Yo.
Part 7 of this saga means we're almost at the halfway. :P Not quite sure how that makes me feel. ;P
"7. Being a Christian always involves suffering in this age, but however great that suffering is - it is insignificant with eternal glory by comparison: Paul told the Romans that we are heirs with Christ, only "if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him." (Romans 8:17). He adds, "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us" (Romans 8:18). To the Corinthians, he added: "... though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal" (2 Cor. 16b-18). One form of suffering is the frustration and lack of fulfillment that we feel when we are deprived of some of our deepest desires, including for intimacy - whether permitted or forbidden. Men and women who desire marriage, but live for long periods of singleness experience this frustration, no matter who they are attracted to. But in the end, this frustration and suffering will be trivial compared to the riches of eternal glory in God's presence."
Suffering for the sake of the gospel. This is one of the most valuable things a Christian can do. Martyrdom is of very high value. Taking the gospel to those who have never had it and living in such an incarnational way among them, an absolutely beautiful picture of Christ coming to Earth and being among His people, even if they hated Him and ended up killing Him. Scrolling it back a few scales of magnitude, doing the same thing to friends and family around you wherever you are -- being Christ to those around you-- is also beautiful and is what we are called to in the Great Commission. As you are going, make disciples of all nations, baptizing them, teaching them all I have commanded you, and I am with you to the very end (Matt 28:18-20). If they persecuted Christ, they are sure to persecute those who follow Him and His words and His way (John 15:20).
Suffering in life I think gets a bit different. Jesus came to seek and save the lost (Luke 19:10). He brought healing wherever He went: healing fevers; leprosy; shame; casting out demons; speaking justly; rebuking those caught in self-righteousness; feeding the hungry; giving living water to the thirsty. In following Christ, our ultimate hope is in the resurrection. We will have renewed bodies; we will see God clearly as face to face; we will no longer cry or be in pain. However, following Christ now should bring some level of healing and new life. "My soul is satisfied" (Psa 63:5). Oh that I could say that. I need more soul satisfaction in Christ. In life, Paul spoke of how he had learned to live in contentment no matter if he had little or lots (Phil 4:12). God supplies our needs. God is the ultimate one who fulfills all our longings and desires. We were all created with a need that can only be fulfilled in Him.
While on Earth, we all will experience some hurt and pain as a result of the world around us. As a result of the sin and brokenness. As a result of people pursuing various means to attain fulfillment apart from God. Paul says that if nothing else, we can have peace through any situations: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Phil 4:6-7).
Is it because I wasn't 100% trusting in God through it? Is it because I was double-minded and not praying fully faithfully (James 1:5-8)?
I've suffered.
I've prayed and plead, and begged, and wept, and asked for peace and intimacy with God, and so many things. I've told myself that it didn't matter, that eternity was worth it. I told myself it was fine. I told myself it wouldn't matter some day "the angels aren't given in marriage" etc. A friend of mine has been saying "the gay Christian has a different cross to carry, and a different suffering to bear." I don't know what I think about that yet, but I know I feel really happy right now, I'm not ashamed anymore, I don't need to cry and beg and plead. I know God alone can fulfill and satisfy my soul. Is there space to hope and pray for the future while loving myself and loving those around me, even if it looks a bit different?
I don't want daily suffering anymore. I want to help myself and others to experience healing and joy in God, but don't know if it's possible anymore?
Idk. I feel like I'm rambling now.
Should I expect suffering as a Christian? yes. Is the glory of eternity with God of highest value? yes. Am I instructed to actively choose suffering daily here and now? We are instructed to follow Christ and love Him above all else.
I want to love Him more. I want to feel peace. I want to feel hope. Right now I'm tired of suffering for existing.
Ttyl.
D.Fa
PS. Kinda forgot to address it, but sure, singleness can be frustrating. But how does God fulfill that need? I never got that answer. Paul and Jesus both call us to remain single if able, to pursue God and His Kingdom all the more, and if not able, to be married, to find another who compliments you and can encourage you to prayer and following God all the more, albeit a little more distracted. What then for those who aren't able to stay single, but not able to be married?
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