Unfair

So, hey.

I've had a lot of time to think about stuff while I was at work today.

You see, before work and after school I was at home, I watched anime, ate some food that could be reffered to as lunch, did a physics assignment and then I was tempted and ended up looking breifly at some images. Telling yourself it is wrong doesn't help very much. I 'prayed' the usual 'prayer' "Lord, I'm sorry. Fill me with your spirit." 10 minutes later I was looking at similar images again, even while two of my housemates were in the other room... At this point I was getting a pretty bad headache I was also feeling pretty bad about what I had done.

I went to work. I was thinking about how much of a hypocrite I was. I'm kinda two-faced....
Then I was thinking about how selfish I was: Looking at those images one minute, praying that my headache would go away the next. It was very self-centered... Honestly, its not fair. I ask God to take away my pain, then I cause him pain by sinning. He died on the cross because I am selfcentered and would choose to sin for a brief moment of 'enjoyment' rather than relying fully on God.

After I realized this I sincerely prayed about all this stuff. Earlier I had read Psalms 31-34, somewhere in there is something about being in pain, praying then feeling better because God heals those who confess their sins. I also prayed that he would take away my headache and honestly in the middle of the prayer it just disappeared and hasn't bugged me since.

'Praying' for the sake of praying or saying the words you know you should be saying doesn't mean anything. Praying isn't a magic spell that gets you whatever you want. Praying is talking to God. In a relationship, does it mean anything if you only say the same couple of phrases a million times..? or keep at a distance by only saying things for appearances..? No. You have a relationship with God, so seriously speak to him, tell him how you are feeling, tell him honestly what is on your mind.


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Ya, there was a lot of stuff I could blog about, but that seemed most important. xP

There's this video contest to win a 50$ gift certificate to Baton Rouge in Toronto and I think I will be working on my submission now. xP. Only 2 other people have entered so far, so getting anything will increase my chances. The way I am picturing my submission right now is like a youtube video of me playing guitar (except you only see the main part of the guitar, like kinda close up and me strumming it) and singing worship songs while the actual answer to the video contest question "Why are you going to WC?" is in text over the video (the guitar is black, so I think I can put the words there..?). I have never made a video, I have never edited a video, it is midnight, I can't play guitar very well, but this is what I want my video to be like.

So, ya.

Ttyl.

D.Fa