Prayerful Revival

This morning I got some time to pray alone. I need more of that.

The other day in church the message was on the greatest commandments: loving God and others. The overall summary was we need to be intentional in loving God and out of that will an intentional love for others just flow naturally.

I need more intentional time with God.

I had really not intended to go to an outreach during the duration of this conference. I figured I was in no place to be preaching to others when I need so much time to work on my own relationship with God. But today God helped me to just choose to follow Him, trust His promises of forgiveness, and to obey His command to go with the gospel.

I hadn't signed up for city outreach. But I felt I should go. I was waiting to see if there was room on the bus for me. There was exactly one free spot left. And so I sat down at the back of the bus and prayed. It was so good. God really broke my heart for those around me and those we were going to. I then wrote down the following:

"The utter grace and majesty felt as you step fully into the hands of God.

I know I am fully unworthy of this chance to help God change the lives of people and families and communities; bringing eternity to the lives of thousands. Who am I to be a minister of reconciliation?

Coming completely empty to God and praying, begging, beseeching him to work in amazing ways in us and in the lives of everyone who we get to talk to.

Who am I to be a role model for others? Only by God's grace. But if I am relying upon his grace even now, that is an example to follow, eh? But again, only by His graces am I here now.
               
UTM. So much joy, overwhelming, when I speak of UTM. God is so great.

Seeing two buses of students go to the world with the gospel; the lost and unreached world with the gospel; ministers equipped and empowered by the gracious and mighty Holy Spirit at or in them.

May your Fire Fall Down on us this day. May we overflow with thanksgiving and praise as we take your grace to the nations.

Utter reliance upon an unchanging, loving, gracious, Father God.

May Your name be praised and exalted this day in this place and these hearts.

Amen."

The People

It's been a few days at the conference now. Well, I guess it's only technically day 2 of the conference. I got here a day early though.

Was really good catching up with HK and his girlfriend. We got to go to Richmond Hill Community Christian Church English service and I got to catch up with AC and his girlfriend, as well JC and BL.

But maybe the best part was Registration. I was in the line pretty much from 1 til 5 blending in as an intern. I got to briefly see and catch up with tons of the guys I knew, as well as help a bunch of people with housing cases, fund raising, and luggage carrying as well as other things. Some of this for random people. XP. It was so much fun. I had nothing else to do. I was free. I was able to serve.

In this situation I imagined and finally saw a taste of what serving others could look like in the context of ministry. To be so free that I could just help them in any way. Able to be fully released to care as needed and help organize and encourage others.

Honestly though there's pretty much nothing at this conference that I was really looking forward to other than seeing all of the people: old friends; new friends; amazing people on fire for Jesus. Ironically I'm not spending much time with Carleton.

There's no time for anything though.

I went to seminars today about marriage, new database technology, and biblical manhood.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Application.

During the summer I was writing in a pseudo blog notebook and, although I have yet to reread it, one thing that I remember definitely having written is that when it comes to the Bible I shouldn't approach it so much as "I've read this already" or "I know this already" but more like "have I applied this yet?"

Also during the summer I had been reading "Knowing God" by J.I. Packer. I was about to continue reading it and to brief myself I was rereading the underlined parts. This is from page 20: "God is triune; there are within the Godhead three persons, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit; and the work of salvation is one in which all three act together, the Father purposing redemption, the Son securing it and the Spirit applying it.

Application.

This is one part of Bible study that I think I am not as great in. I am fairly good at seeing the point of different passages, I can see connections, and by God's grace I have been blessed with a great memory of verses as well as often being privileged to be God's mouthpiece. But when it comes to applying verses to my own life it becomes a lot more challenging.

Sometimes I think I just don't take that time to think and pray through what it means in my life. Sometimes I think in the past I've been somewhat judgemental of how sometimes people jump to application completely out of context such as Phil 4:13 or Jer 29:11 and so I try to avoid doing that.

But the issue here is James.

1:22-25 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.

2:17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

Theory and understanding are not enough. There needs to be application. But the application cannot come from us. As Packer said the application of salvation comes from the Spirit at work in us.

May this increase. May His Spirit work more and more in me.

Sing a New Song

Today's song of encouragement is Lifeline by Hillsong Young & Free

http://youtu.be/m8tKjIvvmvY

One thing I'd been thinking lately is "Why do I give so much value to music and not as much to the Bible?"

Now in no way do I mean to say that I don't value the Bible. I do think that it is God's word and that it is all that is needed for life on Christ. I think the Bible is authoritative and a source of hope and inspiration. A great great word of bad news and even greater good news.

But as I am right now, I go to Hillsong when I am in a bad mood, rather than to the Bible.

And I think there are some reasons for it, but I think I also do need to go to the Word of truth more, especially when the main reason I am feeling down is a lie that I am dwelling on too much.

The last time I was down I prayed for a second and then got to work on my homework. The only thing I can do then is to choose music to listen to while doing it. I often listen to anime or game original soundtracks when studying or cramming because it's usually something really intense. Haha. But the ones I'd been listening to recently had been pretty melancholy in tone. And I think I am easily affected by that. So I chose some music that'd make me feel better: Hillsong.

In addition to simply 'I don't have time, I need to multitask', I think another reason is that I really do typically connect to God a lot more deeply through music.

But ya, I need to make sure I am renewing my mind in Christ all the time and taking these thoughts captive.

Pray for me. XP

D.Fa

God at Work

Yo.

So, I'm not sure if I'd told you before most of this story, but me and BP have been meeting up with MSG every week since the beginning of September. He had filled out a survey somewhere on campus during frosh week and indicated that he was interested in meeting up to talk about Jesus. His information was uploaded and on one day when a bunch of us students got together to make some calls to the students who were interested in follow-up I had mostly been calling students who said they were Christian and wanted to grow in their faith, but after a few calls I wanted to call someone who wasn't Christian. So I checked the list, prayed for the person I was going to call, and in less than 3 minutes I had talked to MSG and we had set up a meeting. It was so easy I was actually speechless. Haha

That week I actually met BP and invited him to come with me to meet with MSG.

When we met up it was great and we had a good conversation, but he really wasn't all that interested in the Bible or the gospel. He had grown up in Montreal and had heard a bunch of stuff about God. He was really focused on the potential of humanity and our ability to surpass God if we properly harness our abilities. He had said the Bible was needed to get us to where we are now, but technology will take us from here. We mostly shared about the sinful nature of human hearts and how that really hasn't changed over the centuries. Something BP had really said clicked with him though and he was very interested in meeting up again.

We met up and played board games once. We met up and read a little bit of John 1 and had a conversation very similar to before and looked at a bunch of scriptures, but it didn't really mean much to MSG. He was asking questions about their validity. He was also saying how our sinful nature and desires for wrong or selfishness is just a challenge we need to overcome. We had lunch together and discussed ambitions.

Later he ended up coming to church with me and our pastor was doing a series on the validity of the Bible. Specifically he came to a sermon about the manuscripts and what we have now is what we had then. He also came a couple weeks later.

One week I couldn't go to our normal meeting and BP and him went through the rest of John 1. The following week we ended up meeting up with him separately. BP randomly ran into him on Tuesday and they had a good chat about idols and undivided pursuit of God (a narrow, but meaningful path) and how good things can become idols when out of proportion. He was asking about suffering. On Thursday I got to meet up with him and we read John 2 which really opened his eyes to Jesus being a complex person, not just some love-preaching gentle 2D character. He was sarcastic to his mom and flipped some tables in righteous anger. MSG was really interested in finishing reading the book of John. He was also talking about a movie he had seen and how he sees human sinful nature and selfishness in the characters.

That weekend MSG came to a conference about the New Testament and evidence for its reliability and verisimilitude among other things. It was a really cool conference and MSG got to meet some of my friends and housemates. We had good conversations in break times and lunches. I think it was a really good chance to hear more about the Bible and to hear why we trust in the Biblical Jesus.

The next week MSG came to our P2C weekly meeting where we were having some food and just sharing testimonies. So he got to meet a bunch of the guys and girls and hear stories of what God has done in their lives and why they are following Him now. Really good times for sure. At the end there was a question raised by one of our staff about a reading week trip to Quebec to do evangelism and MSG said he was interested in going. When we met up on Thursday that week we read some of John 3 and had a great talk about it. It was really interesting some of the things MSG was saying. He legit, without prompt said "the Bible is perfect", as well as this interesting concept of how university is his chance to find God and he is worried that after University he will lose himself if he doesn't find out now. He sees his parents and friends who have graduated living empty lives without opportunity to explore and discover more since they are now so stuck in the daily routine. He was asking about sin and why God would make it. He said that this was like the one big barrier in the way of him actually trusting in God.

It's just crazy to see how much God has done in MSG's life over the last couple months and it really wasn't me or BP doing the work. God just has really been changing his heart, getting him to open up and trust us, becoming curious and asking questions, coming to trust and be interested in what the Bible says, even saying that he'd be interested in going to Quebec and sharing the gospel. It's just so cool what God is doing and I want to keep seeing Him do crazy things.

