Money for Missions

So, I guess I just made a decision.

I have been thinking a while about whether or not to put an ad on my blog that can make money.

I decided to do so. However, I would like to make sure I am not using the money for myself. And so I am telling you and will continue to tell you about what happens to the money. I will never use the money I make from this blog or youtube or wherever you get money from 'views' or whatever for myself.

I have decided that this money will all go to some sort of missions work, and not my own at that. If someone approaches me asking for support I will pray about how much I will be giving personally and then also take whatever has accumulated from my blog and give it to them. Of course, I'm not just gonna give the money to anyone. Lol. I will make sure it is a good cause. And I will let you know. I won't even look at how much I have 'earned' until I give it away.

So. Ya. I'm not fully sure how it works, but if it gets out of hand or if it detracts in any way from my blog I will remove it.

Do you guys have any thoughts on this?

D.Fa

A Supportive Family

Yo! I'm so blessed to be here where I am now, who I am now, with those awesome people around me.

Even when going through tough times I know I am not alone. God promises to be with us always. We go through some times where we feel really bad, but it's really encouraging knowing you've got brothers and sisters praying for you and you know that their prayers are heard by our loving Father in heaven. When we come to Him with our hearts laid bare before Him we can place all our worries and fears on Him knowing He will answer.

The answer may not come immediately. The answer may not be what you thought it would be. You may not like the answer.

Just trusting in Him for the answer.

He's the creator of all and He still loves you even in your brokenness. He wants to make you whole again. 'Nothing but the blood of Jesus' can make me whole again. He died for our brokenness to make us whole, to give us freedom, to give us love.

Ya. My identity is not found in my past sins. My identity is not found in the superficial things the world loves. I am defined in Him. I am made in His image to be a unique expression of who He is. Not a perfect reflection, but a reflection that is being made to reflect more of His glory day by day.

So, ya. I feel a lot better.

Being convicted of sin is pretty difficult. I just want to complain and whine and ask God to do it differently, to go the way I want, but really, His plan is the best. It feels like He is not there when you are clutching onto sin with both hands. But I feel so much better now. xP.

Ya.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

PS. Support Raising for Short Film Project is all done. xP. Nearly time to go. When I get back it's time to start support raising again, although I'll already be a good 7 or 8% there. xP Thank God for His provision.

Sin.

Yo. So, I guess this week I have really been confronted with sin. Not only sin in my life, but sin through and through. It's disgusting. I've had this feeling I can't describe which made me sad, angry, hateful, depressed, and a lot of other things.

Even though I have said it over and again a million times 'for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God' I guess it really got me this week. It became so much more real than it had ever been. I know the depths of my sin (even though I don't see all of it) and I can admit beyond a doubt that I have fallen far.

There were three main points that sin really made itself clear to me.

At one point a friend of mine confessed a sin from the past.

At one point I was having a conversation about suffering and I said, kinda out of my own ideas, that people are born good, but that they are born into a world that is already bad and so become bad. Soon afterward my friend explained the gospel (basically) and how people are born sinful and in need of a savior and with this ability to sin and seek sin from the beginning (very true).

At one point I was in a bathroom at school and noticed an off-white liquid spattered on the sink. (gross)

Sin is so overwhelming sometimes. It eats us up. It desires to devour us and add distance between us and the only one who can save us. I guess I am a bit more cynical about the world right now. I have a friend that I actually thought was free from the struggle associated with porn and self-gratification. I guess I have come to see everyone as more sinful than I thought they were. I asked him if he ever struggled with it. He said yes.

The best guess I have been able to make about what I was feeling was a part of what God feels when we sin and turn from Him. Hatred and absolute righteous anger at the sin. Depression and sadness in their decision to do so even when there is a way out and He has offered to help. And at the same time, a love for the people involved. Even n sin He still loves us and desires to see us turn back to Him. He promises out of His faithfulness and justness to forgive our sins through Jesus' death on the cross when we turn to Him and confess.

We can do this on a much more on going basis too, not only after falling to be picked back up, but as we are going we can ask for the help of the Holy Spirit in us to keep us on the narrow path leading to life. Although the flesh is weak, the Spirit is more than willing to help.

Anyways, I am still not through feeling weird about all this stuff, and on top of those things I have had a deep wound of sin in my life reopened, but I know He has forgiven. I know He loves. I know He is always with us. I know He is good. I know through suffering we still have hope. I know that our lives o nearth is temporary and eternity is forever. I know. I know. I know.

Children's Sunday school is awesome by the way. So simple, but so true. Nothing but the blood of Jesus can cleanse me and make me whole again. Also, we should not just be readers of the Word, but doers also so that we may bear good fruit.

D.Fa

PS. I could never be a Catholic priest who has to listen to confessions day in and day out. I would just stop caring at some point, having seen the same people coming back week after week, hearing the worst sins, having no strength of my own to help these people, but just point them to Christ, whatever their decision may be.

PPS. Belgium, hey.

-sigh-

I feel so bad right now.


I don't even understand why I feel this way.


This shouldn't be a problem.


Why is this happening to me? How can I get through this?


What am I supposed to do?


Why do I feel this way..? What even is this feeling.


I know when it started, but I also know that I shouldn't have reacted so severely to something that is in the past, doesn't even involve me directly, and has been payed for by the Saviour.


I see the joy and hope and everything that God has given. I never would have guessed.


God's grace is unending. His Spirit has been poured out. His love is undeserved. He changes us from within. God uses the weak and broken. He heals the afflicted and gives an eternal hope to those who trust in Him.


THEN WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY! GAH!


>.<


I know that facts are greater than feelings, but I don't even understand my feelings right now. I guess I have another tough day at work ahead of me. Why is it always the day that I have to be at work thinking for hours that I have these difficult things happen to me? >.> Grrrrr. I wanna punch something.


D.Fa

Music Video Cover

Yo, I was wasting time on youtube instead of studying for an inorganic chemistry midterm tomorrow. As if my brother is on youtube. lol. (He was in the video (for people who don't watch youtube (but you should watch this one, it's really good)))

Ya. lol. Always work to be done. xP.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Where I am going.

Yo, I am going on a crazy ride right now. It's called doing your lab work before the day it is due. It's crazy.

The thing is that I have three midterms in a row this week, so I'm cramming for those. lol...

I've been working on sending out my support letter emails for going on Short Film Project. It's so close now, just a week and a bit until I go. Crazy. I just started support raising on the first and I'm no where near done sending emails, but I've already reached a bit over half way. I got to give a quick presentation at church on Sunday (yesterday. lol. feels so long ago) and that was good.

I still keep writing 2011 on things. It's just so much easier than 2012.

Tonight was our first DG of the semester. It looks like it will be good. XP. We'll be going through material called 'myStory' which is about training on how to share your story of how God has worked in and changed your life. We'll also be reading through Galatians, attempting to memorize Galatians 5, and reading through a couple books in our own time. I get to be in JS's DG! lol. Also, MS, MM and LT. It was cool at the end because one of the guys in my DG is also my housemate and he shared about his brother. It seems to be a really serious matter, so I'm really glad he could open up to us about that. I mean, I'm his housemate and I didn't know.

Drawing is fun. xP. I hope to do more soon. xP I wasn't actually drawing today. It's just what I do when support raising. I draw the abbreviation onto grid paper and slowly colour it in when I receive support. xP I'm also going to colour code a Punnet Square later for my genetics tutorial assignment. xP

Ya, so, I had Kraft Dinner for the first time this semester. I don't think I've had it many other times this year. Actually, I haven't bought many hotdogs this year. They are so good. xP. In KD, on rice, in stir-fry. lol. So versatile.

Yep. I got to meet up with KC on Friday and we're gonna continue reading the Gospel of John as well as reading 'The Case for a Creator' each week. I want to do more than that though. >.>

Contacts are lame. xP. I appreciate glasses so much more now.

Indicators that change colour slowly are lame. I appreciate phenolphthalein sooooo much more now.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Recently

So, I guess I'm still not blogging. lol.

So, I have still been doing things last second. It is very productive the last two hours before somethin g is due. There's just this pressure pushing you. lol. But really I need to stop this. There is no way that I can keep this up. Like, I'm gonna run out of energy and burn out sooner than later...

I also seriously need to get on with my support raising. lol. That's what I will do the second I stop writing this post.

So, on a lighter note: Things that I have recently seen written on the super-lab chalkboards. Well, actually, we'll start on a darker note. lol. The first couple aren't happy. lol...

-To the advertisement for I Crave Freedom written on the board "but it doesn't exist man"
-To the advertisement for Story of the Soul where we would be looking at art and media "lol. this is the chem building"
-And a while ago there was something like Jesus is the Boss on the board. There were some comments about science vs 'religion', but every time the boards get erased Jesus remains and the comments don't.
-The most recent chem joke. lol "Do you know any sodium hypobroite jokes? NaBrO."
-"danielle and taryn are the best science students EVER!"
-"I looked around and made sure no one was looking and... and I WENT IN THE GIRLS BATHROOM!"

Well, they get better. lol.

It seems there is a big conflict of interest when it comes down to science and a greater being that created it all. Scientists (to be general) often these days are just trying to prove that there is some way that everything happened that doesn't involve God. And one problem with Science is that people often end up assuming things are fact when they aren't. You can theorize things and can test and retest things to see if they occur most of the time, statistically significantly. However, you cannot prove anything. You can only support or reject hypotheses. Science cannot prove history either. There is no way to repeat something that happened, so you can't 'prove it' scientifically.

