So, although I am on co-op, I can do P2C stuff and the thing I was most excited about was going to Summit the annual fall retreat. xP. Last year a girl who was on co-op had gone, so I couldn't wait to go. lol
Anyways, it was interesting. Usually Carleton sends a lot of students. This year there were only 13 of us. Queens had like 11 students and this was their first year restarting the movement. So, we were pretty small, but God really spoke to our group.
The main speaker was a Carleton grad, DL, who had also been to Asia and had lived in Scotland for the last couple years doing ministry in Glasgow, so he had so many stories of what God had done around the world and at Carleton when him and the other students prayed big things. His main challenge was to live out our faith barbarically, meaning that we follow Christ full out not hesitating because we know who He is and that He is worth following.
But ya, our small group was really challenged. This was true for everyone of the 13, but especially for BG and AG. They had both come from pretty conservative churches where being pushed out of your comfort zone to go and share the gospel was kinda like, and additional thing, not really required of everyone. So the idea that initiative evangelism and sharing with strangers on campus was really foreign and, as it should be, scary. But being being challenged and spending time thinking praying about it both of them were ready to take that step and the following week they went out on campus and did just that.
One thing that was awesome is that DL like took us aside and had dinner with us ad challenged us specifically to pray for big things. So, what did we do? We prayed. xP. We actually ended up late for the next session because we just kept praying. haha. Cool thing is that God really started to show how faithful He is to answer prayer and be active on campus in the hearts of students. The week after Summit we saw a girl accept Christ and saw a whole bunch of people really interested.
Pray that we continue with this momentum. It's a little different for me since I'm not on campus much, but I really do want to go sharing more often and be involved on campus more, but I can't do everything, right? / It isn't about me, it's about God and I want to continue to serve Him with everything I have wherever He sends me whether work or school or other places. xP
3.11.13
EPP / BILD
So, a story from the very present / slightly future time period.
This week is gonna be awesome on so many levels. I've been looking forward to it for so long. This Friday is the once a year, super awesome time with both Carleton and uOttawa where we get to talk about Projects!!! The one and only Epik Project Party!!! =D (Which I've actually only been to once. >.>) But I couldn't wait for this!
And then, ... , I'm not going again..? > . <
I'd actually already prepared and practiced for the worship team and was waiting for the call to give a testimony and share about projects. I also had so many things booked for this week too. Worship team, DG, leading DG, discing time, worship team, Christmas concert practice, everything not to mantion a full time job and a class. haha.
But then Tuesday Pastor DB invited me to come with him to this crazy awesome conference in Iowa this next week. . .
Biggest decision ever. > . <
As always I was hoping that my boss would just say 'no. you cannot go.' and so I wouldn't have a choice to make, but alas she said 'just tell me when you are gone! =D' pretty much. >.> So I had to think a lot and I think the BILD conference will be awesome. xP. It's like an international missions conference for the training of church planting movement leaders and pastors that are from around the world. So it should be awesome. I'm still gonna talk about Projects and everything all the time. xP, but this could be an awesome once in a long while opportunity, so I decided to go. I also don't get to talk with Pastor DB much, so this'll be a good time.
I'll be gone Tuesday afternoon to Saturday at midnight, so it'll be cool. xP
This week is gonna be awesome on so many levels. I've been looking forward to it for so long. This Friday is the once a year, super awesome time with both Carleton and uOttawa where we get to talk about Projects!!! The one and only Epik Project Party!!! =D (Which I've actually only been to once. >.>) But I couldn't wait for this!
And then, ... , I'm not going again..? > . <
I'd actually already prepared and practiced for the worship team and was waiting for the call to give a testimony and share about projects. I also had so many things booked for this week too. Worship team, DG, leading DG, discing time, worship team, Christmas concert practice, everything not to mantion a full time job and a class. haha.
But then Tuesday Pastor DB invited me to come with him to this crazy awesome conference in Iowa this next week. . .
Biggest decision ever. > . <
As always I was hoping that my boss would just say 'no. you cannot go.' and so I wouldn't have a choice to make, but alas she said 'just tell me when you are gone! =D' pretty much. >.> So I had to think a lot and I think the BILD conference will be awesome. xP. It's like an international missions conference for the training of church planting movement leaders and pastors that are from around the world. So it should be awesome. I'm still gonna talk about Projects and everything all the time. xP, but this could be an awesome once in a long while opportunity, so I decided to go. I also don't get to talk with Pastor DB much, so this'll be a good time.
I'll be gone Tuesday afternoon to Saturday at midnight, so it'll be cool. xP
UTM Summary
Mississauga Unofficial Internship
At the beginning of September I had the chance to spend two weeks in Mississauga. It was pretty awesome. XP.
