God and I want to continue to serve Him with everything I have wherever He sends me whether work or school or other places. xP

EPP / BILD

So, a story from the very present / slightly future time period.

This week is gonna be awesome on so many levels. I've been looking forward to it for so long. This Friday is the once a year, super awesome time with both Carleton and uOttawa where we get to talk about Projects!!! The one and only Epik Project Party!!! =D (Which I've actually only been to once. >.>) But I couldn't wait for this!

And then, ... , I'm not going again..? > . <

I'd actually already prepared and practiced for the worship team and was waiting for the call to give a testimony and share about projects. I also had so many things booked for this week too. Worship team, DG, leading DG, discing time, worship team, Christmas concert practice, everything not to mantion a full time job and a class. haha.

But then Tuesday Pastor DB invited me to come with him to this crazy awesome conference in Iowa this next week. . .

Biggest decision ever. > . <

As always I was hoping that my boss would just say 'no. you cannot go.' and so I wouldn't have a choice to make, but alas she said 'just tell me when you are gone! =D' pretty much. >.> So I had to think a lot and I think the BILD conference will be awesome. xP. It's like an international missions conference for the training of church planting movement leaders and pastors that are from around the world. So it should be awesome. I'm still gonna talk about Projects and everything all the time. xP, but this could be an awesome once in a long while opportunity, so I decided to go. I also don't get to talk with Pastor DB much, so this'll be a good time.

I'll be gone Tuesday afternoon to Saturday at midnight, so it'll be cool. xP

UTM Summary

Mississauga Unofficial Internship

At the beginning of September I had the chance to spend two weeks in Mississauga. It was pretty awesome. XP.

The main point of this was that I got to have a taste of what it's like to be a staff member with P2C. I don't know what's ahead of me after I graduate in 2015, but spending time on staff with P2C is an option, and something I would be interested in doing, so I wanted to test it out. xP I got a taste of it: leading students in evangelism, sharing stories and vision, organizing students, being the go to connector person, kinda overseeing things so that everyone can be working to the maximum during frosh week. XP

There was so much focus on prayer and it really brought our group together. Each day meeting for prayer and sometimes worship songs, bible study and getting to know each other better before going out surveying.

The coolest thing about the whole experience was just how God was really at work at UTM. From the first day to my last day the group grew from a handful to like 15 students and (when I go on facebook and stalk them) most of them are still really involved.

The second week I started to phase out, allowing the UTM students to be the main connection to those on campus we were meeting. After I had left they continued and at the Does God Exist event there were about 65 in attendance, with a bunch of guys staying after to talk with the speaker for a couple hours.

So now they are having Action Group meetings, daily prayer meetings, and outreach events.

I really miss the campus and the students and can't wait to hear all of the crazy stories of what is happening at UTM. xP

Keep praying for this young movement as they seek to really make an impact for the great commission and see new brothers and sisters brought to Christ this year.

A group of the students at UTM as well as JW the staff member (far left)

You can check out more of the daily UTM posts:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14

Co-op Jobs

Wow. I really haven't told you much about my job yet. lol.

So, I work like 5 blocks or something (like 10-15 min walk) from my house, which is also like a block from the train which gets to Carleton in one stop, so I'm pretty connected and live close to everything. xP

My job is a blessing and I will say it again. I had no idea where it was or what it really was when I applied for it, but it is really sweet. It's in this building with blue and yellow squares on it and as a kid I always wondered what was in it.

I am working with Health Canada PMRA with my section specifically working on herbicide and fungicide usage in Canada or on imported commodities. I do database entry of MRLs as well as working on reviewing applicant's submission data, which can actually be pretty cool, but is also a lot of paper / desk work.

We are kinda in pods and so we need to be quiet for everyone else who are working, so I don't get nearly enough interactions with other people.

My main interactions are with my section through emails for submissions that I am assisting them with, with IT for various support, with one guy in another section who organize(s/d) recreational sports at lunch via work IMing, and with the four co-op girls whom I have lunch with nearly everyday. But ya, I discovered I am an extrovert and need people.

It's really different than my grocery store job. There I used to try and get everything done before I could do anything. Here I kinda try to do as many non-work-related activities as I possibly can to get more interactions / get away from my computer. These involve signing up for any and every special activity (including planting garlic for charity, and having a tea party for charity), and getting a refill of my water bottles twice or three times a day so that I can also walk to the further bathroom on my floor multiple times in a day. lol... I also tend to watch my phone for any and all texts or new emails I get as a change of pace.

So, I got a lot of work to do and it's pretty cool, like the material is actually interesting to a degree, but the method of work is kinda draining not working with other people.

I also got a job for next semester and it was really awesome because it was actually an answer to prayer. Like I started applying for co-op jobs for the next semester and was starting to get interviews. I expected like last time to have to do so many interviews... I really didn't want to do that. haha. I also wanted to use my time for other stuff, so I kinda just prayed that God would get me a job within a week. Like six hours later I had a job offer!! Crazy. And the job sounds really awesome. It'll kinda be similar. It's with Health Canada BGTD, but will be kinda similar in that I will be reviewing some documents, but different in that most of my job is actually a liaison between people. ie, I get to talk to and interact with people more often!! =D

So, ya. Excited. xP

Pray for my co-workers. I think a number of the ladies in my section are Christian, so that's cool. Pray for the other students. The seem to all have come from a Catholic background and I am having pretty cool IM conversations with one of them. xP

Family 1: Thanksgiving

So, this semester I may actually have visited my parents the most often I ever have since not living at home.

