Sing a New Song

Today's song of encouragement is Lifeline by Hillsong Young & Free

http://youtu.be/m8tKjIvvmvY

One thing I'd been thinking lately is "Why do I give so much value to music and not as much to the Bible?"

Now in no way do I mean to say that I don't value the Bible. I do think that it is God's word and that it is all that is needed for life on Christ. I think the Bible is authoritative and a source of hope and inspiration. A great great word of bad news and even greater good news.

But as I am right now, I go to Hillsong when I am in a bad mood, rather than to the Bible.

And I think there are some reasons for it, but I think I also do need to go to the Word of truth more, especially when the main reason I am feeling down is a lie that I am dwelling on too much.

The last time I was down I prayed for a second and then got to work on my homework. The only thing I can do then is to choose music to listen to while doing it. I often listen to anime or game original soundtracks when studying or cramming because it's usually something really intense. Haha. But the ones I'd been listening to recently had been pretty melancholy in tone. And I think I am easily affected by that. So I chose some music that'd make me feel better: Hillsong.

In addition to simply 'I don't have time, I need to multitask', I think another reason is that I really do typically connect to God a lot more deeply through music.

But ya, I need to make sure I am renewing my mind in Christ all the time and taking these thoughts captive.

Pray for me. XP

D.Fa

God at Work

Yo.

So, I'm not sure if I'd told you before most of this story, but me and BP have been meeting up with MSG every week since the beginning of September. He had filled out a survey somewhere on campus during frosh week and indicated that he was interested in meeting up to talk about Jesus. His information was uploaded and on one day when a bunch of us students got together to make some calls to the students who were interested in follow-up I had mostly been calling students who said they were Christian and wanted to grow in their faith, but after a few calls I wanted to call someone who wasn't Christian. So I checked the list, prayed for the person I was going to call, and in less than 3 minutes I had talked to MSG and we had set up a meeting. It was so easy I was actually speechless. Haha

That week I actually met BP and invited him to come with me to meet with MSG.

When we met up it was great and we had a good conversation, but he really wasn't all that interested in the Bible or the gospel. He had grown up in Montreal and had heard a bunch of stuff about God. He was really focused on the potential of humanity and our ability to surpass God if we properly harness our abilities. He had said the Bible was needed to get us to where we are now, but technology will take us from here. We mostly shared about the sinful nature of human hearts and how that really hasn't changed over the centuries. Something BP had really said clicked with him though and he was very interested in meeting up again.

We met up and played board games once. We met up and read a little bit of John 1 and had a conversation very similar to before and looked at a bunch of scriptures, but it didn't really mean much to MSG. He was asking questions about their validity. He was also saying how our sinful nature and desires for wrong or selfishness is just a challenge we need to overcome. We had lunch together and discussed ambitions.

Later he ended up coming to church with me and our pastor was doing a series on the validity of the Bible. Specifically he came to a sermon about the manuscripts and what we have now is what we had then. He also came a couple weeks later.

One week I couldn't go to our normal meeting and BP and him went through the rest of John 1. The following week we ended up meeting up with him separately. BP randomly ran into him on Tuesday and they had a good chat about idols and undivided pursuit of God (a narrow, but meaningful path) and how good things can become idols when out of proportion. He was asking about suffering. On Thursday I got to meet up with him and we read John 2 which really opened his eyes to Jesus being a complex person, not just some love-preaching gentle 2D character. He was sarcastic to his mom and flipped some tables in righteous anger. MSG was really interested in finishing reading the book of John. He was also talking about a movie he had seen and how he sees human sinful nature and selfishness in the characters.

That weekend MSG came to a conference about the New Testament and evidence for its reliability and verisimilitude among other things. It was a really cool conference and MSG got to meet some of my friends and housemates. We had good conversations in break times and lunches. I think it was a really good chance to hear more about the Bible and to hear why we trust in the Biblical Jesus.

