Urbana 12 - 29
So, that was another crazy day. Haha. I think I am finally here. Like I have been thinking about P2C+ a lot and kinda thinking about the differences there would be, but I've been trying to hold on and just wait to see why I am here instead. There must be a reason.
Well, honestly, I have broken down in tears twice today.
As much as I love to pretend I am fine and can do it, really I can't. Image means a whole deal more to me than it really should. I don't even mean my perhaps existent problem with vanity, but like as a student leader the pressure is on to always look good, to be more than a normal student. The problem is how I go about it. I will try to do better myself, or I will just not tell anyone what is happening when I have a time of dryness or doubt.
You know how much hypocrisy that leads to? How many times I'd been to prayer meetings or how many worship songs I'd sung without having my heart in it?
What Calisto said yesterday about how if we can't share with our friends, what is the point of going on missions? If what we are saying isn't good for local consumption than it isn't good to export.
So ya, when we were going to sing 'I will go' and the worship leader said to really just pray and when you are ready to mean those words, stand and sing, and if not just let God minister to you through it; when that happened I broke. My friends and family need the gospel now. If I care about them this much, how much does God, who has loved with an everlasting love, care for them? Yet I am scared of saying anything. Although I pray for opportunities and know God is with me, I stutter and don't take the opportunity.
In track time we did some worship, watched what it means to be Canadian (aka Gunnarolla), then had a talk on 'Canadian Idols' and then a big time of thinking what idols we have, then confessing them kneeling before the cross, then interceding for our campuses and country.
I didn't really want to go kneel that much, but when I did I broke down again. Why am I here if not to hear from God? So why am I fighting it? Why am I putting up this image of having it all together? I prayed that God would just break me down so that there was no way I could put myself back together, but have to rely on Him to fix me.
So ya. I'm here now. Haha. Tonight we got to join the ministry in Swaziland by packing medical relief kits and praying for the caregivers who use them to share God's love with HIV positive individuals.
We packed 32 000. Awesome.
Ttyl.
D.Fa
So, that was another crazy day. Haha. I think I am finally here. Like I have been thinking about P2C+ a lot and kinda thinking about the differences there would be, but I've been trying to hold on and just wait to see why I am here instead. There must be a reason.
Well, honestly, I have broken down in tears twice today.
As much as I love to pretend I am fine and can do it, really I can't. Image means a whole deal more to me than it really should. I don't even mean my perhaps existent problem with vanity, but like as a student leader the pressure is on to always look good, to be more than a normal student. The problem is how I go about it. I will try to do better myself, or I will just not tell anyone what is happening when I have a time of dryness or doubt.
You know how much hypocrisy that leads to? How many times I'd been to prayer meetings or how many worship songs I'd sung without having my heart in it?
What Calisto said yesterday about how if we can't share with our friends, what is the point of going on missions? If what we are saying isn't good for local consumption than it isn't good to export.
So ya, when we were going to sing 'I will go' and the worship leader said to really just pray and when you are ready to mean those words, stand and sing, and if not just let God minister to you through it; when that happened I broke. My friends and family need the gospel now. If I care about them this much, how much does God, who has loved with an everlasting love, care for them? Yet I am scared of saying anything. Although I pray for opportunities and know God is with me, I stutter and don't take the opportunity.
In track time we did some worship, watched what it means to be Canadian (aka Gunnarolla), then had a talk on 'Canadian Idols' and then a big time of thinking what idols we have, then confessing them kneeling before the cross, then interceding for our campuses and country.
I didn't really want to go kneel that much, but when I did I broke down again. Why am I here if not to hear from God? So why am I fighting it? Why am I putting up this image of having it all together? I prayed that God would just break me down so that there was no way I could put myself back together, but have to rely on Him to fix me.So ya. I'm here now. Haha. Tonight we got to join the ministry in Swaziland by packing medical relief kits and praying for the caregivers who use them to share God's love with HIV positive individuals.
We packed 32 000. Awesome.
Ttyl.
D.Fa
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