Opinions and Thoughts

I don't really know how to live life anymore.

I don't mean I want to die right now. I mean I don't understand how to live my life.

The life I have been given is extremely complicated, and if it were not for the great hope that is in Christ it would be the biggest vanity of vanities and not worth my time. Although I don't typically think aloud, I think quite a bit about different theoretical outcomes of potential futures to this life. The life which leads down to a life spent in a homosexual relationship pleads with my flesh to allow such a thing, but to my thoughts, this life would not be satisfying because it would be one where, although my flesh would be 'satisfied' to whatever extent that would actually be the case, I would then be living a life devoid of my relationship with God and the hope and joy and peace and life that is truly life that only He can give. And so, although in my actions I bounce back and forth on what may look like support for either side of that question, I would much prefer to live life in purity rather than homosexuality.

However, this and further thoughts can often be difficult to explain or even understand, and thus the reason I spend so much time thinking about hypotheticals and trying to determine what I should and should not be saying explicitly in public venues based on how it could potentially impact my other hypothetical futures and also, I don't really like having strong opinions or arguing with people, which, is an issue I think that I need to deal with at some point. Even just an argumentative tone, despite genuine desire to learn and hear out the other side of an argument, is enough to make me wrench at the thought of continuing such a discussion. However, the opinion that Christ, according to His own words, is the way, the truth, and the life, and that no one come to God except by Him, is a very strong opinion to have. So, I do need to deal with this aversion, additionally in regards to my struggles and how they can be used to help others going through such things and those who although don't understand fully would like to help those who are.

Thus, I do have respect for such an article as the one linked below, and these are all thoughts I have had before. I hate loneliness and that thought had crossed my mind, and it did feel like a death sentence. And so I rejected it, but that just makes things complicated.

But complication is better than death.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Article: http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/orienting-on-homosexual-orientation