The main point of this was that I got to have a taste of what it's like to be a staff member with P2C. I don't know what's ahead of me after I graduate in 2015, but spending time on staff with P2C is an option, and something I would be interested in doing, so I wanted to test it out. xP I got a taste of it: leading students in evangelism, sharing stories and vision, organizing students, being the go to connector person, kinda overseeing things so that everyone can be working to the maximum during frosh week. XP
There was so much focus on prayer and it really brought our group together. Each day meeting for prayer and sometimes worship songs, bible study and getting to know each other better before going out surveying.
The coolest thing about the whole experience was just how God was really at work at UTM. From the first day to my last day the group grew from a handful to like 15 students and (when I go on facebook and stalk them) most of them are still really involved.
The second week I started to phase out, allowing the UTM students to be the main connection to those on campus we were meeting. After I had left they continued and at the Does God Exist event there were about 65 in attendance, with a bunch of guys staying after to talk with the speaker for a couple hours.
So now they are having Action Group meetings, daily prayer meetings, and outreach events.
I really miss the campus and the students and can't wait to hear all of the crazy stories of what is happening at UTM. xP
Keep praying for this young movement as they seek to really make an impact for the great commission and see new brothers and sisters brought to Christ this year.
You can check out more of the daily UTM posts:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14
At the beginning of September I had the chance to spend two weeks in Mississauga. It was pretty awesome. XP.
The main point of this was that I got to have a taste of what it's like to be a staff member with P2C. I don't know what's ahead of me after I graduate in 2015, but spending time on staff with P2C is an option, and something I would be interested in doing, so I wanted to test it out. xP I got a taste of it: leading students in evangelism, sharing stories and vision, organizing students, being the go to connector person, kinda overseeing things so that everyone can be working to the maximum during frosh week. XP
There was so much focus on prayer and it really brought our group together. Each day meeting for prayer and sometimes worship songs, bible study and getting to know each other better before going out surveying.
The coolest thing about the whole experience was just how God was really at work at UTM. From the first day to my last day the group grew from a handful to like 15 students and (when I go on facebook and stalk them) most of them are still really involved.
The second week I started to phase out, allowing the UTM students to be the main connection to those on campus we were meeting. After I had left they continued and at the Does God Exist event there were about 65 in attendance, with a bunch of guys staying after to talk with the speaker for a couple hours.
So now they are having Action Group meetings, daily prayer meetings, and outreach events.
I really miss the campus and the students and can't wait to hear all of the crazy stories of what is happening at UTM. xP
Keep praying for this young movement as they seek to really make an impact for the great commission and see new brothers and sisters brought to Christ this year.
 | |||
| A group of the students at UTM as well as JW the staff member (far left) |
You can check out more of the daily UTM posts:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14
Co-op Jobs
So, I work like 5 blocks or something (like 10-15 min walk) from my house, which is also like a block from the train which gets to Carleton in one stop, so I'm pretty connected and live close to everything. xP
My job is a blessing and I will say it again. I had no idea where it was or what it really was when I applied for it, but it is really sweet. It's in this building with blue and yellow squares on it and as a kid I always wondered what was in it.
I am working with Health Canada PMRA with my section specifically working on herbicide and fungicide usage in Canada or on imported commodities. I do database entry of MRLs as well as working on reviewing applicant's submission data, which can actually be pretty cool, but is also a lot of paper / desk work.
We are kinda in pods and so we need to be quiet for everyone else who are working, so I don't get nearly enough interactions with other people.
My main interactions are with my section through emails for submissions that I am assisting them with, with IT for various support, with one guy in another section who organize(s/d) recreational sports at lunch via work IMing, and with the four co-op girls whom I have lunch with nearly everyday. But ya, I discovered I am an extrovert and need people.
It's really different than my grocery store job. There I used to try and get everything done before I could do anything. Here I kinda try to do as many non-work-related activities as I possibly can to get more interactions / get away from my computer. These involve signing up for any and every special activity (including planting garlic for charity, and having a tea party for charity), and getting a refill of my water bottles twice or three times a day so that I can also walk to the further bathroom on my floor multiple times in a day. lol... I also tend to watch my phone for any and all texts or new emails I get as a change of pace.
So, I got a lot of work to do and it's pretty cool, like the material is actually interesting to a degree, but the method of work is kinda draining not working with other people.