It was different being away all summer only calling once a week or every other week, so part of the reason I am home so much now is because of that, but a lot of it isn't that reason.

A large part is that my mom hasn't been doing so well until recently, which I will discuss in the second post, but I've also been around because my dad is also getting old and there's been a bunch of work to do around the house. So, I've actually been around nearly every week that I've been in Ottawa.

One of the first things I had to do when I got back from Mississauga was tell my parents my story. I didn't want to post it online and tell everyone if I wasn't going to tell them first, like with big decisions you tell your family and close friends first right? So I figured I had to and it seriously was the hardest thing ever. All day I felt like I was dying; walking closer and closer to my death. I tend to prepare for the worst, and the worst would be my mom being devastated and getting worse physically and giving up all hope in her future (lack of grandkids), but it was really good, pretty much their normal response to any big decisions I make "we support you and will always love you, but are worried about your safety". lol.

A couple weeks later was Thanksgiving and I was able to go over and make the stuffing as always. It was really good to see my mom actually eating dinner with us for a change and to be with my whole family. We never really ate family meals ever. lol. Also, my brother actually secretly moved out during the summer and kinda got a dog from his roommate, so his dog came over for thanksgiving. So it was my parents, brother, me, and two dogs.

I don't really talk to my brother much though, but we're cool. I think we understand each other better now.

You can always be praying for my family. My dad is gonna be retiring in a couple years or something. I really don't know what that's gonna look like. haha. He has had back problems and some heart issues.

Family 2: My Mother

I've had a lot of people ask me recently about how my mom is doing. That means I haven't been actively telling people. Oops.

It's one of those things where this needs a lot of prayer and I have asked a bunch of people, so I should give updates kinda regularly.

Anyways, if you haven't been following the story so far here's the summary: my mom had an acute pressure build up in her eyes and lost the majority of her sight maybe a year and a bit ago..? Not too long after both of her parents passed away. And then a lot of stuff happened with her seeing and feeling things that weren't there and it was freaking her out and truly horrible for everyone. She was in and out of doctors' offices and was always prescribed different medications. Since fourth year university she had had migraines and since then has had a pile of medications to take that requires lists. Earlier this year she was taken to the hospital and it was determined that she had been overdosing on sinus clearing medication or something common like that, so they ended up looking at the list and dealing with that, so she went through withdrawal for a bit and was a lot better. Then she ended up losing balance and falling down a lot and getting weaker and weaker and losing her hair and being diagnosed as depressed. We got a puppy. This kinda made things worse. When you can't see an over excited, energetic, mischievous puppy that loves to run around your ankles and jump on you, that doesn't help you.

This is kinda where we were when I was about to leave for the summer. > .> I remember going to the hospital to see her just before leaving, maybe a week. It sucked. She wasn't herself, she wasn't able to do anything. She was being wheeled around pretty much everywhere and required a couple people to help her get around. She ended up getting so weak physically that she had to be taken to the hospital for an extended period of time (which she hates so much). She was taken home before I left and I just spent as much time with her as I could and prayed with her.

I left for co-op. She ended up in and out of the hospital. I called semi-frequently, but whenever she was back in the hospital I made sure to call more often.

She couldn't walk or stand on her own or anything. So, they did a pile of tests and did physio and all that stuff. When I got back she was home and had people coming to take care of her for a few hours each day and my dad doing a lot for her. She could kinda stand and walk with assistance again. She had her personality back. She grew stronger with the physio and the main thing that doctors found was a severely low protein uptake, so her diet was changed severely.A few weeks ago her protein levels were just below normal.

She could now walk, but her typical lack of direction and spatial sense made her extremely hopeless for the future. She is an independent person and really hates having to have people take care of her. She was really depressed with the idea that she'd never be able to maneuver around the house and would probably get lost and be unable to do anything until my dad got home.

I kinda gave her a pep talk. She is a very stubborn person and can typically will herself to do anything, but she was so stuck on this hopeless future and how she hadn't improved in weeks that she had become so depressed and said she'd never be able to walk around the house. I told her really that if she put her mind to it and just took little steps at a time and didn't give up she would be able to do it. We showed her how to use the walker-cane thing that she had pretty much refused to use and that was that.

That week I got a text from my dad saying that while he wasn't there she had become so hungry that she had walked from the living room back to her bedroom where she knew a protein bar was. > . < So from one day saying 'never' to a couple days later doing it. > .>

So, she's actually doing a lot better now and doesn't need assistance to go to the bathroom, or walk to and from her bedroom and now she is thinking about how she could be able to prepare meals and things while using one hand for the cane and one to feel what she is walking into. Planning for a future. Good.

She has been like overheating a lot recently though, getting prickly feelings and stuff. She got a hair cut and is now growing new hair. She also was interested in coming to the Christmas concert, which involves going out of the house, walking, and some stairs, which is a whole lot more than she would have ever attempted, so that's really awesome.

