Changing Gears

The other day I was talking with a good brother of mine and I think he said something very simple, but very profound: "is there any progress at all?"

I had been somewhat complaining to him about how deep I feel the depths of sin in my heart and mind are, that even now it sometimes feels like there's nothing but wrong on my mind. But he asked if there was any progress. He admitted it wasn't something that was easily quantifiable and is more of a long term process, but further clarified:

"Have I grown to be / walk more like Christ since last year, even since last month if you can see the difference?
Am i drawing towards God more?

Am i yearning for Him and his word more?

Has He become more of what ultimately satisfies, the one we find joy and pleasure in over other things?

How have you seen God work in your life lately?

And it doesn't meant you're always right with God, sometimes you can feel lonely, but have you seen him transforming you?

What steps are you taking to combat this sin?

Have you just sat there and been content or are you aggressively fighting?

Is fighting this sin a priority in your life, where does it stand?"

"Have you seen progress?"

Sometimes, often, I want to skip to the ending where all the progress is done already. And I had been thinking about it lately as I've been biking. Whenever I come to a hill, my first response is to see it coming and pedal as fast as I can on the highest gear before I get to the hill and just use the momentum to keep pedaling at that speed and get to the top. For smaller hills this seems to work well, but for larger hills, it invariably does not work. Soon the hill makes it so you cannot even pedal, and you may have to walk the bike up the hill.

The idea of switching gears had always seemed kinda dumb to me.

When you switch to a lower gear you can't go as fast. If there is a hill, you'll spend more time on it barely moving. But when you switch to a lower gear it is easier to pedal uphill. Although you end up going a little slower, sometimes a lot slower, you are making progress! And at the top of the hill you will not have been so out of breath and wouldn't have had to walk to bike up the hill.

I live on a hill, so every time I bike I need to go up a hill. haha.

But in our lives with Christ, there will be hills, there will be mountains even. But by the Holy Spirit, even if it takes time and may be difficult, He can move mountains and bring everything to completion on the day of Jesus Christ. What He has started He will finish.

D.Fa

Check on the Bucketlist

Yo.

Kinda funny. Today was really great. Various reasons. Good time with God. Watched some anime. Shared the gospel. Pretty sweet time in the Bible with other Young Adults. Probably the funniest to say is  that I shared the gospel through anime, specifically a show called "is it wrong to try to pick up girls in a dungeon?"

Don't get me wrong, I know the title sounds bad. The show is actually quite good. The plot is very thin "that girl saved me! I like her. I want to be strong enough that I could save her, then she'd like me!", but the content can be very good. Recently as the main character, Bell, has been going into the dungeon to fight monsters he's brought a supporter, someone to carry dropped items and be back-up fighting support. The supporter he got had a shady background and stole his most precious knife and ran. She got caught by some bad guys who took all her stuff and left her with a swarm of giant ant monsters, which she had no way of fighting. So she just has seconds before getting killed. And this isn't a game. In this anime, this is the world, not a game. If you die, you die. So she is laying on the ground, beat up, and imminent death:

"I guess this is what I deserve for deceiving Bell-sama, who was so nice to me.

If that's true, then maybe I should give up.

But it hurts.

God, why..?

Why did you make me like this?

I hate myself for being so weak and small

and nothing ever changes for me.

I was so lonely.

I wanted to be with someone.

I wanted to be needed.

But... 

It's over now. I can finally die.

I can finally end this.

The me who can't do anything.

The weak me.
The small me.

The worthless me.

The lonely me.

I'm finally going to ... am I going to die?!"

So she's thinking all through how terrible she's been and how this is what she deserves, but the reality hits her that she is actually going to die. Meanwhile, some of the main character's friends are talking about how he should ditch this supporter, but "no matter what happens, he won't abandon that supporter." and flashback to the morning when Bell was talking to his friend "even if that's true, if she's in trouble, I want to help her." So BAM! out of no where Bell comes in and fights the swarm of giant ants with his knife and some magic.

"Why?

Why did you save me?

Why aren't you avandoning me?

Wait, do you not understand that I was tricking you?

(she confesses all the bad stuff she did: stealing a knife, lying about the gold and drops, saying mean things, etc.)

Don't you understand? I'm a bad person! A thief! I'm the worst kind of jerk! I've done nothing but lie to you! Will you... Will you save me anyway?"

"Yup."

"Why?"

'Because it's you. I wanted to save you because you're you. I can't find another reason. I don't need another reason to save you. If you're in trouble, talk to me. I won't understand everything, but I'll save you.'

And so she throws herself into his arms, bawling, and apologizing.

I asked my friend, who is also watching this show, about if he related at all with the supporter girl. And explained how I thought the whole scene was reminiscent of how God came to save us even though we fully didn't deserve it, but deserved to die for all the ways we've lied and cheated and rebelled against God, His creation, other people made in His image, and even the plans He has for us, as we seek after selfish goals and ambitions, various as they may be.

In any case, I'd been dying to share the gospel using anime, and so, I'm counting this as an answered prayer. xP. God is pretty cool. haha

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Jumps and Flats

Yo,

so a few days ago I was biking to church. It was a nice relaxing 30 minute ride. While on this ride I determined to learn how to do something: get over curbs by jumping up onto them with the front wheel. Now, this is actually pretty simple, you just pull up sharply when riding and the front wheel will jump off the ground a bit while you are still moving forward and fall down on top of the curb. But I had never realized this. Watching kids do this, it seems like a lot of work and pretty dangerous. But in actuality is so simple! So, I'm kinda obsessed with it now, and I feel so cool doing it! It's like having another childhood.

But really, I love biking. I can't talk highly about it enough. I highly recommend it. xP

However, I also highly recommend buying your own bike pump. I have had terrible luck with free pumps lately. When I got my new bike from BR when he left for Texas the front tire was flat, so I brought the pump MM had given me way back when (it was kinda rusty, admittedly) and it didn't pump up. Must be flat, I thought. So I took the inner tube out and found it wasn't punctured. So I needed to walk over to AS's and use her pump. The other day, I was at school and there's this bike fixing station by the Architecture building and there's a pump. So I went to top off my tires. #Fshooooooooooooooooooooo.........# > . <## It was now flat............... Tried for 15 minutes to get it to work...... Nope. Called up AS. haha... I swear I'll get a pump soon.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Assorted Tales

Yo guys,

I've been really all over the place lately, both figuratively and literally. haha. To start, I've decided against getting a job for the summer. As such I will need to save as much money as possible before my grad school funding starts coming in in September.

One way I am intending to do that is by biking everywhere all summer. This started a week or so ago and the amount of biking has steadily increased from about 5 minute trips to 30 minute trips. I really like biking. Ever since my housemate back in 2nd year got me a bike and convinced me to bike to school. Then in Saskatoon I was also too cheap to buy a bus pass, so I got a kijiji bike and biked 15 minutes to work each day. It was so good. Just the freedom of being able to bike wherever, whenever, for free is so great. Especially with this perfect Ottawa summer weather.

To enjoy the weather further I've signed up for a membership with a local tennis club. It was $50 for the entire season! So cheap! And I convinced JF to join too. xP. So I'll be playing all the time. We joined the ladder too, so about 8 games per month at least. The practice game we played last week was good. After having been off for a while I can relearn how to serve well. I ended up getting a number of aces! =D But it was a typical match for me where I kind of trail just behind the guy I'm playing. The score ended up being 8-7 for JF where he was only ever ahead by 1 or 2 games, but we ended up usually being tied. (5 deuces in one game. haha) He said "You've got a talent, I'm not sure what it is, but you've got it." I always say it was my brother's doing (if I started winning he got angry).

Speaking of anger, knitting is very relaxing. haha. Unless you're knitting a blanket! This thing is 16 x 17 squares right now (each square a 18x10 garter stitch knit square, worsted weight, acrylic, size 9 needles) so roughly about 40 inches by 40 inches. Roughly. The intention is for a sitting blanket when you're cold on a couch. Nearly done! Not... Estimated to be another 27-60 hours of non-stop knitting. But I'm done with 1 of the 3 colours, but I might want to do a final border in the 1st colour. I really don't want to buy more yarn though. lol. Can't wait to start other projects! =D

Finally, a project I'd like to start up is relearning how to play trombone! Now that I'm free / I'll be a grad student in September, I'd like to join a band, whichever one NF was in (a Carleton band I think). So I need to learn trombone again and my mother can come listen. This is also partially caused by my current favourite anime: "Hibike! Euphonium". It's so good!!! Today's episode was about a concert band marching competition and they packed up all the instruments in a moving truck and went to the competition. "the male students are very useful in these situations" or something. Very true. They didn't need to move all the percussion though. haha.