I also got a job for next semester and it was really awesome because it was actually an answer to prayer. Like I started applying for co-op jobs for the next semester and was starting to get interviews. I expected like last time to have to do so many interviews... I really didn't want to do that. haha. I also wanted to use my time for other stuff, so I kinda just prayed that God would get me a job within a week. Like six hours later I had a job offer!! Crazy. And the job sounds really awesome. It'll kinda be similar. It's with Health Canada BGTD, but will be kinda similar in that I will be reviewing some documents, but different in that most of my job is actually a liaison between people. ie, I get to talk to and interact with people more often!! =D
So, ya. Excited. xP
Pray for my co-workers. I think a number of the ladies in my section are Christian, so that's cool. Pray for the other students. The seem to all have come from a Catholic background and I am having pretty cool IM conversations with one of them. xP
Family 1: Thanksgiving
So, this semester I may actually have visited my parents the most often I ever have since not living at home.
It was different being away all summer only calling once a week or every other week, so part of the reason I am home so much now is because of that, but a lot of it isn't that reason.
A large part is that my mom hasn't been doing so well until recently, which I will discuss in the second post, but I've also been around because my dad is also getting old and there's been a bunch of work to do around the house. So, I've actually been around nearly every week that I've been in Ottawa.
One of the first things I had to do when I got back from Mississauga was tell my parents my story. I didn't want to post it online and tell everyone if I wasn't going to tell them first, like with big decisions you tell your family and close friends first right? So I figured I had to and it seriously was the hardest thing ever. All day I felt like I was dying; walking closer and closer to my death. I tend to prepare for the worst, and the worst would be my mom being devastated and getting worse physically and giving up all hope in her future (lack of grandkids), but it was really good, pretty much their normal response to any big decisions I make "we support you and will always love you, but are worried about your safety". lol.
A couple weeks later was Thanksgiving and I was able to go over and make the stuffing as always. It was really good to see my mom actually eating dinner with us for a change and to be with my whole family. We never really ate family meals ever. lol. Also, my brother actually secretly moved out during the summer and kinda got a dog from his roommate, so his dog came over for thanksgiving. So it was my parents, brother, me, and two dogs.
I don't really talk to my brother much though, but we're cool. I think we understand each other better now.
You can always be praying for my family. My dad is gonna be retiring in a couple years or something. I really don't know what that's gonna look like. haha. He has had back problems and some heart issues.
It was different being away all summer only calling once a week or every other week, so part of the reason I am home so much now is because of that, but a lot of it isn't that reason.
A large part is that my mom hasn't been doing so well until recently, which I will discuss in the second post, but I've also been around because my dad is also getting old and there's been a bunch of work to do around the house. So, I've actually been around nearly every week that I've been in Ottawa.
One of the first things I had to do when I got back from Mississauga was tell my parents my story. I didn't want to post it online and tell everyone if I wasn't going to tell them first, like with big decisions you tell your family and close friends first right? So I figured I had to and it seriously was the hardest thing ever. All day I felt like I was dying; walking closer and closer to my death. I tend to prepare for the worst, and the worst would be my mom being devastated and getting worse physically and giving up all hope in her future (lack of grandkids), but it was really good, pretty much their normal response to any big decisions I make "we support you and will always love you, but are worried about your safety". lol.
A couple weeks later was Thanksgiving and I was able to go over and make the stuffing as always. It was really good to see my mom actually eating dinner with us for a change and to be with my whole family. We never really ate family meals ever. lol. Also, my brother actually secretly moved out during the summer and kinda got a dog from his roommate, so his dog came over for thanksgiving. So it was my parents, brother, me, and two dogs.
I don't really talk to my brother much though, but we're cool. I think we understand each other better now.
You can always be praying for my family. My dad is gonna be retiring in a couple years or something. I really don't know what that's gonna look like. haha. He has had back problems and some heart issues.
Family 2: My Mother
I've had a lot of people ask me recently about how my mom is doing. That means I haven't been actively telling people. Oops.
It's one of those things where this needs a lot of prayer and I have asked a bunch of people, so I should give updates kinda regularly.
Anyways, if you haven't been following the story so far here's the summary: my mom had an acute pressure build up in her eyes and lost the majority of her sight maybe a year and a bit ago..? Not too long after both of her parents passed away. And then a lot of stuff happened with her seeing and feeling things that weren't there and it was freaking her out and truly horrible for everyone. She was in and out of doctors' offices and was always prescribed different medications. Since fourth year university she had had migraines and since then has had a pile of medications to take that requires lists. Earlier this year she was taken to the hospital and it was determined that she had been overdosing on sinus clearing medication or something common like that, so they ended up looking at the list and dealing with that, so she went through withdrawal for a bit and was a lot better. Then she ended up losing balance and falling down a lot and getting weaker and weaker and losing her hair and being diagnosed as depressed. We got a puppy. This kinda made things worse. When you can't see an over excited, energetic, mischievous puppy that loves to run around your ankles and jump on you, that doesn't help you.
