Bouken Deshou Deshou? :P

I'm not gonna lie, there's a good portion of me that is scared. This is so new and so sudden and I know there's a lot of people around me who don't know how to feel.

I wasn't sad when the last guy left. I'd learned so much about me. I'd learned so much about what is important to me. I learned so much about the value of being real and honest to people around me. And I was so excited just to meet you and see if you were more mature and more thoughtful and thought more similarly about meaningful things in my life.

We met. You were so great. I was so awkward trying to start back at date one when my brain still had so many semi-developed habits from the weeks before. I didn't want to push anything. I didn't want to have to put up barriers to protect myself. I wanted to be real and honest and see where things went. I hate how many barriers and habits I've built up over the decades to help me hide and pretend to be someone else. And here you were smiling at me and sharing who you were and what you've been through and drinking bubble tea (with grass jelly. ;P). 

6 hours passed by as if it were only one or two. I don't want to overanalyze everything. But I'm thinking through what do we do? What do I say? Are you ok? Was I too pushy? Am I being open? Can I just be happy and enjoy this moment?

-you lean in and place you head on my shoulder-

The world and the worries and the logical analysis mean nothing right now. You're happy. I'm happy. Let's see where this goes. We text. I smile all day. :)

I did not expect to see you again so soon. 2 days later. Meeting basically your best friend. Dressing up for a fancy second date. Couldn't hold your hand at dinner even if I wanted to. Your genuine laugh is so attractive. Your enthusiasm and passion. You just being free in this situation to be yourself and love yourself and those around you. :)) I couldn't take my eyes off you.

So we walk.

We talk.

We hold hands.

And we just experience the peace of being there. We don't need to know everything. We don't need to have it all planned. We don't need to have all the answers yet. It's ok to not know. It's ok to just be.

And then you go and surprise me. This is our second time seeing each other. Aside from the sparse texting for a week I've only known you 2 days at this point, like 9 hours in person. Everything I've ever learned or seen or watched or been told says this is too soon. If we go too fast we could get hurt. I don't want to lie. I don't want to let you down. I don't want to hurt you. But everything I've been thinking, everything I've been logically processing, all the last decade that we've had separately living such similar lives: we don't know each other super well yet, we don't know the details, but we understand each other SO MUCH MORE than I think anyone I've ever met. We're so in sync. We're so on the same page. And again, your enthusiasm and smile and passion knocks me over, it pushes past what logic should say. I love you too. :)

We walk again. :) Swinging arms, holding hands, you're singing so happily. :) This scene unimaginable, yet so natural and true and real. You're so good at singing. You're so joyful for everything you've been through. How could I not want to spend more time with you. How could I not want to spend all my time with you? I'm never going to get over that look in your eyes, your breathing and heart racing, your smile from ear to ear: "I fucking love you man. :)"

:)

I'm scared of how fast this has gone, but at the same time don't want to pretend and wait so it looks and feels more normal. I'm here because I felt I needed to jump in and figure it out. I'm here because I wanted to meet you and wouldn't take being busy as an answer. I'm here because you're here. And I'm here because I want an adventure too. :) 

Let's go on adventure SH. :)