The next week MSG came to our P2C weekly meeting where we were having some food and just sharing testimonies. So he got to meet a bunch of the guys and girls and hear stories of what God has done in their lives and why they are following Him now. Really good times for sure. At the end there was a question raised by one of our staff about a reading week trip to Quebec to do evangelism and MSG said he was interested in going. When we met up on Thursday that week we read some of John 3 and had a great talk about it. It was really interesting some of the things MSG was saying. He legit, without prompt said "the Bible is perfect", as well as this interesting concept of how university is his chance to find God and he is worried that after University he will lose himself if he doesn't find out now. He sees his parents and friends who have graduated living empty lives without opportunity to explore and discover more since they are now so stuck in the daily routine. He was asking about sin and why God would make it. He said that this was like the one big barrier in the way of him actually trusting in God.

It's just crazy to see how much God has done in MSG's life over the last couple months and it really wasn't me or BP doing the work. God just has really been changing his heart, getting him to open up and trust us, becoming curious and asking questions, coming to trust and be interested in what the Bible says, even saying that he'd be interested in going to Quebec and sharing the gospel. It's just so cool what God is doing and I want to keep seeing Him do crazy things.

Please pray MSG comes to know Jesus soon and that we can all celebrate with him and the angels and God of one who was dead coming to know life in Christ.

D.Fa

These Moments

When did I get this emotional?

I feel like I depend so much upon my feelings these days and so little upon fact and logic and rationality and truth.

How did I get to this place?
Why did I ever open up the door to emotion ad feelings?
What can I do to get through or over this?

I am not enjoying this conflict. Where every second of my day I feel like I want something I know I shouldn't.

When did I get this emotional?

The truth that I know is true is Jesus came, loved those who were broken, and died in their place.

When did I stop trusting in that? How did I get to this place where I am relying upon my own actions and plans for every goal and ambition?

---

My friends are so great though. I'm so glad I can ask them for prayer and help.

http://youtu.be/Ah0uydqMYhE
http://akingdomcollective.tumblr.com/post/102271934729/erasing-shame
"You want a stronger relationship with God and a deeper connection with your fellow man. Place nothing wicked before your eyes."
"Just ask Him to give you rest, and admit that you've been going to broken cisterns that hold no water, when He is the spring of eternal water // 'He who drinks from the water I give him will never be thirsty' // You're doing better than you think, but you need Him more than you know. What you think will satisfy your temporary lusts, this will not solve the problem."
"Maybe this is only what your flesh wants, because it doesn't know how else to express what your soul longs for."

---

Psalm 116: 5-9
Gracious is the Lord, and righteous;
    our God is merciful.
The Lord preserves the simple;
    when I was brought low, he saved me.
Return, O my soul, to your rest;
    for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.

For you have delivered my soul from death,
    my eyes from tears,
    my feet from stumbling;
I will walk before the Lord
    in the land of the living.

---

May God continue to show me His goodness. I know He has saved me and done great things. He has saved me. May He direct my steps and help me to walk in the land of the living and redeemed. May the lies be washed away as truth overflows.

D.Fa

Bursting Pop Culture

Yo. So today I heard another one of Taylor Swift's new songs, Blank Space, and it brings up some things I'd been thinking for a bit and something I wanted to post about.

Pop music is actually starting to have an actual conflict with the actions it endorses.

Blank Space is about another relationship and from first sight she knows he will probably turn out to be a mistake, it'll leave her breathless of go down in flames, she's insane for love and even though she knows it will probably leave scars she'll go for it with reckless youth and take it too far. The end of the video shows her ready to take on another relationship despite the extreme heartbreak she experienced just before. (http://youtu.be/e-ORhEE9VVg)

Another example is Sam Smith's Stay With Me. The song is about a one night stand and the emotional wreck it leaves him in. In the chorus he pleads "Oh won't you stay with me, cause you're all I need", even though "it's clear to see", "this ain't love". (http://youtu.be/pB-5XG-DbAA)

The other I had been thinking about recently is Sia's Chandelier. The song is about a desire for freedom and love, but the only way the world says girls can get it is by living a 'party girl' life of drinking and partying pushing her to the edge of life. The results of that partying life however are shame and winding up like a mess. "But I'm holding on for dear life. Won't look down, won't open my eyes. Keep my glass full untiil morning light. Cause I'm just holding of for tonight. Help me, I'm holding of for dear life" (http://youtu.be/2vjPBrBU-TM)

A friend of mine on facebook said they wished they had relationships with their crushes like Taylor Swift.