Anyways. Those boards are always funny, but I wish there was more than just science puns, and amino acids, and reaction mechanisms.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

PS. I bought six donuts today to share with my friends in Microbio. We are on a rotation and it was my turn. lol

The end of another week

Yo guys.

Long week. xP. Monday felt like a whole week on it's own... >.>

You see. I procrastinate far too often and apparently I used the I Crave Freedom campaign and Chinese New Year as reasons to legitimately not do homework. That's not cool yo.

So I ended up sleeping and eating a lot less those days. I needed to start and finish a formal analytical chemistry lab for Monday and a short lab report for organic for Tuesday. >.< Ya. I also had three tests this week. >.<

On top of that was all the project stuff in the back of my mind. I've got to get on that. I finished filling out my application today and I've got one reference completed. 

Anyways. I'm tired. lol.

Contact lenses are weird.

I should post more frequently again.

Ttyl

D.Fa

PS. Israel and Columbia!!

新年好!!!!!!!!

大家好！ 新年快乐！ 你们好吗？

大作天我们吃了。多人。 多吃饭。 多亚。 。。。 我的中文是不好。 lol...

Ya, so, two days ago we celebrated Chinese New Year at church. There were a lottttttt of people. But there was also a lot of food and a lot of joy..? lol. By that I mean, it was a really great night. There were a bunch of performances and a lot of new friends. Chinese New Year is a big thing at my church. I don't know how we will do it next year at a smaller building. lol. We were, like, over crowded as usual.

So, ya. Saturday was busy for me. I had driving lessons (my first time on snow / ice) and that was fun nearly sliding into a parked car. xP After I had practice at church for the song me and AL were singing that night. Followed just after by a discussion on music with the other worship leaders. On the way to church I remembered that I was supposed to read that chapter, but hadn't. When I saw it I realized I had, but I don't remember when exactly. lol. It was good. Then I stayed at church, finished lunch and read blog posts and then started applying for project. It's really long. lol... Then it was time for the potluck to begin.. We set up tables and chairs and extra chairs, but in the end we needed even more chairs. lol.

Ya. It was good. XP. So, we recorded the song we were going to sing in the morning.

新年快乐

I hope you enjoy it! Whether you know it's Chinese New Year or not. lol.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

I Crave Freedom

Yesterday was the first day of the I crave freedom campaign here at Carleton university.

Apparently students will just take flyers if you holds them out. Lol. I just saw that first hand.

I had a lot of class in the morning, but after 12:30 I was helping out at the main station in the atrium.

So, ya, again, to reclarify, the I Crave Freedom campaign is a week long campaign that seeks to raise awareness for the injustice that is Human Trafficking. People in North America especially don't hear very much about it and don't realize how it is not just across an Ocean, but here too, and that each person is actually supporting slavery by their lifestyle that we just take for granted.

Ya. Yesterday was sweet. Lol. Me and JB got to talk to this Muslim man who was seeking, he has been reading the Bible and everything. XP. We had a good conversation about like corruption and organizations that mistreat people for larger profit margins. He actually brought up religion and we agreed that religion will not change this, it will not even change people. Religion isn't what will set us free, it ends up being rules that we impose upon ourselves to become 'better'. Love is part of what is going to change people's hearts, love for one another, for oneself, for God.

Anyways, last night was the coffeehouse kickoff event for the week and it was cool. Minir technical difficulties at the start, but things worked out. Slam poetry is awesome yo. Lol.

Today was cool too. XP...

Ttyl

D.Fa

a Peace that trancends all understanding

Hey.

I have had a really intense day. I have been at war with God all day because of a third option that has come into view. East Asia, co-op or ... North Africa. Honestly, I have been feeling a calling to go on 'Desert Rain' Project since I started applying for East Asia last year. However, I really was uncomfortable with that. Actually I am still very uncomfortable with that idea. I want to go to Asia. I want to make friends with Asians and see them come to understand the gospel of their salvation and come into a personal relationship with Jesus. It's on my heart to do that. I want to go back so badly. Yet, I've been feeling that it's the easy way out. Like, support raising, God has come through. Going to Asia for six weeks, no problem. Being on a small team (family) for six weeks, no problem. Sharing the gospel to my new friends in Asia, not a problem when I'm living the Spirit filled life.

Now, doing those things, but here, with scientists. Scary. Very scary. I'm not very good with apologetics. I don't seek out relationships with non-asian people very much. (I know I am a bit racist. It's a problem.) It seems so much harder to me.

Then, yesterday in weekly meeting, we watched the video for the Desert Rain Project. I've seen this, like, 5 times..? Every time I get this feeling. Like, I was nearly in tears this time. There are so many people who don't know Jesus and are trying to live good enough lives to get to paradise, but they can never know. There is no hope, only obedience or punishment. Jesus came to set us  free. To give us what we don't deserve, unconditional and unending love of the one who created us and a way for us to come to know Him and begin the everlasting life.

I felt it was impossible for me, but I gave God the option of making me go there instead of Asia by putting it as my second choice. I ended up in Asia (and it was great seeing lives transformed and faces overwhelmed with hope and joy).

I also read a book about Muslim Background believers in a muslim country and it was really powerful. They suffer so much persecution for the faith, yet we as westerners often stereotype muslim people and end up not loving them the way God does. We experience nearly no persecution, although passive aggresively a culture that is hostile to Christianity.

I really don't want to go. I whined this to God all day. Even making tantrum motions a number of times (arms and legs flailing as a groan in agony). I don't want to go. It is out of my comfort zone.

Duh it is. Asia was out of my comfort zone (a little bit).

Psalm 13 "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and everyday have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me."

I read that today.

I have been trying to figure this out and I have been asking God to show me His will. I want to go where He wants me to be, whether or not that is where I want to be. Then He showed me that I should go to North Africa. ... No thanks. And then I could not have peace. I entered a wrestling match with God. The exact same feeling as back when I refused to think of giving up Pokemon for lent. Not an option in my mind.

I actually wrote it on my faith barrier back at summit too, "Be faithful wherever you go, EA, DR, work, school, everywhere." And I was thinking earlier that it's almost not even a step of faith going to Asia (in my mind anyways) and "everything that does not come from faith is sin." (Rom 14:23b)

I want to do God's will. I want to follow the path laid out for me. But, I do not want to go to Africa, I want to go to Asia... And so the wrestling match went on and on...

Actually, this morning I had a conversation with KS and we talked about Short Film Project a bit. It is a national project, so I would be getting some training on how to share the gospel with people in a Canadian context as well as all the training on video making and planning and stuff, which is sweet. I kinda really wanted to go on a national project and didn't realize SFP was one. lol. I'm pretty much set on going to Guelph for the SFP. Time to write a support letter and contact my church. lol. >.<

Ya, so. lol. I had worship practice, another couple practices then work. I had two songs stuck in my head. "Jesus, all for Jesus. All I am and have and ever hope to be" and that kept repeating as well as "Jesus, Lamb of God, worthy is Your name."

After much sorrow and agony I came to a loop hole. lol. I could apply to DR with EA as my second choice and pray so hard that I end up in Asia. lol... I actually felt peace over this. It would be role reversal from last year, where this open door, closed door policy is that if God wants me in EA he will open the door.

The thing is that I couldn't get myself to just go on DR. I didn't think I would be able. Fact: I am not able to go to Northern Africa and do God's work on my own. Only by His strength, power and Holy Spirit will I be able to do it anywhere. So, ya. He is in control and can use me wherever I go, but I want to go where he wants me.

Actually, if I end up going to Africa I think I will need some more injections and vaccinations. I cancelled my student health plan. It will cost me more. >.> God will come through.




Short story: I was going to be late for work, then CW drives up (honking at me) and gives me a drive to work. On the way he was telling me about how hard it was to start. It kept whining "Br r r ... Br r r ... I don't want to go" but then it finally went "BRRRRrrrr fine I'll go." reluctantly.

I am that frozen car. God wants me to go. I feel this calling. I want to do what God wants me to do.

So, it's up to God. Hehe. Well, actually the next part ruins it. My parents are much more scared of me going to Northern Africa than they are of East Asia. lol. So even though now I am all on board for going to North Africa and growing sooo much because I will be so far out of my comfort zone, I don't wanna go against my parent's best intentions... lol. I'm giving them a week to think about it. We will talk again. (Pray for them. lol. Also pray for my mom's vision. It's getting worse again...)

So. I have until the 30th to apply for summer projects.

I feel like I will only apply if I am applying for DR first, but I'm not sure. I don't want to apply for both co-op and Project then get a job offer and have to cancel project (because I can only reject one job offer)

Anyways AL spoiled the surprise earlier. I got a letter from myself from when I was in the capital of East Asia and I am looking forward to reading it. Maybe it will help me decide. Maybe it will say "Go on DRP". Doubtful. I wanted to go to Asia again. lol. But ya.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

PS. I have peace right now. It's kinda weird. lol.

Tough Decisions

So, like, I had a meeting with my co-op advier earlier today and it was really interesting.