Please pray MSG comes to know Jesus soon and that we can all celebrate with him and the angels and God of one who was dead coming to know life in Christ.

D.Fa

These Moments

When did I get this emotional?

I feel like I depend so much upon my feelings these days and so little upon fact and logic and rationality and truth.

How did I get to this place?
Why did I ever open up the door to emotion ad feelings?
What can I do to get through or over this?

I am not enjoying this conflict. Where every second of my day I feel like I want something I know I shouldn't.

When did I get this emotional?

The truth that I know is true is Jesus came, loved those who were broken, and died in their place.

When did I stop trusting in that? How did I get to this place where I am relying upon my own actions and plans for every goal and ambition?

---

My friends are so great though. I'm so glad I can ask them for prayer and help.

http://youtu.be/Ah0uydqMYhE
http://akingdomcollective.tumblr.com/post/102271934729/erasing-shame
"You want a stronger relationship with God and a deeper connection with your fellow man. Place nothing wicked before your eyes."
"Just ask Him to give you rest, and admit that you've been going to broken cisterns that hold no water, when He is the spring of eternal water // 'He who drinks from the water I give him will never be thirsty' // You're doing better than you think, but you need Him more than you know. What you think will satisfy your temporary lusts, this will not solve the problem."
"Maybe this is only what your flesh wants, because it doesn't know how else to express what your soul longs for."

---

Psalm 116: 5-9
Gracious is the Lord, and righteous;
    our God is merciful.
The Lord preserves the simple;
    when I was brought low, he saved me.
Return, O my soul, to your rest;
    for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.

For you have delivered my soul from death,
    my eyes from tears,
    my feet from stumbling;
I will walk before the Lord
    in the land of the living.

---

May God continue to show me His goodness. I know He has saved me and done great things. He has saved me. May He direct my steps and help me to walk in the land of the living and redeemed. May the lies be washed away as truth overflows.

D.Fa

Bursting Pop Culture

Yo. So today I heard another one of Taylor Swift's new songs, Blank Space, and it brings up some things I'd been thinking for a bit and something I wanted to post about.

Pop music is actually starting to have an actual conflict with the actions it endorses.

Blank Space is about another relationship and from first sight she knows he will probably turn out to be a mistake, it'll leave her breathless of go down in flames, she's insane for love and even though she knows it will probably leave scars she'll go for it with reckless youth and take it too far. The end of the video shows her ready to take on another relationship despite the extreme heartbreak she experienced just before. (http://youtu.be/e-ORhEE9VVg)

Another example is Sam Smith's Stay With Me. The song is about a one night stand and the emotional wreck it leaves him in. In the chorus he pleads "Oh won't you stay with me, cause you're all I need", even though "it's clear to see", "this ain't love". (http://youtu.be/pB-5XG-DbAA)

The other I had been thinking about recently is Sia's Chandelier. The song is about a desire for freedom and love, but the only way the world says girls can get it is by living a 'party girl' life of drinking and partying pushing her to the edge of life. The results of that partying life however are shame and winding up like a mess. "But I'm holding on for dear life. Won't look down, won't open my eyes. Keep my glass full untiil morning light. Cause I'm just holding of for tonight. Help me, I'm holding of for dear life" (http://youtu.be/2vjPBrBU-TM)

A friend of mine on facebook said they wished they had relationships with their crushes like Taylor Swift.

This makes me pretty sad about the state of our culture where we all hope for relationships even if we know they'll blow up. But I guess that's kinda what I do sometimes too is want what I know is bad for me.

Hmm. Guess we need to pray for God to work in our culture as well as in our own hearts by the Holy Spirit

Ttyl.

D.Fa

If I Were a Hydra Maybe

I believe very firmly now that I am actually really terrible at multitasking.

Over the years I have generally believed that I am fairly good at multitasking (doing multiple things at the same time) and I think I am finally at the realization that that is not true.

I was thinking about ti a week or so ago: I can only deal with the people I interact with regularly. Unfortunately everyone else ends up in this weird limbo state where if I happen to remember them on some off chance then I will send them a text. And then the people I never see drift into obscurity. This is by no means because I don't actually generally care for them, but I simply can't deal with that many people at once.

One idea that I think I told you guys about before is the concept of "My 5" in regards to sharing the gospel intentionally with 5-10 friends. You pray for them regularly and make an effort to spend time with them and love them and share the gospel with them. At the beginning of the semester it was 5 people. Now it's like 15 and I can't handle that many people at all....... haha....

Then there's trying to juggle and manage too many things at the same time: school, ministry, church, friends, housemates, family, anime, pokémon, youtube, etc. etc.

And whatever. I need to focus on a couple things at a time. I can't do it all.

A subsequent thought tied up in all this is that there's no way I could ever possibly handle a long-distance relationship. I don't know how my housemates do it.

Anyways, ttyl.

D.Fa

Exited to Go!

You know, I'm so, so, so, so, so excited right now. haha

I've kinda been telling everyone how excited I was all week. haha

I'm a certified ESL teacher now. =D

This week I'd been taking part in a TESOL class (Teachers of English to Speakers of Other Languages). And after a very long week I now have certificates that say I can teach English. haha

Now, if you haven't heard anything about this so far you may be wondering "wait, I thought he was really bad at English and kinda hated it? Why is he going to teach it??" And I would fully agree with that thought. I also have had many of those thoughts this week and before as well. So let me explain how I am now at a place where I cannot wait to teach English. xP

So, I've been trying to figure out what I should do after I graduate. There's a huge list of things and options and that's great, but I really want to figure it out and the thing I really want most is to go overseas somewhere for a coupe years and do mission work. I really didn't have much of a plan. Kinda the same places as always where I'd been with P2C and just figuring out whether I should go to one place, or the other, and what God's will was.

I was talking with Pastor DB and sharing a little about this and he told me about this CRAZY AWESOME opportunity to go to Japan!!!!! Apparently we have a sister church in Tokyo! They are a newer multicultural church and they need some people to come help. Apparently they've got a bunch of Mandarin speaking seekers too, which is also cool. BUT! Tokyo is a really expensive place to live. I wouldn't be able to go over and just rely on support raising. The guy from the church apparently has some English teaching positions available. So I had been thinking about this quite a bit.

I was praying and really, I want to go to Japan. Since back in like grade 10 I'd been saying I'd go to Japan after university. So I started praying a bit for clarity about what I should do after I graduate and kinda also asking that I can go to Japan. A few weeks before it occurred to me that I can pray for what I want, which is true. If it is in accordance with God's will He will make it happen. And if not it'll be pretty clear.

Before taking with Pastor DB I had been rewatching Cardcaptors and had noticed that my Japanese is actually good enough to not need to read the subtitles to get the gist of what they are saying. The day after I got an email with the following subject "Hawaii, Panama, Tokyo – the world has never been closer". A day or so later I had a dream in which I was a missionary to this random island in the Caribbean or something. I needed to get a direct flight back to Canada so I needed to talk to the airport workers. They asked me some questions and I ended up telling them I believe in Jesus. They asked what I think about prophecy and I said something about how me going to Japan to share the gospel would be an answer to prophecy or something. (It was a great dream btw) And then a couple days later just walking through the University Center there was a career fair. There was a booth for an ESL Teacher course and the only flyer they had on their table was for the JET programme which is for teaching in Japan. At a weekly meeting the speaker talked about a Carleton student who went to Japan and was praying for them and crying. 

Somewhere in these weeks I needed to sign some banking things and ended up by the Clubs office. Right across from it is the students association and in the window was a poster from like back in 2nd year frosh week. The Buried Life was visiting and on the poster we were encouraged to write one of our items on our bucket list. I couldn't exactly think of anything until I thought "share the gospel in Japan".

I'm SOOOOO Down to go to Japan. haha.

Why do I feel the need to justify this? Why can't I just go?

I made a friend in class. He's so down to go to Japan too. haha. I really want to go together and be like best friends and it'll be so awesome. Teaching English and living in Japan. I'll have so many chances to share the gospel.

Praying for these things. haha

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Completely Surrounded by Legalism

Hey guys. Let's have a chat.

I've been kinda all over the place lately. Before this week I'd had so much work to do with midterms and group projects and lab work and way too many cell phone games. Unfortunately that meant I was spending very little time with God. Every day started sleeping in and waking up 55 minutes before I needed to be somewhere and there were no breaks even on Sundays since my groups needed me to meet up after church. I was so exhausted all the time and just had this feeling of emptiness and hopelessness. Seemed like no way out of the constant stream of responsibilities and was just being worn away.

I also have realized that I don't deal well with challenges or problems that I need to get through. Typically pretending they don't exist or just installing rules to minimize the effects.

By my own power, I will waste away and burn myself out rather than take help.

