Accountability Check

So, ya. As I have said before I try to be honest when I post and that is what I shall be again.

So, for a while I have been talking with CW about my viewing questionable images. This has been a pretty one sided conversation, as most physical conversations with me end up being. You see, there is this software that you can install in your computer that will take note of any 'questionable' websites that you view and on a biweekly basis email an accountability partner of your choice the list of 'questionable' sites. The goal of this program is for friends to help each other with this very common struggle.

There are a number of things I was thinking about this.

This is in no way a solution to the problem in and of itself. Just because this takes away your 'privacy' / ability to hide your actions on your computer, there are many other ways to do such questionable things. However, it does take the easiest and most accesable method out of the picture, kinda.

One thing I was thinking was that if I had this installed I'd have to be more transparent towards CW. I mean not only would I be unable to deny this questionable activity, but would I have to be even more transparent..? I mean, that wouldn't be a bad thing, technically, sharing more openly, but there are things that I don't really want to share / I don't think I really have to share. I mean admitting that I had / have a problem with pornography is one thing, but will I have to describe anything more specific than that..? I don't think so / don't really want to. That's not who I want to be so why should it be important..?

Ya, there's kinda an element of ego and pride in wanting to not admit any of this stuff, but really, I am no better than anyone else and this just makes it so I can't pretend to be so with CW. Of course, now I'm gonna be trying harder to protect my 'image' unless I end up forgetting about it because it is invisible.

Another thing is that the program's definition of 'questionable' doesn't always work. I mean, you can easily make things that are 'acceptable' in our society into something very questionable by just using your imagination. And I don't know if it knows whether videos are questionable or not. Or what the limit for questionable vs unquestionable is..?

I don't know... xP This is really awkward.... but it doesn't really matter. God has paid the price for my sins, all of which at the time were in the future, so that I can stand unashamed, so really this should not matter and its all just about me protecting this image I put on for other people (which I really shouldn't have to do....).


So, ya. There goes that and I hope to be able to be more open with CW and other people. I deffinately can't hide anything from you guys anyways because I don't want to...

Whatever.... >.> In YF when the main topic was BGR (Boy Girl Relationships) Pastor DB was talking about "how much is too much..? / How far is too far..?" and the main point was that if you have to ask wether or not you have gone too far, you have gone too far. (I got distracted and no longer know where I was going with this. xP)

Anyways...

Ttyl.

D.Fa

PS. I don't remember if Thailand has already seen my blog or not, so I will be excited again. THAILAND! w00t!

[I can't believe that I posted this without praying. >.> After talking about all that....

Oh Heavenly Father, Lord I know that I have sinned in the past and I can't say that I am perfect, so I will probably sin in the future, but Lord I thank you so much for your love of those you created even though we turned away. Lord, you were willing to die on the cross for those who rejected you to follow their own path seeking their own satisfaction to no end. Lord, I'm sorry. I want to follow you and your way everlasting and not the way of sin. Lord remind us that without you we would be stuck in the hole we dug for ourselves. But you didn't leave us there, you carried us out, it wasn't us who climbed out. Lord, you are in control of everything and you have a purpose for everyone of us. Lord show me my purpose and give my life a meaning. I also pray for R(?) that he would be in contact with us. Lord I thank you that you have been working in his life already. Lord I pray all this in your name. Amen.]