This is kinda where we were when I was about to leave for the summer. > .> I remember going to the hospital to see her just before leaving, maybe a week. It sucked. She wasn't herself, she wasn't able to do anything. She was being wheeled around pretty much everywhere and required a couple people to help her get around. She ended up getting so weak physically that she had to be taken to the hospital for an extended period of time (which she hates so much). She was taken home before I left and I just spent as much time with her as I could and prayed with her.
I left for co-op. She ended up in and out of the hospital. I called semi-frequently, but whenever she was back in the hospital I made sure to call more often.
She couldn't walk or stand on her own or anything. So, they did a pile of tests and did physio and all that stuff. When I got back she was home and had people coming to take care of her for a few hours each day and my dad doing a lot for her. She could kinda stand and walk with assistance again. She had her personality back. She grew stronger with the physio and the main thing that doctors found was a severely low protein uptake, so her diet was changed severely.A few weeks ago her protein levels were just below normal.
She could now walk, but her typical lack of direction and spatial sense made her extremely hopeless for the future. She is an independent person and really hates having to have people take care of her. She was really depressed with the idea that she'd never be able to maneuver around the house and would probably get lost and be unable to do anything until my dad got home.
I kinda gave her a pep talk. She is a very stubborn person and can typically will herself to do anything, but she was so stuck on this hopeless future and how she hadn't improved in weeks that she had become so depressed and said she'd never be able to walk around the house. I told her really that if she put her mind to it and just took little steps at a time and didn't give up she would be able to do it. We showed her how to use the walker-cane thing that she had pretty much refused to use and that was that.
That week I got a text from my dad saying that while he wasn't there she had become so hungry that she had walked from the living room back to her bedroom where she knew a protein bar was. > . < So from one day saying 'never' to a couple days later doing it. > .>
So, she's actually doing a lot better now and doesn't need assistance to go to the bathroom, or walk to and from her bedroom and now she is thinking about how she could be able to prepare meals and things while using one hand for the cane and one to feel what she is walking into. Planning for a future. Good.
She has been like overheating a lot recently though, getting prickly feelings and stuff. She got a hair cut and is now growing new hair. She also was interested in coming to the Christmas concert, which involves going out of the house, walking, and some stairs, which is a whole lot more than she would have ever attempted, so that's really awesome.
She was telling me that she really can't see much of anything now, sometimes door frames and walls, but otherwise it's mostly blackness, the last thing she saw, or like really bright whiteness and she is having some trouble sleeping.
You can keep praying for her and for opportunities to share the gospel with her.
It's one of those things where this needs a lot of prayer and I have asked a bunch of people, so I should give updates kinda regularly.
Anyways, if you haven't been following the story so far here's the summary: my mom had an acute pressure build up in her eyes and lost the majority of her sight maybe a year and a bit ago..? Not too long after both of her parents passed away. And then a lot of stuff happened with her seeing and feeling things that weren't there and it was freaking her out and truly horrible for everyone. She was in and out of doctors' offices and was always prescribed different medications. Since fourth year university she had had migraines and since then has had a pile of medications to take that requires lists. Earlier this year she was taken to the hospital and it was determined that she had been overdosing on sinus clearing medication or something common like that, so they ended up looking at the list and dealing with that, so she went through withdrawal for a bit and was a lot better. Then she ended up losing balance and falling down a lot and getting weaker and weaker and losing her hair and being diagnosed as depressed. We got a puppy. This kinda made things worse. When you can't see an over excited, energetic, mischievous puppy that loves to run around your ankles and jump on you, that doesn't help you.
This is kinda where we were when I was about to leave for the summer. > .> I remember going to the hospital to see her just before leaving, maybe a week. It sucked. She wasn't herself, she wasn't able to do anything. She was being wheeled around pretty much everywhere and required a couple people to help her get around. She ended up getting so weak physically that she had to be taken to the hospital for an extended period of time (which she hates so much). She was taken home before I left and I just spent as much time with her as I could and prayed with her.
I left for co-op. She ended up in and out of the hospital. I called semi-frequently, but whenever she was back in the hospital I made sure to call more often.
She couldn't walk or stand on her own or anything. So, they did a pile of tests and did physio and all that stuff. When I got back she was home and had people coming to take care of her for a few hours each day and my dad doing a lot for her. She could kinda stand and walk with assistance again. She had her personality back. She grew stronger with the physio and the main thing that doctors found was a severely low protein uptake, so her diet was changed severely.A few weeks ago her protein levels were just below normal.