She was telling me that she really can't see much of anything now, sometimes door frames and walls, but otherwise it's mostly blackness, the last thing she saw, or like really bright whiteness and she is having some trouble sleeping.





You can keep praying for her and for opportunities to share the gospel with her.

Saskatoon Part 5: Me and Him

"What did you learn about yourself?"

So, this summer was great and all, but it was also really difficult. First day of work I met the other student working in my lab. He seemed cool. I wanted to be his friend. I wanted to share Jesus with him. A problem quickly became apparent though. > .>

I got a pretty big crush on him.

I was still not talking about my struggles with same sex attraction, so, it was this difficult balance between wanting to know him better to share the gospel and then also being very tempted to pursue more flesh-centered goals with him.

This was the first time I was so far from my friends, family, and church. First time living on my own. And my first really big crush on a guy that was pretty obviously homosexual. But I couldn't do anything.

I figured the only way for me to get over my crush on him was to talk with him about his own interests, I guess. But then if I just ask him 'are you gay?' then I am making such a big deal about it, which in the face of the gospel it really isn't. If he isn't gay then that's cool, maybe I offend him and we have an awkward friendship..? If he is, what the heck do I do? I'd pretty much have to talk about it with him, which I really didn't want to at the time. Plus then if he was then maybe it'd be way more tempting. AND it would present another barrier for me to sharing the gospel if I didn't share my own testimony.

> . <

I ended up not doing anything productive. Instead of being direct and honest and humble, I hide in darkness. I compromised on sin in my life as a method of not completely doing what my flesh wanted, but also giving in. It sucked. After a certain point it needed to stop and it was rough to the end of August.

After a while it was evident that God wanted me to tell like all my friends in Saskatoon and I started telling a few people. Late July the guy I had a crush on came with me for lunch with YF and I shared with YF about my struggles over the idea of hypocrisy, as I had mentioned in another blog post.

So, about him, I didn't do anything about it until like the middle of August on his last day at work, when I finally just asked him if we could talk and told him I had had a crush on him and apologized if I had been treating him differently (like avoiding or other stupid things). He had a boyfriend back home and was completely fine with talking to me about his own story and experiences. He was pretty introverted, so I still don't know what sort of a friendship we have, but ya... it was good to just talk it out.

I had a tough summer. But God is still good. God is always good and I know even through all of this God taught me a bunch, especially about being open and honest with others about my life and what God has done in it. But there's also still a whole lot more to learn about how to rely on God in every situation and be bold in proclaiming the gospel.

Sasaktoon Part 4: Univeristy of Saskatchewan

Life at UofS

It's kinda funny that although I worked on campus at the University of Saskatchewan (UofS) I barely met any students from UofS... haha. I think I met like 10 by being involved in P2C, but other than that I met like 2 who worked with me and then like no one else... lol.

The campus was really nice and people would regularly have wedding photos taken there. lol.

I got involved in P2C and we read a book over the course of the summer. It was called Fireseeds of Spiritual Awakening and looked at the great revivals of the last couple centuries as well as how it happened and how we can play a part in bringing about the next great revival

But ya, other than that I didn't really do much on campus. haha.

Went to the gym with FB like 4 times a week, work everyday, not much else. lol

You can pray for the regular P2C group and the students involved as they attempt to seek God's will and reach out to students on campus with the gospel.You can also pray for the International Students outreach ministry of P2C as they reach out to the very large international student population on campus. Pray for students to be open to the gospel message.

Saskatoon Part 3: Church Hopping

Saskatoon Churches:

This summer was my first time actually away from my home church, OCBC. So, at firs I was excited about 'church hopping' since I always meet the new first years and it sounds like fun when they do it, but really it sucks. haha. With a million churches to check out and after a month of hopping from one building to another meeting some people and not meeting so many others I ended up attending three churches more than once: Saskatoon Chinese Alliance Church (SCAC); The Connection at Emmanuel Baptist Church (EBC); and Saskatoon Chinese Christian Church (SCCC).

Never got a really good picture of SCAC. >.>

SCAC felt like home, a church that was a family with kids running around and grandparents lovingly watching. It was trilingual services, which was awesome and I learned a bunch of Chinese. xP. I didn't even actually plan to attend their services while I was in Saskatoon, but after I met YF and he asked to go to a church with me I googled Chinese churches and found it. I miss everyone from SCAC and I don't know if/when I'll be back. A large number of the congregation are teenagers still seeking and aren't Christian yet. Pray that God would continue to speak through Pastor WK and that more of the regular attendees would accept Christ as their saviour.

EBC after service

The Connection was an evening service at EBC. I ended up here both because a friend went to the morning service and because I wanted to seek out as many congregations outside of Sunday morning as possible, so that I could try as many as possible. xP. It was also actually really close to my house. I actually had a bit of a problem with this congregation. I was trying to see how welcoming people were and so I didn't really introduce myself to people while I was church hopping. The first time I was at EBC no one approached me until the very last second like 15 minutes after service ended. > .> I kinda hated that. The church should be welcoming, and I got pretty angry for a while. But God really spoke to me through that time and I got to spend time with the new pastor and he explained about the history of the congregation and stuff. Pastor CL is doing a series on loving others over this semester. Pray this church grows in showing Christ to others.

