Incomprehensibly

I'm seriously never going to understand this.

How can God love me so much?

How can He love me so much, with all my faults, with all my sins, with everything  I've done, everything I still do, everything I will end up doing..?

How can He love so much that He would, that He would die for me..?

It just, it just is, it's just not something that I think I could do. It's just not something I can see other people doing. It's beyond humanity.

I can hold a grudge against someone for the stupid little thing that I'm too scared to bring to his face, so I just get slowly more bitter over time, but He, God, loves so much that He'd die for us even when we choose sin, choose lust, choose greed, choose ourselves over Him, not just once, but thousands of times.

How can I deserve this love? I can't. Then why do I receive this love? Because He loves so much that He'd do everything to pay your debt for you. Even though I owe more than my life for my iniquities, HE has payed for them on the cross. He has taken my sin and nailed it to the cross.

Through Jesus' death our sins were paid for and by His resurrection we were given the new life.

If we confess our sins, even the ones we are still committing, and turn back to Him, whole-heartedly repenting, agreeing with Him about our error, having a change of attitude and subsequently action, God is willing to forgive us.

I'm never going to understand how His grace works. How He has apportioned each of us a measure of grace, more than enough, yet exactly enough for the whole world and everyone in it.

I guess the only thing I can do is wake up tomorrow knowing that God still loves me and try by the power of the Holy Spirit given to me to live better tomorrow to glorify His name, rather than gratifying the desires of the flesh.

Oh God, why do we have to go through trials... Why do we fall when we try in our own strength... Why do I voluntarily go against you again and again..?

Thank you so much for your grace. Thank you so much for your love. Thank you so much for the cross.

Thank you for your forgiveness, may I not take advantage of it.

I'm not gonna understand all of this fully until the end, but I guess that's where faith comes in.