Throughout the Urbana conference I would jot down thoughts and prayers on my phone. This is the first half of it, everything up to the evening of the 29th. There were quite a few tears and emotional moments over the week. A real tension between flesh and Spirit, wrong thoughts of worthlessness overcome through His purpose. God is good and emotions are fleeting, but need to be addressed.
Ttyl.
D.Fa
"I feel so broken and useless right now. God what am I doing here and what are you calling me to?
I feel so guilty for all I have done and yet I am standing here singing of how you died on the cross for me; you are risen and alive; you did it all for me and for the nations. Lord soften my heart and minister to my soul by your holy Spirit. Please.
God. All of me is not worth anything. God why do you desire for me to give you my all? What am I worth to you?
God would you teach you truths deep into my soul that I do have value in you. Lord that in your hands I can do amazing things. That I have already been able to see you save lives. May I never forget your greatness and power
God, you are healer and powerful, going to all people. Would you help me to trust in that power and authority as I surrender my life to you
And I'm loved by you. It's who I am
And you laid down your life that I would be set free. Jesus I sing for all that you've done for me
God you are good. A church without mission isn't a church. Thank you for the way you've been unifying OCBC through mission this last year. May you continue to do so more and more. More so, thank you for how mission has given me purpose identity and meaning.
God. Such of me doesn't want to obey and submit to you. So much of me wants to continue to be me and do what I want. Lord would you continue to strip away barriers; show your greatness and majesty; show your strength and turn my soul to you in everything. May I be less 50/50 and much more 90/10 following you if not 100/0. Lord. May you destroy this conflict in me. May the tension be nothing in comparison to the joy of following you.
God. My feelings towards love are wrong. Lord would you please change these thoughts. Would you help me to understand how to truly express meaningful love and friendship without any guilt or shame.
God would you help me to talk all thoughts and feelings into submission to you and your athourity. Would you help me to rend my heart and soul to your authority.
God what do I do when I feel so close and yet can't
Lord, would your gospel spread in the earth as it is in this drama
Lord would you help me to earnestly pray for the persecuted church globally. Though it be difficult and saddening at times may I seize your hope and pray in faith for your glory to come and your Kingdom to be found in our hearts and those of all nations
Lord would you forgive the ways I have ignored my brother's and sisters who are in need even in my own church. Give me opportunities to show them your love. Give me a generous and compassionate heart that cares for others above myself."
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