This makes me pretty sad about the state of our culture where we all hope for relationships even if we know they'll blow up. But I guess that's kinda what I do sometimes too is want what I know is bad for me.

Hmm. Guess we need to pray for God to work in our culture as well as in our own hearts by the Holy Spirit

Ttyl.

D.Fa

If I Were a Hydra Maybe

I believe very firmly now that I am actually really terrible at multitasking.

Over the years I have generally believed that I am fairly good at multitasking (doing multiple things at the same time) and I think I am finally at the realization that that is not true.

I was thinking about ti a week or so ago: I can only deal with the people I interact with regularly. Unfortunately everyone else ends up in this weird limbo state where if I happen to remember them on some off chance then I will send them a text. And then the people I never see drift into obscurity. This is by no means because I don't actually generally care for them, but I simply can't deal with that many people at once.

One idea that I think I told you guys about before is the concept of "My 5" in regards to sharing the gospel intentionally with 5-10 friends. You pray for them regularly and make an effort to spend time with them and love them and share the gospel with them. At the beginning of the semester it was 5 people. Now it's like 15 and I can't handle that many people at all....... haha....

Then there's trying to juggle and manage too many things at the same time: school, ministry, church, friends, housemates, family, anime, pokémon, youtube, etc. etc.

And whatever. I need to focus on a couple things at a time. I can't do it all.

A subsequent thought tied up in all this is that there's no way I could ever possibly handle a long-distance relationship. I don't know how my housemates do it.

Anyways, ttyl.

D.Fa

Exited to Go!

You know, I'm so, so, so, so, so excited right now. haha

I've kinda been telling everyone how excited I was all week. haha

I'm a certified ESL teacher now. =D

This week I'd been taking part in a TESOL class (Teachers of English to Speakers of Other Languages). And after a very long week I now have certificates that say I can teach English. haha

Now, if you haven't heard anything about this so far you may be wondering "wait, I thought he was really bad at English and kinda hated it? Why is he going to teach it??" And I would fully agree with that thought. I also have had many of those thoughts this week and before as well. So let me explain how I am now at a place where I cannot wait to teach English. xP

So, I've been trying to figure out what I should do after I graduate. There's a huge list of things and options and that's great, but I really want to figure it out and the thing I really want most is to go overseas somewhere for a coupe years and do mission work. I really didn't have much of a plan. Kinda the same places as always where I'd been with P2C and just figuring out whether I should go to one place, or the other, and what God's will was.

I was talking with Pastor DB and sharing a little about this and he told me about this CRAZY AWESOME opportunity to go to Japan!!!!! Apparently we have a sister church in Tokyo! They are a newer multicultural church and they need some people to come help. Apparently they've got a bunch of Mandarin speaking seekers too, which is also cool. BUT! Tokyo is a really expensive place to live. I wouldn't be able to go over and just rely on support raising. The guy from the church apparently has some English teaching positions available. So I had been thinking about this quite a bit.

I was praying and really, I want to go to Japan. Since back in like grade 10 I'd been saying I'd go to Japan after university. So I started praying a bit for clarity about what I should do after I graduate and kinda also asking that I can go to Japan. A few weeks before it occurred to me that I can pray for what I want, which is true. If it is in accordance with God's will He will make it happen. And if not it'll be pretty clear.

Before taking with Pastor DB I had been rewatching Cardcaptors and had noticed that my Japanese is actually good enough to not need to read the subtitles to get the gist of what they are saying. The day after I got an email with the following subject "Hawaii, Panama, Tokyo – the world has never been closer". A day or so later I had a dream in which I was a missionary to this random island in the Caribbean or something. I needed to get a direct flight back to Canada so I needed to talk to the airport workers. They asked me some questions and I ended up telling them I believe in Jesus. They asked what I think about prophecy and I said something about how me going to Japan to share the gospel would be an answer to prophecy or something. (It was a great dream btw) And then a couple days later just walking through the University Center there was a career fair. There was a booth for an ESL Teacher course and the only flyer they had on their table was for the JET programme which is for teaching in Japan. At a weekly meeting the speaker talked about a Carleton student who went to Japan and was praying for them and crying. 