She's a really awesome person. She has like a Masters in English and is the adviser for like a bunch of different faculties. When we were talking about East Asia she was excited. lol. I was actually like walking in to the meeting thinking I would like share the gospel with her and everything. lol. She was like 'if you feel you want to go to Asia, we can easily deffer the work term' and everything. like, I have a lot of flexibility. I thought I had none.

The rest of the day was really cool too. I keep running into people I haven't talked to for a while.

I got to dissect fruit fly maggots today. So much fun. Our lab coordinator is hilarious. He was really old and the equipment in the lab were all super old school. He actually did a legit slideshow with the old slide projector and everything. He was also saying that if our parents took Biology at Carleton that we were using the same microscopes. Lol. He kept tangenting and rambling and forgetting what his point was. lol.

I had this like design experiment thing this evening that was fun and interesting. Free refreshments. Hehe.

I also got to spend a lot of quality time with LT, which I don't often get to do, just after the lab and before the design experiment thing. I also lost a game of chess. >.< I didn't know about the undo button until it was too late.

So, ya. I have to come to a decision soon about what I am doing. I've actually been having an email conversation with KS (the guy in charge of the Short Film Project (SFP)) and we've been talking a bit.

Guh. Decisions.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

All Set Up by God

So, ya, as I was saying earlier, I was in charge of prayer meeting today. Actually, as it turns out, I wasn't actually. By that I mean that me and RM had just decided I was because last semester one of us was in charge of Wednesday prayer meetings, but actually that thought hadn't crossed the minds of the people in charge this semester, so AH was actually placed in charge of today's prayer meeting.

As it turns out, I didn't really start preparing until like 3:30 and even then I didn't really prepare very well. I mean, I mainly just sat down and did my Bible readings that I should have done already. Like, for my reading plan. I'm a couple days behind, well, there are only 25 days in the plan for each month, so it doesn't matter quite as much, but I hadn't done the readings for day 9 yet, so I did those ones.

Psalm 9 was really awesome. It was all about God's righteousness, His just nature, how he doesn't forget the afflicted, that their hope is everlasting, that  we can rejoice in His salvation, etc. So, a good psalm to pray through. Psalm 10 wasn't as fitting.

I also read the end of Acts 5 for day 9 and it was about Peter and his proclaiming the message of Jesus and the good news. He was thrown in jail, but an angel let him out, so he went back to preaching. He was brought before the Jewish council, but then one guy was all like 'if these guys are just doing it on their own, they'll be  defeated, but if it's from God, how can you fight it?' Which was an awesome thing to pray about for P2C's upcoming campaign, that it would be God using us, not just our own initiative.

We then also prayed for some unreached people groups and then JB told us about this guy he met on a bus from Algonquin who asked if we could pray for them. Apparently P2C might be at Algonquin this semester, which would be sweet. xP

Oh, by the way, AH didn't actually have time to prepare anything, so like, everything worked out awesomely. XP If I had done these readings yesterday, what would I have prepared? I didn't actually really prepare either, it was just like this is what I was reading earlier and it really fit. xP

So, praise God for how He worked everything out. There were eight of us at the prayer meeting today, which is great. It's the like, third prayer meeting of the year.

Ya, Ttyl.

D.Fa

I'm definately sick. lol.

So, ya. I'm pretty sick.

Yesterday I thought I had a very important meeting at 10 am with my co-op adviser. I was all rushing and everything to get there in time, the buses were late, it was wet and gross, I was wearing my hat. On the way I was all preparing to give a speech about how I know how to be professional and would list off the ways I was being unprofessional in this meeting, being a minute late rather than 15 early, how I was wearing a hat and hoodie instead of like a dress shirt with neatly combed hair, etc. Lucky me. I was there on the wrong day. lol. So, I apologized for being there on the wrong day, but I guess it's for the best.

Then I had classes 11:30-1. That's not actually that much, lol... Then I had a lab check in at 2:30. It was just a check in though, so we were gone after like 15 minutes. I got to find out who my lab partner was. RF is my lab partner this semester since NF is an engineer and only needed to take the first half of organic chemistry. We were divided into benches based on our last names and mine was one of the names dividing the groups! >.<

Then I think I wasted time. Actually I wasted a lot of time yesterday. By wasted  I mean I just chilled with some of my friends and actually did some scheduling work. My entire semester is on my calendar on my phone now.

I had class at 6 and since it was the first one of the semester she let us out very early, like 7pm. She seems to have just come from grad school. She's a bit... nevermind. lol.

Then I tried going home and  I ended up on Merivale road. What..? I ran to get on the bus that was coming at Confederation and got on the 118... lol.... So I walked from Baseline to Meadowlands. >.< It took me over an hour to get home again.

Then I cooked dinner. I love gai lan. Sooo tasty. JS gave me his and I actually bought a bag on Sunday from Kowloon Market in China town. xP So I have lots. And CW bought me garlic. A lot of garlic for 59 cents. Also, CW made cookies with the grain he used to make his beer. The grain is really boring. I added some to my oatmeal and it was gross. lol... It's better as a chocolate chip cookie though, but the other batch of grain was tastier on its own than this batch.

Ya, so today I had a bunch of classes until 1 and have 'wasted' more time. I actually got to see TG and found out why I haven't seen her this year. She switched into English / Film.

A resolution I have this year is that when I see someone I know by name I will say hello. I don't want to waste the opportunities God is giving me to build relationships with the people I know and/or share the gospel with them.

Ok, gotta prepare for a prayer meeting.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

PS!!! I'm really super excited for my friends who are going to go on a Short Term INTernational missions trip (STINT) to East Asia in the near future! Both JL and TL!!!!

China Town: I don't currently live here.

So, today was the fourth day of school this semester.

It was my first three hour lecture.
It was my first lab of the semester.
I had four 'official meeting's, which is what I need to do to actually know someone is be all awkward and be like, 'I don't think we've actually met officially. *puts out hand* I'm D.Fa, nice to meet you.' and then continue with our officially established friendship, since it couldn't go anywhere until we officially met. lol... One girl, RL, was wearing a cross. I want to ask her about that.
My lab partner for Analytical Chemistry is from Malaysia.
SM is like, my best friend now. lol. It's really hard not accidentally treating him like he is younger than me. He's more mature than me in a lot of ways.
As much as I want to be honest, I also kinda don't sometimes.
I had lunch in the like 10 minutes between my three-hour analytical lecture and my inorgo tutorial and it was really a bit awkward because this Chinese girl was doing the same thing and we were both sitting at the same table, but we didn't talk.  lol........ >.< There was no time. I had to eat it in like 4 minutes. >.<
I was really tired after the M22 meeting thingee (we talked about this new thing we are going to be doing, which is like TEDTalks, if you know what that is, but we're starting from like a topic that really interests us and then drawing connections between something random or something. Over the next 6-8 weeks we will develop a 10-15 minute presentation that will be awesome. lol) so when running across the road, under the bridge etc to get to the 111 on time, I accidentally got on the 4 and ended up in China Town before I realized I wasn't going in the right direction. >_<...

The other day I was kinda semi-obsessed with the song "We Found Love" by Rihanna. It's catchy, but I guess the song doesn't really have all that much musicality to it. The majority of the song is the chorus (ie the one line repeated four times) and the narrated intro by that British lady. What I take from the song and the video is that we crave love and we try everything to find it in the world. We fall really low and it doesn't satisfy. Once it's over, we would have it back just for that feeling that we are loved. But really after all of that when you are feeling the worst, when you've tried nearly everything and don't even love yourself anymore there is one who always loved you. There is one who will always love you as a precious and dearly beloved child. Even in that hopeless place there is love and it is waiting faithfully for you to come and experience that love. God loved us, the world and everyone in it made in his image, so much that even while we were going our own ways trying to search independently for things to satisfy our souls that He was there and sent his only Son to be the sacrifice required to bridge the gap we ourselves had voluntarily and willfully created.

Well, ya.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

PS. Cote d'Ivoire! w00t!

Learning How To Bench

Yo, so today. Pretty random.

So, me, RL and EP were gonna go to the Carleton gym together at 9:30. I go to animal bio at 8:30 and leave at like 9:15. When I get to the athletics building (opposite side of campus) I read a text that said it was rescheduled to 1pm. Ok.

Class until 1pm. Then the gym. RL. Respect yo.

Then I was planning to bus home and have a shower because I was really sweaty after the 15 minutes of biking. When my heart rate goes up, I sweat a lot and my body temperature goes up. Until I cool down I do not stop sweating. So, like I was waiting 10 minutes for the bus in a t-shirt while everyone else was wearing layers upon layers. There's like some 111s that go from school to Billings, but that's not useful... So waiting and waiting. I got cold, so I went to my locker to get my coat and I ended up staying. Lol.

I wasted quite a bit of time on youtube and stuff...

The first weekly meeting of P2C Carleton was tonight. I texted soooooo many people and there were so few. Lol. Third day of school, ya right. Lol. It was good though, brainstormed some iCF stuff. Got that rolling a bit. Only 10 days left!

Ya. We went to Billings McDs and ate stuff and played Contact. Fun times. I may be doing homework all day tomorrow. Lol

Ttyl

D.Fa

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Technology Ruins Romance

Yo, so today was fun. Lol.

I woke up at like 7:30 and didn't have class until 11:30. I had breakfast and read the Bible and went to the store to buy groceries and check my work schedule and stuff. Then I came back and helped CW make beer for a bit.

I got to school and SP is in my Organic Chem class! Yay!