SCCC's building was shared with another church

SCCC is an amazing church. Although only in Mandarin, this church has members of all ages who seek to glorify God in their lives. I actually went there the first week, but left because it was all in Mandarin. haha. Little did I know PG (my coworker) went there, and in August after their main pastor left for BC they were having an English pastor give some messages. I got to go twice and see like 11(?) people get baptized! Later Holy Spirit led me to a Tim Hortons one night and I got to talk to a couple guys from SCCC the last day before I left. haha I got to encourage them to trust in God for more and seek after Him because He is always faithful. It was sweet. XP. Pray for this church's continuing ministry to the international students and local Chinese community as well as the search for a new pastor.

Saskatoon Part 2: YF and my Friends

FB, YF, me, P(?), and Y(?) after dinner at the Asia Buffet. xP

My Friends in Saskatoon

I think by far the best part of the summer was being able to build real friendships with other students, especially YF and FB. There are no secrets between me and them and we have had so many good conversations.

FB is a Bichem major from UVic. He is the kind of guy who is proud in his accomplishments and thinks he knows everything. He has seen the bad side of Christians (judgemental and hateful, close-minded and boring) and so he lives as he thinks he should believing religion was made to control people. He strongly advocates making the most of the time you have and living as you want to. I have tried to be real and answer any question he has while still following Christ in decision making and problem solving.

I've mentioned YF a lot before. He is an international student from China doing his masters degree in Biochem at UofS. He is open to learning more about God and taking it at his own pace, really trying to figure out what is true. I have shared the hope I have and the gospel many times, during the last week we saw Despicable Me 2 and then had a long talk in McDs where I had the chance to share a booklet about Chinese characters describing Bible stories. He's a really awesome guy and has invited multiple people to come to church with him. He has recently been busy with school and hasn't been to church much, but I pray he continues to grow in his faith and discovers a personal relationship with God.

I have not kept these two apart. Lol. The risk that FB dissuade YF from learning more about God was there, but YF isn't easily pursuaded. XP. Often we would all meet for lunch and it would turn into a bit of dark side versus light side; FB's suggestions versus mine. We never argued, and I never pushed YF to do anything he didn't want to. After a conversation about partying YF actually said "Don't drag me to the dark side, Thank you." Lol.

YF is like a smart younger brother while FB is often like a kid in a bearded man's body. God loves both of them and has plans for them. Pray I'd be able to keep in contact and that God would reveal Himself to them.

Saskatoon: Part 1 (PG and my job with NRC)

My Co-op Job at NRC

This summer was a complete blessing from God to be in a lab experiencing a taste of that work and also being able to have a chance at living as light in a workplace.

In my lab were an overly busy director, a friendly supervisor, and a jocular field technician. Other than those three, two who I rarely saw, the other five were four Chinese post docs and another student.

Mainly I got to know one guy, PG, over the course of weeks. We'd sometimes talk a bit after work in our office and we were both working on the same project. I found out he had a wife and two kids and started praying for them specifically. Later I found out he has gone to the Chinese Christian Church regularly for years, but doesn't have a close relationship with God and rarely reads the Bible. He is worried about the future and his kids. His wife has a home daycare and helps with children Sunday school. They invited me for dinner the last week I was in Saskatoon. I love this family and pray God would bless them and work in their lives, opening PG's eyes to all He is, helping him to trust for His provision in everything, and continuing to use his wife as the means by which faith may grow in this family.

As for my actual job, well, I could probably talk for a while about it. But basically it was a project where we were trying to find out what exactly the resistance genes against leaf rust in wheat actually do. Like the final disease state is well documented and visible, but at the molecular or microscopic level, what is happening??? So I was on the microscope a lot. > . < I really enjoyed my co-op term report / NRC presentation which I needed to do a bunch of research on the topic to prepare for. xP

I am not opposed to working in a lab again, but the open-endedness of my specific tasks kinda bugged me. I like having things that are completable.

A Blog Buffet

Yo,

so, I haven't blogged in a while. This means I also haven't really updated the majority of my friends and everyone who I don't see regularly.

So, instead of overloading them, I will be overloading you!

Instead of writing a 20 page email, I am going to provide a short email with a number of pictures and links to blog posts, so, that means you guys will get a lot today and tomorrow. xP

I hope to be blogging again regularly once this has been done.

It's one of those "I haven't in so long that doing so would be a pile of work to catch people up, so I've procrastinated it, making it worse" situations.

So, enjoy the many many many blog posts.

D.Fa

Summit 2014 Testimony

"Hey, my name is Dylan [and I am in my fourth year studying Biochemistry at Carleton University] and during my time at University God has really changed me. When I had arrived I had never shared my faith. I used to be scared of evangelism, scared of awkward situations, scared of people’s reactions, and scared of leaving my comfort zone. Over the last few years I have been privileged to see God work in the lives of some of my friends. And I say it like that because really, it was God who was working, not me.

What if I said you could eat lunch, reply to a text, use a booklet about the gospel and see someone come to know Christ as their Saviour? I would think no way that’s too easy!

But that’s pretty much all I did this last year.