I'll ttyl about more stuff.

D.Fa

Hiding the Truth

Hey,

I've just been thinking now about a number of things that I'm kinda upset about, and the annoying thing is that they all seem to have happened somewhat because I was hiding what I really felt for various reasons.

One thing is that I'm probably not going to have the job that I thought I was going to this summer because of a miscommunication about my summer plans that could have been avoided, had I not been hiding that my plans had fallen through, thinking that it would be super awkward to explain after having been so excited and sure about them.

Another is that I'm pretty upset that I won't get to live with some guys next year because I wanted to be a good guy and let my other friend have the first chance. I really really really wanted to live there and now I'll have to wait until my other friend graduates. I don't know what I think. It's complicated. And now I'm trying desperately to live in the same area so that I can just hang out all the time. idk.

Another being that with graduation and stuff I have a number of friends leaving, and I'm really going to miss them, but I haven't said anything like that because it would sound weird, wouldn't it? I feel like he's one of my best friends now, but i don't know how to say that properly... But instead now I'm feeling like I'll regret it if I don't say anything.

Why do I need to hide the truth? What even is the truth? Is what I am feeling the truth? What would happen if I always just said what I was thinking? Would that be helpful or harmful?

I don't know what to do, and when I don't know what to do I usually do nothing and later regret doing nothing.

Also, while cleaning today I found my grade 7 binder. Very interesting read. Back then I was also hiding things. I also apparently was kinda arrogant. It was insightful though.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

If It Was That Easy

Note to self: stop procrastinating! You need to graduate now.

Sometimes I Need to Remind Myself

(In response to an email encouraging me about having shared my story (link at the bottom))

“Hey sis,

thank you for your continued encouragement and friendship. Emails like this and knowing that I've got a bunch of people standing there with me, together seeking His face, chasing after His kingdom and righteousness, together struggling against the world, the enemy, and the flesh, fighting the good fight by the Spirit and by His grace. I struggled a lot with the decision to share that video before finally trusting God with it and what would come from it, but in everything He is good and has encouraged the church to be bold, and showed me continually His goodness. May we never forget that goodness and all He has done.

Phil 1:12-14 is how I want to see all of this.
"¹² I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel, ¹³ so that it has become known throughout the whole imperial guard and to all the rest that my imprisonment is for Christ. ¹⁴ And most of the brothers, having become confident in the Lord by my imprisonment, are much more bold to speak the word without fear."

I will admit that I really dislike boasting in weakness and relying upon others' grace or generosity. I try to be independent and confident in myself. But that always fails.

May God give us grace and boldness to proclaim our weakness and inadequacies as we trust in Him. May the gospel always be on our hearts and lips. May those around us see Christ. May He be glorified in everything. May we stumble, may we fall short, may the thorns in our flesh remind us ever of His grace and goodness, may we never forget that those thorns are not who we are, for we are now those who do not back down or are defeated, but we, who have been purchased, sanctified, made a new creation in the all atoning, propitiating death of Christ, we who no longer stand condemned, but stand alive, stand firm in Him, we are eternally God's adopted children, not born out of human decision or will, but fully by God's grace and everlasting love.

We are so worthy, and yet He loves us and lavishes His grace upon us. May we throw aside all hindrances and run forward chasing after Him as He enables and works in and through us by the Spirit that raised Christ from the dead. May we experience Him and the resurrection, abundant life that is found in no other name than in Christ, our saviour, our redeemer, our God, our friend.

May that be according to His will and for His glory, and even more than we can ask or imagine.

Your brother in Christ, through struggle, trial, and joy,

D.Fa (帝法)”

My Story: Video; Written.

悪魔の匂い； 四月の嘘。

Sitting stagnant in darkness,
Let's pretend that all is well.
Forget again what lies behind,
Except for that smell.

That haunting, clinging remnant,
Of a past lingering so close.
To run, to hide, and dream,
But for that memory of guilt.

How can I continue,
how could I stop?
To seek out the light,
and yet fall again.

What can I do,
how can I recollect,
those days spent well,
before this insurmountable descent?

Can I ride 'til there is nothing but wind; try to escape it all?
Can I try harder and succeed; to do anything of worth?
Could I rely upon your strength; find humility in earnest?
Could I trust and walk forward; be caught when I stumble?

Thoughts of despair;
Lies which scream for attention.
Felt tension in the air:
Thick, restraining forward motion.

But there is light, there is truth,
and what-else these were but lies.
May such curses be forgotten,
could you open my inner eyes?

O that my soul would see,
the beauty, majesty, supreme splendor of your grace.
And everything within me turn;
with whole heart to seek your face.

Can I do anything?
The answer seems to condemn.
But by your strength, and all good hope,
a faith with which to stride;
may these steps be established,
your spirit always be my guide.

SMS Novel 1: Poetry of the Night

YO!

Yesterday I was just about to go to sleep when suddenly!

From the shadows on the wall beside my bed emerged a creature of the dark!!

It was about 2.5 inches long!!!!

It had hundreds of legs!!!!!!

It

Was

Beside

My

Bed

...



Nearly Died.



I made an immediate plan in my head.

Slowly move the bed frame from the wall to expose the beast.

Grab an empty envelope from the bedside table.

Approach calmly

Position the envelope 2 or 3 inches from the monster

And




BAM!!!!!

SMACK THE ENVELOPE ONTO IT'S HIDEOUS BODY!!



The beast wiggled and squirmed beneath the force of the folded paper



It wasn't dead. O.o


*deep breath*

I need to kill this.

Only one thing to do...





Press harder.

*gulp*

Here we go...




#CRUNCH!#

The deafening noise of the beast's exoskeleton cracking beneath the weight of justice!





And then there was silence, save for the racing pounding beat of the killer's remorseless heart.

It was finished.

The enemy utterly defeated.

The residents of 1817 Leblanc* could rest their heads in peace this evening.


But still,

The fear in the back of their minds.



Were there more?



They'd have to hope for the best as they entrust themselves to the warmth of their dinosaur blankee.

Sweet dream young slayer of evil.

Sweet dreams.





~FIN~

Written March 12th 2015 over 42 text messages. Based on a true story.
*address changed for this reproduction

D.Fa

When The Going

Yo.

I won't lie, these last few weeks have been crazy for various reasons. In the height of school work my application for an internship position next year was declined. And I needed to get over it immediately so I could continue to help out those around me / finish my school work and actually graduate. One thought was that "if I let this ruin my graduation I'll never get over it". But God is good and actually got me over the bulk of it. He provided scriptures to say 'I've got plans for you here and now. Wait upon me and in due time you'll see.' And if it was just up to me I'd have been really upset and rage quit a lot of things. I spent all night the day I was told praying and crying about it. A lot of whining and I was angry. But He got me through that.

Since then though I've had so much work to do on my undergrad thesis. I've actually woken pretty consistently early to go to Health Canada and to go to school and get things done. I've missed a bunch of meals and unfortunately I've ended up skipping out on a bunch of Bible time. To make things worse my wifi wasn't working a week ago or so, so I ended up using the entire month's data on youtube on my phone, so now I can't read the Bible on my phone on the bus, so I'd been having an excuse on those busy days.

It's a pretty dumb excuse though.

I used to always have like 4 print bibles in my bag at all times. Electronic bibles... haha

So I put it back in my bag and am just reading chronologically from where I left off in Numbers. Some things that happen are so crazy. I don't really know what I've been learning though.

I've also been watching anime and hanging with RN. I moved back to my parents'. I had awesome times with BGTD for easter brunch and egg hunt and doing some work for my previous boss.

I'll be sure to ttyl.

D.Fa

Plato is a Cool Guy.

Yo.

So, I really don't know all that much about Plato. My first encounter was probably actually sometime back in highschool. My friends AdSB and ML frequently talked Philosophy and History. And maybe a few years ago in Asia DP and myself had a talk with a guy about 'the cave' and I learned a bit about Platonic forms? However, my real first time actually talking about him and learning about him was very briefly last semester in my philosophy of the self and personal identity. We briefly talked about his view of dualism, the mind being the soul and the body being a sort of cage for it. But yes, we only briefly talked about that as we learned of Locke's thoughts on the memory criterion.

