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It's funny how God works. Up until like the last half hour, today was, like, the darkest, worse day. Not that the sky was cloudy, not that anything big and bad happened, I just was burying myself in unrepented sinful ideas and attitudes. My attitude towards my fam member SVdM was growing worse and worse, I was feeling apathetic towards ministry work, I was closing myself off from others, I slept in, I was getting fed up with 'East Asian Language' class, I was just being sinful. Quiet time was a fail, BT was a fail, I wasn't really praying, I was just on a downwards, internal spiral of apathy, self-centered attitudes and a sinful outlook. Just because you haven't physically sinned in a couple weeks does not make you able to personally, on your own, keep yourself in the right. It's all this self-centrality that is undermining everything I am doing here. Satan is stupid and lame, but against you he has power. Against God in you he is weak.
I'm so thankful for how God was speaking to me to confess these attitudes and actions to someone although Satan kept telling me to bottle it all. I'm thankful that God uses others to speak into our lives, I'm super thankful that God humbles us. If it wasn't for JW. Scrap that. Even with him there prodding, if it weren't for the Holy Spirit convicting me to be honest always and to be open about some things I would be so much further down right now, probably taking the scum into the physical realm, but instead I've seen how wrong I was, how incorrect my thoughts were, how much God unconditionally loves us, how many and endless are the possibilities for those who rely on God, the value of confession and rebuking brothers,
God, thank you.
D.Fa
"Every second I am here"
[PS. That is a picture I took from the 14th when we were going through a broken part of the city. It was pretty sad, but really, there used to be more people in the town, so some parts just aren't used anymore.]
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