The story starts at church on a Saturday morning. I had just had worship practice and had a meeting in a couple hours. Our church was having a luncheon for international students. I hadn’t planned on going, but the opportunity presented itself so I wanted to make the most of it. I’d been on a couple short term mission trips and was really impacted by God’s heart for the lost. I wanted to play an active role in God’s work and so I just prayed for tge chance to make a good friend that day. Normally I am a bit reserved when I meet people, but for the gospel I was willing to do whatever. Lol.

I quickly met a guy who was on exchange from China. We got to talk and make fools of ourselves during ice breaker games. Lol. At the end of the lunch there was a short talk about how to handle stress and then a guy shared his testimony in Mandarin, so I just prayed that God would use it to impact my friend and the others in the crowd since I didn't really understand. I don’t know much Mandarin, but for sure I heard ai (God’s love), and zui (our sin), so I was sure the gospel had been presented. I had to go to my meeting, but I made sure to grab his cell number and contact info so we could stay in touch. Hopefully God would present another opportunity.

Over the next week I had text him a few times to see what was up, but he never really responded. One day I was at work and I got a text from him asking what was happening at church this weekend. Here was another opportunity and it was obvious he was interested since he asked about church rather than just replying to one of my texts. Haha. So, I told him about church service, Sunday school, etc. But he didn't really know what those were so I thought we should meet up, I asked if he was free on Friday and we could talk about why people go to church and he said he was free.

So, this was awesome. xP. I’m pretty sure he heard the gospel the other day, he was probably very open to hear more of the gospel, and was now scheduled to meet up. I was praying I would be able to share the gospel again and answer any questions. Day of I brought a bilingual gospel tract and a friend. We started talking just about Canada and school and stuff. But I really wanted to go deeper. I was going to ask what that guy's testimony was about, what he had talked about and also explain why people go to church, in other words, the gospel, how we go to church because of what He has done for us already through sending His only Son to the cross.

Things went really smoothly and we got to the booklet. He was really interested always asking questions that would be answered on the next page. xP. We got to the fourth point about having to make a personal decision: how can I do that? He asked. By prayer: how can I pray? He asked. And at the end after making sure he knew what everything in the prayer meant and assuring him he could take time and think about it, he still wanted to accept. XP So we prayed with him. After he couldn’t describe what he was feeling, but just that “I know something amazing has happened. Wow”

I really didn't do that much. I just asked God to work, look for opportunities and then watch Him work and use what He had already taught me.

Col 4:2-6

So I encourage you to pray for these chances with friends, to prepare yourself so you can explain the good news, and watch for the opportunities God will provide. Make the most of every opportunity."

Center of Attention

Yo*

So, I really don't like being the center of attention. Like ever since back in grade 1. As was typical in my elementary school there was a story-telling 'competition' for the first three grades. Every student would prepare a short story to present. Typically it wouldn't be written by the student. Each student would present to their class having it memorized or on cue cards. After this the class would select one representative to present in front of the school in an assembly.

In grade 1 I was selected.

I had been outgoing and fun-loving and friendly, etc. (as I am told (I don't remember much from even a couple years ago. lol)) But this was a changing point.

I was on stage in front of the entire school. I had presented really well to the class, but now I froze. Not a single word came out. None. So after trying to get me to talk, that was it, and it was the next student's turn.

Recess came. Kids like to make fun of other kids and now the whole school knew who I was and something they could pick on me about.

Each student who had been selected received a medal. It was a constant reminder of that day and my failure.

I pretty much swore that I would avoid public speaking for the rest of my life. Each year I would try to just slide under the radar. I now in grade 4 I nearly failed English because of it. I would always play 'the rock' in drama classes. I developed a poker face, a way to hide what I was actually feeling, the ability to distance myself from others and stay in my comfort zone.

Obviously as a student you need to give presentations, group projects, etc. I was often pushed into these positions and, as the A+ student, tried my hardest to do well, but I hated it. I do not like being the center of attention.

One thing that really pushed me to do more was my crush on this girl in elementary school, and our love of singing. We were both in choir, we lived near each other, and we both kept singing. When we got to elementary school the choir was only for grades 2 and 3, but we kept wanting to be in it and so we ended up extending that all the way to grade 6. Singing in a group was fine. I would often be semi-singled out since there were always so few boys, but for our graduation it was me and her singing a song together on stage.

Grade 7 there was no choir at school, so she really pushed for it to start up again. She left in grade 8, but it had been established and a group of soloists established as well, which I ended up being in. Not much happened, it was only one year, but ya small ensemble performances.

Highschool. No choir. But I really liked singing. My friend ended up in the musical and it was really cool. I wanted to be in it really badly, despite how much I hated drama and performing in front of people. In grade 10 I auditioned and didn't get in. >.>

That year I went to church with my current crush. And we sang. I learned of God, I met God, and I started walking with Him. I wanted to be on the worship team. The second I knew it existed. I wanted to sing on it.

I got into the musical in grade 11 and it was awesome. Got to meet so many people, grow personally, and continue to be pushed. It was a lot of fun. I think I changed a lot that year.