This semester I am taking a class on Critical Thinking and Argument analysis and evaluation.
What a great class to take.
Indeed. Yesterday we looked at Plato's The Republic: Book IV.
I've heard about that! What was it like?
It was interesting to actually read some Plato. He writes in this odd dialogue format, which I was thinking about and it seems as though it strengthens his arguments just by making it seem like someone else agrees with him.
Yes, it certainly does.

Anyways, this book was all about what a just and perfect city would look like and how that would also relate to a just and perfect person. Plato saw the city as having three general classes / occupations: workmen/producers (all skilled trades and works); warriors/auxiliaries (to defend the city); and rulers/philosopher kings (ruling wisely). He spoke of how each of these divided classes corresponds to a virtue. The rulers with wisdom; the warriors with courage; and the workmen with moderation, meaning that they are to be content in their situation with being ruled by those who are wiser than they. Justice, as Plato put it, was that everyone was to practice one of the occupations in the city which they are most suited to. When everything is in order as it should be, that is justice. For a class to desire another class or to try and do more than one occupation is to cause chaos and practice injustice.

This he corresponds to the soul. That the soul has three parts. These three parts he referred to as the appetites, the spirit, and reason. Appetites always desiring their selfish desires; reason trying to keep the appetites in check and to rule over the soul; and the spirit being the part that follows reason and fights for justice either being angry when not treated justly or content when justly dealt with. Again, justice being when everything is in proper order. A person is healthy when his soul is in order.

Plato apparently doesn't like democracy, which he gets to in book VIII, for when those who are wise and can rule to properly keep us all in check of moderation all will be better. The whole city will be happier. while in democracy the people, who are properly represented, chase their appetites regardless of what the better ultimate good could be.

Anyways, Plato says a lot of stuff which is really Biblical. One case is just at the end after he has explained what justice and injustice would look like the question comes up: "So it now remains, it seems, to inquire whether it is more profitable to act justly, live in a fine way, and be just, whether one is known to be so or not, or to act unjustly and be unjust, provided that one doesn't pay the penalty and become better as a result of punishment."

The answer was "But, Socrates, this inquiry looks ridiculous to me now that justice and injustice have been shown to be as we described. Even if one has every kind of food and drink, lots of money, and every sort of power to rule, life is thought to not be worth living when the body's nature is ruined. So even if someone can do whatever he wishes, except what will free him from vice and injustice and make him acquire justice and virtue, how can it be worth living when his soul--the very thing by which he lives--is ruined and in turmoil?" (emphasis mine)

This sounds so similar to something Jesus said. "For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?" Matt16:26. Directly afterwards He speaks of how He will come back in judgement dealing to each as their deeds require. Directly before speaks of how much more worth it is to lose one's life for the sake of the gospel and Jesus' name.

What does this all mean to me? Hmmm. To be willing to follow after our wise and eternal King Jesus despite what I may desire, knowing that He knows best for me? hmm.

May God help me to trust in Him more and more and by His Spirit empower me to moderation and self-control.

D.Fa

PS. Another thought was on the division of the soul in relation to the three biblical divisions of heart, mind, and soul. Idk what that'd look like exactly, but it seems to correspond well with our sinful flesh led by appetites, our renewed knowledge and reason in Christ, and our spirit which agrees with the Holy Spirit. But idk enough to write all about that. haha

Hatred

Yo.

So, the other day I was at a discussion group and we had been talking about Christianity and how hypocritical Christians can be sometimes (ultimate answer here was people are people, not perfect) and one guy kinda shared a story of something. I don't remember exactly what he said, but one thing was that he used to swear quite a bit, but now that he is following Jesus that has really been an active change and when he sees others swear using God's name he hates it.

He hates when others take the Lord's name in vain were actually his words.

And that was just crazy to me to think. Although I get the idea and that it's a commandment, it's just hate is a very strong word, eh? I don't know.

I feel like this may be something I need to grow more in: hating sin.

The truth of the Bible is that although God is love and good, He hates sin (disobedience, rebellion, selfishness, etc.) and is just to punish all who have sinned, which is everyone. However, in His love for His creation, He gives us a way to be forgiven and take our punishment by sending Jesus to the cross, dying in our place. Any who don't take that gracious forgiveness in Jesus still deserve wrath and so will be punished.

So, we are to share this great news of saving grace to others and to live lives worthy of the call of God.

"For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good." Titus 2:11-14 NIV

In Romans Paul says he wishes they be wise in good and innocent in evil.

We are to love God and hate sin, turning from it back to God.

And I definitely have been convicted by the Spirit in the past of my sin and of how bad it is, but sometimes I feel like hate is a really too strong word for how I feel towards sin. I'm tempted to believe sin isn't actually bad and to turn from God back to selfish choices, which will lead me further and further towards destruction and away from truly experiencing God's goodness.

So I need more hatred towards sin. Even a speck of sin is too much. 

May the Spirit of holiness and power work to grow a hatred for that which God hates. May He empower me and strengthen me to fight the battles I must, and the grace to keep me from as many as possible. May He help me love Him more and shape my heart and desires after His own.

D.Fa

Skin Diseases.

Yo.

Sometimes when I read the Bible the situations are just too perfect and match what I am reading so well. Sometimes this can be really encouraging, and other times it can be really convicting to see how I'm not living the way I should.

I'm not all that sure which category this fits into, but on Wednesday night I decided I should go to a clinic the next morning. I had discovered a small cut that appeared to be infected and so I took to google to try and figure out what I could do about it. In my search I had determined that it was most likely a staphylococcus infection (as characterized by a red, warm, painful area around the wound). However, I began to get a bit more worried than normal.

I'd usually just brush off a cut or whatever, but it had been getting bigger for a couple days and I was going away for the weekend. As I searched Google I found that some strains of staph can cause serious problems and was reminded of my mother who had a serious infection a number of years ago. So, I wasn't just going to sit around this time.

I went in and was in the waiting room for a good while. So I decided to read some Bible and try to catch up on my reading plan a bit.

It just so happened to be Leviticus 13.

That chapter is all about "defiling skin diseases" and molds. > .>

So, sitting in a waiting room to have a doctor check out my skin infection, I was reading a chapter about how serious the Israelites had to be about skin diseases. If there was a rash or infection or sore or boil or burn or swelling, anything, you had to go to the priest and he'd inspect the color of the hair and stuff, maybe put you in quarantine for a week, check again, and judge whether it was a bad skin disease or a passing one. If it was bad you were unclean and needed to be separated from the assembly and all the Israelites and go live alone until you get better.

What a fun chapter to read.

The doctor said it wasn't the virulent strain (indicated by red lines going outwards from the infection) and gave me a prescription for antibiotics. 4 times a day for a week. Ok.

I'm thankful for all of these medical services we have in Canada.

Wouldn't it be weird to go to your pastor and ask about a rash?

Not too sure what this all means though. Haha

Ttyl

D.Fa

Sharing a Kitchen

Yo,

Random thought. I was thinking about food because I was having a snack and it reminded me of a former housemate who often ate similarly. The thought was, although I don't remember all of the specifics of many of the conversations I had with my housemates over the years, I remember the foods they ate quite clearly.

In first year I had 4 housemates. One ate frozen raspberries, lots of chicken breasts, plantains, chickpeas, and protein shakes all the time. Another often ate the food I made him or that we made together (he taught me to grate my carrots), ate out, or ate food his parents gave him. A third had heart-shaped toast on his birthday, had kraft dinner with hotdogs the first day I moved in (this is where I learned it from), and had the sweet chilli chicken sauce. The last also had the KD, but I don't remember too many of his meals... One time a friend came over and we ate piles of chicken nuggets from McDonald's. Haha

In second year I had 4 different housemates. One ate hagelslag, had cereal every morning, brewed his own beers, and cooked delicious pasta. Another had Korean food from his parents (seaweed soup, kimchi, etc.), cooked a really garlicky pasta once, and can really chow down on KBBQ. Haha. The third grew a liking for onions, ate spam regularly, made great garlic and steamed bok choy, and regularly ate steak and white rice. The last would never microwave a plastic container, loved Pirate cookies (where I discovered them), ate sky flakes all the time, and often let vegetables go bad in the fridge.