Just before the two weeks of dry times I heard clearly the phrase "you need me". And by simply observing my actions, it seems like I would disagree. I was trying to accomplish everything: minister to my friends, get all my work done, lead bible studies, figure out my future; everything on my own and it felt hopeless.

Our salvation is by faith, not by works.

Again, my actions, clearly not agreeing. But I think it wasn't so much I didn't know that, but that I'm not really putting it into practice. Luther said "If I fail to spend two hours in prayer each morning, the devil gets the victory through the day. I have so much business I cannot get on without spending three hours daily in prayer" which seems crazy, but fully reliant on God. Now even with me doing all these things and everything, I know it isn't by works. I love sharing the gospel. What does this mean? It came to me that part of why I love ministry so much is simply that in it is where I see God at work, I see Him doing amazing things and I feel much closer to Him and tangibly can see the gospel at work.

Later into the two weeks I heard another phase audibly "completely surrounded by legalism". Which was kinda harsh to me. It was convicting. But I didn't react in action. I kept to my current life of empty endeavor by my own strength. By this week I was kinda just falling apart.

Certain areas of sin in my life are becoming more 'active' so to say. Again my reactions are to enforce legalism, which will never solve the problem. I've read a bit recently in a couple books that recommend taking radical action against sin, but clearly state these things are merely to help get you to a place where you can more easily be free to call on God to help you and grow in Him. And the idea that stuck from Overcoming Sin and Temptation that I am currently thinking about was Owen's comment towards Catholicism of how they (and people in general) end up looking to these rules and regulations as the end goal rather than a simple helpful step, or the idea that we get so stuck on "well, this isn't as bad as that" when the true thought should be comparing to purity not worse impurity.

Hmmm.

The coolest things though is that it is so clear how God is pursuing me. A year ago I had a friend who was really struggling with motivation and had a huge essay due and didn't care that much. The day it was due God really spoke to her and showed her how our relationship with God isn't one sided, that God is fighting for us, not just reciprocating our efforts. Her favourite phase was "God is soooo BIG!" Which really doesn't mean all that much to me in the literal size, but I think I am starting to understand a bit of it in the not literal.

These weeks I've heard God speak a couple times directly (which I nearly never do / I should be listening more), had so many awesome things happen (ran into a guy AM and had an awesome conversation about Jesus), felt clearly provided for after essentially starving on Friday and He provided meals and warm places and smiles, and truly speaking through worship times and his word more recently.

God is seriously pursuing me, despite how distant I am currently being.

God is good.

All the time.

This week I really pray I'd be able to spend more time with Him and meditate on His word throughout the days. May a real relationship with Him free me from legalism and allow me to freely live in Him.

D.Fa

Summit '14 #2

Hey guys, as I said, I'll tell you about Summit. haha. The second I went to post the last one, my internet died, soooooooo, I've been playing Legend of Zelda everyday for the last 3 days. haha

Anyways, Summit was cool. There were a LOT of students. 130! from 7 campuses. We had 14 from Carleton and it was a great time. Gregg Hinzelman was the speaker (he's the regional director). He had 3 main sessions to speak at and so he spoke about Prayer, Evangelism, and the life of Peter. All three were really great talks.

Prayer was all about praying specifically, seeing God answer prayer, and the resulting increase in faith and asking God for bigger things, and just the cycle there.
Evangelism was all about just looking at the Acts Church and what they were doing and how they saw God bring so many people to a saving knowledge of Christ. He looked at like the word counts and essentially it all boiled down to: you see people come to know Christ when you share the gospel. As simple as that.
Peter's life was all like, just taking those steps of faith. Peter followed Jesus, took initiative, took risks, was bold, humble, and focused, and we see him being used to start the Acts church, we see him do crazy things, but at the same time, he was just a normal person.

Carleton as always had awesome campus times, and so much Spirit. haha We didn't do very well at Soccer or Ultimate though. haha but we had the best team cheers! We teamed up with uOttawa and Vanier College to form a team of 10 students to face off against Queens, Concordia, and McGill, who each had like 15-20 people on their teams. Anyways, 1. We are the Ravens, 2. We are the GeeGees, 3. We are the Cheetahs, 4. More, more, more!!!

I think everyone had pretty awesome times. Got to share a testimony on the Sunday morning and ya. Good time to get away. My phone got wet in the lake (after sports we ended up throwing everyone into the lake. lol) but is fine now. Uhh. Ya.

I think the main things I am taking back are just the need to pray specifically and to go share the gospel with people if we want to see lives changed.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Taking Steps

Yo. This week was pretty cool. I guess I haven't really told you guys anything about Summit yet. I will in a post in a minute or two. But it was awesome.

Coming back from Summit was a chance for us all to take steps of faith and Discipleship Groups were starting! =D Unfortunately this week was also the week where I had two really big midterms, both Biotech and Mycology.... haha

So this week I had this tension between studying, going out sharing about Jesus on campus, and also working on my thesis, just to throw that into the mix (I got to talk to my prof and decide some things last week).

At the end of Summit as normal, there was a challenge to trust God with a faith barrier and I made 4. haha. Kinda just what I figure God had already been telling me to do, but had been too relctant to actually do them. One of my faith barriers at Summit was to share Jesus with 4 of my classmates, 2 other friends, and my Philosophy prof (if that all counts as one barrier... haha). So I wanted to meet up with each of them.

Three of them I got to cram with this week. haha. Two for biotech. We got to meet up in a library study room 1.5 hours before the midterm and just ask each other some questions and study. We felt pretty good, so for the last 20 minutes we just got to know each other a bit better. The other time I got to meet up with my classmate really early. haha. The week before he had asked me about IT who is currently serving as a missionary in Mexico. xP They apparently knew each other way back in first year and she had been able to share about her trip with him. He was like, really stressed about the midterm. We got to study for a bit.

I didn't get a chance to share more about Christ, but I hope to continue to take opportunities to grow these relationships.

I also got to meet up with a friend who used to be a classmate. We did Zumba yesterday (embarassing, but a good bonding time) and I got to share a little bit about how I want to go on missions and stuff.

I also finally got the cell number of one of the other people on my list. She's in my Philosophy class and so we hang out for like 15 minutes after each class in the library reviewing the class material and then talking about random things. Our quiz is on Monday, so we've been texting a bit, and making philosophy jokes. LOL. I emailed my prof and had a short conversation there, told her I was praying for her.

My last friend was too busy. He got a couple jobs recently. lol

So this week was cool times. haha. Can't wait for what else God has in store as I pray for my friends and seek after His will in these situations.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Assured

Hey!

Pretty exciting! Summit is tomorrow and there are a few 1st year students coming with us! There's actually like 130 students going this year plus like 20 staff! Which is insane!! But it'll be so awesome. xP

Today I got to go through some discipleship stuff with AP. He's a kinda crazy guy. lol. So on fire for God and also like a crazy  Physics nerd, no offense. lol... We looked at 1 John 5:9-13 and a bunch of passages that just summarize the gospel. It was a really great reminder of the assurance, the security, we have in our faith. Those that have Christ, have eternal life. As simple as that, no questions about it. And I know Christ has been in my life, so I know that I am saved and have a salvation that will not perish or fade or spoil. I just need to trust in these truths. Praise God for these truths and His immeasurable riches of grace!






I can't wait to see both of us and others growing as disciples of Christ as we help others know what it means to do the same.

I talked earlier in the day with my supervisor and got some work done in regards to my thesis. She seems to think that we may not get super far in the plan, but that's cool. haha. I don't really want to put in a lot of work. haha. I hope we can get very far, but it seems that we are first just testing the ability of the concept, rather than actually doing any of the combining of concepts yet. haha

Anyways, all is good. Tomorrow I'll be going over the same thing with RB, which should be great too.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Strong Scriptures

Hey!

So, today, idk, I guess I've been thinking quite a bit lately about stuff in general, and I've still been a little depressed about temptation and sin and stuff. So I got to thinking and praying a bit and I ended up reading 1 Peter. The whole book. It's so good. haha. And then I read a few psalms. Also great. And later today we read Ephesians 1 and 2, also really great.

All of them really spoke into my situation, and I guess I really just was really blown away by what the Bible was saying, probably like I've never really understood before, which is kinda neat, but ya... I don't like this situation of temptation and sin and everything.

I also guess I kinda realized how much I rely on God working through others and songs rather than just going to God directly in prayer or reading His word. So, I kinda feel like I should do that more in every situation, rather than being carried by the faith of others or by emotion or by words written by others. You know? I'm not saying any of those things are bad, but that it shouldn't be the foundation of my faith.

So I will continue thinking. But I also want to read through 1 Peter again. Everything in the whole book really spoke to me today, so I'd like to look through it in more detail.

Cool things happened today too. My friend RN apparently knows IT and heard about her going to Mexico, and saw me in a picture with her at church. And so we got to talk a little bit. I will talk to him more later. And I got to talk to MJ a bit because she was sick. I said I would pray for her. Hopefully we can talk more later. And Connect meeting was cool. Haha

Anyways, ttyl.