Actually, I realize that I know a lot of the people in my classes, but haven't really shared the gospel with them. I jave like 3 months before co-op makes them a different year than me...

Ya. After class I helped hang teaser posters and write stuff on chalkboards for the I crave Freedom campaign.

TM had a surprise Birthday party and we also had YA (which I can go to this semester!).

Ya. Tomorrow should be cool too.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

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Bleeding on the inside and out

Hey guys. Tough day... Lol

First day of class in a month. Two real classes and one extra for knowledge, although I will likely stop auditing it since it's at 8:30am both Wednesday and Friday.

Ya. Our genetics prof looks like a funny guy though.

Books are expensive... Also not having access to a laptop all the time things harder... 170$ for repairs, so it looks like im getting a new one soon.

I'm writing this on a blogger app that I downloaded. XP I think I downloaded like four since yesterday afternoon. My battery only lasted until like two pm before it told me to plug our in...

Ya... Not much to say today I guess. Lol. I was instant messaging my friend from East Asia on the buys this nothing. XP I think I will refer to him as Adam. I miss Adam. I miss Joey too... I got to talk with Joey a couple days ago briefly. It was like 2am for him and he was studying for a final exam that afternoon.

Ah, I wanna go to Asia... I sent an email and an application for co-op work study term pattern change. So hopefully I'll get to meet up with my co-op advisor and talk about it.

I just want it decided at this point. Lol. God will use any and all of the decisions for His purposes.

Yep. XP. Ttyl

D.Fa

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I'm old...

Hey guys. So, it looks like at the very minimum that I will be without a computer for a couple days. So, this is being written from my android's internet. Lol The other day a friend said to me that if you are connected to wifi that it doesn't count as data, but just nothing. Lol. I hope so because O just watched a video on my phone. Lol. I am getting better at typing on my phone. The only thing is at you don't get the satisfaction of feeling sthe buttonspressed as you are typing. (and apparentlyvit is essentially impossible for me to add or remove words from the center of my text since it is soooooo hard to get to the right place...) Ya, so today I slept in a bit. Then I made breakfast for me and my brother. Scrambled eggs with many vegetables, what I learned in Quebec. Still can't crack an egg properly evwry time though. Lol. Then I read / typed up some notes taken during the seminars at WinterConferwnce. AL made a google doc for us to share what we learned with everyone else.. Ya. Then I started cleaning my room and packing up all my clothes. That's the majority of the day right there. Lol. Then my dad came home to take my laptop away for inspection. They coukdn't give us an estimateu without taking it for a day. Lol. Then we had dinner and then the conversation I had beeb procrastinating having... The converaation about thw future... Si, the main conclusions are that I think I shouldn't skip co-op since botg my parents got jobs for after school from their co-op jobs. Also, my parenys will support me whateve I choose to do, which is awesome. Also, I need my wisdom teeth dealt with, I am fine with missing weekly meeting for that. Ummm. I need to see if I can change my co-op term schedule. If I can change it to fall, winter, fall, winter, I will likely go on project twice more before 'third uyear'. However, if I can't switch it I will go on Short Film Project this reading week and STINT will be a much larger possibility in the future. Gotta get on that thoigh, cause applocations for Short Film Project arre due on the 15th. > <... Ttyl. D.Fa PS. Austria and UAE! w00t! PPS... Sooo many typos and trying to fix them just makes more....

Where to go from here?

Ok, so.

Yesterday and today were very different days from the norm. Yesterday I had a number of things that I expected to do that I did not and a bunch of things I did not expect happen. Today however, I mainly just did a couple things and now it's pretty much over...

Yesterday morning around 4am I decided I'd finalize my plans for the day. I asked a couple people what they were doing, if they were going to church, where that was, etc. And it came down to one of my roommates. I would go with them to church at 8:30 and do whatever they were doing until 2:30 when I had to be in Scarborough for another church service at Charis EFree. Then I'd be on the bus at 7 and home by midnight. done.

Well, turns out they didn't have room in their car, so I had to find someone else. Most of by good friends had already left however, so I had to find someone else. In the end I went with DS, AS, RS and IC after helping with some tear down of the main ballroom (so much bigger when empty) and squeezing into a car. I ended up having lunch at their house and meeting AS's parents. So funny. She's sooo Scottish and he's really Chinese. lol. Giant Rice cooker.

After watching some HGTV and having lunch I got a drive to Charis. The service was very much primarily in Mandarin, but the worship slides had English (mainly for the kids I guess) and I just prayed most of the time (that I wasn't semi-asleep...). I was really tired, so I kinda couldn't focus during the main message (fully in Mandarin, no slides) except that it was about 2 Cor 5:17-19. Those who are in Christ are made a new creation. The old is gone the new has come. His grace and forgiveness is over those who place their faith in Him. This is through the cross, His death and resurrection. Both paying for our sins and giving us hope. But also He has given us His message of reconciliation. It wasn't just for me that He died, but for everyone. Would you keep the best thing ever given to you just for yourself? Or would you share it?

That's part of the motivation behind us doing Vacation Bible School (VBS)  in Charis back in the summer; sharing the message of reconciliation with the children. That they may hear about God's love for them, their own sins that separate them and God, but also the fact that Jesus had died for them already so that they can recieve Him if they desire and be given the eternal life offered.

This is where the best part of yesterday comes in.

M(?) and A(?). They had just been to Charis for the first time ever the day before VBS started and decided to stay and help out that week. They heard the gospel. They helped out. They grew so much in that week. They prayed voluntarily. They became friends with the other youth and children. They got their own Bibles. They were able to articulate the gospel.

Coming back to Charis, the first thing I see is M(?) playing piano in the service. They are serving in the church. I also got to see how many children there were. After the service ended, we were invited upstairs for a 'special prayer time' with A(?), M(?), LX and K(?) as well as Pastor S(?) and Auntie J(?). The four of them wanted to pray to receive Christ as their Savior! It's such a great testimony of what God is doing at Charis. Seeing lives changed and saved. Seeing the youth grow passionately and helping serve in the church. I just pray that they'd grow up walking with God and fully being used to reach out to others.

All the kids asked excitedly if we were having VBS this year too. God knows. lol.

Yeah. We had to leave shortly after that, but it's true, there is a giant party in heaven right now over those four turning back to God.

We got on the bus at 7 and shortly after a man approached us asking if we wanted to make a stop or just get home as soon as possible. ASAP please. lol. Me and AL had a really good conversation. I think we were both super tired, but the conversation is still so vivid in my mind. I cried a lot... lol. I cried a lot yesterday. (I also cried around 4am because we were leaving WC and all the new friends and stuff. Even after telling myself over and over that we all get to go to heaven. WC was a glimpse of Heaven on Earth you could say. Constantly worshiping God, singing songs of praise, being surrounded by our brothers and sisters in Christ and being in such a loving community.

Ya, that conversation was really good. If only I could always have a good few good hours to think about things aloud with a good friend and God. I was praying about things and I guess the reached conclusion was that I judge things way too quickly and definitely with little input from reliable sources. In other words, I was the one supporting or going against the options and it was final even though it shouldn't be. Ah... I wanna go to Asia, even if it's only 6 weeks. I don't know if I want to go into a Science career, but I don't really want to change degrees. I don't want to knock down Science yet though, I would like to try it out a bit first. However, I don't really want to do Co-op during the summer because then I couldn't go to Asia. However, I would be fine taking an extra year for co-op (ie, two years). While at the same time, going to Asia for a longer period is becoming another option on the distant horizon. Also, Power to Change (P2C) (the former C4C) is not the only way of serving God in missions or even locally. So complicated.

So, ya. Today I slept until 1. Woke up and basically started cleaning my laptop of unused files and packaging it into folders and stuff, then copying it to USB or SD cards so that we could have FutureShop or someone look at the fan / it to see if they could fix it or whatever. 250$ for a fan. Not happening. They gave us another place's number which I get to call tomorrow. If that is also very expensive then it looks like I get a new laptop. >.<

Ya. That's it basically.

Talk to you later.

D.Fa

PS. A couple months ago I was given a Bible reading plan. The whole Bible in a year, four sections at a time and I had decided to start that come January, so that's one thing I'm doing this year. Actually my friend AZ also started the same one. lol.