In third/fourth year I had 2 housemates. The one almost never cooked. Nearly never. He would mostly eat KFC and Swiss Chalet and Pizza Pizza. He did however also make hamburgers. He always had random candies or sweets and his favourite were Hersey's hugs kept chilled in the fridge. Oh. And he always had orange juice in the fridge. Maybe drank 4L each week. The other housemate regularly cooked fish and had rice with it. He also would marinate cut meat and cook it. He used sesame oil and always had bananas in his room.

This year I have three housemates. One is just learning how to cook things. He has a penchant for hot sauces, death sauces as we call them. His most common meals are vermicelli noodles with chicken, carrots, and frozen vegetables; kraft dinner with frozen vegetables; and frozen pizzas. He almost never thaws food before cooking it and usually freezes leftovers. The second housemate is often too busy with phone calls to stop and cook. He has often burnt grilled cheese, and puréed scrambled eggs, and often leaves things cooking while he walks away. He enjoys pasta, cheese sandwiches, and boiling eggs. The last is very particular. He mostly gets groceries from Costco and has dinner on average at 10 pm. He often cooks chilli, fish, and stir fry. All accompanied with white rice. He frequently drinks milk even without food. And uses many spices when preparing fish.

I've also had a bunch of housemates on mission trips and stuff, but I won't get too into that. One guy loved choco pies, couldn't eat duck, and disliked durian. Another guy ate like 3 eggs each breakfast and hated carbs. Another loved this one brand of orange juice.

It's pretty funny to think about how they each ate. Needless to say there were always wars regarding dirty dishes. That will never change with a dish washer or without.

I wonder how people remember my cooking? Haha

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Partnership

Yo.

A few days ago I got to see something really beautiful. Although I guess I knew it was happening, I hadn't really understood how great it was until I saw it in person. I had nothing scheduled, so when I was invited I decided to go.

Saturday afternoon a friend of mine got married to his beautiful fiancée. It was in this big church that had a lot of exposed wood in the beams and panels, it was spacious and bright, it had simple and elegant colors. All of the wedding party was well dressed and there were flowers and a great ceremony. But the best part of it, as always, was that both the bride and groom don't put each other as the most important thing in their lives; Jesus is the center of their lives. The pastor explained how he saw this in both of them and how that is truly the basis of a great marriage; a partnership in the gospel and seeking God's kingdom and righteousness first. Singing songs to our mighty and gracious God and asking Him to be glorified through their lives, wherever He sends them. The vows were also striking. In the vows both bride and groom said the same thing, but what was more striking was how at the end of the vows they said they wouldn't be able to live up to these promises but would confess shortcomings and talk it through together, showing grace as God has shown them.

As beautiful as that was, and it really was, I was actually more struck by another event.

Friday evening I had been invited to go to the Chinese Young Adult group at my church. It was great getting to meet and talk with a bunch of new friends who were international students, but by far the best part was seeing the way the leaders were working together in harmony to share the gospel with them. Some of the students led worships songs and small group discussions, and some of the aunties and uncles on the Chinese congregation led the main study, shared testimony, prepared food, were warm and inviting. It was so awesome to see this. In general my picture of the Chinese congregation had been less than flattering, but this was really encouraging to see how God is really working through them. On Sunday I picked up the 2014 annual report, and what I had forgotten is that some of the Chinese young adults had been baptized just after Christmas. Not only is God using this ministry to really unite and build up the Chinese congregation for gospel ministry, He is also bearing fruit through them and it's just so beautiful to see.

By far the greatest and most beautiful partnership is that between God and the church; Him choosing and loving us, and us now forgiven and redeemed from sin submitting to His gracious will and perfect plans for our lives. And together working that all may know His grace.

As it says in Ephesians, marriage is a picture of God's relationship with the church:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”  This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Ephesians 5:25-33 NIV

未来人

This post has somewhat spoilers for certain anime series. You've been warned.

For a large portion of this evening I was watching anime with one of my housemates. It is now one of my favourite anime series. It is called Steins;Gate. It started off really weird and confusing, but now it's all coming together and I'm really seeing the value in everything that had happened in the first few episodes.

One of the key elements in this anime is the concept of time travel. The anime opens it's first episode with a monologue about the difference between infinite and finite and from there out we start the see the effects that playing with time can have on material, relationships, and the world.

The idea to be able to go back and fix mistakes arose. If you could, would you? Have you heard of the butterfly effect? If you make action small change in the past it could have huge effects on the future. What if you knew fixing that mistake would cause more trouble for others? Would you still do it?

This is a concept that I've encountered before. I've seen my fair share of time travelers (未来人 miraijin) in anime.

In 'The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi' there is a time traveler who has come back to interact with the main character which could have huge lasting impacts. Some of her future contemporaries say they should make an action and see what happens, others are much more cautious and would rather observe.

In 'Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica', for the sake of saving those she loves, one of the characters has gone back in time again and again, but merely causes that person more and more pain and suffering because they are forced to relive the ordeal.

And here in Steins;Gate we see a very similar thing, except a lot more drawn out and time does move forward bit by bit.

But one thing that these characters can do, with time traveling abilities, is to try something and if it goes wrong, go back and try something different. If the outcome is still wrong, they can fix it.

I see this as something which would be very helpful to have.

I do not like making mistakes. If I could go back and fix them, I feel like I really would want to. But additionally, when I don't know what to do to move forward, what decision to make, it'd be great to be able to know that I could make one decision and then if it is a mistake I can go back and make a different decision.

But I can't.

I feel like I need to do something.

But I can't.

What if it's a mistake?

...

I know I shared this a while ago, but it's still one of my favourite short films: "Ctrl Z" http://youtu.be/XvvimYZScN0.

'You can't undo mistakes you have made, you can only repent and make up for them. So don't let that make you live in fear. That itself is a mistake.'

'Perfect love drives out all fear'

Hmmmmmmmm.

I pray that God would give me a heart that earnestly seeks after His plans, that trusts in His plans, and is willing to turn from selfish ambition and to follow humbly even on a road of sacrifice.

May we live lives honoring to God as we travel forward in time unto eternity.

Practically a Library

I feel like I start a lot of things and don't finish them.

I have countless books in my list of books to read. But it's not just that I'm not reading them (which is definitely part of the issue) but the ones I do start I don't finish. I just took a tally of the physical books I have in my room that I intend to read. 13 I have read previously, 10 unread, and 12 which I have started, but not finished.

That's quite a bit.

One of my goals this year is to read 12 books (excluding the Bible, which I also intend to read through this year). To do this I'd been planning to put aside an hour or so before bed each day... I really haven't been doing that... and until yesterday I had completed 0 books.

Yesterday I went to my parents' house and did some housework and spent time with my parents just hanging out, nothing special. While there I picked up my mail and part of it was a book I had ordered (I know, eh? Me, ordering books?? The problems with having a visa debit card). It had been highly recommended to me and I couldn't get one here. On Amazon it was 6 dollars (plus shipping because apparently all books are from the UK) so I bought it.

The book is titled "Is God anti-gay? And other questions about homosexuality, the Bible and same-sex attraction" by Sam Allberry. Only 85 pages. It was a good book and I'll write more of my thoughts on it later, but it was really good hearing from a pastor who struggles with SSA and he didn't get into too much detail about personal experiences or anything, but what he did say was really true of my experiences. He also went over the Biblical passages and again without going into too much detail did a great job of explaining the Biblical point of view. It was encouraging to read and a good reminder of how God calls everyone to repentance.

Anyways, ttyl.

D.Fa

Questions of Indentity: Solved by IPP?

Yo guys,

I don't think I almost ever tell you guys about my classes. haha. Why would you want to know about complex biochemistry things?

Today in my Applied and Environmental Microbiology class our professor was giving us an example of what our seminars later in the semester would look like. He was giving some background information on Protein-Protein Interaction (PPI) and methods to determine them and what that means. Proteins are chains of amino acids which often perform a function in a complex of proteins (such as polymerase complexes (for making DNA or RNA) which have numerous subunits (individual proteins)). This is an example of multiple proteins interacting and together performing a function. Part of the reason we look at these PPIs is to better understand the protein itself and its functions.

He gave an example which, for me, took this class about proteins and turned it into a Philosophical question about the meaning of self and personality.

He said: there is a new face in your class. You've never communicated with them, however, you've observed them talking to a lot of 3rd year biology students, to a biology TA, to some biology professors, and to biology admin people. Based on these interactions with other people, although you've never talked to them, you can assume that they are a 3rd year biology student.

