That is my reaction to seeing the clouds over Malaysia on Google Maps while looking for Qatar (w00t!!) and subsequently Singapore (which I have always traditionally assumed was in the Mediterranean near Italy).
Anyways, that is why I am blogging, right now, in the library, Qatar has seen my blog!
I really meant to blog yesterday. I ran out of time though.
You see, yesterday in church, Pastor DB spoke about Lent, about the varying history and how we can apply it. Lent has traditionally been a 40 day long time period where you give something up and replace it with something that will draw you closer to God. It is not simply meant as a punishment, it is not simply a time to switch vices, it can't be something that you force on someone.
So, when I was praying about it I came up with three options:
1)Give up breakfast. This was based literally off of Matthew 4:4 "Jesus answered "It is written 'Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'""
I eat a lot of bread. This is because of my mother who is particularlly particular about whether her sandwich bread is 'stale' or not leading to the purchase of many additional loaves of bread which I take because otherwise no one will eat them. Especially for breakfast recently I have been eating, like, 5 slices of bread with something on it (Peanut Butter, Jam, Bananas, etc.). So literally, replace the bread with reading the Bible or something.
2)Nevermind. It's not important.
3)Anime which I then felt should be all television including Friends. This is because at breakfast and other various times when I am 'bored' or otherwise decide for no reason that my studies are less important than procrastination that this is what I should do. I would be able to eat breakfast and connect with God!
Reasons against the posssibilities:
1) I am hardly eating lunch ever as it is, so giving up breakfast is either switching over to eating lunches (as if I hadn't given anything up) or starving myself by not eating anything, but dinner when I am already, probably, malnourished. Also, Saturday night I was talking to my support coach JW and he suggested I spend more time at school so I could get things done and he said that he used to go to Baker's and buy a cheap breakfast and 'have breakfast with God.' Then Sunday Pastor DB was recounting how food is a social thing and how in college because he knew nobody he would 'eat lunch with God'. I felt God was telling me to a) eat meals and b) eat them with Him. Nothing such as "you should starve", but rather the opposite..
2)forget it.
3)I have actually got to a point where anime isn't controlling my life. I only watch it during meals or when there is nothing else to do. TV however is almost always a waste of time.
I was thinking about this stuff all day and decided to ask AL about it. I told her about options 1 and 3. She asked if I had thought about option 2. I replied that I had and decided against it.
I suppose I should let you know what it is now. Option 2 is pokemon. At the thought I said "no. I just bought pokemon white on Friday. If I give it up now I will be unable to play it for what will turn into 3 months (because of EAP) and then no one will still be playing. I am going to give it up in a few weeks once I beat it."
AL asked if I had talked to God / the Holy Spirit about it.
I realized I was deliberately ignoring Him for my own selfish desires.
You know what that is? That is the general definition of sin.
I was sinning and I even kind of knew about it. I mean, when I had been playing on Friday night I had been like 'I'll play until 9 then I'll read Lev 9-10 (which I was supposed to read on the bus that morning, but ran into NB and a 16 year old gangster hiphop thug at the bus stop and ya...)' and I pushed it off for hours. On the bus I'd read the Bible as fast as possible to spend more time playing. I was playing at the C4C meeting. I was playing before / after sunday school. I was playing instead of eating the soup my dad had made. It was taking over my life and I was letting it because I wanted to play so badly, but at the same time I was feeling pretty bad about it and although I had played for 9 hours I was not in the least satisfied. yet.
I thought playing would make it better. I mean, the plot will progress, I'll catch more pokemon (especially Galvantula! I want it so badly!!!) and I will catch them all and have a sense of accomplishment.
I chose to ignore God that morning. He spoke through AL because speaking to me directly wasn't working. I was still not listening. For close to 4 hours at work I was thinking about pokemon and how I was selfishly, sinfully, stupidly, stubornly ignoring God and not making the decision to give up pokemon for lent.
The worst part of this is that I knew Lent is supposed to draw you closer to God. How can you draw closer to God while being in conscience disobedience to what He is telling me? You can't grow in your relationship with God if you are willfully living a life of sin at the same time. Sin is why we can't normally have a relationship with God. Sin is why God had to send Jesus to die on a cross (he also rose from the dead). Jesus is how we can have a relationship while having sin in the past tense. God's grace and love for us overcomes everything.
and yet, I wasn't saying yes or no even while knowing yes was the right answer.
I finally gave up. You can't beat God. So pokemon white is now, and will be for the next 40-100 days, be sitting on the shelf in my room beside my DS which I may or may not touch for an equal amount of time.
Ya.
I'll ttyl. xP
D.Fa
PS... Sorry about the essay of a post... xP
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