To Not Do

Here we are again.

We're past the fact.
And I feel this way again.

I feel like I've done something terrible, again.
I feel like I should hide from You, again.
I feel ashamed to show my face to You, again.
I feel like I've died.

Again.

Why must I always come back here.
Why must I always give in.
Why must I always turn away.
Why is it so easy to sin.

Everytime I feel like I can't face you.
I've been told you have payed for all my sins,
for the sins of the world.

But everytime,
I feel like
it's the worst thing I've ever done.
I feel like
I need to beg you for forgiveness.

Everytime
I say
it's the last time.
I say
I want to never again return here.

So why am I here again.
Why am I here again.

I feel inadaquate.
I feel weak.
I feel judged,

Why can't I feel loved.

Why do some things
I've been told
not line up with some things
I've felt.

Once again I will beg.
Once again I will turn back to You.
Once again I will renounce my actions.
Once again I will repent.
Once again I will feel the joy of living as you want me to,

but will I once again turn away..?
I don't want to.
This is what I say/pray.