NYE2011

That was awesome. Honestly, great party, even though it was mostly just dancing. Lol. Fuzzy + no shoes = something that belongs in a jungle. Duhh Today was good. Not too busy, but good. Main session was gender split and the guys talk was on 2 Tim 2. Today was primarily free time, so, I got to spend time with NM and RZ. We had dumplings. Then my EA family was going to have a skype date, so everyone came. XP including MN and NW! They are both so cute. Lol. NW is walking and MN plays hockey. Lol. We spent hours playing with MN trying to teach him to walk or put the shaped blocks in the holes. Lol. No luck. Lol Main session was mainly prayer and a mashup of choruses. The party was awesome. AF just needs encouragement to dance. Lol. I'm having that feeling of sadness in saying goodbye to everyone tomorrow even though I know we have eternity together. Praying and worshiping into the new year. Best thing ever again. Lol Ttyl. D.Fa

Seriously He's got All the Authority

Hey guys. Day number four. It started really early. Lol. TY, AT and that other guy (sorry). Lol. We went for breakfast in Time Square at a Hong Kong Cafe at 7:30. Those guys are really cool. I wonder what my life would have been like if I had gone to UoT. But I'm sure God has a plan. I don't think I would have started stepping up this year if I was there. I was really super tired. I was kinda dozing off during main session. Seminars were good. I went to "Disciplemaking 101", "Men on Mission" and "Secrets of Effective Prayer". All pretty good. XP Next was quiet time. I finished reading the Old, Testament and had a long conversation with Y(?). No, actually seminars were after quiet time. Lol After seminars we had time with our campus. We discussed what we have beeb learning from God, played a fun game then went for Korean BBQ. We came back to the hotel for main session. Sooo funny. Lol. So good though. All about Moses' life. Also about his excuses to being used by God. Me and the other members of our EA team went for bubbletea. I'm really tired now. Lol. Oh, by the way, we had a couple prayer goals for our week here for WC. First praying for every country in the world and also for every one of the unreached people groups (nearly 7000!)! So thats pretty awesome. XP So, ya. Ttyl. D.Fa

Do not rely on your Feelings

Today has been up and down. It was the day of outreach. We went to a HongKong style cafe for lunch. Then came back for outreach. Internet was super slow as usual, so I was texting again. Not much happened. I got to start sharing with MJ, but she is atheistic, so that didn't get very far. AL got to share with BC again, which is great. And a lot of awesome things happened today, but I got this feeling of depression or uselessness. God really used the conversation I was having with RD aswell as the worship to change my attitude. "Oh, I'm running to your arms!" But I went down again after being challenged, knowing by myself I would fail. I was wandering and moping about. Rockband. Then I got to pray with DN. I am truly blessed by OCBC. Pray for Missisauga Vietnamese Alliance Church!!!! Ttyl D.Fa

Here we go again

So, I guess you can probably guess what this post is about if you read the last post. The second day of winter conference 2011! It was another great day of exciting main sessions, worship and fellowship with my brothers and sisters in Christ. (get out my 'dangler' to see what happened (a 'dangler' is our name tag / schedule booklet thingee)) But more than that we also had awesome seminars and a EAP reunion dinner and informational meetings for projects then more fun and games. Lol So, first we had a great session. The speaker was talking about Luke 4:1-13. So much stuff from the old testament led to the real meanings behind this short passage. He basically mentioned half of the Old Testament. So cool! Quiet time I ended up talking, to the guy who I am sharing a bed with, about a lot of stuff that he sees as being odd in Canada or the Catholic church, him being a Slovak. Then we had Chinese pork and rice in DP's room. (he had a rice cooker, lol) Then seminars..! We had four hour long seminars today, a selection of many practical topics to.choose from for each. I went to "when I don't feel like sharing", "que(e)rying faith", "coaching great stories" and "discerning God's will". They were all very good in different ways. Lol. Project reunion dinner was at this funny Chinese place 'Chili Secret'. MN is so funny and hilarious. Lol. It was great having a meal together with them. Session was tres bien et en Francais for a lot of it. The speaker was talking about 2 Tim 2:14-26 about living in a culture that is hostile to Christ. Sooooooo gooood. Then project info sessions. I kinda wanted to check out the Montreal project, but went to EA first and then God led me to the Short Film training thing. By that I mean my Moleskine dropped out of my pocket and the guy in charge of the Film session picked it up and text me. So, I went to get iy. As I was going MB was like trying to get me into her session, but then was very much encouraging me to go to the Film one since she gad seen some of the Raven's Log videos. Lol. Two thoughts came to me. 1. MB has seen those videos..? Lol. The second thought stayed a bit longer. 2. Hmmm maybe this makes sense. Maybe I should check this out. Also the thought of 'what if SC knew Jesus as his personal savior..?' That would be sooo awesome. So, like the Film project is actually a bit different in that its just a week of intense training. No evangelizing, yet. So, that could be cool. Just, it's during reading week, which is when I was planning to have my wisdom teeth looked at... Soooooooo complicated. EA, co-op, Film, wisdom teeth, sooooo complicated... >.< Then we had swing dancing. Good times. Lol Ttyl. D.Fa

The beginning of the ConeFurnace

Yo guys! First day of winter conference is done and it was awesome, lol. I got to see sooooo many of the people I met going to East Asia for the first time since. I went for pho with some UoT friends and got to make new friends too. Main session was really great too. It was about the great commission, as if it were a mission sandwiched between two awesome promises. Go and make disciples of all nations, but know this; all authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me And I am with you always. We sang this one song that was like "your grace is amazing, you are so strong and faithful to the end." We also sang 'mighty to save' in French! So good! Ya. There was some awesome Dodgball, I learned how to play Bang, and we just had a crazy snowball fight/built snowmen! Ahhhhh, so good. XP Ttyl D.Fa PS. I don't have the wifi yet, so this is being written on my smartphone. Ignore any typos.

Christmas Games

Hey guys!

Merry Christmas!

I would have blogged last night, but I was a bit busy working on my presents for my friend SC as well as wrapping the gifts for my family, not that they were huge or anything, but that there were a lot of really small stupid / funny things. lol.

I guess I realized that not working really does limit my ability to buy, so I needed to make or plan something outside the box (lol. you'll figure it out). I actually ended up spending only money that I had found while cleaning my parents' house, which was actually quite a bit. lol

So, the main thing that I did this year that was funny, was that the majority of my gufts for my family were all in the same boxes. lol. The same, like, 3x3x3inch cube. lol And I made it into a tree. lol. (impossible to have a tree made of boxes like that with only one layer for the trunk...)

Ya, so I stayed up until 2am Christmas eve and I didn't even have time to say much more than "Merry Christmas to my East Asian friends. >.>

Ya.

Today was good. Service was a bit long, but there were so many people and it's encouraging. xP. My mom came and NC sat with me. I love him. He's really funny.

It was actually really snowy this morning. A White Christmas! =D Yup!

We opened the presents and everything. It was good. xP. My family is funny. I actually like most of the clothes I got this year, actually pretty much all of it. (I really don't need more crew cut socks though... I have like 3 bundles with my storage stuff at my house and I got another bundle of grey, white and thermal socks... So many. lol) I don't intend on bragging about presents. I don't deserve all of this. I'm actually already thinking of how I can give the things I don't need to those who do.

It was really odd. lol. Usually it's just like a copy of our Christmas lists. This year, not at all. lol. Mainly since they didn't really exist as materialistically as usually. It's a weird frustrating kind of feeling. Normally I'd be hours into a new video game by now, but I only got two and I can't actually play either of them. One was for the 3DS, which I don't have (Oops, I asked for that game. lol) and the other needs Wii Motion Plus. xP

Then the worst part by far was dinner. (I don't mean the dinner. It was delicious. xP) It was me. I'm avoiding the conversation with my parents about this summer. I had the perfect opportunity to speak to them about it and I didn't take it, I started doing anything else I could......... I've already pushed it off until today, and now tomorrow is like my last chance. It's like I'm scared because I know that if they say they'd prefer me to work this summer, I will because I don't want to go against them. I want to honor my parents. But I really want to go to East Asia. I'm practically breaking out crying over this. Is this a restrained tantrum..? I know God can and will use me wherever I end up, but I want to go back to Asia with all my heart. But is that just the easy way out?

Stupid unrest spirit. I feel like it's the worst thing in the world if I end up working this summer... >.> Am I being over dramatic..? I want to yell.

"I want"

I want my plans, my desires, my thoughts and life to reflect those of God. My plans being the ones God has laid out before creation. My desires in line with God's. My thoughts things of heaven. My life one in full submission and voluntarily used to serve the one who came to serve us.

>.<

D.Fa

Sometimes

Sometimes I get too ambitious and end up killing the whole plan because I start making the product look amazing in my head, but not attainable by the limited resources (especially time) at hand.

I have a large imagination sometimes.

Sometimes I want to be pretty much any type of job imaginable. I would love being an architect. I would like being a doctor (if I didn't dislike blood so much). I would love being a dentist. I could be a janitor. I might be able to be a teacher. I would like being a designer, like graphics designer. Umm. Video game designer, craftsmen, electrician, pilot(..?), athlete, musician, singer/songwriter, actor, engineer, pharmacologist, botanist, international missionary.

Sometimes, I realize that even though I complain about things a lot sometimes I love those quirky things even more. I love quirky things. lol.

--

Anyways, today was interesting. Not really. Pretty boring. lol. Actually, no. Interesting. (I am remembering it now. lol) I woke up early and went to MHS. lol I actually slept in a bit and ran half way to school in the snow. What? Snow. Yeah. Finally. lol. White Christmas!

MM, BC, AL and RM came too. We visit some teachers and saw some people. Then we went to Harveys and talked about random stuff. lol. Then I went to watch the Christmas assembly. Not much variation in performaces, but some of them were really good. XP. JT is always really good.

Then I kinda just did more cleaning / Christmas decorating at home for the rest of the day.

Good times.

It's almost Christmas! I just got to say Merry Christmas to my East Asian friend Moped who received Christ this summer. I didn't get to talk much, but he said his family celebrates Christmas and have meals together.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Letters Addressed to Me

I feel like this is the only time of the year that I really like cleaning.

It's the time of year when we clean our house so much because our grandparents would be coming.

A bit different these last couple years, but still the same general idea.

