Yo,
it's Christmas eve. That's cool. It's also super weird for a lot of reasons. Aside from the fact that it was like 16 degrees today and sunny, there;s a number of other things. Normally at this time I'd be wrapping presents. Or 'presents'. bwahaha. But today my brother's boyfriend was coming over so I had to be all ready for today. So I actually get to go sleep in a minute. =D
Something normal though, every Christmas eve for a long time now me and my brother would get to open a present. It was always clothes to be worn the next day when our grandparents came over. Today I got a really nice sweater. And my dad explained that it was 'conditional' upon my complete destruction of my other sweater. You know, the black and grey one. My sweater! Why does everyone hate it!? It still works fine!! =O
Nothing else to say really. I baked a lot these last couple days. Oh! I discovered Clean Bandit the other day during MishMashFM and I proceeded to listen to all of their music on Spotify and now I'm a little addicted. They are so cool! Combining electronic and classical music. The main group is a string quartet. So cool. They have a song literally about classical music vs electronic music called "Mozart's House". This one is my current repeating favourite song: Stronger
So cool yo. Looking forward to Urbana in a few days.
Ttyl.
D.Fa
PS. O . O is Jesus is 'new Adam' why is the church never called 'new Eve'..? Is that biblical? ..?
24.12.15
23.12.15
Supply and Demand
Yo,
today was crazy. I've been sleeping in a bit, knitting a lot, and resting a bit because I don't know when or how, but it seems I bruised by left heel bone or something like that. But it's getting pretty close to Christmas know and so I had to go out and buy a bunch of stuff for my mom as gifts for my dad. I thought this might take an hour or so, but the buses didn't come at the beginning so I had to walk like 20 minutes to get to Walmart, then I did catch the bus, but then discovered I needed to go downtown to get something. Overall I was out for maybe 4 and a half hours or so? And it was raining. Which is still strange.
This whole season is a bit strange to me. One of the youtubers that I subscribe to was speaking in his latest video about a thought he is pondering lately. Having been diagnosed with cancer and going through surgery he's been thinking a lot and this time he spoke about what defines you. For him a lot of it comes down to what you produce, what you make, and how you interact with others. This whole season on the other hand seems to be defining yourself based on what you desire or what you can buy for others; a cycle of supply and demand.
For me this gets confusing because I don't ever really know what I want.
Every year my dad asks for a Christmas list and I've been getting worse and worse at letting him know anything that I actually want. I usually end up giving everything away to others who'd need it more. Or I end up doing nothing with it. I am not good at receiving gifts. But even outside of what I would physically want, I don't even really know what I want in life y'know? Like dream job or aspirations or where I'd be in 10 years. I'm not very good with those questions either.
And then even when I think I want something, why do I want it? Is it me that really wants it? Do I want it because of an exterior pressure? Do I want it because it would make others happy? Do I want it just because I've been told I want it? Do I want it because I've fooled myself into thinking I want it? What do I want?
I'm unsure.
When it comes to more deep questions, I still don't really know and in this season of my life especially I seem to be really torn and conflicted between the spirit and the flesh, and I won't go into details, but it's extremely annoying. The two are not compatible and I must choose one or the other to really experience either. But to choose one is to leave the other. I know what I should choose. But I don't believe it fully.
May God truly show me how much more meaningful and complete a life it is to follow His Spirit in everything, how His steadfast love is better than anything life could offer; may He give me true desire and ambition for my joy and His glory; may His Spirit guide and empower me.
Ttyl.
D.Fa
PS. But yesterday I got to talk with Andrew Huang during the brief period that MishMashFM was a thing. He should come to Ottawa. haha
today was crazy. I've been sleeping in a bit, knitting a lot, and resting a bit because I don't know when or how, but it seems I bruised by left heel bone or something like that. But it's getting pretty close to Christmas know and so I had to go out and buy a bunch of stuff for my mom as gifts for my dad. I thought this might take an hour or so, but the buses didn't come at the beginning so I had to walk like 20 minutes to get to Walmart, then I did catch the bus, but then discovered I needed to go downtown to get something. Overall I was out for maybe 4 and a half hours or so? And it was raining. Which is still strange.
This whole season is a bit strange to me. One of the youtubers that I subscribe to was speaking in his latest video about a thought he is pondering lately. Having been diagnosed with cancer and going through surgery he's been thinking a lot and this time he spoke about what defines you. For him a lot of it comes down to what you produce, what you make, and how you interact with others. This whole season on the other hand seems to be defining yourself based on what you desire or what you can buy for others; a cycle of supply and demand.