D.Fa

This Can Never Perish, Spoil or Fade

Yo.

So, these last few days have sucked tbh*. Sin, temptation, and overall spiritual attack on my identity in Christ. It's been extremely depressing and it's just been lie after lie from the enemy. And the biggest problem is just that I am listening and was so disturbed about my place in Christ.

My discipler was also really concerned so we talked for a while today. And I wrote out a bunch of probably really depressing garbage about how I have no identity and have no worth.

Then at our P2C servant team meeting, which I normally lead, but didn't have time to prepare for, and so another guy led it, I had however typed like two things into the googledoc, one of which were the Bible verses we were going to look at, which had been kinda determined last week, but that I had spent like no time at all on preparing. XP But the other guy thought I had and so he turned it over to me.

We read Rom9:16-33 (kinda harsh read. Haha, but also great promises of God saving the Gentiles and remnant of Israel, which He definitely didn't have to, so, ya, God is merciful yo) and I had jot down another verse. I didn't remember what the other verse said and so went to it while the others were sharing their thoughts on Rom9 (I know, pay attention when people talk, eh?). It was exactly what I needed to hear.

1Pet1: 3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade--kept in heaven for you, 5 who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9 for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. (my emphases)

So much pure gold of scripture in there! And praise God for speaking to me through it or I'd still be in a wreck. Haha

Anyways, talk to you later.

D.Fa

*pretty sure I'm gonna start using 'tbh' in my regular text vocabulary. It stands for 'to be honest'.

Broken Cisterns

There is not enough time in a day.

That is what I would like to say, but I know that there is in fact enough time in a day for all that needs to be done, it just doesn't get done based on how we prioritize and spend the time that we have been given. As it says in Eph 5:15-17 (ESV) "Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is." Make use of your time, because the temptation is there to use that time for evil. Instead, full of the Spirit, pursue God's will first and everything; this is the best use of time. #howiseeit

I say this largely because there is so much I would like to blog about, and I so rarely find the time to do so.

So, idk. I think I have too many things that I want to do, some of which I know are not worth doing, but I pursue anyways. I started reading Ecclesiastes (more on why later. > . <''') and yeah, the picture that is presented is that "The eye never has enough of seeing, nor the ear its fill of hearing. (1:8b)" and "Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income. (5:10)". Two examples of our misdirected desires seeking for satisfaction in the world and never having enough. And this is largely how I feel about the temptations that I have which say "you haven't tried this, how can you know it is bad for you?" and so I compromise by indulging in a related, but not exactly the same sin, which leaves me empty and unsatisfied and with a further desire for the thing I know is bad, but haven't tried.

The Bible says these things we desire, are desired because we are broken and want to be filled; more directly it says we are now enslaved to these passions and desires. The image given is that we are thirsty for true water, and instead of looking for a fountain of living water, we complain and start digging our own muddy cisterns, not daring to leave them (Jer2:13 "My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water").

To quote lyrics from Still Want You by Andrew Huang:
Chorus:
Even though you try to make it hurt me, 
Even though you want to pick up and desert me, 
I still want you baby; I still want you baby.
Even though the sky we built was starless, 
Even though you leave me in the coldest darkness, 
I still want you baby; I still want you baby.

The verses speak of the love as hate, a poison, alcohol in the dark, causing him to be lost, and in danger, something that is killing him slowly, and the bridge goes as far as to beg for a kiss, for love, for a hit, to be cut again.

Left in the coldest darkness with nothing, a starless sky in the middle of winter, with no warmth or affection or emotion, but so deluded to desire more of it; that pursuing it further is the only answer left.

The biggest problem here, though I often don't say so, is not that we are left empty, but that for our rebellion and forsaking God, the spring of living water, we actually have chosen death and destruction, we have chosen hell. To disobey a king is treason, punishable by death. Christ offers so much more than anything this world can offer and leaves us with life eternal, a thirst satisfied, endless delight at His side.

Majesty - KG Ch8

August 25 - 11:58am

The night before last I went to the dock to see the stars. The expanse of heavens, the amazing vastness of creation, the glory of lights billions of miles away, a display of splendor and majesty, yet incomparable to the creator who is forever blessed.

The eighth chapter of Knowing God by Packer is upon the majesty, the absolute infinite greatness of God. The chapter is especially speaks upon Isaiah 40 and that rebuke to the Israelites who are not seeing God as great as He is, but are seeing other things as great.

The chapter opens describing majesty, a word I have no acquaintance with practically in my vocabulary, and then essentially a challenge that 'our God is too small'. In our focus on God being personal we have detracted from His greatness. "Today vast stress is laid on the thought that God is personal, but this truth is so stated as o leave the impression that God is a person of the same sort as we are--weak, inadequate, ineffective, a little pathetic. But this is not the God of the Bible! Our personal life is a finite thing: it is limited in every direction, in space, in time, in knowledge, in power. He has us in his hands; we never have him in ours. Like us, he is personal; but unlike us, he is great. In all its constant stress on the reality of God's personal concern for his people, and on his gentleness, tenderness, sympathy, patience and yearning compassion that he shows toward them, the Bible never lets us lose sight of his unlimited dominion over all his creatures." pg 83.

Packer continues by going to the very start; using Genesis as an example of God's mejesty combined with personality.

I thought this was really cool. I had never viewed Genesis as showing the personal character of God, but now that it has been made aware to me, it feels like this is something that is sooo clear that I have been overlooking.

God in Genesis: destroyer of Sodom + Gomorrah; wrathful curser and annihilator of the world by flood; cause of famine; mysterious. God in Genesis, this is what we often remember. His power, and destruction. To add to his majesty: creating the world and universe; cause of life; scattering nations by language; judge of all the earth; God Most High.

But the thing I overlooked here: God who walked with Adam; God who talks to, asks questions, and desires compassion; God who makes promises and loves his people; God of Genesis. A personal God, which continues through the whole Bible.

But nowhere does this personal quality directly go against his majesty. Through the Bible we see people actually scared of God because of his greatness. If they see Him they may well die. I don't know when that thought initially began, but the truth is in His majesty and our sin which deserves righteous wrath.

So, what are we to do to properly see God's greatness? "How may we form a right idea of God's greatness? The Bible teaches us two steps that we must take. The first is to remove from our thoughts of God limits that would make him small. The second is to compare him with powers and forces which we regard as great." pg 85

Packer continues with a meditation on Psalm 139;  which essentially is a meditation on God's unlimited presence, knowledge, and power. This meditation as an example of removing the limits we place on God. Isaiah 40 then is given as an example of comparing God to greatness: great tasks; the nations; the world; rulers; stars.

Thost stars which are so great and incomparable, God is greater. He made each of them.

The chapter ends with Isaiah 40:25-28. ""To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One. Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength. not one of them is missing. Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, "My way is hidden from the LORD; my cause is disregarded by my God"? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He wil not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom." (NIV). A rebuke of wrong thoughts of God, of ourselves, and our slowness to believe in his greatness.

My Bible just flipped pages to Isa26. Verse 10 reads "Though grace is shown to the wicked, they do not learn righteousness; even in a land of uprightness they go on doing evil and regard not the majesty of the LORD."

May we better see God's majesty and may his kindness lead us to repentance and a reliance on His powerful Spirit in us.

TO Adventure; Day 6: Summit Day 2

August 23 - 9:35am

Sometimes I wish I could record my thoughts. When you have a great interaction with God and break down in tears and pray from the depths of a contrite heart, hiding nothing and being so much more real than ever. But then after you might not be able to write it down and the moment is lost.

A lot of the context of the songs we just sang in session were about how Jesus is enough, I'm going to give up my life, take me where you'd have me, all I have is yours. Songs like these provoke my soul because they are so difficult to say sincerely sometimes. If you are not all in, these words are so painful to say. How can you say "I love you" and then not care at all about God and the desires He has expressed to you? When hypocrisy is pointed out to you by a Spirit conviction, it is painful. So I was led to pray; for myself and all the others in the room as we think of faith barriers to break and trust God with more. May He truly be blessed by them. May the lyrics o those songs truly be prayers of our hearts; a reflection true and pure of our lives found in Christ alone.

Anyway, I say that after a great last session. KM reminding us of the greatness of Christ and our call to be on mission with Him and others; to be on commission. And a story of a challenge to share with each of your classmates leading to the life of a guyhere being born into a Christ-loving family. And a rebuke of how so many others are living lives sold out to such weak causes; 55000$ Potato salad yo. This all after a crazy day.

Outdoor showers are refreshing.
Discipleship is key.
You cannot solve inner spiritual issues by external means.
Renegade team = BEAST MODE!
Cheetos + Shaving cream win
Events are complex
Catching snakes + toads; AMAZING.
Canoeing + sunscreen = not as much sunburn.
Archery -- Everything I ever dreamed. Finally.