In another situation, for example, a soccer field, interacting with coaches, referees, other players, and fans, that person is now functioning as a soccer player. And again, at their house, interacting with wife, and children, he is functioning as a father.

Just like people who change functions based on their environments and factors, so proteins can have multiple functions given their interactions with other proteins.

Forget proteins. You just said people act differently given environment and other people. 1 person, many functions. For a second this made me think of dissociative identity disorder (where multiple personalities (or 'alters') actually reside in a single body although highly different in character). But I think it is something more simple.

People are complex.

You act differently with different people and do function differently in different situations. It doesn't however, change who you are at the core. In highschool I often acted more reserved with my academic friends, while much more outgoing and ridiculous with friends from drama. Simply the depth of personality and the many different facets of who you are come out depending on the situation.

I once also read a quote by C.S. Lewis on the loss of a friend (I think it was in 'The Four Loves' in the section on friendship, talking about how friendship isn't jealous, having more friends is better). Not only had his friend passed away, but the way that friend brought out different parts of his other friends was also now gone. Clearly showing how people affect how we act.

Additionally, the idea of Paul becoming all things to all people so that by all means he might save some. I don't think this is to be fake, but to honestly bring out those different parts of who you are or could be for the sake of the good news going to all peoples. (1 Cor9:19-23)

This morning I read Genesis 12 and in the first couple verses God speaks to Abram and makes his promise that through him and as he is blessed all nations will be blessed. I see this also in Eph1:3 where it says that i Christ we are blessed with every spiritual blessing.

As we have been blessed, let us be all things to all people, that the blessing of God may fall on those around us (instead of the wrath originally designated to each of us as we were separate from Christ's redemption)!




Overall, I guess, this is to say, people are complex. haha. We have numerous gifts and talents. As we find and place our identity in Christ (as it rightly belongs since were were made in His image) let us use them in numerous situations to make friends and share Christ, for God's glory and the salvation of the nations.

D.Fa

Seeking the Lost

Luke 15. Jesus talks of three parables, three hypothetical stories, which show a shepherd, a lady, and a father losing and, in the end, finding what was lost: a single sheep out of 100; a silver coin; and a rebellious son.

These parables were in response to the Pharisees and others grumbling at how Jesus spent so much time with sinners. At the end of the first he explains how there would be more rejoicing by the angels in heaven over a single sinner who repents. At the end of the second, again, he says that there would be much joy at a sinner who repents. He doesn't say anything at the end of the third story, and this may be because the second son of the father was still lost and he was making a point, but I digress, I will not delve into this today. Feel free to read it for yourselves: http://www.esvbible.org/Luke+15/

The point though, to answer their question, is that Jesus spends time with sinners because he is trying to save them. Other passages he says this directly. In another conversation with the Pharisees in Luke 5:31-32 (also Mark 2:17; Matthew 9:12-13) he says "It is not those who are well who need a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance." Similarly in John 3:17 (after that famous verse) he says "For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him."

In Luke 19:10 (also Matthew 18:11) speaking of himself he says, "For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost."

I've heard this a number of times: Jesus came to seek and save the lost. As Isaiah 53 said, we have all gone astray and he came, was punished on our behalf, and by his wounds we may be healed and restored.

But what blew my mind the other day as I was reading the Bible is that this doesn't apply simply to Jesus, but also God the Father.

I was reading Genesis and found the first time God was seeking the lost: Genesis 3:9 "But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”" After Adam and Eve had eaten the fruit and went to hide God sought them out.

This only further shows me the truth that is recorded in John 10:30 "I and the Father are one". Hebrews 1:3a "The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being". Col 1:15a "He is the image of the invisible God".

God has always been about the business of seeking and saving the lost since the very first disobedience, and from then he also promised the redemption through Christ in Genesis 3:15.

May He continue to seek and save the lost, opening eyes that we may all see His glory more, and making us new; restoring us in the image of God which He had made us in.

D.Fa

New Year

It's funny what the prospect of a new year does to our motivation and our mentality. Everyone starts to think about what they will change in the new year and eagerly await January 1st when they can begin these resolutions.

While New Years is days off, no one will start anything new because they are waiting for that special day.

While New Years is days past, no one will start anything new because they now feel defeated an unmotivated since they missed their big day.

What is this New Years thing? You can start something new any day of the week. Why does i have to be New Years? I think it is because it is mentally easier to make the distinction between what was past and what is future at Day 1 of a new year.

Let us make today, and everyday a new day!

If there is something you need to leave behind, do it! If there is something you need to start, do it! We'll make mistakes as we try new things, but you have to start somewhere or you never will do anything about it.

This year I have yet to solidify exactly what my resolutions are, partially because I have so many things I want to do. But then yesterday I was on a train for 5 hours as well as having only half an hour of sleep the night before, the day was essentially a waste of time. So I kinda felt unmotivated today, but God is good. Let's look forward and count today as the new day and everyday after as well.

Previous failures: forgiven in Jesus; long past and paid for.
Future triumphs: waiting for me in the Spirit as I am more than a conqueror in Christ.
Newness: in Christ we are made into new creations; the old is gone the new is come; now.
Eternal Life: knowing God and Jesus Christ whom He has sent; daily.

I hope to blog more this year since it does help me remember all that God has done and look forward to all He has promised to do. I also intend to not be on the computer after 10pm, so, this'll be the last time until 2016, hopefully. xP

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Prayerful Revival

This morning I got some time to pray alone. I need more of that.

The other day in church the message was on the greatest commandments: loving God and others. The overall summary was we need to be intentional in loving God and out of that will an intentional love for others just flow naturally.

I need more intentional time with God.

I had really not intended to go to an outreach during the duration of this conference. I figured I was in no place to be preaching to others when I need so much time to work on my own relationship with God. But today God helped me to just choose to follow Him, trust His promises of forgiveness, and to obey His command to go with the gospel.

I hadn't signed up for city outreach. But I felt I should go. I was waiting to see if there was room on the bus for me. There was exactly one free spot left. And so I sat down at the back of the bus and prayed. It was so good. God really broke my heart for those around me and those we were going to. I then wrote down the following:

"The utter grace and majesty felt as you step fully into the hands of God.

I know I am fully unworthy of this chance to help God change the lives of people and families and communities; bringing eternity to the lives of thousands. Who am I to be a minister of reconciliation?

Coming completely empty to God and praying, begging, beseeching him to work in amazing ways in us and in the lives of everyone who we get to talk to.

Who am I to be a role model for others? Only by God's grace. But if I am relying upon his grace even now, that is an example to follow, eh? But again, only by His graces am I here now.
               
UTM. So much joy, overwhelming, when I speak of UTM. God is so great.

Seeing two buses of students go to the world with the gospel; the lost and unreached world with the gospel; ministers equipped and empowered by the gracious and mighty Holy Spirit at or in them.

May your Fire Fall Down on us this day. May we overflow with thanksgiving and praise as we take your grace to the nations.

Utter reliance upon an unchanging, loving, gracious, Father God.

May Your name be praised and exalted this day in this place and these hearts.

Amen."

The People

It's been a few days at the conference now. Well, I guess it's only technically day 2 of the conference. I got here a day early though.

Was really good catching up with HK and his girlfriend. We got to go to Richmond Hill Community Christian Church English service and I got to catch up with AC and his girlfriend, as well JC and BL.

But maybe the best part was Registration. I was in the line pretty much from 1 til 5 blending in as an intern. I got to briefly see and catch up with tons of the guys I knew, as well as help a bunch of people with housing cases, fund raising, and luggage carrying as well as other things. Some of this for random people. XP. It was so much fun. I had nothing else to do. I was free. I was able to serve.

In this situation I imagined and finally saw a taste of what serving others could look like in the context of ministry. To be so free that I could just help them in any way. Able to be fully released to care as needed and help organize and encourage others.

Honestly though there's pretty much nothing at this conference that I was really looking forward to other than seeing all of the people: old friends; new friends; amazing people on fire for Jesus. Ironically I'm not spending much time with Carleton.

There's no time for anything though.

I went to seminars today about marriage, new database technology, and biblical manhood.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Application.

During the summer I was writing in a pseudo blog notebook and, although I have yet to reread it, one thing that I remember definitely having written is that when it comes to the Bible I shouldn't approach it so much as "I've read this already" or "I know this already" but more like "have I applied this yet?"

