Falling Back

Yo, so, I did end up falling even further back momentarily and it has really messed with my head.

You know, the whole 'we are no longer sinners, but saints who sometimes sin' thing? It's kinda messy. Like, there is definitely freedom in Christ from sin, and indeed we will not suddenly overnight be free from all sin since we are still living in the flesh, but when you have been seeing victory in a certain area for so long it freaking sucks to be back at square one. But on the other hand, it's not like in this area I was even winning fully considering our thoughts also must be sanctified and they definitely have not been recently.

But since falling a bit further my mind has just been drowning in bad thoughts. I can't study without my mind wandering. So when it did I just had to quit and take a break, get back to the word, and that took the form of a SCF lesson, which oddly enough was about the main battle ground of our spiritual warfare: the mind.

But ya, I just need to be in the word and in fellowship with Christ more. My record-breaking streak means nothing, since it was never myself doing that. I am not back at square one, my relationship with God has definitely grown since the summer.

After the lesson, I ended up on youtube and from a video of a guitar cover of radio head, I got to a song by Starfield called 'Speak Now Jesus' and it really fit where I was at.

"The noise of life is overwhelming, drowning out the truth that I need, open up my ears to hear, open up my ears to hear.
Speak now Jesus, Speak into my heart, I am desperate to hear your still small voice. I need to hear your voice.
Lead me Jesus, I need direction. I am so lost, without you guiding me. I need to know your peace.

When you speak I'll listen; where you lead, I'll go"

I can't do it without Him. I seriously need to hear from Him more.

Ttyl.

D.Fa