Summit is a blast. Truly lifelong friendships right here. It's a little odd being distant though. I like it because there's no responsability. I don't need to stay in each of their lives, but the negative is I can't even if I tried. I like making new friends with Christians. We are a family and the unity in the Spirit is actually awesome.

Also, I think I just got a crush on a girl, but we'll see if God brings us together again. I read an article once; I shouldn't get her heart involved in some thing I'm not going to seriously pursue right now.

Anyways again, #Colossiansfordays. Worldly principles, include religion? 2v16-23 seems to say so. Jewish laws, a shadow. Christ, substance. Growth comes from God. Regulations--human precepts and teachings--appear wise, but have no value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh, again seems like chapter 3 of OS+T. Only by the Spirit can we truly live and overcome sin and temptation, and only in Christ are we truly free.

But secondly, even if elemental spirits of the world include my wrong belief thoughts, in Christ I died to them, or should have, or now can. Freed in Christ to live out faith in love, to love by faith.

Idk what I'm gonna do tonight, well, stars, but otherwise. I don't belong here. Haha

May Christ continue to sanctify me and circumcise flesh from my heart; may I be always in the Spirit and in full accord with my brothers and sisters in Christ; may He be fully glorified and I delighting in Him.

Amen

D.Fa

Turn Down for What?

It's been one of those weeks: never any down time. haha

Saturday was pretty chill. Slept in and went to church to make a million cookies for uO church crawl and for the moon festival event the next day. Conclusion: making cookies from scratch is far better than bulk barn instant cookie mix.

Sunday was great. xP. Went to church with ML. Great worship time. So many people that day. The sanctuary was really full. After church I went home. At 4pm P2C people started coming over to my house. We shared highlights of the previous week and when everyone was there we discussed what doing a 'follow-up' meeting would look like. How to call, suggested meeting discussion topic, etc. We had dinner and then started calling. Between 9 of us we set up like 17 follow-up meetings! It was great. xP

Monday. Oh ya... haha. Back to back to back stuff. Classes, classroom surveys, staff meeting, servant team meeting, follow-up meeting. Pretty much everything you could possibly imagine all in one day. haha. But it was good. Made a friend in Philosophy class and found out I know a couple people in my Biotech class. It was a good day.

Tuesday. xP I got to go back to Tunney's pasture. My undergraduate honours research thesis is with Carleton and Health Canada, so I was there in the morning to have a discussion with my two supervisors about the project, which was really cool. I'm really looking forward to the project. xP Afterwards, I had free time so I went over to BGTD and saw my old co-workers, except for the few that were on vacation (as they typically are). xP. I spent a good few hours there talking to them. I'm glad that I'll be in the area regularly. After I had a follow-up with an awesome first year guy and AP. We went and bought ginger (among other things) and later had a bible study time with BR.

Wednesday. I think my classes are a good variety. Philosophy (more in another post) takes so much mental capacity to understand and process these deep concepts. An hour of class felt like 3 hours. Fungus class was a lot of fun. Our prof is so chill. We went on a field trip and looked at fungi in a wildlife center so I got to chill with RN, MJ and CB for a bit. Biotech is a very discussion based class, so I look forward to getting to know some of my classmates a lot better. xP After I had another follow-up with AP. This time the guy was very direct: "tell me about P2C, what you believe, and membership criteria" is essentially what he asked. Overall, he seems really excited to get involved and share Christ with others. xP Then we had dinner in the caf and games after. Really sweet (more in another post).

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Thunder - B-Down

Hey!

Yesterday was actually crazy. I had class for the first time this year. I was slightly late because I had mistaken which room it was in and spent more time in the machining lab than I had meant to, but whatever. I found out I know a couple of my classmates (MJ and RN) and we found out that next week we have a field trip! =D

After class I went to a chemistry class with JC and she made an announcement about Cravings surveys. It went really well, maybe 150 1st year students there. xP Praying God works in their lives.

Afterwards I got to go on a follow-up meeting with SK. The guy we met up with used to go to church, and is now really hoping that university would be a place for him to really grow and get reconnected with God, so hopefully we can help him where he's at and see God really show him who He is.

There was lightning as I walked to residence commons. The sky of rolling dark clouds was flashing with light and lightning. But there was no rain. I was going to be early, so I stopped and watched for a bit. There was a first year guy also watching. We chatted briefly before it started raining. He thought it was really cool (as did I), but he was conflicted because he also had a dream that the world was going to end that day. haha. I asked what he thought would happen if the world ended, what would happen to him, but the conversation didn't go anywhere.

After was English Corner and there were 5 international students from China. Got to play a couple fun english word games and after we were going to go eat. Res caf is expensive. Oasis was closed. So I invited them over for dinner. there was supposed to be a bbq, which I was going to skip. xP. So we went. I went into my backyard for the first time, set up a charcoal grill for the first time, and we had a bbq with BR and a few of his friends. We also ended up having a smash brothers tournament in the basement! So good. But I got 2nd place..... > . < The controller. I blame the controller. But it was a lot of fun. haha

Today I helped make cookies. haha. Don't use BulkBarn cookie mix. Just make it yourself. So much tastier.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

TO Adventure; Day 5: Summit Day 1

Oh man, I stink right now. Lol.

It's been a good first day of Summit. First was just the bus ride. And people started showing up slowly. I was there fairly early, but whatever. I started meeting a whole bunch of people. Let's just try and remember all of their names. Then something kinda crazy happened. I think we were just joking around about someone missing summit being rebellious and I said something along the lines of "we've all been through a rebellious phase. What did you rebellious phase look like?"

Then BAM.

Things got serious. I had only known this guy for like 10 minutes and he says he was into drugs and a lifestyle life that. o.O Wow man. Actually caught me off guard. And the bus was loading, so before he finished telling the story we got on. Since we did have a fairly long ride he kinda started over so he can tell the whole story. It was pretty crazy. The works that God has done in his life, all amazing, and such a real testimony. He then asked me about my story and so I also shared the long story about wanting to fit in, but not and God calling me to not fit in, so I shared that part of my story too. We talked for a long time after that too. #instantfriendship

I kinda want to follow his example and bring the truth even in smaller questions from now on. Catch people off guard. Astonish them.

Finally got to Summit. Registered. Found our cabins (so far. lol. steep muddy cliff).

Time for session. UTM had two girls so I sat with them. We're overall divided into 4 teams, and UTM/UTSC/GB/YG[/Centennial/Carleton] are on one "Renegade" team. It's really interesting being on the Renegade team. Kinda feeling that we lack team spirit. We have no cheer. We have no unity.

The worship and message was all a reminder of God's love, faithfulness, and grace. Pretty sweet.

Dinner. Workshop #1 (KM essentially rehashing his debrief stuff). Campus times (again, a little depressing). And capture the flag. I don't think the teams were even and yeah, we lost.

Being here is interesting. I wore my UofT sweater to disguise myself. I actually fooled a staff member. Oh, KM is here too. But ya, what exactly is the reason I am here? To relax? To be refreshed? To encourage? How can I help, without taking away from their own campus ministries?

I was reading Col2 this morning. What lies; what deception; what foolish philosophies am I believing?

Today, Hmmm, I guess at one point I had been convicted that I don't believe in God's great ability. The sin I struggle with I have been believing I am never be cured. He can. Anything He can. Nothing with God is impossible. But now thinking, a verse from earlier. We shouldn't seek only to be back in comfort, but rejoice in suffering for the gospel.

Hmmmm. Idk.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

TO Adventure; Summit Quiet Time Journal

God. You are good all the time. I thank you for the reminder that you gave through the band and worship of your faithfulness and love. You will never forsake me. I thank you for your faithfulness combined with your majesty. Although you are great, your greatness in grace, love, and compassion extends to the least.

I pray that I'd always remember these things and that you'd be further glorified in my life. I thank you also for your reminder of grace to all that you spoke through LC God, that you are a God of prodigal grace spent on those who don't deserve it. Both those who would be far by choice  and those who are far by being so close in their own minds.

Am I younger or older brother?
I see a lot of both in me. I see so much of what you gave me wasted and rendered useless. But I don't believe I've hit rock bottom. There's a lot worse I think I could do. I don't want to get there. I pray you keep me in you now and humble me. I also see older brother tendencies. Humble me and bring me near.

TO Adventure; Day 4: Mississauga: Part 2

August 22 - 9:35am

Hey. Yesterday I got to meet up with a friend from UTM P2C. It was great to catch up, have Timmies, hear what is happening in each other's lives and pray for each other. I think I am terrible at being concise. She essentially asked "tell me about everything that has happened in the last year". And I think I talked too much. Haha

Afterwards I just bussed home, we had dumplings for dinner (home made) and me and RZ just played cellphone games for a while, talked a bit and went to sleep. Pretty uneventful. Idk. Maybe we should have talked more? I don;t think he's really the talkative type.

This morning I woke up early, packed, quickly had breakast and then had to say goodbye. This trip was way too short. Took the Go Train with uncle VZ, took the sub, walked here.