Also during the summer I had been reading "Knowing God" by J.I. Packer. I was about to continue reading it and to brief myself I was rereading the underlined parts. This is from page 20: "God is triune; there are within the Godhead three persons, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit; and the work of salvation is one in which all three act together, the Father purposing redemption, the Son securing it and the Spirit applying it.

Application.

This is one part of Bible study that I think I am not as great in. I am fairly good at seeing the point of different passages, I can see connections, and by God's grace I have been blessed with a great memory of verses as well as often being privileged to be God's mouthpiece. But when it comes to applying verses to my own life it becomes a lot more challenging.

Sometimes I think I just don't take that time to think and pray through what it means in my life. Sometimes I think in the past I've been somewhat judgemental of how sometimes people jump to application completely out of context such as Phil 4:13 or Jer 29:11 and so I try to avoid doing that.

But the issue here is James.

1:22-25 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.

2:17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

Theory and understanding are not enough. There needs to be application. But the application cannot come from us. As Packer said the application of salvation comes from the Spirit at work in us.

May this increase. May His Spirit work more and more in me.

Sing a New Song

Today's song of encouragement is Lifeline by Hillsong Young & Free

http://youtu.be/m8tKjIvvmvY

One thing I'd been thinking lately is "Why do I give so much value to music and not as much to the Bible?"

Now in no way do I mean to say that I don't value the Bible. I do think that it is God's word and that it is all that is needed for life on Christ. I think the Bible is authoritative and a source of hope and inspiration. A great great word of bad news and even greater good news.

But as I am right now, I go to Hillsong when I am in a bad mood, rather than to the Bible.

And I think there are some reasons for it, but I think I also do need to go to the Word of truth more, especially when the main reason I am feeling down is a lie that I am dwelling on too much.

The last time I was down I prayed for a second and then got to work on my homework. The only thing I can do then is to choose music to listen to while doing it. I often listen to anime or game original soundtracks when studying or cramming because it's usually something really intense. Haha. But the ones I'd been listening to recently had been pretty melancholy in tone. And I think I am easily affected by that. So I chose some music that'd make me feel better: Hillsong.

In addition to simply 'I don't have time, I need to multitask', I think another reason is that I really do typically connect to God a lot more deeply through music.

But ya, I need to make sure I am renewing my mind in Christ all the time and taking these thoughts captive.

Pray for me. XP

D.Fa

God at Work

Yo.

So, I'm not sure if I'd told you before most of this story, but me and BP have been meeting up with MSG every week since the beginning of September. He had filled out a survey somewhere on campus during frosh week and indicated that he was interested in meeting up to talk about Jesus. His information was uploaded and on one day when a bunch of us students got together to make some calls to the students who were interested in follow-up I had mostly been calling students who said they were Christian and wanted to grow in their faith, but after a few calls I wanted to call someone who wasn't Christian. So I checked the list, prayed for the person I was going to call, and in less than 3 minutes I had talked to MSG and we had set up a meeting. It was so easy I was actually speechless. Haha

That week I actually met BP and invited him to come with me to meet with MSG.

When we met up it was great and we had a good conversation, but he really wasn't all that interested in the Bible or the gospel. He had grown up in Montreal and had heard a bunch of stuff about God. He was really focused on the potential of humanity and our ability to surpass God if we properly harness our abilities. He had said the Bible was needed to get us to where we are now, but technology will take us from here. We mostly shared about the sinful nature of human hearts and how that really hasn't changed over the centuries. Something BP had really said clicked with him though and he was very interested in meeting up again.

We met up and played board games once. We met up and read a little bit of John 1 and had a conversation very similar to before and looked at a bunch of scriptures, but it didn't really mean much to MSG. He was asking questions about their validity. He was also saying how our sinful nature and desires for wrong or selfishness is just a challenge we need to overcome. We had lunch together and discussed ambitions.

Later he ended up coming to church with me and our pastor was doing a series on the validity of the Bible. Specifically he came to a sermon about the manuscripts and what we have now is what we had then. He also came a couple weeks later.

One week I couldn't go to our normal meeting and BP and him went through the rest of John 1. The following week we ended up meeting up with him separately. BP randomly ran into him on Tuesday and they had a good chat about idols and undivided pursuit of God (a narrow, but meaningful path) and how good things can become idols when out of proportion. He was asking about suffering. On Thursday I got to meet up with him and we read John 2 which really opened his eyes to Jesus being a complex person, not just some love-preaching gentle 2D character. He was sarcastic to his mom and flipped some tables in righteous anger. MSG was really interested in finishing reading the book of John. He was also talking about a movie he had seen and how he sees human sinful nature and selfishness in the characters.

That weekend MSG came to a conference about the New Testament and evidence for its reliability and verisimilitude among other things. It was a really cool conference and MSG got to meet some of my friends and housemates. We had good conversations in break times and lunches. I think it was a really good chance to hear more about the Bible and to hear why we trust in the Biblical Jesus.

The next week MSG came to our P2C weekly meeting where we were having some food and just sharing testimonies. So he got to meet a bunch of the guys and girls and hear stories of what God has done in their lives and why they are following Him now. Really good times for sure. At the end there was a question raised by one of our staff about a reading week trip to Quebec to do evangelism and MSG said he was interested in going. When we met up on Thursday that week we read some of John 3 and had a great talk about it. It was really interesting some of the things MSG was saying. He legit, without prompt said "the Bible is perfect", as well as this interesting concept of how university is his chance to find God and he is worried that after University he will lose himself if he doesn't find out now. He sees his parents and friends who have graduated living empty lives without opportunity to explore and discover more since they are now so stuck in the daily routine. He was asking about sin and why God would make it. He said that this was like the one big barrier in the way of him actually trusting in God.

It's just crazy to see how much God has done in MSG's life over the last couple months and it really wasn't me or BP doing the work. God just has really been changing his heart, getting him to open up and trust us, becoming curious and asking questions, coming to trust and be interested in what the Bible says, even saying that he'd be interested in going to Quebec and sharing the gospel. It's just so cool what God is doing and I want to keep seeing Him do crazy things.

Please pray MSG comes to know Jesus soon and that we can all celebrate with him and the angels and God of one who was dead coming to know life in Christ.

D.Fa

These Moments

When did I get this emotional?

I feel like I depend so much upon my feelings these days and so little upon fact and logic and rationality and truth.

How did I get to this place?
Why did I ever open up the door to emotion ad feelings?
What can I do to get through or over this?

I am not enjoying this conflict. Where every second of my day I feel like I want something I know I shouldn't.

When did I get this emotional?

The truth that I know is true is Jesus came, loved those who were broken, and died in their place.

When did I stop trusting in that? How did I get to this place where I am relying upon my own actions and plans for every goal and ambition?

---

My friends are so great though. I'm so glad I can ask them for prayer and help.

http://youtu.be/Ah0uydqMYhE
http://akingdomcollective.tumblr.com/post/102271934729/erasing-shame
"You want a stronger relationship with God and a deeper connection with your fellow man. Place nothing wicked before your eyes."
"Just ask Him to give you rest, and admit that you've been going to broken cisterns that hold no water, when He is the spring of eternal water // 'He who drinks from the water I give him will never be thirsty' // You're doing better than you think, but you need Him more than you know. What you think will satisfy your temporary lusts, this will not solve the problem."
"Maybe this is only what your flesh wants, because it doesn't know how else to express what your soul longs for."

---

Psalm 116: 5-9
Gracious is the Lord, and righteous;
    our God is merciful.
The Lord preserves the simple;
    when I was brought low, he saved me.
Return, O my soul, to your rest;
    for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.

For you have delivered my soul from death,
    my eyes from tears,
    my feet from stumbling;
I will walk before the Lord
    in the land of the living.

---

May God continue to show me His goodness. I know He has saved me and done great things. He has saved me. May He direct my steps and help me to walk in the land of the living and redeemed. May the lies be washed away as truth overflows.

D.Fa

Bursting Pop Culture

Yo. So today I heard another one of Taylor Swift's new songs, Blank Space, and it brings up some things I'd been thinking for a bit and something I wanted to post about.

Pop music is actually starting to have an actual conflict with the actions it endorses.