For me this gets confusing because I don't ever really know what I want.
Every year my dad asks for a Christmas list and I've been getting worse and worse at letting him know anything that I actually want. I usually end up giving everything away to others who'd need it more. Or I end up doing nothing with it. I am not good at receiving gifts. But even outside of what I would physically want, I don't even really know what I want in life y'know? Like dream job or aspirations or where I'd be in 10 years. I'm not very good with those questions either.
And then even when I think I want something, why do I want it? Is it me that really wants it? Do I want it because of an exterior pressure? Do I want it because it would make others happy? Do I want it just because I've been told I want it? Do I want it because I've fooled myself into thinking I want it? What do I want?
I'm unsure.
When it comes to more deep questions, I still don't really know and in this season of my life especially I seem to be really torn and conflicted between the spirit and the flesh, and I won't go into details, but it's extremely annoying. The two are not compatible and I must choose one or the other to really experience either. But to choose one is to leave the other. I know what I should choose. But I don't believe it fully.
May God truly show me how much more meaningful and complete a life it is to follow His Spirit in everything, how His steadfast love is better than anything life could offer; may He give me true desire and ambition for my joy and His glory; may His Spirit guide and empower me.
Ttyl.
D.Fa
PS. But yesterday I got to talk with Andrew Huang during the brief period that MishMashFM was a thing. He should come to Ottawa. haha
21.12.15
Gold. Dark. Red. Clean. Green.
Yo.
A few weeks ago I was talking with a good friend of mine and we were walking and talking. She asked about an apologetics conference I had attended and my thoughts on it. I told her about one of the biggest things for me was the idea that people were not originally created as perfect creatures. Although God said good, even very good, he did not say perfect. And I explained how a number of times myself or others had explained the gospel with that as one of the points 'people were made perfect, but because of sin we became separated'. People would then ask questions about how we could be perfect and then be made to sin, etc. etc. But we were not perfect. Adam and Eve were good, but not perfect. We were never perfect and therefore, knowing we would fall short of His glory and perfection, God would have to do something to make a way for us to be reconciled to Him.
After I had said something along those lines, my friend was slightly astonished. She asked where I had learned that? (that people were made perfect) So I explained about how waaaaaaay back in Youth Fellowship our youth leader had given us these bracelets with 5 beads representing the gospel: gold - representing God and our relationship before the fall, how we were perfect and in perfect relationship with Him; dark - representing that fall into sin and impurity, brokenness, and corruption; red - representing Christ's blood on the cross which was shed to make a way for us to be reconciled; clean - representing our newness of life in Christ, righteousness white as snow, clean before God because of Christ's great exchange; and green - a growing relationship with God as we daily live following Him in spirit and truth.
Still astonished. I think she may have punched my arm. Probably not. She explained that the gold bead wasn't about people at all, but about God and about the streets of the new Jerusalem that was to come where we again would live in relationship with God. She said more than that, and she said it as if I was a 4 year old (she had learned much from the Child Evangelism Fellowship).
And my eyes were opened! Then I started thinking, maybe this is why I always thought I needed to be perfect before coming to God, because I thought perfection is what was needed to be in relationship with Him (as I had though Adam and Eve showed).
But in the Bible people are never spoken of as being perfect in their own ability. It goes on endlessly about how no one is righteous, not even one, none could stand before God, people feared angels, people thought they'd die in God's presence. People are not perfect, especially after the fall, but before too. In other places it does however refer to God as holy and perfect. (Lev20:26, Deut14:2, Josh24:19, Matt5:48, 1Pet1:16, etc.) and the streets of new Jerusalem, where God will be our light, as being golden. It also speaks of our need for repentance and to claim forgiveness in Christ, to deny ourselves and follow after Him.
Ttyl.
D.Fa
A few weeks ago I was talking with a good friend of mine and we were walking and talking. She asked about an apologetics conference I had attended and my thoughts on it. I told her about one of the biggest things for me was the idea that people were not originally created as perfect creatures. Although God said good, even very good, he did not say perfect. And I explained how a number of times myself or others had explained the gospel with that as one of the points 'people were made perfect, but because of sin we became separated'. People would then ask questions about how we could be perfect and then be made to sin, etc. etc. But we were not perfect. Adam and Eve were good, but not perfect. We were never perfect and therefore, knowing we would fall short of His glory and perfection, God would have to do something to make a way for us to be reconciled to Him.