Kinda waiting for Summit now. xP.

Should be good.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

TO Adventure; Day 4: Mississauga: Part 1

Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in Christ's afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the church.

Bold words.

How often can I say I rejoice in my sufferings? I doubt that I ever really do so. Sometimes maybe, but definitely not often. But Paul goes further than just saying he rejoices in his sufferings. In his body. he. is completing what was lacking in Christ's sufferings.

Was Christ's sufferings incomplete??

No. Christ, the perfect lamb of God, Son of God, came and died to pay for our sins. Living perfectly by the Holy Spirit, communion with God always, fighting temptation by the Word of God, rebuking and teaching, dying one for all that in Him we may become righteous.

Paul's suffering. It is not by Paul's suffering that we find grace and salvation. In Christ. So what does it mean?
- 2 Cor 1:5-7 - sharing in Christ's suffering to then also share in his comfort
- Phil 3:10-11 - to know Christ's suffering, death, and resurrection power
- Rom 8:16-18 - suffering so that we are heirs with Chrst of the far surpasing Glory to come

These all explain suffering a little bit, but only once did I really understand this passage. John Piper has preached on it before and essentially he says that what was lacking is a physical bodily suffering to show Christ's suffering. A commitment to the gospel that goes beyond comfort to go and be Christ to others. To proclaim Christ's sufferings in word and deed. A visible representation of Christ's suffering.

Paul continues in the passage about an amazing mystery "Christ in us, the hope of glory". Part of this mystery is explained again and again in Acts, but Eph 3 explains well the mystery of the Gentiles sharing in God's kingdom. But a great mystery indeed is God in us, Christ in us, the Holy Spirit in us, and by that, a guide, a comforter, one to purify us from the inside out from one degree of glory to the next as we reflect His image more and more (2 Cor 3:16-18).

"But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.

So then, brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him."
Romans 8:10-17

The Spirit in us, giving life, confirming we are adopted children of God, and that promise of glory in Christ.

May I count my sufferings as joy knowing they are short, knowing He is good, knowing that my hope in Christ is secure. May I count all as loss compared to knowing Christ. May I grow in Him, deny myself and follow after, willing to lose my life for Him and the sake of the gospel going to the nations [bringing true life to others].

TO Adventure; Day 3: Mississauga

August 20 - 11:35pm

Hey! Today was long... Haha.

Woke up, everyone left for work. I worked on my supported list and sent an update. It was a pretty slow morning. Just as I was about to leave, Grandma comes downstairs and shows me some dry noodles. . . . Sure? o.O - - - Grandma made me lunch! =D Noodles with choy and leftover spicy beef. So good.

I bussed out to UTM and met up with a friend. Had some talks about classes, prayed, and studied chemistry together. Bussing back I missed a stop. lol. When I finally did get back home it was dinner. Fresh cucumbers all the time #cukesfordays. After we went to prayer meeting at MCBC and I got to see AL + SM. xP

Man, time flies. Only another day here.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

TO Adventure; Day 2: Part 2: Mississauga

August 19 - 11:21pm

So far so good when it comes to getting around Toronto by bus/train alone. Haha. I made it to 'Sauga and RZ picked me up. Really glad to see the family again. Grandma. So happy to see her . . . was a little confused for a second: is that a cucumber on her face? Maybe she doesn't know . . . I'll just pretend I don't see it. Over dinner I find out she'd had cataracts and had surgery on her eyes recently and also that the cucumber is some sort of Chinese medicine. The two may not be related. I also found out she had done a 3D puzzle! Just like my grandma used to do! Haha

It's crazy I'm only here for a few days, but it feels like nothing ever really changed.

Me and RZ watched Adventure Time again. Haha. Tree Trunks is a crazy character.

Gonna go to prayer meeting tomorrow. Idk what I'm gonna do all day.

Anyways, ttyl.

D.Fa

TO Adventure; Day 2: Part 1: Downtown

August 19 - 4:13pm

There are too many people here in Toronto. The word 'too' indicating that I find it somewhat troublesome to have there be so many people.

Last night at the guy's group we prayed for persecuted Christians and the world and then for Toronto. The passage that DP brought up for Toronto was Acts 17. We should be provoked by idols and injustice around us. We shouldn't view all these people as just nothing. Something annoying to be ignored. May His Spirit provoke, convict and give us more compassion.

I bring this up now though because there are so many people in Toronto that I want to see to the point that I can forget them.

I apparently forgot to tell NJ I was in Toronto. I kinda forgot he lives here too. Haha. It was good getting to catch up over breakfast, discussing life and apologetics and everything. I still really respect him as an older brother; in everything he does, he seeks Christ. In his relationship, in rideshare, in conversations with friends. And he really seeks to improve how to best speak with others and share Christ. Him and FL are total book people though and I completely think it is the coolest thing ever now to be able to just be talking about deep theological principals and to quote great theologies and books and everything. So, I need to figure out how to read more. Haha

What is cool from what I read today though is that Christ, as the image and fullness of God, in all His majesty, who created everything, still went to the cross to reconcile us, sinners who did and do evil. Col 1:15-29

In this passage too I see the goodness and grace: He has reconciled us and now by faith, He presents us holy and blameless. Not us: Christ. Not by works: by standing firm on the hope of the gospel.

May I see more and more His majesty and be able to declare this to others, knowing His great grace.

After, we went to Ryerson and I worked on P2C stuff. Haha

D.Fa

TO Adventure; Day 1: Part 2: Scarb/Downtown

August 19 - 12:02am

I think this time in Toronto will be fairly unscheduled too. Tonight's plans were thrown together pretty roughly this afternoon. Only two things to do: say 'hi' over at Charis and hang out with PD. PD invited me to prayer and to his men's group downtown, so I rescheduled my sleeping arrangements and it was sweet. Got to meet sweet passionate Christians and pray a bit for the world. When at Charis I found out that the youth are going to be baptized! =D I also got to meet and got to know a couple of the youth from Hallelujah CEFC.

Trying to reflect on all of this of how truly it is ust God that has equipped and qualified me for these things.

D.Fa

Toronto Adventure; Day 1: Scarborough

August 18 - 2:57pm

Honestly, I don't exactly know nearly anything of the reason I am here exactly. I know meeting up with friends is a large point, but I had mostly envisioned this trip as a ministry opportunity to encourage my brothers and sisters in Christ and as ambassadors of the gospel. At this point however, it seems that this trip is much more about my friends ministering to me, and a chance to get out of the rut I was in.

This morning since arriving here I have met up with one guy. Oddly enough this is actually the first time we'd ever hung out, so it was a little awkward, but really good. We are both in very similar situations when it comes to footholds and temptations the enemy has in our lives. Essentially he, intentionally or not, really encouraged me to further prioritizing time with God, to not spend so much time wallowing in sin so much as basking in God's grace, and to just live honestly before others.

Now I am just relaxing at Scarborough Town Center and reading Colossians. Verse 1:9-14 struck me. Paul has told them that he is praying for them ever since hearing of their faith and love for the saints since hearing the gospel and understanding grace. He prays that they'd have wisdom and discernment so they can walk according to God;s will and see fruit in ministry. He prays for God to give them strength to endure joyfully, giving thanks that God has qualified them and delivered them from darkness to light, redeeming and forgiving.

In praying for them to be strengthened, be ministers of the gospel, to be wise, to endure suffering, ultimately any and all of this is by God's glorious might and by what He has done at the cross.

May I better understand the grace of God in truth and live thanking Him that He has qualified me, and in awe knowingHis grace abounds.

May I rely on Him and follow His will more each day.

D.Fa

Classrooms of First Years

Yo guys!

So, yesterday was really cool. It was academic orientation and then EXPO. then at the evening it was the res caf dinner at the same time as the International student welcome dinner.

I was mostly texting guys all day. I still had a stack of guys who were Christian and wanted to grow in their faith, so I invited them to the caf dinner and then once I had done that it was time for me to go to the EXPO. My shift apparently only really was for setup and then I was done and back to HQ. After a while JC came back with a bunch of surveys and more guys for me to text. haha. So I texted more. haha

One thing that worked really well apparently was putting the "HEY CHRISTIAN!" poster on our banner. xP. Made it clear that Power to Change is a Christian group. So a whole bunch of new 1st year Christians came and filled out surveys and wanted to get involved.