Somewhere in these weeks I needed to sign some banking things and ended up by the Clubs office. Right across from it is the students association and in the window was a poster from like back in 2nd year frosh week. The Buried Life was visiting and on the poster we were encouraged to write one of our items on our bucket list. I couldn't exactly think of anything until I thought "share the gospel in Japan".

I'm SOOOOO Down to go to Japan. haha.

Why do I feel the need to justify this? Why can't I just go?

I made a friend in class. He's so down to go to Japan too. haha. I really want to go together and be like best friends and it'll be so awesome. Teaching English and living in Japan. I'll have so many chances to share the gospel.

Praying for these things. haha

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Completely Surrounded by Legalism

Hey guys. Let's have a chat.

I've been kinda all over the place lately. Before this week I'd had so much work to do with midterms and group projects and lab work and way too many cell phone games. Unfortunately that meant I was spending very little time with God. Every day started sleeping in and waking up 55 minutes before I needed to be somewhere and there were no breaks even on Sundays since my groups needed me to meet up after church. I was so exhausted all the time and just had this feeling of emptiness and hopelessness. Seemed like no way out of the constant stream of responsibilities and was just being worn away.

I also have realized that I don't deal well with challenges or problems that I need to get through. Typically pretending they don't exist or just installing rules to minimize the effects.

By my own power, I will waste away and burn myself out rather than take help.

Just before the two weeks of dry times I heard clearly the phrase "you need me". And by simply observing my actions, it seems like I would disagree. I was trying to accomplish everything: minister to my friends, get all my work done, lead bible studies, figure out my future; everything on my own and it felt hopeless.

Our salvation is by faith, not by works.

Again, my actions, clearly not agreeing. But I think it wasn't so much I didn't know that, but that I'm not really putting it into practice. Luther said "If I fail to spend two hours in prayer each morning, the devil gets the victory through the day. I have so much business I cannot get on without spending three hours daily in prayer" which seems crazy, but fully reliant on God. Now even with me doing all these things and everything, I know it isn't by works. I love sharing the gospel. What does this mean? It came to me that part of why I love ministry so much is simply that in it is where I see God at work, I see Him doing amazing things and I feel much closer to Him and tangibly can see the gospel at work.

Later into the two weeks I heard another phase audibly "completely surrounded by legalism". Which was kinda harsh to me. It was convicting. But I didn't react in action. I kept to my current life of empty endeavor by my own strength. By this week I was kinda just falling apart.

Certain areas of sin in my life are becoming more 'active' so to say. Again my reactions are to enforce legalism, which will never solve the problem. I've read a bit recently in a couple books that recommend taking radical action against sin, but clearly state these things are merely to help get you to a place where you can more easily be free to call on God to help you and grow in Him. And the idea that stuck from Overcoming Sin and Temptation that I am currently thinking about was Owen's comment towards Catholicism of how they (and people in general) end up looking to these rules and regulations as the end goal rather than a simple helpful step, or the idea that we get so stuck on "well, this isn't as bad as that" when the true thought should be comparing to purity not worse impurity.

Hmmm.

The coolest things though is that it is so clear how God is pursuing me. A year ago I had a friend who was really struggling with motivation and had a huge essay due and didn't care that much. The day it was due God really spoke to her and showed her how our relationship with God isn't one sided, that God is fighting for us, not just reciprocating our efforts. Her favourite phase was "God is soooo BIG!" Which really doesn't mean all that much to me in the literal size, but I think I am starting to understand a bit of it in the not literal.

These weeks I've heard God speak a couple times directly (which I nearly never do / I should be listening more), had so many awesome things happen (ran into a guy AM and had an awesome conversation about Jesus), felt clearly provided for after essentially starving on Friday and He provided meals and warm places and smiles, and truly speaking through worship times and his word more recently.

God is seriously pursuing me, despite how distant I am currently being.

God is good.

All the time.

This week I really pray I'd be able to spend more time with Him and meditate on His word throughout the days. May a real relationship with Him free me from legalism and allow me to freely live in Him.

D.Fa