Umm, so ya, when I get bored I get a bit destructive and jump from one thing to the next. I tend to need something to do. I cleaned a lot today again. lol. I was actually not looking forward to cleaning, but this week I am 'being productive and not procrastinating' or at least in the hour after I wake up I am praying for that and that when I do get bored I'll look to God. The day started out a bit rough, but it turned out much better. xP I cleaned the toilet. *shudder*

Yeah. xP I really wanted to play pokemon. xP But I was like, I can do that while the sun isn't up. So I set my mind to cleaning at least one area today. I intended to do the entrance hall. It started with the cover for the air conditioner that never gets outside until it snows (lol >.>) Then I checked the mailbox.

!!! I can now sympathize with Animal Crossing characters that always begged for me to send them mail. It's like the best feeling in the world seeing the letter addressed to you from a friend. It's way better than email. Just saying. Probably two weeks ago you ask me if I care about the Post service. I really don't care. Today, very different story. Of course, I don't really see its effectiveness in keeping a current up to date knowledge of your friends when you have them on facebook or whatever. However, I also understand why my mom used to write update letters every Christmas for our relatives. Updates by mail, warranted. A 'how are you?', not as practical. >.<

So, ya. lol

Ttyl.

=D.Fa

Exam Traditions..?

So, I haven't blogged in a while again. lol.

This was because of my final exam for this semester and the subsequent period of relaxation. I don't even actually remember what I did. I think I mainly just watched television with my brother and I set up tmy tree inn my room although really there's no room for it. lol. (Even more like animal crossing. lol "anymore and the floor will give in!" lol)

Anyways, after cramming the second half of 'Cell Physiology and Biochemistry' into one day it was an okay exam I guess. Am I ever thankful that Mr. GG taught us so well back in grade 12..? Yeah! Duh. The exam was a lot about glycolysis and the Krebs cycle as well as some other stuff, but learning that stuff again was easier than the rest of the stuff I had to learn. xP

So, ya, one thing I have been doing since last year is that when it is exam time I wear my Carleton Science shirt to all of my exams without washing it until they are all done. lol. No superstition or anything though, I just get caught up in patterns / traditions. xP. Like, I think it was a coincidence the first time I did that, but then I was like, okay, let's keep doing this. So, every single exam I write at Carleton will be while wearing my weird baby blue Carleton shirt that has stretched significantly while in East Asia and has a hole at the back. lol >.>

Since grade 12 when  my English teacher told us that dark chocolate was good for your brain and that you should have some before your exam, I tried to get into a tradition of eating chocolate before the exams. That didn't work out. Too expensive. lol

Usually during exam breaks I end up watching an old series of anime to take up all the free time I've suddenly run into. Not this time. lol. I actually kinda figured out how to study during this exam break. I just read my whole textbook while making notes, then review the lecture slides like morning of, then read my notes. I did that for each of the exams I had this semester. But for BIOC the text was like 500 pages and the slides were like 2000 slides ... >.> He really did cover a lot of material in a very short amount of time. lol My brain crashed on Tuesday morning.

Ya, but really the better side of these exam traditions is that before every exam I pray. lol. I know that it wouldn't be by my knowledge that I somehow do well. I usually cram the last second. I don't deserve a good mark. I didn't really put that much effort in except at the last second.

Ya, so it's done and I get a fresh start for next semester. xP

As I had planned to, I put up my Christmas tree which I bought two years ago and as it goes, it seems that you guys, my blog stalkers, get to see pictures before my facebook friends. So, here is what my tree looked like when I plugged it in.

More later.

D.Fa

PS. Pakistan!

One Last Push

I seem to be getting into a 'self-preservation mode' concerning this last exam.


It's tomorrow afternoon and I honestly need so much studying, for that matter, learning actually because I missed a lot of the classes (I was physically there for at least part of all of them though).

Reading the textbook was probably a waste of time last night. I read 3 of the 15 chapters I needed to read, but it took forever. The 15 chapters are like 500 pages total. So much. Today I wasted the morning, but since coming to school to study with JXW I've looked over 6 of the 10 main lecture slides for the exam. Really, I'm learning right now. xP..............

Jeez. I really need to be more on top of things next semester / year.

So, yep. 18 hours and counting.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

PS. Having brothers in Christ to pray for / with / pray for you is really awesome. Thank you God.
PPS. FIGHTING!

I Guess I Left My Phone At Home

Hey guys!

I heard some suuuuupeeeer exciting news today, but again I don't think I'm allowed to tell you. -sigh-

But, ya. My day was really great. It was one of those days you wake up and just live, no need for technology (or homework. lol). So, ya. I slept in (the only good part of exam break) and ended up cleaning the living room a lot. Although in my break I got to see part of the Powerpuff Girls Christmas special "I can make three girls out of seasoning, but I can never get these lights to work" LOL! PPGs were one of the Cartoon Network shows I watched a lot when I was younger. I was watching today and I was like, wow their eyes are huge... they're like aliens! But ya, good times.

Anyways, cleaning and such to get the tree in the house. (lol. It's been sitting in the hole in our hedge pretending to be a hedge since last weekend) Ya, so that's that. Then I rushed off to church because I was 'late' for worship practice that I was leading. It went really quickly. I guess that's what happens when everyone on team is awesome and the music is all stuff everyone knows. >.>

We then played banana grams with a scrabble travel set and it was fun. xP. I love spending time with SM and AL. xP Then we had practice for the concert, ate pizza and then the concert. The Christmas Concert!

My parents and my brother came!!! (This is definitely the first time my brother has come to church!)

So, ya, as I said, I rushed to get to church, so I had to find socks and shoes and music and everything last second. I forgot to bring a folder for my music (thanks autie JB!), I ended up borrowing black socks from my brother (mine were all in the wash), and I also borrowed his dress shoes (they just so happened to be different sizes and as it happens, different shoes, like completely different (although very very similar)) (one size 9 and one sized 8 (ouch)) (the matching pair were in his locker at school apparently. He had ruched when he got them there).

The concert was really good. xP There were also reindeer shaped peanut butter cookies with chocolate dipped pretzels for antlers!

My mom says she might come to the Christmas service.

I guess I should pray for my family extra hard tonight, both in praise of what God is doing and prayer for the future.

Yup.

Ttyl.

=D.Fa

PS. I feel like it's really hard to approach your brother AL. He's becoming a semi-celebrity in my mind.

PPS. I meant to say something about how days with no technology is awesome. xP

As We Approach the Future

Well, that's the fourth one.

Just one more exam and then I'm free for the Christmas break. xP

Ah. ... Biochemistry. 120 Multiple Choice questions in three hours. If only it wasn't an 8:30 am class, I'd be way more prepared for this. Honestly, I slept in a lot these last couple months, making myself about 30 minutes late to basically all of my biochem classes. Also due to procrastination I usually was working on finishing a lab report instead of focussing in class, so I really know very little about what I've supposed to have learned. I know I need to read my textbook... >.> and luckily the lecture slides are online, so I'll look over those.

Only 89 hours until the exam. lol... It really does look like a lot of time. I think I'm getting a bit better at studying (ignoring the plants exam). I think I'm also seeing the benefit of reading the textbooks.

Gah. I need to have a conversation with my parents about what I'm doing this summer... I really want to go to Asia again. >.< But I don't want to do it against my parents.

Gah. I don't want to be sick. The Christmas concert is just 20 hours away. I found out today that we aren't having a Christmas eve service since Christmas is on Sunday, so I can spend Christmas eve with my family, which is great.

Sigh. So many things I'm not in control of and can't predict.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

PS. Baby sloths are way too cute.

Brothers

Hey, so, instead of studying I got right to work on something else that I was supposed to work on kinda and it was great. lol.

So, like, there's a lot of furniture in our living room where the Christmas tree is going to go,  so we needed to make room in another place for it. There's this room we call the 'playroom' in our house. It's like this really big room where the toys used to be and where we played video games and stuff. It's been through a lot of spatial changes but was always the playroom. It's kinda turning into a storage room now that my brother has moved out of it and also, there's kinda no electricity in it or something..? I don't know. lol. Not worth the effort to figure that one out. xP. There's also this kinda cycle of cleaning our house so that it can get messy again. So, today as it was, it was a little messy and very cluttered and hadn't been really used in a couple months, so kinda spider-y, except mainly just cobwebs, not spiders. But ya. I got my brother to come with me and start another one of our 'schemes'.

A 'scheme' is generally defined as an exciting adventure usually involving moving furniture which often our parents have no idea is going on until it is done. This is one thing that me and my brother have bonded over multiple times. Maybe it's partially idipendence, or stuborness, or maybe partially that they usually used to go against what our parents had decided (like the time we sneaked our bunk beds upstairs when our parents had said "no, there's no room"), I don't know, but it always had a feeling of doing something yourself and the feeling of accomplishment once it was done.

Tonight's scheme was reffered to as 'the stab'. Largely because the 'playroom' is always the room no one wants to clean because it's always the messiest / most work, so we were just taking a stab at it. Mainly we had to make room for the furniture from upstairs later on, but when I organize a room I have to clean it too. So, we got to work with a garbage bag, a large recycling bin, a 'buckette', a 'webinator' and managed to clean half of the room and the hallway to it. We only got about 2/3 a bag of garbage and didn't really remove much from the room, so mainly it was just tetris skills. Did I mention we did it all by flashlight? lol. So good. and after an hour or so I got KFA's ipod and we listened to Adele and then some other music too. lol.