After I had said something along those lines, my friend was slightly astonished. She asked where I had learned that? (that people were made perfect) So I explained about how waaaaaaay back in Youth Fellowship our youth leader had given us these bracelets with 5 beads representing the gospel: gold - representing God and our relationship before the fall, how we were perfect and in perfect relationship with Him; dark - representing that fall into sin and impurity, brokenness, and corruption; red - representing Christ's blood on the cross which was shed to make a way for us to be reconciled; clean - representing our newness of life in Christ, righteousness white as snow, clean before God because of Christ's great exchange; and green - a growing relationship with God as we daily live following Him in spirit and truth.
Still astonished. I think she may have punched my arm. Probably not. She explained that the gold bead wasn't about people at all, but about God and about the streets of the new Jerusalem that was to come where we again would live in relationship with God. She said more than that, and she said it as if I was a 4 year old (she had learned much from the Child Evangelism Fellowship).
And my eyes were opened! Then I started thinking, maybe this is why I always thought I needed to be perfect before coming to God, because I thought perfection is what was needed to be in relationship with Him (as I had though Adam and Eve showed).
But in the Bible people are never spoken of as being perfect in their own ability. It goes on endlessly about how no one is righteous, not even one, none could stand before God, people feared angels, people thought they'd die in God's presence. People are not perfect, especially after the fall, but before too. In other places it does however refer to God as holy and perfect. (Lev20:26, Deut14:2, Josh24:19, Matt5:48, 1Pet1:16, etc.) and the streets of new Jerusalem, where God will be our light, as being golden. It also speaks of our need for repentance and to claim forgiveness in Christ, to deny ourselves and follow after Him.
Ttyl.
D.Fa
20.12.15
Vulnerability
Yo,
So, it's nearly Christmas and I've been knitting a lot, so I'm running out of things that I actively want to watch while knitting, and aside from Beautiful Bones -- Sakurako's Investigation (excellent anime!), and the people I am subscribed to on youtube, and the new digimon anime (not very good in my opinion), I've needed to find some new things. Today I started watching some TED talks.
The first couple were about apleoanthropology and the origins of man and stuff like that related to cave paintings and Salem. The next was about public health and wealth distribution inequality and stats. Then I got to one that I had seen a couple times before, so I was about to skip over it. But I decided to watch it anyways.
It is titled "The Power of Vulnerability by Brene Brown". Feel free to watch it now before I spoil any of it. It is WELL worth your 18 minutes. I rarely, like really, RARELY rewatch anything. Seriously, I just liked the video and added it to a new public playlist called 'favourites' and I will very very likely watch it again.
I think there's a whole lot of great things that Dr. Brown says in her talk. Like a lot. Many things that cut me to my heart. Things that I 100% relate to in her own story. And so much of it I see as very biblical too. Loving yourself and others because of the worth Christ has shown us and grace He has given us. I find it very difficult to allow for uncertainty in what I do. And owning up to weakness keeps me distanced from others.
So ya, really great talk. May God help me to be more vulnerable and to experience His joy and goodness without numbing out all emotions.
"you know what, you're imperfect and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging"
D.Fa
So, it's nearly Christmas and I've been knitting a lot, so I'm running out of things that I actively want to watch while knitting, and aside from Beautiful Bones -- Sakurako's Investigation (excellent anime!), and the people I am subscribed to on youtube, and the new digimon anime (not very good in my opinion), I've needed to find some new things. Today I started watching some TED talks.
The first couple were about apleoanthropology and the origins of man and stuff like that related to cave paintings and Salem. The next was about public health and wealth distribution inequality and stats. Then I got to one that I had seen a couple times before, so I was about to skip over it. But I decided to watch it anyways.
It is titled "The Power of Vulnerability by Brene Brown". Feel free to watch it now before I spoil any of it. It is WELL worth your 18 minutes. I rarely, like really, RARELY rewatch anything. Seriously, I just liked the video and added it to a new public playlist called 'favourites' and I will very very likely watch it again.
I think there's a whole lot of great things that Dr. Brown says in her talk. Like a lot. Many things that cut me to my heart. Things that I 100% relate to in her own story. And so much of it I see as very biblical too. Loving yourself and others because of the worth Christ has shown us and grace He has given us. I find it very difficult to allow for uncertainty in what I do. And owning up to weakness keeps me distanced from others.
So ya, really great talk. May God help me to be more vulnerable and to experience His joy and goodness without numbing out all emotions.
"you know what, you're imperfect and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging"
D.Fa
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