So, singing and/or crushes seem to have been things pushing or pulling me out of my comfort zone, but I know ultimately that it was God who was pushing me and growing me and now getting me to trust him whenever I need to give a presentation or teach a lesson or whatever. In the last few years He has just continued to push me and stretch me and use me in crazy ways. I have seen God do amazing things, and although that means I now need to give many presentations, I am so excited about it, not the actual doing it, but the results. If it is giving a presentation about Project that I want to go on, or the report when I return: to glorify God and praise Him for what He is doing around the world, and inspire and challenge others to go and trust Him in that is awesome. If it is giving a testimony just sharing how God has been at work in my life and my friends' lives: it's great to encourage others and see them ask God to do more through them. If it is leading a Bible study or teaching a group about some spiritual truth: I actually can't get enough of it; talking about God and the gospel to any and everyone is the best. Leading worship team and giving mini-sermons: THE BEST. Singing worship songs is honestly the most amazing thing ever. To sing truth, to harmonize and worship the One who is worthy.

Best part: I am not the focus.

Whatever I do, it is not because I want people to see and compliment me. I want them to see who God is and all He has done; how worthy and amazing He is. How beyond anything we can imagine or deserve is the gospel and how Jesus would die for sinners. How great and incomprehensible is this grace He gives us adn the Spirit He pours into us to help us and lead us and change us.

But, I am really conflicted about this: I want to talk to all of my friends about Jesus, and right now that means to share my testimony. But each of those conversations start with either "what if I was gay?" or "have you seen and/or my story?" I. My. So much focus on me. I hate it. But once we get past that the whole conversation is for His glory. I don't care who I was or what I may struggle with or for how long; God is worth so much more and always will be. By the cross I am adopted as His child and my relationship with God is worth more than everything else combined.

So, I gotta figure that out.

Ttyl.

D.Fa


PS. Is it ironic that the character I got to play in the grade 11 musical was gay? I found it quite annoying at the time. >.>





*sorry I haven't blogged in a while. Life gets busy and I get tired really early when I am sick. haha

A Choice

You know, it is really great to be open with everyone about my struggles with homosexuality while continuing to pursue God's will.

There's just been one issue this week that has really sucked. Because I continue to talk with people about it and everything and be more honest in the things I have been sharing on facebook, I've just been thinking way too much about sex.

For the past couple days it has been nearly all I have been thinking about.

The media I have been seeing and the articles I have been choosing to read have just set me so focused on issues of porn or homosexuality and just my head is out of it.

And like, it really isn't that big a deal. Like if I start thinking of these things I will tell a few friends and they'll give a Bible verse or suggest something to get my mind back on Christ and the cross, rather than things of the flesh.

The one thing I hold in those situations though, is pride. Although my eyes and thoughts may be off, at least I haven't done anything about it physically. Right?

...

So when I do fail, when I do give in to temptation it's like the whole war is lost because of a choice I made. And I assure you, it is a choice. It takes a lot of effort to sin in such a way that no one can see, hear, or discover evidence. There are so many chances to make a different choice. But when I do choose to give in, I am not satisfied. The sin that promised joy and pleasure and fulfillment of what I crave; it falls through on all of its commitments every time.

And after I am worse off, not better. Once I give in I am in this place where I know that it is forgiven by the cross, but I get so depressed about my choices. Why, knowing how God has chosen us and showed again and again His love and faithfulness and purposes for us, would I choose to turn the other way? Why would I choose to go back to the thing that has never and can never fulfill? How can God love me? How could I ever possibly deserve God's grace?

More than that now temptation is litterally everywhere and there is nothing to hold me back. That pride (completely stupid in the first place since the thoughts are just as bad) is gone and I realize how little I really have.

At this place all the thoughts telling me to just give in and try having a boyfriend and doing whatever we want to just come flooding back saying "it might be way better, you know, you've denied yourself this, never tried it. It could be awesome". But I know that would be worse. Even if it was girlfriend instead of boyfriend, I know it would be worse.

It's like if I am thristy and the only thing available right now is some salt water. I have been told so often that it would be worse to drink it rather than just wait for when fresh water is available.

God knows our needs and will provide in time. He alone can satisfy cravings for true love and intimacy and purpose and success and meaning and everything we could hope and desire.

He never leaves us or forsakes us. He is always there. God provides it all.

I know He is worth it and that His grace is fully undeserved, but that He still would give it to us is a mystery and fully amazing and I still want to try and figure it out and know God better.

D.Fa

It's Complicated

Hey,

it hasn't been long since I have brought my struggles with homosexuality to public, if you haven't read yet check here.

So, as I say, I really don't have all the answers and now that this is public information, although I will not be changing how I act and live in general, there are some situations where I do think a change is required or that standard procedures need to be figured out.

The first one that I think is an important change is just making people aware in certain situations. Specifically if I am ever staying over at another guy's house, if guys are staying over at my house, or if me and other guys are staying in the same room, under these situations I feel like I should make sure they know this. By having a quick talk about it we can avoid a lot of issues.

But ya, I still don't know what to do in such situations. Like last semester I was alone in another guy's room and I was definitely acting really awkward. >.> I don't like being alone in a room with only another guy. >.>

I'm sure I'll be explaining more about situations that are difficult for me, but one is like the difficult balance between wanting to mentor or disciple younger guys which does usually require a large degree of openness and sharing, and not getting too close to any guy simply because of temptation and everything that comes up when I get too close to guys.