Good times.

Oh, today I guess I locked myself in my room and listened to Adele for 3 hours while making a long list of all the reactions used in our orgo chem class. I had cheese and crackers with anime. I had dinner and watched television with my brother. Then at 6:30 we went to watch him and the other band kids at MHS for their "winter wonderband" concert. Nostalgia. I'm still over-protective of the Cello pans. >.>

Ya. It's nearly Christmas!

Ttyl.

D.Fa

PS. I'm really glad to see that me and my brother have bonded over things in the past and present.
PPS. I don't expect you to understand the words I made up during our mission.
PPPS. "Cleaning is a 6$ an hour job" and I found a toonie stuck under the foot of a buffet. I really had to work for it though, it was squished into the carpet. lol. I only made 8$ for that 3 hour cleaning though. >.< Whatever. xP All the more change for my piggy bank. >.> (that is a menacing glare at my piggy bank)

Second Opinions

So, I guess I haven't said anything about a certain singer I briefly mentioned a while ago. I've slowly been hearing a bit more of her songs and in fact when I went to have sushi with my brother and mother for some reason only her songs were playing (not the normal any and everything random and inconsistent playlist. lol).

She has a really pretty voice and her songs are usually very real (ie very few synthetic sounds). Also, often the words she sings are powerful and not so many that they overwhelm you. I don't know. lol.

Yesterday I discovered this song. You can even get that she is sarcastic when singing so beautifully just by the way she articulates her words. She even skats a bit. lol. Even the video is so simple, but very powerful.



Ya, so Adele is a bit more than 'not bad' or 'pretty good'.

D.Fa

Incomprehensibly

I'm seriously never going to understand this.

How can God love me so much?

How can He love me so much, with all my faults, with all my sins, with everything  I've done, everything I still do, everything I will end up doing..?

How can He love so much that He would, that He would die for me..?

It just, it just is, it's just not something that I think I could do. It's just not something I can see other people doing. It's beyond humanity.

I can hold a grudge against someone for the stupid little thing that I'm too scared to bring to his face, so I just get slowly more bitter over time, but He, God, loves so much that He'd die for us even when we choose sin, choose lust, choose greed, choose ourselves over Him, not just once, but thousands of times.

How can I deserve this love? I can't. Then why do I receive this love? Because He loves so much that He'd do everything to pay your debt for you. Even though I owe more than my life for my iniquities, HE has payed for them on the cross. He has taken my sin and nailed it to the cross.

Through Jesus' death our sins were paid for and by His resurrection we were given the new life.

If we confess our sins, even the ones we are still committing, and turn back to Him, whole-heartedly repenting, agreeing with Him about our error, having a change of attitude and subsequently action, God is willing to forgive us.

I'm never going to understand how His grace works. How He has apportioned each of us a measure of grace, more than enough, yet exactly enough for the whole world and everyone in it.

I guess the only thing I can do is wake up tomorrow knowing that God still loves me and try by the power of the Holy Spirit given to me to live better tomorrow to glorify His name, rather than gratifying the desires of the flesh.

Oh God, why do we have to go through trials... Why do we fall when we try in our own strength... Why do I voluntarily go against you again and again..?

Thank you so much for your grace. Thank you so much for your love. Thank you so much for the cross.

Thank you for your forgiveness, may I not take advantage of it.

I'm not gonna understand all of this fully until the end, but I guess that's where faith comes in.

When Your Life is Crammed Out of Your Schedule

I guess by now you have realized that I have been cramming for the past day and a half, or at least, I really should have been doing so. lol.

So, Sunday, pretty normal, maybe..? Since I'm at my parents' house now, I can get a drive to church last second. xP No real Sunday school class this week, so I chilled with 'the young'uns' with PE and his Sunday school group. Then service, Pastor AN was preaching about the three attitudes of people when Jesus was born, Anxiety (Herod), Apathy (the religious people) and Adoration (the wise men).

Then I went home and watched anime then we got our Christmas Tree! It's kinda small, but I think since I've gotten taller, I've been thinking it's smaller when it actually isn't. This has been happening for like a few years now. (On Sunday I got to help some customers put their tree that they bought from my work into their car. The trees were all like 6'5" or something, but they were all so short and light. In my opinion anyways. lol..?) Then I chilled at home for a bit until it was time to go again.

Bethel's "Singing Christmas Tree" performance was full. It was closing night. It was really good as always. I got to see RW and MY and AL. Hot Chocolate with Candy Canes.

Then I went home and did my chore, got some stuff and walked home instead of waiting half an hour for the bus. lol

Monday. I kinda slept in and went to school later than originally planned, didn't really study too much. I was actually mainly eavesdropping a very interesting conversation a couple Korean people were having about what they prayed for when they were younger and people who say they are Christians, but you can tell they aren't and I wasn't really paying enough attention to get much out of it, but I was paying enough attention that my studying was suffering. Why were they sitting there anyways..? Why were we (me and JXW) sitting there? In the middle of the Athletics building on the floor..? The whole campus is right there... lol... Ya, I guess I learned a bit..? lol.

I went home, had dinner, did some studying, played guitar / tried making a video of myself playing / sining O Little Town of Bethlehem, but for various reasons the video wasn't posted.

Umm. Today I slept in again accidentally... I had an exam at 2pm. Could ahve gone either way... >.< Very much cramming was done this morning. No lunch. Sushi with my mom and brother for dinner. You should always attempt to get your money's worth when going to 'all you can enjoy' sushi. Ya. and I've kinda been wasting tonight relaxing a bit. lol...

Uggg... So much delicious food... Too much. lol...

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Average Post Scripts

Well, yesterday not much happened.

I had driving lessons as usual after frantic last second packing of enough stuff to last for a week (which turns out to be far more than the amount I packed for Asia. >.>) Then I guess I just kinda chilled at home for a few hours. I watched a food network Christmas special, ate doughnuts, cleaned my room (I can't live in a room until I have thoroughly cleaned it) and got ready for work.

Then I had work (go figure) last time for the year though (unless Salad Bar needs me). That means I can spend more time with my family I guess.

Three exams to go. Fighting!

D.Fa

PS. (Sometimes I feel I say more in parentheses than in regular paragraph text)
PPS. I really like my room right now. It feels like Animal Crossing to me. lol
PPPS. My coat has a Doraemon pocket now. In it currently are a scarf, glove, scissors, some twine, a hat, a wrapper for a painting drop sheet and insulation I guess (since it's actually just a hole in my pocket that goes to the inside of my coat).
PPPPS. Candy Cane Ice Cream and Egg Nog, check and check.

No More Math

Yo. How can I say this..?

I think I did really well on my final exam this morning. lol...

It was really long, but Stats is actually very logical (probably more than Phys chem, because that gets into the range of theoretical which doe snot always make sense. lol), so ya, I think it went well.

Ya, today was a lot of relaxation after the last three days of cramming math into my brain. lol.

I walked and talked with a bunch of people after the exam for a bit, picked up my Biol assignment and got my term lab mark, then bussed to my parents' house / work to check if I am working tomorrow (which I am unfortunately... no caroling I guess...) and I don't know, I wanted to go home. lol.

I ended up cleaning. Like, a lot. I really enjoy seeing something really clean after having earlier been dirty. I also just really like clean houses. lol.

My mom bought this ridiculous animated and lit reindeer thing for the front lawn, which right now looks hilarious because there is only one of them and there's no snow... lol. It just moves it's head back and forth. The antlers and ears are just held in place by gravity, so likely they will fall out at some point... lol.

Ya. I guess I'm moving home tomorrow. I'm really tired. lol.

Ttyl

D.Fa

PS. Playing guitar after a long break gets painful fast. lol.

Should I Study..?

Always busy even during the exam period. >.<

Well, ya.yesterday was good I guess. During the exam break, I kinda take it one exam at a time, so basically I've been focused on studying for this Physical Chemistry Exam for this morning. It's not a good plan, but I don't really read my textbook until the exam week. Luckily Phys Chem chapters are only like 20 pages each, so it wasn't that bad.

Of course though, exams don't stop the rest of my life, they just really put a hold on things... lol. So, last Friday when KC was unavailable I was really busy too. We rescheduled and met up yesterday. John 4. I don't have all of the answers, but just having a conversation about the things we aren't clear about. Then we had a lesson about Prayer. I've been waiting for this one for a long time. lol. I really want KC to have a strong relationship with God. That means both reading the Bible and praying, talking with God, which is something I've seen him shy away from a number of times. Well, praying out loud is different, I agree, but ya. I want to see him so passionate that you can hear it in his voice when he prays out loud. Ya. I'm still super glad that I get to spend time with KC. I hope he comes to the Christmas concert (btw there's a Christmas concert at OCBC on Dec 17th at 7pm) and comes out to a fellowship or DG or something next semester.

I also had practice for the concert last night after hanging out with JXW and SP at school studying. I'm really excited for it. xP

Ya. I'm really bad at studying though. lol. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out my first vlog and it's still pretty bad. lol.




Ya, so, that's me I guess. lol. I was cramming even this morning, but then the first question (it even said so itself) was a CHEM1000 first year chemistry calculation. Very comforting.

So, ya. STATS is tomorrow and I need to go start studying. lol

Busy busy.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Escalator Thingees that are on a Slant!

Yesterday was the last of classes for the 'Fall Semester' at Carleton University.