Blank Space is about another relationship and from first sight she knows he will probably turn out to be a mistake, it'll leave her breathless of go down in flames, she's insane for love and even though she knows it will probably leave scars she'll go for it with reckless youth and take it too far. The end of the video shows her ready to take on another relationship despite the extreme heartbreak she experienced just before. (http://youtu.be/e-ORhEE9VVg)

Another example is Sam Smith's Stay With Me. The song is about a one night stand and the emotional wreck it leaves him in. In the chorus he pleads "Oh won't you stay with me, cause you're all I need", even though "it's clear to see", "this ain't love". (http://youtu.be/pB-5XG-DbAA)

The other I had been thinking about recently is Sia's Chandelier. The song is about a desire for freedom and love, but the only way the world says girls can get it is by living a 'party girl' life of drinking and partying pushing her to the edge of life. The results of that partying life however are shame and winding up like a mess. "But I'm holding on for dear life. Won't look down, won't open my eyes. Keep my glass full untiil morning light. Cause I'm just holding of for tonight. Help me, I'm holding of for dear life" (http://youtu.be/2vjPBrBU-TM)

A friend of mine on facebook said they wished they had relationships with their crushes like Taylor Swift.

This makes me pretty sad about the state of our culture where we all hope for relationships even if we know they'll blow up. But I guess that's kinda what I do sometimes too is want what I know is bad for me.

Hmm. Guess we need to pray for God to work in our culture as well as in our own hearts by the Holy Spirit

Ttyl.

D.Fa

If I Were a Hydra Maybe

I believe very firmly now that I am actually really terrible at multitasking.

Over the years I have generally believed that I am fairly good at multitasking (doing multiple things at the same time) and I think I am finally at the realization that that is not true.

I was thinking about ti a week or so ago: I can only deal with the people I interact with regularly. Unfortunately everyone else ends up in this weird limbo state where if I happen to remember them on some off chance then I will send them a text. And then the people I never see drift into obscurity. This is by no means because I don't actually generally care for them, but I simply can't deal with that many people at once.

One idea that I think I told you guys about before is the concept of "My 5" in regards to sharing the gospel intentionally with 5-10 friends. You pray for them regularly and make an effort to spend time with them and love them and share the gospel with them. At the beginning of the semester it was 5 people. Now it's like 15 and I can't handle that many people at all....... haha....

Then there's trying to juggle and manage too many things at the same time: school, ministry, church, friends, housemates, family, anime, pokémon, youtube, etc. etc.

And whatever. I need to focus on a couple things at a time. I can't do it all.

A subsequent thought tied up in all this is that there's no way I could ever possibly handle a long-distance relationship. I don't know how my housemates do it.

Anyways, ttyl.

D.Fa

Exited to Go!

You know, I'm so, so, so, so, so excited right now. haha

I've kinda been telling everyone how excited I was all week. haha

I'm a certified ESL teacher now. =D

This week I'd been taking part in a TESOL class (Teachers of English to Speakers of Other Languages). And after a very long week I now have certificates that say I can teach English. haha

Now, if you haven't heard anything about this so far you may be wondering "wait, I thought he was really bad at English and kinda hated it? Why is he going to teach it??" And I would fully agree with that thought. I also have had many of those thoughts this week and before as well. So let me explain how I am now at a place where I cannot wait to teach English. xP

So, I've been trying to figure out what I should do after I graduate. There's a huge list of things and options and that's great, but I really want to figure it out and the thing I really want most is to go overseas somewhere for a coupe years and do mission work. I really didn't have much of a plan. Kinda the same places as always where I'd been with P2C and just figuring out whether I should go to one place, or the other, and what God's will was.

I was talking with Pastor DB and sharing a little about this and he told me about this CRAZY AWESOME opportunity to go to Japan!!!!! Apparently we have a sister church in Tokyo! They are a newer multicultural church and they need some people to come help. Apparently they've got a bunch of Mandarin speaking seekers too, which is also cool. BUT! Tokyo is a really expensive place to live. I wouldn't be able to go over and just rely on support raising. The guy from the church apparently has some English teaching positions available. So I had been thinking about this quite a bit.

I was praying and really, I want to go to Japan. Since back in like grade 10 I'd been saying I'd go to Japan after university. So I started praying a bit for clarity about what I should do after I graduate and kinda also asking that I can go to Japan. A few weeks before it occurred to me that I can pray for what I want, which is true. If it is in accordance with God's will He will make it happen. And if not it'll be pretty clear.

Before taking with Pastor DB I had been rewatching Cardcaptors and had noticed that my Japanese is actually good enough to not need to read the subtitles to get the gist of what they are saying. The day after I got an email with the following subject "Hawaii, Panama, Tokyo – the world has never been closer". A day or so later I had a dream in which I was a missionary to this random island in the Caribbean or something. I needed to get a direct flight back to Canada so I needed to talk to the airport workers. They asked me some questions and I ended up telling them I believe in Jesus. They asked what I think about prophecy and I said something about how me going to Japan to share the gospel would be an answer to prophecy or something. (It was a great dream btw) And then a couple days later just walking through the University Center there was a career fair. There was a booth for an ESL Teacher course and the only flyer they had on their table was for the JET programme which is for teaching in Japan. At a weekly meeting the speaker talked about a Carleton student who went to Japan and was praying for them and crying. 

Somewhere in these weeks I needed to sign some banking things and ended up by the Clubs office. Right across from it is the students association and in the window was a poster from like back in 2nd year frosh week. The Buried Life was visiting and on the poster we were encouraged to write one of our items on our bucket list. I couldn't exactly think of anything until I thought "share the gospel in Japan".

I'm SOOOOO Down to go to Japan. haha.

Why do I feel the need to justify this? Why can't I just go?

I made a friend in class. He's so down to go to Japan too. haha. I really want to go together and be like best friends and it'll be so awesome. Teaching English and living in Japan. I'll have so many chances to share the gospel.

Praying for these things. haha

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Completely Surrounded by Legalism

Hey guys. Let's have a chat.

I've been kinda all over the place lately. Before this week I'd had so much work to do with midterms and group projects and lab work and way too many cell phone games. Unfortunately that meant I was spending very little time with God. Every day started sleeping in and waking up 55 minutes before I needed to be somewhere and there were no breaks even on Sundays since my groups needed me to meet up after church. I was so exhausted all the time and just had this feeling of emptiness and hopelessness. Seemed like no way out of the constant stream of responsibilities and was just being worn away.

I also have realized that I don't deal well with challenges or problems that I need to get through. Typically pretending they don't exist or just installing rules to minimize the effects.

By my own power, I will waste away and burn myself out rather than take help.

Just before the two weeks of dry times I heard clearly the phrase "you need me". And by simply observing my actions, it seems like I would disagree. I was trying to accomplish everything: minister to my friends, get all my work done, lead bible studies, figure out my future; everything on my own and it felt hopeless.

Our salvation is by faith, not by works.

Again, my actions, clearly not agreeing. But I think it wasn't so much I didn't know that, but that I'm not really putting it into practice. Luther said "If I fail to spend two hours in prayer each morning, the devil gets the victory through the day. I have so much business I cannot get on without spending three hours daily in prayer" which seems crazy, but fully reliant on God. Now even with me doing all these things and everything, I know it isn't by works. I love sharing the gospel. What does this mean? It came to me that part of why I love ministry so much is simply that in it is where I see God at work, I see Him doing amazing things and I feel much closer to Him and tangibly can see the gospel at work.

Later into the two weeks I heard another phase audibly "completely surrounded by legalism". Which was kinda harsh to me. It was convicting. But I didn't react in action. I kept to my current life of empty endeavor by my own strength. By this week I was kinda just falling apart.

Certain areas of sin in my life are becoming more 'active' so to say. Again my reactions are to enforce legalism, which will never solve the problem. I've read a bit recently in a couple books that recommend taking radical action against sin, but clearly state these things are merely to help get you to a place where you can more easily be free to call on God to help you and grow in Him. And the idea that stuck from Overcoming Sin and Temptation that I am currently thinking about was Owen's comment towards Catholicism of how they (and people in general) end up looking to these rules and regulations as the end goal rather than a simple helpful step, or the idea that we get so stuck on "well, this isn't as bad as that" when the true thought should be comparing to purity not worse impurity.

Hmmm.

The coolest things though is that it is so clear how God is pursuing me. A year ago I had a friend who was really struggling with motivation and had a huge essay due and didn't care that much. The day it was due God really spoke to her and showed her how our relationship with God isn't one sided, that God is fighting for us, not just reciprocating our efforts. Her favourite phase was "God is soooo BIG!" Which really doesn't mean all that much to me in the literal size, but I think I am starting to understand a bit of it in the not literal.