>.> It's complicated, but I'm sure God'll get me through this and help me figure it out.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Make Me Whole

Hey. Honestly, I'm a pretty skeptical person. But really, you can't argue with experience.

The last week or, actually last few weeks I have been a little sick. Today after DG just before he went to class one of the guys wanted to pray for me and AG who was much more sick than me. He put his hands on us and rebuked the sickness in Jesus' name.

I've heard of people being healed, I've read about it, I've had many friends say it has happened.

I heard a guy give a sermon on the acts of true disciples, and that healing the sick is part of that. This summer one of the weeks of Alpha course was about miracles and healing, but I still wasn't sold.

This weekend, and this week, being encouraged to pray in faith for BIG things, and then, to see God answer these prayers!

So, I was done, I wanted to truly ask in faith that God would heal me.

This surreal sensation swept over through my head and neck. It was scary.

But then I could breathe clearly. No more coughing. Honestly, I think this is the clearest my throat has been in a long time.

!!!

It's actually crazy. So exciting, but crazy. But it definitely happened. Definitely!

What does that mean for me? Will I lay hands on others and pray for them to be healed? I really hope so. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. But if it does, it does and God is praised! And someone is healed!

"You can heal my body, You can heal my soul. Just a touch from You, Lord, can make me whole."

D.Fa

One Piece

Yo, so my day started normal. Wake up go to work. >.> not too interesting.

Oh, at lunch I kinda overheard my entire section discussing teaching the Bible to kids. . ? I'm confused, but I had a feeling LY was Christian. She's really nice. haha

Ummm. Left a bit early to go to school for prayer meeting. I wasn't really excited about it. I had been feeling kinda bad all day. I had been thinking about SD's prayer that today two people come to Christ and only me and ZL were going at 6, so it was upon our shoulders (in a way) and I was ready to just go home. But when I heard of SD getting to see a girl receive Christ yesterday (and she is a co-op student) I signed up for a slot to go sharing today.

Prayer meeting started. MdS was leading, which is awesome, but he hadn't been to Summit and had his butt kicked by God, so we were a little bit on different pages. We had 15 extra minutes. JC said "why don't we just pray for big things?! like 30 seconds big prayers!" so we did. xP. Only problem is I don't remember too much of it. xP

They prayed and we went out into the quad. I still didn't want to do it, which is stupid. I was getting those good old 'what will they think of you?' fears. You know what? Prayer is awesome. Just speaking with God and asking Him to be there and really use us calmed me down. As always, I don't pick who I approach, I let the other guy do it. There were two guys on benches by the Tory building and I asked who I was going to talk to. ZL said the left guy. Then he started to change his mind. Too late. lol.

Got to meet this guy who plays a lot of video games in his free time, started watching One Piece recently, who comes from a family that is quite broken, but aspires to write a best selling novel in his spare time while designing video games. He had gone to church when he was a kid until highschool. He mostly found it boring / he couldn't watch Sunday morning cartoons because of it. The gospel to him was a lot about working harder and trying your best. He firmly knows that people can never live up to a standard of perfection, but didn't think Jesus was God's son. We got to talk a whole lot about a range of topics and difficult questions and share the gospel a couple times. Pulled out a Knowing God Personally (KGP) booklet after we found out he would be skipping his class and was fine with it. lol. He really got the whole need to receive a gift concept of eternal life as a free gift and when we were on the page with two different lives, he said he would want the one that is satisfied in God. He wants to learn more before making a decision, which is fine. xP

We exchanged numbers and are meeting up on Friday to discuss John chapter 1. xP

I hadn't planned to go, I didn't even want to go, but God brought us to this super open first year guy who would usually be playing video games, not on campus. xP

I'm excited.

D.Fa

Butt-Kicking

So I haven't really posted in a while. To summarize the reason it's really a bit of 'getting used to life back in Ottawa' combined with 'I procrastinated a lot on my testimony' and then a touch of 'I was in the middle of nowhere Quebec'. I will hopefully elaborate on each of those in the near future, but right now I would like to briefly elaborate on the most latter of the three.

This weekend was the Power to Change retreat, Summit, for Eastern Ontario and Montreal, so we were out at Mille Iles and a camp. Over this weekend the speaker really challenged our view of a polite and quiet Jesus, but rather one who gave up everything and became nothing for the sake of the world, and was raised again back to the power and glory He had in the beginning. Then the challenge to really follow Him and take risks, praying for Him to do huge things and then actively pursuing it.

The weekend really impacted our little group from Carleton turning 13 students into a group of God's children ready to work and see God do great things.

Today at 5:30 there was a real prayer meeting, probably the best prayer meeting I'd ever been to at school. The group had increased to nearly double the normal amount on Mondays and this was real prayer, not wishy washy useless requests we could do on our own, but asking God for more, both for us and the campus. At the end our friends were going to go out on campus and have some conversations with any students that would still be around. We really prayed they'd find someone who was desperate for the truth, at a place of brokenness and openness to the gospel.

Not long after I got home I got a text "WE HAVE A NEW SISTER IN CHRIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

WHAT?!

God fully and truly answers prayers and acts when we put all our trust in Him to work!