So, when it came to be time for the res dinner, we had a bunch of people! =D Like 7 first years and then additionally, our upper years for a total of about 20-25 people?!? It was sweet! We also played some board games after and got to spend time with those first years. One girl said that this was the best day of frosh week yet! =D

What was sweet is that she actually helped out with surveying a classroom this morning! =D

Also, kinda awesome was that I also had a class to go to survey and my two guys were running late, so I was planning to do all the work myself, but when I got there I found one of the first year girls from yesterday! And she helped me! =D So, it was really cool. haha

Classroom surveys are kinda dull, but I think it's still great getting to make the announcement and be visible. There are also some good contacts. Today we had like 80 surveys filled out and a good 8 contacts. I'm meeting up with one of the guys tomorrow actually! =D

Ttyl

D.Fa

PS. Oh! yesterday I got a sprained (or maybe just twisted) ankle and I was like "whatever, this is for the gospel", and just pushed on. haha I stopped and prayed first and was great for 20 minutes or so. haha. then it got painful. but whatever. I realize today that I had read a chapter about God's wisdom and use of suffering for ministry and service which is super cool. haha. Also, what AL said way back when about using eczema for the gospel is still resounding in my memory.

His Praise in Everything

Hey, so, I just want to praise God for yesterday and this week so far. It's just been so sweet!

Yesterday was the day that I had been personally dreading: beach day. The day when all of the frosh leave campus and walk to Mooney's bay to build sand castles, have volleyball  games, and just hang out at a beach. Yesterday morning I had been really hoping that I would just stick back on campus and do surveys there or whatever while everyone else went to the beach.

Nope.

It was me, JC, and E(?) that ended up walking over to the beach.

But it was really cool. We got to hear a bit about E(?)'s story of coming to know God. Mainly him praying and asking for reasons for God and Him providing each time through friends and family. He quit smoking and idolizing relationships with girls. He's a really cool guy, and an international student no less. xP It was actually just last year that he was baptized! Him and JL met up weekly for discipleship. Pretty cool.

While at the beach I got to meet a bunch of really sweet people and especially this one conversation with JM and MS. They both came from Catholic backgrounds of sorts, but were at different places in their faith: JM really looking into it more and growing and MS kinda more reluctant but really interested in creation. So we talked for like half an hour about science and religions and creation and I got to share a bit about Haiti and other projects, and it was just an awesome conversation. I'm praying that JM gets involved with P2C. I really want to be like his big brother and see him grow more in his faith. xP You can pray for that. xP

Free food too. PTL.

Ummm, but ya. Probably one of the coolest things I noticed at the end was how little being at the beach was an issue. Temptation wasn't that bad. I didn't care that much about the people around me. And it was just so sweet to have met so many people and just talked with them.

So in everything, I thank God for these things and look forward to more as the week and month and year continue!

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Today

Today.

Today was crazy. Felt sooooo long. But was so good. Frosh week is just great.

First, I guess, was the crazy awesome surprise of how many people were at prayer / surveying with us! I think there were 17 people, including 6 international student ministry people, and 2 newer people. We ran into a bunch of people excited to get involved in part of what God is doing on campus, and some people interested in talking more about Jesus. xP

Surveying is just so much fun. You get to have great conversations with so many people.

There were some bumps, but just go with the punches, eh? (I don't remember the exact idiom. roll?) God provides and I can't wait to see the rest of the week and the year! =D

Please continue to pray for the days ahead that students would connect with us, meet up with us to survey, have dinner with us on Wednesday, that the EXPO goes well and that more interested students get to hear about Jesus as we get into follow-up next week!

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Frosh Week Is Here!

Hey guys!

I'm back from my crazy random trip to Toronto, which means I will be blogging more soon. I also kept a log while I was away. It was a really great getaway from this ridiculously stale summer I had been having in Ottawa. It was a chance to just be spontaneous, to relax, to spend time with God. It was also really great to go to the GTA Summit and see so many students excited for what God will be doing this year. I also read Colossians which was great. So, look forward to that.

I'm living in my new house now. I moved in yesterday, and I have had no housemates. I'm supposed to be living with 3 other awesome guys. They were all gone yesterday. > . > Empty houses.......... You know I don't like those.

Frosh week starts tomorrow. I cannot wait!!!! Like, at all. I was on campus today. So many new kids! I want to meet them all. =D But I can't............................. Pray for me. xP We're gonna be surveying all week.. XP

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Works of Grace

!!!!

Context: Luke 15.

!!! What is the younger brother actually asked his dad for the inheritance because he thought he'd never be worthy to deserve it. After seeing how his brother slaved away day and night he realized the money wasn't worth all that toil and labour and on the off-chance that his dad would give it to him if he asked, he did, and somehow got it?!

Is this what self-righteousness does to others?

I'm sorry. I tend to be an overachiever. How does that make others feel? When I boast about how excited I am about what will happen because of all our work and planning, how does that make you feel?

I've been in that place, in the shadow of the over achiever, their names are very clear to me. I would never have been able to live up to their standards, so I set my own and waited until they were out of the picture, allowing the bar to drop so I could be at the top once they had lift-off from this reality.

I'm sorry if that is how I make you feel.

How does this make me feel? The standards of over-achievement are also extremely difficult. Are they necessary? Should I feel guilty when I don't live up to them? Should I have been more realistic?

Grace.

We sang of You and Your great majesty all day. Not because we had to. Not because we needed to, but because we wanted to. May You be blessed.

D.Fa

Images and Incarnation - KG Ch4+5

Yo, within the last two weeks I read two chapters of Knowing God by J.I. Packer.

The fourth chapter was called "The Only True God" and I guess the thing I am still reflecting on a bit is essentially that the chapter was about not idolizing anything, which again lined up with what I had been reading in Romans 1. But then it threw me a screw ball when the chapter quickly switched into talking about images of God. "Idolatry consists not only in the worship of false gods, but also in the worship of the true God by images." (p.44)

o.O

Now, this statement really struck me because I can clearly see many ways that I have been encouraged to praise God by images, or how normal it is. Be it stained glass. Be it pictures in church of Jesus. Be it different "images" of the gospel each capturing a different aspect. Be it watching a film about Jesus' life. Be it a crucifix with Jesus on it. These all present images of God for the benefit of us being able to better focus on all God is and has done.

The chapter goes further to go beyond "molten images" (those that are physical and visible, those made by hands) to the images we get in our head, the "mental images".

"The realization that images and pictures of God affect our thoughts of God points to a further realm in which the prohibition of the second commandment applies. Just as it forbids us to manufacture molten images of God, so it forbids us to dream up mental images of him. Imagining God in our heads can be just as real a breach of the second commandment as imagining him by the works of our hands." (pg47)

Examples include "the great architect", "judge", "Father". And the main reasons all of these images shouldn't be used it that they either present false images of God, or they can obscure his glory. Although he is strong and noble as a golden calf, he is soooooo much more and that gives such a reduced image. Although he is the great creator and made everything beautifully, he is more. Although he is ultimately the righteous judge, and redeemer, and atoned for us, he is so much more. Although he is our heavenly father, he is so much more. No image can properly capture his greatness, some deny facets of his greatness, others even those that imagine a superhuman or more, any image we create, rightfully limits his immeasurable greatness.

"The world by wisdom knew not God" 1Cor1:21 KJV.

"In this light, the positive purpose of the second commandment becomes plain. Negatively, it is a warning against ways of worship and religious practice that lead us to dishonor God and to falsify his truth. Positively it is a summons to us to recognize that God the Creator is transcendent, mysterious and inscrutable, beyond the range of any imagining or philosophical guesswork of which we are capable--and hence a summons to us to humble ourselves, to listen and learn of him, and to let him teach us what he is like and how we should think of him." (pg50) (see also Isa55:8-9 and Rom11:33-34)

Packer encourages us to look to the knowledge of God revealed in His Son Jesus, reflecting on the life and works of God, the very image of God shown in Jesus reflecting the nature and grace of God bodily. With the additional note addressed to concerns of this chapter and images for personal devotion that "some risks are not worth taking".

------------------------

The fifth chapter spoke of miracles and debate on those points as causes of doubt and difficulty, but that the real difficulty, the real stumbling block is that God would become man. Both diving into concepts of the trinity and the union of God and man.

The main passage Packer looks at here is John1 where the Word, who was with God and was God and all things came to be through him, in whom was life, who was the light of men; the Word became flesh. He expounds upon this passage to show the eternity, personality, deity, creating, animating, revealing, incarnate nature expressed in the passage. The baby born was God.

Packer continues and gets into the thoughts about the kenosis theory, the theories based on Phil2:7 where he literally 'emptied himself' as he became man. But holds firm that "The Word had become flesh: a real human baby. He had not ceased to be God; he was no less God then than before; but he had begun to be man. He was not now God minus some elements of his deity, but God plus all that he had made his own by taking manhood to himself." (pg57) After explaining and reviewing thoughts he gives this statement "The impression of Jesus which the Gospels give is not that he was wholly bereft of divine knowledge and power, but that he drew on both intermittently, while being content for much of the time not to do so." (pg61) and the idea that all he did was based on the Father's will, even if not knowing everything at that time was part of that as well.

the finale of the chapter was to restate what the incarnation was all about: God had become poor so that we may become rich through him. He had left his glory to come and be born and ultimately die that we may once again have the ability to know God.