The last day on a Monday..? Weird. Ya. And yet, I still had three full length classes yesterday. >.>

Anyways, I went to classes, I handed in my final assignment, and then I basically did nothing until 5:30. Prayer meeting was good. We went and saw GS who is living in a tent in front of the UC building in solidarity with those living in Attawapiskat which has now been declared a state of emergency or something. He is doing this to raise 1000$ for the community. The 1800 people of the community are living in tents or trailers or houses far below the standards, without access to a school in the community, and water that is below drinking standards (I think). It's really cool that he has such a passion for the First Nation Peoples.

LT invited me, MW and RM over to his house for dinner. It was cool. We went to a Loblaws and bought salad, pizza, frozen juice and wings.  They had a slanted escalator thing!!!!!! Just like in East Asia!!! I took pictures. lol... I've never seen one in Canada, so it's pretty exciting. lol

Ya. We also watched Kung Fu Panda 2. I kinda wanted to play Dominion instead, but it was a good movie. In general, I don't care for Jack Black's brand of comedy. >.>

Ya. and now I am wasting time instead of studying.... Time to cram.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

PS. I may actually talk to you later, or rather, I made a couple videos for a vlog, but youtube is having a maintenance thingee, so I need to wait a bit. I'll tell you all about it later. xP

Mulled Apple Soda and Most of a package of 'Oreo's

So, from where I left off:

Saturday started early as usual with a driving lesson from my dad. Then I had to go to worship team practice. It was a guys only, full team. Very rare. I haven't been on team in a while and when I was I was leading, so it was good being able to step back and just worship.

After the practice, me, AL's brother and SM had a practice for our performance of 'We Three Kings'. You see there's going to be a Christmas concert on the 17th and we are one of the acts. lol.

I realized how much I love singing Christmas hymns. lol. Also, how much the songs really mean. I think I am planning to do a large number of youtube videos of Christmas songs... lol.

I went home, super late, it was like 3 when I got home or something. I ate lunch and tried to figure out what was happening that night. You see, I had thought that I'd be working 2-10 like usual because last week I had booked off work to go have sushi with the first years, which basically guarantees my working the following week. I had like three different parties I was invited to, but since I was at OCBC the night before and because I've not been able to go to a large number of the other parties SC has organized, he was priority number one. However, when asked what was happening, it sounded like 'you, me and SO are meeting downtown to spend a lot of money' (my paraphrase.) So, instead I just told him about the YA Christmas party (potluck and secret santa gift exchange) and how he and SO could come.

Like twenty minutes passed. Then he finally said ok. lol. It was a really awesome party. All of the food was delicious. All of the exchanged presents were hilarious and very creative. There was a photo-shopped memory postcard calendar, a hand-made snow triangular prism jar, a gentleman's top hat and monocle, a live action adaptation of a chapter of manga, cookies, poems, cake, a drawing of a dinosaur. Many awesome gifts. Very jealous I was of basically everyone. We talked and continued eating desserts for a long time. Mini cheesecakes. Mmmm.

That was over 6 hours of fun times. and both SC and SO had fun too I think.

Sunday, sleep in and get a drive from TM. Thanks! Ummm. Sunday school, service, lunch and a prayer walk. Really cool. The other evangelical church in Westboro came and had lunch with us and then we went out to pray for the community. DvdP was there too!!! She's like a mini celebrity to me. lol. I've heard her talk about getting involved in events in my community for over a year (from a Radio station).

We came back from the prayer walk and were talking about what we prayed for and stuff and  I was asked to scribe using my cell phone... lol.


I stayed at church until Acts Course. I was working on my last Phys Chem assignment. It was a lot more work than I had thought it would be. >.> I didn't get much done in the three hours of so between the prayer walk and class, but I got a lot of figuring stuff out in my head done in that time.


Acts was good. We mainly talked about where we are personally, small groups and as a church and how we can change or think about how to continue from here based on the Pauline cycle.


Got a drive home, made dinner, cleaned the floors, finished my assignment, watched One Piece. Went to sleep at 2am.

And now it is 4pm Monday. I have no more classes this semester and my first exam is only a couple days away. What to do..? Hmmmm.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

A Kinda Mini-Vacation

Hey guys!

I haven't blogged in a while. lol...

Last week the first half was really intense. Then Wednesday afternoon hit and there was this shift into having nothing to do. (or at least it felt that way). The only thing  I had left to do before exams was a 'little assignment' due today. So, I just assumed I'd do that on like Sunday or something.

I don't remember everything that happened, lol, but it was good. Wednesday I definitely went to the OCBC end of the month prayer meeting. It was good. We were in the possible new building and praying about it and about the spiritual warfare we'd be in, should we move there. We prayed for Westboro. God is victorious over sin and death. There is nothing that can stop Him, so why should we be afraid. If we are called to be a light to the community and stay in Westboro, then it's our duty to get out there and fight for change in the community, fighting with the armor given us by God and the spiritual weapons given us to demolish strongholds of darkness and despair.

Thursday I think I had one class and then I stayed at school. Yep! I had been putting off reading the Bible and felt really bad about it, so I sat down and read the rest of Job. lol. It was an interesting ending. The younger guy rebukes his friends and then Job, then God shows up to rebuke him and some stuff happens... lol. A while later after a prayer meeting (we have a new sister by the way! =D) and some socializing, I ended up in the room we usually have C4C weekly meetings in. My friend AH is in a documentary class and Thursday was the screening of their class' documentaries. There were three and they were all very interesting and about creativity.

The next morning I felt like I had nothing to do. I read the whole of 'Song of Songs' that morning over breakfast. I think it's a little strange the way they describe each other.

That day I had one-on-one discipling with LT and later KC, but KC got a call from work to fill in, so that's cool. I always feel my time with LT is cut short anyways. Although really, I think we talked way more with people walking by than we did with each other. lol.

Then I looked through all my blog posts for the last semester. That took longer than I thought it might. It was good seeing what has happened.

Then I went to see the Master of Architecture Grad Show. It was interesting. Very interesting... A little weird though. lol.

Then I took the Otrain and a bus to church for a talk about the state of guys these days and their lack of motivation and specifically the role of video games in this issue. I made a decision to go to that instead of the C4C Christmas banquet. It was really interesting seeing how the fathers were really interested and care for their sons.

Thursday and Friday were really a time of reflection and a bit of a relaxation period. I think I really needed it, but ya. It was good, but now I need to get back to work. lol. Gotta study. >.>

(more about the weekend in a different post)

Reviewing the Semester

So, RM needs stats for sharing and stuff. For the whole semester. >.> Why is he telling me this now. I have like 2 hours to do this.... If I didn't have a blog I'd have no idea what happened. lol.

Thoughts:

• Whoa. In frosh week when I was in Haven Bookstore I was reading a design textbook and now I'm involved in M22 and learning about design and stuff. I have like a million new architecture / ID friends. It's so weird. lol
• Truth: If I don't see someone for a long time, I don't talk to them for a long time. However, after acquiring their phone number and nothing else, we are still good. lol
• God answers prayers. I see God working in KC's life every time I meet up with him. It's so encouraging. Also, I've been seeing JS and MC grow so much. JS's prayers are so awesome. lol.
• Don't base things on your first impressions. Don't.
• I need to become more direct sometimes. >.> Instead ofasking CW to stop playing video games so I can go to sleep I blame him for being an arts student. I'm sorry.
• I still need to get back into good Quiet Time habits. Just taking time to listen and reflect and ask and be reminded by God where we are in relation to Him and the grace he has apportioned us.
• It's funny how God works. So many things I wouldn't have imagined have happened.
• God desires a relationship with us, not because he needs us, but because he loves us. Eternal life starts now, not after death.
• Yo. Some of my posts are pretty strong. Who is writing this blog..? Me..? No way. (not to be ego filled, but humbled that God would use me to encourage others)
• I miss JW and my East Asian friends as well as basically everyone... lol

Marriage..? o.0

Well, I think this is far from now. Or at least I think it is, but seeing everyone getting married, like 4th year or just after graduating, I guess anything could happen.

I guess I was asked what I would want in a wife, what I am looking for. I wrote the following, but truthfully, I would normally not answer the question. lol.

I want there to be real love. I want to see her seeking the Lord and being led and filled with the Spirit. I want to see her passionate. I want us to be able to work together to build each other up and support each other and love the Lord together. I want to reflect the trinity in our union. I want her to be happy. I want to be able to be open and talk with her for hours. I don't want a relationship based on lies.

I suppose I don't ever really know what I want, what I should want, what I desire, what I hope for.

I don't feel ready. I don't feel confident. I don't feel like I'm good enough.

I don't know. I think my definition, my 'list' has changed over the past few years.

It's so much more about her heart and who she is in the Lord, where her passions lie and how we can work together. I don't think I've ever really been too focused on the externality of a person, however, it probably does have an effect on how I interact with a person.

Ah... It's so complicated. >.<

I don't know my own heart.

Another thing is that the man is supposed to take the lead, which I am far from doing regularly. >.> I need to grow in this area. [Obviously, following God's leading.] Honestly, I'll never be perfect. She will have to accept me for my faults and I will have to accept her for hers, but together we will grow to reflect more and more of God's glory.

I honestly can't wait to have kids. >.>

Ok. That's probably enough personal information. xP

Ttyl.

D.Fa