Plot twist: Before going out SD had earlier asked that God would have bring someone to Himself today, AND JB was praying for the muslim students at Carleton at nearly the same time as their conversation (her family is muslim)

May this passion really increase, not decrease in the next few days and weeks! May God give us more compassion and love for the students on this campus!

D.Fa

Incomplete Composition

http://youtu.be/Z4uXLTD7akQ

Hey, my name is Dylan. I have just finished my third year of biochemistry in University and have been a Christian for nearly five years. With just that some of you may now be thinking, “wait, he is studying the sciences, how is he also a Christian? Those don’t go together, do they?” that’s a whole other story but scientists aren’t the only group of people that are difficult to imagine being Christian.

What if I said I was gay? 

What would you think of? Protests; Parades; Rainbow stickers; among other things? Well, that’s not exactly what I mean, although I do empathize in many ways.

I see how often the church, a body that is to love unconditionally, as God does, is portrayed as hateful and violent, which is definitely a generalization. Even so, I know how it feels to hide from the church for fear of how they may treat you.

I’ve been at that point where you are just furious that you are different, you hate yourself, you scream at God asking “why would you make me like this?” and think it would be easier to just end it, and die. I know these thoughts, these feelings, this confusion and uncertainty.

This part of my story starts back in grade 7 when I realized I liked guys. Our health teacher said it could just be a phase we go through and I really hoped that was the case. At that point I had never been to a church, but I really wanted to have a wife and kids when I grew up. I had steadily had crushes on girls for years, so this didn’t make any sense. It must be a phase.

Years passed and really, not much changed. My crushes changed, I grew older and I started trying to figure out how to ‘fix’ myself. By now I had a steady relationship, with pornography.

In grade 10 my friend invited me to her youth group. And it was there at church where for the first time I heard of God’s love, of sin, of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross; it was there I experienced God for the first time. I started to pray and read the Bible although this was off and on for a while. Later in grade 11 I was done playing around and wanted to make a real commitment, so I decided to ask God to be in my life.

I started going to church on Sundays and made a real attempt to read the Bible, but I was doing a lot on my own, trusting in myself and my actions, and keeping my struggles to myself.

I tried to fix myself. I tried to stop looking at porn. Whether it lasted a day, a week, or a couple weeks, I always had to start over, more disappointed in myself and frustrated that I was getting nowhere. I couldn’t change myself. No matter how much I tried, no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn’t change myself. Fortunately, I don’t need to make myself perfect to ask God to forgive me, to help me.

When you come to God you surrender all. You acknowledge you are weak and can’t do it alone. But the idea that I needed to have it all together before coming to God, the idea that the church is perfect and only for holy people; these lies kept me from coming to God for so long.

Beginning a relationship with God is about realizing the wrong things we have done or continue to do, and also God’s love in that situation. While we were still stuck in this mess we made, He sent His only Son to die for us, to pay the price for our crime so we could live a new life and trust in Him to help change us.

I didn’t have to be perfect before asking God to be part of my life. So three years ago I was baptized and wanted to trust Him with everything I was.

These last few years have been really difficult. Both being able to see God do amazing things in my life as well as the people I have met around the world, while also continuing to fight this internal battle against homosexuality. Because of it I could never go forward in relationships with girls I had crushes on. It infuriated me that as much as I loved them emotionally or spiritually, I couldn’t promise to love them physically. I was still holding onto that hope, praying that it would go away without me ever having to tell anyone.

I was scared of what others would think. Scared that if they found out my friends who were guys would avoid me, my friends who were girls would never become more than friends. I was scared of losing reputation. I was scared of the church’s reaction.

But the bottom line is this: Although the Bible teaches to hate evil and sin, it doesn’t say to hate the person. Although Jesus may have never said anything specifically on this subject, His whole life speaks way more. He came and ate with people labeled as sinners showing them love no matter what they had gone through, even to the point of dying on the cross for them. But He also always told them to turn from their ways back to God. Although acts of homosexuality are detestable, God loves the person despite what they have done or what they may be struggling with.

I had to tell someone. I really didn’t want to, but felt God telling me to do so. And as much as I liked this girl, I knew I’d have to be honest and tell her before we could be a couple.

I started by telling a couple guys I had known for a while and really trusted. Each time I was paralyzed in fear. I couldn’t get any words out of my mouth. I was about to tell my brothers that I had what I thought was the worst sin.

When I had finally managed to say it, the outcome was always the same. Nothing was different.

In the family of God we are brothers and nothing can change that. We had discussions about God’s love and how this is no different than any other sin. They prayed for me and just showed love.

It was kinda weird.

I have continued to feel God telling me to just make this public, to show how even though I struggle with homosexuality I know God and experience Him in my life. This is no more incompatible than God and science.

I want to share this verse from the Bible. 1 Cor 6:9-11 “Do you not know the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”

Although these things may have described you, either now or in the past, they don’t control your future, they don’t determine who you are before God. His grace, undeserved forgiveness, and love are extended as a gift to all who would accept them.

We cannot continue in these things, but we can’t change ourselves either. God alone can.

I don’t have all the answers. I still struggle, and it’s been nearly a decade, but I want to continue trusting God, walking forward wherever He calls me, whether or not He takes this struggle away. If you have any questions just ask me.

And don’t treat me any differently. I’m still Dylan and this is just my story so far.