Yo,
something that I've been thinking a bunch about lately, as mentioned previously, is the concept of shame and it's really shedding a lot of light on things that I had just not even noticed before. One of the places that I think this has made a huge difference is in regards to the Bible where the concept of guilt and shame are often mentioned.
Previously I hadn't really understood them and thought they were essentially the same thing. They are definitely similar, but shame is so much deeper. Guilt is a feeling that you did something wrong and leads to reconciliation, trying harder to not do it again, and similar positive results. Shame is a feeling that you are bad and leads to isolation, despair, hopelessness, apathy, and the like. Shame makes you see yourself as less and not being worth trying.
And so, as I learned about shame, whether consciously or not, I couldn't really get a hold of it because it didn't seem Biblical. Where did the Bible ever talk about shame or overcoming shame?
And I think this really stemmed from an ignorance. I wasn't seeing it because I didn't know it was there. And now, I see it in places I'd never even imagined it being. Places so simple and yet so profound.
A verse that I'd heard over and over again and told others over and over again has now become so much more. 1 John 1:9 says "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." And I had always read that as simply forgiveness and grace for the things we had done, God's justice, His mercy, His grace and love; the legal requirement paid on the cross as Jesus died on our behalf. Us clothed in His perfection, covering our sin, covering our badness. The cleansing just being of the sin, that it was behind us. The idea that we may struggle with feeling as though, as a result of our sin or not, that we were bad, that we were unrighteous, that there was nothing that could cure that; that idea hadn't crossed my mind. But God is greater than our guilt and the requirement of death for sinners (paid through the cross to bring us life), and He is greater than our shame and feelings of worthlessness (as we trsut in Him He makes us new, He cleanses us from alllllllllllllllllll unrighteousness!)!
He is faithful and just. We are forgiven and made new in Him. Amen.
I am forgiven. I am made new.
D.Fa
Showing posts with label Guilt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Guilt. Show all posts
15.1.16
Masters Students
Yo.
So, I'm a Masters student. That means my job is research. Last semester I was a Masters student, but I didn't really do any research... > . > InSeptember October I met up with my two supervisors and discussed the project (which is an extension of my 4908 undergrad research project) and we laid out what the goals for this year were and what I should do last semester: do a literature review of pretty much everything related to it; make some more DNA; and make some new DNA based on the literature research which would be better than the old DNA. In brief, I use DNA with attached fluorescent molecules to detect E coli toxins for food safety purposes. More sensitivity. Stronger contrast in fluorescence with / without toxin. More functionality in complex media (not just clean water). Those are some of my goals.
But I didn't do any research last semester. I had been keeping fairly distant from my supervisors so they wouldn't really find out. My plan was to do most of the work over the exam break once all my classes had finished. In December I had to talk to one so I could get my Health Canada security clearance. So he found out that I hadn't done anything yet and said he'd thus have to watch me like a hawk to make sure I was making progress. > . < But now that he had found out, the due date was gone, so I took the break off and didn't do anything... haha.
Yesterday I had a meeting with my supervisors to go over what has been done last semester.
So you can imagine how I felt when they set the date. "Oh my. I need to do as much work as I possibly can in the next week!!!!!" So I set out to be a productive employee. 9-5 everyday. So I read like 30 journal articles and started writing up a report. It's definitely not done yet, but I managed to get most of 10 pages ready. I also sorted out Microsoft Word and Mendeley and it's pretty sweet, keeping track of my references like a pro. haha I wrote up my report to look like a journal article too, so that was fun. haha
There were a number of questions that were asked of me to research in the literature. My supervisor started by asking "so about the fluorophores?" and I was like thinking 'nooooooo. that's the one question I'm fairly sketchy at having answered.' So I redirected to the document from last semester to answer the questions in order. hehe. Because I DEFINITELY answered the first question! =O So I shared what I had found. The first part, same as they expected. The second part, a bit of a joke. We laugh at 'peptide aptamers' here. If you are a peptide aptamer or work on them, I don't mean to offend. I apologize. The third part, this was the key. It was stuff that I had found that neither my supervisors NOR the other papers I had read had found! =D Amazing! I also found a couple new patents, which circumvent some of the stuff we would have had to do otherwise, so that's cool too. They were impressed. Yesssssss. My two weeks of literature research paid off. *sigh of relief*. The second question, as expected, plus no need now with those new patents / papers. Third question, as expected. Fourth question, a somewhat sketchy 4-page-long table... haha. But it seems like I did well. So I need to clean it up and do a little bit more research, but it was good. I survived, and I think I understand a lot more now. haha
I had been feeling pretty guilty about not really having done much work last semester, but my supervisors acknowledged that part of being a Masters student is class and I did do class last semester. I took 3 classes, and after 1 more presentation this semester I will be done all assigned school work, and that'll be great. And then I can do research all the time. My supervisors joked about some Roman slave thing and that there was hope for freedom even for Masters students. I can't really explain, but it was funny. haha I also asked and apparently I can take vacations, which mean I can go on a mission trip this summer! =D Tell you more about that later.