These weeks I've heard God speak a couple times directly (which I nearly never do / I should be listening more), had so many awesome things happen (ran into a guy AM and had an awesome conversation about Jesus), felt clearly provided for after essentially starving on Friday and He provided meals and warm places and smiles, and truly speaking through worship times and his word more recently.

God is seriously pursuing me, despite how distant I am currently being.

God is good.

All the time.

This week I really pray I'd be able to spend more time with Him and meditate on His word throughout the days. May a real relationship with Him free me from legalism and allow me to freely live in Him.

D.Fa

Summit '14 #2

Hey guys, as I said, I'll tell you about Summit. haha. The second I went to post the last one, my internet died, soooooooo, I've been playing Legend of Zelda everyday for the last 3 days. haha

Anyways, Summit was cool. There were a LOT of students. 130! from 7 campuses. We had 14 from Carleton and it was a great time. Gregg Hinzelman was the speaker (he's the regional director). He had 3 main sessions to speak at and so he spoke about Prayer, Evangelism, and the life of Peter. All three were really great talks.

Prayer was all about praying specifically, seeing God answer prayer, and the resulting increase in faith and asking God for bigger things, and just the cycle there.
Evangelism was all about just looking at the Acts Church and what they were doing and how they saw God bring so many people to a saving knowledge of Christ. He looked at like the word counts and essentially it all boiled down to: you see people come to know Christ when you share the gospel. As simple as that.
Peter's life was all like, just taking those steps of faith. Peter followed Jesus, took initiative, took risks, was bold, humble, and focused, and we see him being used to start the Acts church, we see him do crazy things, but at the same time, he was just a normal person.

Carleton as always had awesome campus times, and so much Spirit. haha We didn't do very well at Soccer or Ultimate though. haha but we had the best team cheers! We teamed up with uOttawa and Vanier College to form a team of 10 students to face off against Queens, Concordia, and McGill, who each had like 15-20 people on their teams. Anyways, 1. We are the Ravens, 2. We are the GeeGees, 3. We are the Cheetahs, 4. More, more, more!!!

I think everyone had pretty awesome times. Got to share a testimony on the Sunday morning and ya. Good time to get away. My phone got wet in the lake (after sports we ended up throwing everyone into the lake. lol) but is fine now. Uhh. Ya.

I think the main things I am taking back are just the need to pray specifically and to go share the gospel with people if we want to see lives changed.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Taking Steps

Yo. This week was pretty cool. I guess I haven't really told you guys anything about Summit yet. I will in a post in a minute or two. But it was awesome.

Coming back from Summit was a chance for us all to take steps of faith and Discipleship Groups were starting! =D Unfortunately this week was also the week where I had two really big midterms, both Biotech and Mycology.... haha

So this week I had this tension between studying, going out sharing about Jesus on campus, and also working on my thesis, just to throw that into the mix (I got to talk to my prof and decide some things last week).

At the end of Summit as normal, there was a challenge to trust God with a faith barrier and I made 4. haha. Kinda just what I figure God had already been telling me to do, but had been too relctant to actually do them. One of my faith barriers at Summit was to share Jesus with 4 of my classmates, 2 other friends, and my Philosophy prof (if that all counts as one barrier... haha). So I wanted to meet up with each of them.

Three of them I got to cram with this week. haha. Two for biotech. We got to meet up in a library study room 1.5 hours before the midterm and just ask each other some questions and study. We felt pretty good, so for the last 20 minutes we just got to know each other a bit better. The other time I got to meet up with my classmate really early. haha. The week before he had asked me about IT who is currently serving as a missionary in Mexico. xP They apparently knew each other way back in first year and she had been able to share about her trip with him. He was like, really stressed about the midterm. We got to study for a bit.

I didn't get a chance to share more about Christ, but I hope to continue to take opportunities to grow these relationships.

I also got to meet up with a friend who used to be a classmate. We did Zumba yesterday (embarassing, but a good bonding time) and I got to share a little bit about how I want to go on missions and stuff.

I also finally got the cell number of one of the other people on my list. She's in my Philosophy class and so we hang out for like 15 minutes after each class in the library reviewing the class material and then talking about random things. Our quiz is on Monday, so we've been texting a bit, and making philosophy jokes. LOL. I emailed my prof and had a short conversation there, told her I was praying for her.

My last friend was too busy. He got a couple jobs recently. lol

So this week was cool times. haha. Can't wait for what else God has in store as I pray for my friends and seek after His will in these situations.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Assured

Hey!

Pretty exciting! Summit is tomorrow and there are a few 1st year students coming with us! There's actually like 130 students going this year plus like 20 staff! Which is insane!! But it'll be so awesome. xP

Today I got to go through some discipleship stuff with AP. He's a kinda crazy guy. lol. So on fire for God and also like a crazy  Physics nerd, no offense. lol... We looked at 1 John 5:9-13 and a bunch of passages that just summarize the gospel. It was a really great reminder of the assurance, the security, we have in our faith. Those that have Christ, have eternal life. As simple as that, no questions about it. And I know Christ has been in my life, so I know that I am saved and have a salvation that will not perish or fade or spoil. I just need to trust in these truths. Praise God for these truths and His immeasurable riches of grace!






I can't wait to see both of us and others growing as disciples of Christ as we help others know what it means to do the same.

I talked earlier in the day with my supervisor and got some work done in regards to my thesis. She seems to think that we may not get super far in the plan, but that's cool. haha. I don't really want to put in a lot of work. haha. I hope we can get very far, but it seems that we are first just testing the ability of the concept, rather than actually doing any of the combining of concepts yet. haha

Anyways, all is good. Tomorrow I'll be going over the same thing with RB, which should be great too.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Strong Scriptures

Hey!

So, today, idk, I guess I've been thinking quite a bit lately about stuff in general, and I've still been a little depressed about temptation and sin and stuff. So I got to thinking and praying a bit and I ended up reading 1 Peter. The whole book. It's so good. haha. And then I read a few psalms. Also great. And later today we read Ephesians 1 and 2, also really great.

All of them really spoke into my situation, and I guess I really just was really blown away by what the Bible was saying, probably like I've never really understood before, which is kinda neat, but ya... I don't like this situation of temptation and sin and everything.

I also guess I kinda realized how much I rely on God working through others and songs rather than just going to God directly in prayer or reading His word. So, I kinda feel like I should do that more in every situation, rather than being carried by the faith of others or by emotion or by words written by others. You know? I'm not saying any of those things are bad, but that it shouldn't be the foundation of my faith.

So I will continue thinking. But I also want to read through 1 Peter again. Everything in the whole book really spoke to me today, so I'd like to look through it in more detail.

Cool things happened today too. My friend RN apparently knows IT and heard about her going to Mexico, and saw me in a picture with her at church. And so we got to talk a little bit. I will talk to him more later. And I got to talk to MJ a bit because she was sick. I said I would pray for her. Hopefully we can talk more later. And Connect meeting was cool. Haha

Anyways, ttyl.

D.Fa

This Can Never Perish, Spoil or Fade

Yo.

So, these last few days have sucked tbh*. Sin, temptation, and overall spiritual attack on my identity in Christ. It's been extremely depressing and it's just been lie after lie from the enemy. And the biggest problem is just that I am listening and was so disturbed about my place in Christ.

My discipler was also really concerned so we talked for a while today. And I wrote out a bunch of probably really depressing garbage about how I have no identity and have no worth.

Then at our P2C servant team meeting, which I normally lead, but didn't have time to prepare for, and so another guy led it, I had however typed like two things into the googledoc, one of which were the Bible verses we were going to look at, which had been kinda determined last week, but that I had spent like no time at all on preparing. XP But the other guy thought I had and so he turned it over to me.

We read Rom9:16-33 (kinda harsh read. Haha, but also great promises of God saving the Gentiles and remnant of Israel, which He definitely didn't have to, so, ya, God is merciful yo) and I had jot down another verse. I didn't remember what the other verse said and so went to it while the others were sharing their thoughts on Rom9 (I know, pay attention when people talk, eh?). It was exactly what I needed to hear.

1Pet1: 3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade--kept in heaven for you, 5 who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9 for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. (my emphases)

So much pure gold of scripture in there! And praise God for speaking to me through it or I'd still be in a wreck. Haha

Anyways, talk to you later.

D.Fa

*pretty sure I'm gonna start using 'tbh' in my regular text vocabulary. It stands for 'to be honest'.