Guilty Worship

Yo,

A while back I asked myself a question which I thought was really troubling and caused guilt even though the source was what seemed to cause so much pure joy in my life. So I was very conflicted.

"Why does it seem that I value the word of man over the Word of God? Why, when I am feeling down, or even often in general, do I turn more often to Hillsong than to the Bible?"

And this came out of a place where some of the moments that I felt best about life and my present situations would be in listening to one song over and over again. Whether it was at work, or at home, or on a bus. It seemed that I was most full of joy when deeply reflecting on the word's of my favourite contemporary Christian artists. Why not in reflection of God's word? Why not in prayer? Why was this it?

This week at a Christian conference I had a realization of the reason that this is, and how it is a good thing and not bad. Which, let me tell you, makes me feel so much better about those situations and about myself.

The conference was held by Power to Change - Students and it was the 5th I had attended. There were so many great sessions and workshops that spoke truth into a variety of situations from God's judgement to time management and everything in between.

What was very different than in many other years was that there was an emphasis on overcoming shame. I will end up talking about this later in relation to my life, but for now, I will give a brief overview. Guilt and shame are different. Guilt makes you want to do better because you see that you did something that wasn't good. Shame makes you want to do less because you feel you are bad. the speaker went over briefly how to combat shame in recognizing it, regulating it, revealing it, and reality checking it. Largely seeing that it's there, in the moment stopping and reminding yourself of the truth of who you are in Christ, and bringing others along to help you and others.

Again, I will get more into this, but I have come to acknowledge that I do struggle with a lot of shame in my life. When I read the Bible the truth there is encouraging, but I often read it so quickly that it doesn't have time to sink in. Songs written by Christian artists take that truth, whether a lot of it in hymns, or smaller chunks in other songs, and really go into that. They put it to music. They sing it in the chorus again and again. And my own listening to it again and again; singing it; ending up memorizing it; singing out gladly to the God who has done this in worship; reminding myself continually of who I am because of Jesus; this allows the truth to sink in so much more deeply than it can when I don't give the Bible the time it deserves, when I don't put aside the time to just speak with God and enjoy Him. even while multitasking I can reflect on the truth of the gospel and let it sink in.

My favourite songs are often slower tempo and acoustic. And they reflect on the truth that Jesus died so that I could live, that no matter what I am His and He is mine, that in resurrection Jesus reigns supreme, that He is faithful to bring to completion all the things that He has started, that sin and death are destroyed and I don't need to worry about them; things like that. Listening, literally hundreds of times to a single song like this really allows the truth to wash over me and renew the hope I have in the gospel and the mighty God who has done it.

I'm not saying that I shouldn't try to really worship God better through my times in the Bible or prayer. I definitely need to work on those. However, I am so relieved that listening to or singing Christian songs and feeling great because of it isn't a bad thing due to idolatry or anything, but that it is a way I can renew my mind and worship God.

=]

May He be praised and may I become more like Him each day in obedience and surrender to the One who is truly good and loving. May my hope be renewed each day as I learn more deeply of the great love that overcomes my shame and the wrath that was rightly mine through the cross.

Amen