-D.Fa

Nostalgic Impulses

Now here is the thing, I am normally very structured, stick to the rules, try and get others to follow them, and am quick to judge impulsive actions or wasteful spending.

however, I am also someone who will suddenly drift into nostalgia and spend hours if not days doing things because they are nostalgic, I will go to great lengths to achieve the things which aren't very profitable (or sometimes even as enjoyable) because they are nostalgic.

A few weeks ago I just had to watch Death Note. So I started, and it got to that point where the Death Note isn't being used and I just had to watch 8 episodes until it started being used by the main character again. I didn't care / I thought it wasn't that many episodes. So, I ended up watching it in like 3 days. > . >

This last week I wanted to play a game on my Nintendo DS. I had been playing a lot of random flash games online, mostly tower defense, and started missing a game I had for DS, Ninja Town. I never beat it. Also, ninjas. Also, a tower defense game.

I couldn't find my DS. > . > It's gotta be around here somewhere, but I was so sure it was in the box. I don't think I had played it since I had last moved, but idk. Anyways, I quickly moved on to the Nintendo 64 that was living in my parents' basement. All the pieces were here. And a few games. Sooooo, I got to 93% of the Crystal Shards on Kirby in like 3 days. haha. . . My best single play through record yet, but not worth the additional time spent going back (at this time) to find those last pieces without walkthroughs (since I am a completionist, a walkthrough snob (using them is admitting defeat! But you need to get to 100%!!), but also too busy at the moment).

I also ended up on kijiji to get more controllers so we could play Smash Brothers (the original N64 version!! Purposes include YA and inviting other friends to my house) and ended up perusing some of the other N64 wares available. Needless to say, I ended up making a purchase.

I biked about 20 minutes to get the controllers last Tuesday.

I biked 54 km, with another 30 minutes of bus ride, in a round trip to get three games (and a back-up N64).

Now, I really didn't want to bike that far. My bike is falling apart. I've never biked that far. I don't have the time for that. I don't especially have money to spare at the moment. This seems impulsive.

I went.

But it was amazing. haha. It was ~20km East of the Gatineau-Ottawa bridge. It was such a great bike ride along the river for a good 20 minutes, and then a bunch of houses, but it was great. Afterwards, waiting for the cousin of the kijiji person (currently in Alberta without cell service apparently), I got time to spend reading Hebrews, praying, and just relaxing basking in God's creation. So good. My legs did start hurting a bit on the way home, but it wasn't bad. My gear shift broke like a half kilometer from my house (I didn't use it much anyways, but it's a little annoying. haha). It honestly took 6 hours to go, wait, and to get back home. But it was good.

I watched "Yes Man" a couple weeks ago. I feel like it is very suitable to my situation.

I want to make my yes yes and my no no, and to not have so much in between, and so much hesitation. I don't want to be a hypocrite. I want to be a good steward of all that God has given me. I'm glad that taking the time to go wasn't just a waste, but a good chance to see God's creation in a way I never had (I like biking way more now. haha) and to just chill apart from all the busyness in Ottawa.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

PS. I also got a BIG sunburn. lol...... 6 hours outside in the sun will do that. haha

Opinions and Thoughts

I don't really know how to live life anymore.

I don't mean I want to die right now. I mean I don't understand how to live my life.

The life I have been given is extremely complicated, and if it were not for the great hope that is in Christ it would be the biggest vanity of vanities and not worth my time. Although I don't typically think aloud, I think quite a bit about different theoretical outcomes of potential futures to this life. The life which leads down to a life spent in a homosexual relationship pleads with my flesh to allow such a thing, but to my thoughts, this life would not be satisfying because it would be one where, although my flesh would be 'satisfied' to whatever extent that would actually be the case, I would then be living a life devoid of my relationship with God and the hope and joy and peace and life that is truly life that only He can give. And so, although in my actions I bounce back and forth on what may look like support for either side of that question, I would much prefer to live life in purity rather than homosexuality.

However, this and further thoughts can often be difficult to explain or even understand, and thus the reason I spend so much time thinking about hypotheticals and trying to determine what I should and should not be saying explicitly in public venues based on how it could potentially impact my other hypothetical futures and also, I don't really like having strong opinions or arguing with people, which, is an issue I think that I need to deal with at some point. Even just an argumentative tone, despite genuine desire to learn and hear out the other side of an argument, is enough to make me wrench at the thought of continuing such a discussion. However, the opinion that Christ, according to His own words, is the way, the truth, and the life, and that no one come to God except by Him, is a very strong opinion to have. So, I do need to deal with this aversion, additionally in regards to my struggles and how they can be used to help others going through such things and those who although don't understand fully would like to help those who are.

Thus, I do have respect for such an article as the one linked below, and these are all thoughts I have had before. I hate loneliness and that thought had crossed my mind, and it did feel like a death sentence. And so I rejected it, but that just makes things complicated.

But complication is better than death.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Article: http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/orienting-on-homosexual-orientation

Mortify the Sin Alive in You! - OS+T:M:Ch2

This again was a chapter that caught my eye when I read it at first. The chapter stresses the importance of mortification, the fact that we are either killing sin or being killed by it, and goes so far as to even call out those who claim to be Christian and yet live as carnally as any other.

Largely the chapter speaks of the continual fact that sin is alive in us while we are alive on this earth, no matter how much we seek to deny this by changing the criteria by which holiness may be evaluated, if we are true to the level and standards of what is truly holy we know that in us lies nothing good other than the Spirit who has been given us which is in constant and direct opposition to the sin in us. |And that daily mortification of sin must be our duty.

The biggest idea that struck me was that sin never stops, but desires to push forward to the largest and worst sin of its type. What may start as a quick lustful glance, if not killed, will stop at nothing until it has fulfilled the deepest and darkest deeds related to lustful living. And in so many cases we settle and compromise with sin saying that so long as it not be getting worse, it is fine as it is. That is to allow what is a small wound to stay a wound lest it grow larger. Rather than to heal and aim at what was good beforehand, we say 'well, it isn't that bad, it could be much worse, so this is fine.'

"This new acting and pressing forward makes the soul take little notice of what an entrance to a falling off from God is already made; it thinks all is indifferently well if there be no further progress; and so far as the soul is made insensible of any sin—that is, as to such a sense as the gospel requires—so far it is hardened: but sin is still pressing forward, and that because it has no bounds but utter relinquishment of God and opposition to him; that it proceeds toward its height by degrees, making good the ground it has got by hardness, is not from its nature, but its deceitfulness." page 53

But truly, this mortification is to be painful in some senses. How can it not be? Dying, by the nature of the action is to be painful. So our only option is to set our face against that which is evil in us and fight. To choose the Spirit over the flesh and allow the battle to be fought regardless of the pain we may suffer now. The second idea that really struck me was the idea that if you are not facing opposition, is what you are doing really good? If it is not a work that is aimed at holiness, why would sin have any reason to stop you?

"Let not that man think he makes any progress in holiness who walks not over the bellies of his lusts. He who does not kill sin in his way takes no steps toward his journey’s end. He who finds not opposition from it, and who sets not himself in every particular to its mortification, is at peace with it, not dying to it." page 55

Hmmmm.

"When a man has confirmed his imagination to such an apprehension of grace and mercy as to be able, without bitterness, to swallow and digest daily sins, that man is at the very brink of turning the grace of God into lasciviousness and being hardened by the deceitfulness of sin." page 56

"But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people." (Eph5:3)

Overcoming Sin and Temptation: John Owen - Of Mortification; Chapter 1

Hey, so, this book was recommended highly by a friend of mine and seems fitting to be read. I have briefly scanned the first 4 chapters already, but as mentioned, intend to better process as I read. The pdf is available here (click to get the pdf).

I really really liked the first chapter when I read it the first time on a walk home from a friend's house (since I never normally get time to read). haha. The first chapter, essentially is an introduction to the first treatise which finds its subject matter in 'the mortification of sin in believers' which essentially is an expansion and exposition on Romans 8:13 "if you through the Spirit do put to death the deeds of the body, you shall live" (NKJV). In this chapter Owen expands briefly upon each phrase in the sentence and further expands in the subsequent chapters.

I think the idea that caught me the most was the expansion on the word 'if'. As he explains, 'if' normally either denotes and uncertainty, or a certainty (as ironic as that sounds). One way to read the verse would be 'you will live only if you do ____' 'you must do this, or else die'. Very much dependent upon your works. However, Owen explains based on the greater context of the whole that it really denotes a certainty that if this is done you will live, and further that: although it is our daily duty to mortify the flesh, the Spirit is there to help us and is the only true means to doing so; that the ones exhorted to do so are Christians already redeemed from sin and death  by Jesus, now free from condemnation (8:1); and that through Jesus our eternal life is already given as a free gift not something to now be earned. So the condition is more along the lines of a patient who has already been in to see a doctor and has now been given medicine with the instructions "if you take this medicine, you will become healthy".

This is a certainty as we trust and live in Christ; you shall live. So follow me and take up your cross and deny yourself.

Ttyl.

D.Fa