This semester should be good. TAing is good. This afternoon's section may be tough though. I've got the very last group and all the V-Z last names are in it. Many ethnically Chinese or Vietnamese people. Most of the group. So it might be tough. We'll see.
Ttyl.
D.Fa
So, I'm a Masters student. That means my job is research. Last semester I was a Masters student, but I didn't really do any research... > . > In
But I didn't do any research last semester. I had been keeping fairly distant from my supervisors so they wouldn't really find out. My plan was to do most of the work over the exam break once all my classes had finished. In December I had to talk to one so I could get my Health Canada security clearance. So he found out that I hadn't done anything yet and said he'd thus have to watch me like a hawk to make sure I was making progress. > . < But now that he had found out, the due date was gone, so I took the break off and didn't do anything... haha.
Yesterday I had a meeting with my supervisors to go over what has been done last semester.
So you can imagine how I felt when they set the date. "Oh my. I need to do as much work as I possibly can in the next week!!!!!" So I set out to be a productive employee. 9-5 everyday. So I read like 30 journal articles and started writing up a report. It's definitely not done yet, but I managed to get most of 10 pages ready. I also sorted out Microsoft Word and Mendeley and it's pretty sweet, keeping track of my references like a pro. haha I wrote up my report to look like a journal article too, so that was fun. haha
There were a number of questions that were asked of me to research in the literature. My supervisor started by asking "so about the fluorophores?" and I was like thinking 'nooooooo. that's the one question I'm fairly sketchy at having answered.' So I redirected to the document from last semester to answer the questions in order. hehe. Because I DEFINITELY answered the first question! =O So I shared what I had found. The first part, same as they expected. The second part, a bit of a joke. We laugh at 'peptide aptamers' here. If you are a peptide aptamer or work on them, I don't mean to offend. I apologize. The third part, this was the key. It was stuff that I had found that neither my supervisors NOR the other papers I had read had found! =D Amazing! I also found a couple new patents, which circumvent some of the stuff we would have had to do otherwise, so that's cool too. They were impressed. Yesssssss. My two weeks of literature research paid off. *sigh of relief*. The second question, as expected, plus no need now with those new patents / papers. Third question, as expected. Fourth question, a somewhat sketchy 4-page-long table... haha. But it seems like I did well. So I need to clean it up and do a little bit more research, but it was good. I survived, and I think I understand a lot more now. haha
I had been feeling pretty guilty about not really having done much work last semester, but my supervisors acknowledged that part of being a Masters student is class and I did do class last semester. I took 3 classes, and after 1 more presentation this semester I will be done all assigned school work, and that'll be great. And then I can do research all the time. My supervisors joked about some Roman slave thing and that there was hope for freedom even for Masters students. I can't really explain, but it was funny. haha I also asked and apparently I can take vacations, which mean I can go on a mission trip this summer! =D Tell you more about that later.
This semester should be good. TAing is good. This afternoon's section may be tough though. I've got the very last group and all the V-Z last names are in it. Many ethnically Chinese or Vietnamese people. Most of the group. So it might be tough. We'll see.
Ttyl.
D.Fa
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