She could now walk, but her typical lack of direction and spatial sense made her extremely hopeless for the future. She is an independent person and really hates having to have people take care of her. She was really depressed with the idea that she'd never be able to maneuver around the house and would probably get lost and be unable to do anything until my dad got home.
I kinda gave her a pep talk. She is a very stubborn person and can typically will herself to do anything, but she was so stuck on this hopeless future and how she hadn't improved in weeks that she had become so depressed and said she'd never be able to walk around the house. I told her really that if she put her mind to it and just took little steps at a time and didn't give up she would be able to do it. We showed her how to use the walker-cane thing that she had pretty much refused to use and that was that.
That week I got a text from my dad saying that while he wasn't there she had become so hungry that she had walked from the living room back to her bedroom where she knew a protein bar was. > . < So from one day saying 'never' to a couple days later doing it. > .>
So, she's actually doing a lot better now and doesn't need assistance to go to the bathroom, or walk to and from her bedroom and now she is thinking about how she could be able to prepare meals and things while using one hand for the cane and one to feel what she is walking into. Planning for a future. Good.
She has been like overheating a lot recently though, getting prickly feelings and stuff. She got a hair cut and is now growing new hair. She also was interested in coming to the Christmas concert, which involves going out of the house, walking, and some stairs, which is a whole lot more than she would have ever attempted, so that's really awesome.
She was telling me that she really can't see much of anything now, sometimes door frames and walls, but otherwise it's mostly blackness, the last thing she saw, or like really bright whiteness and she is having some trouble sleeping.
You can keep praying for her and for opportunities to share the gospel with her.
Saskatoon Part 5: Me and Him
"What did you learn about yourself?"
So, this summer was great and all, but it was also really difficult. First day of work I met the other student working in my lab. He seemed cool. I wanted to be his friend. I wanted to share Jesus with him. A problem quickly became apparent though. > .>
I got a pretty big crush on him.
I was still not talking about my struggles with same sex attraction, so, it was this difficult balance between wanting to know him better to share the gospel and then also being very tempted to pursue more flesh-centered goals with him.
This was the first time I was so far from my friends, family, and church. First time living on my own. And my first really big crush on a guy that was pretty obviously homosexual. But I couldn't do anything.
I figured the only way for me to get over my crush on him was to talk with him about his own interests, I guess. But then if I just ask him 'are you gay?' then I am making such a big deal about it, which in the face of the gospel it really isn't. If he isn't gay then that's cool, maybe I offend him and we have an awkward friendship..? If he is, what the heck do I do? I'd pretty much have to talk about it with him, which I really didn't want to at the time. Plus then if he was then maybe it'd be way more tempting. AND it would present another barrier for me to sharing the gospel if I didn't share my own testimony.
> . <
I ended up not doing anything productive. Instead of being direct and honest and humble, I hide in darkness. I compromised on sin in my life as a method of not completely doing what my flesh wanted, but also giving in. It sucked. After a certain point it needed to stop and it was rough to the end of August.
After a while it was evident that God wanted me to tell like all my friends in Saskatoon and I started telling a few people. Late July the guy I had a crush on came with me for lunch with YF and I shared with YF about my struggles over the idea of hypocrisy, as I had mentioned in another blog post.
So, about him, I didn't do anything about it until like the middle of August on his last day at work, when I finally just asked him if we could talk and told him I had had a crush on him and apologized if I had been treating him differently (like avoiding or other stupid things). He had a boyfriend back home and was completely fine with talking to me about his own story and experiences. He was pretty introverted, so I still don't know what sort of a friendship we have, but ya... it was good to just talk it out.
I had a tough summer. But God is still good. God is always good and I know even through all of this God taught me a bunch, especially about being open and honest with others about my life and what God has done in it. But there's also still a whole lot more to learn about how to rely on God in every situation and be bold in proclaiming the gospel.
So, this summer was great and all, but it was also really difficult. First day of work I met the other student working in my lab. He seemed cool. I wanted to be his friend. I wanted to share Jesus with him. A problem quickly became apparent though. > .>
I got a pretty big crush on him.
I was still not talking about my struggles with same sex attraction, so, it was this difficult balance between wanting to know him better to share the gospel and then also being very tempted to pursue more flesh-centered goals with him.
This was the first time I was so far from my friends, family, and church. First time living on my own. And my first really big crush on a guy that was pretty obviously homosexual. But I couldn't do anything.
I figured the only way for me to get over my crush on him was to talk with him about his own interests, I guess. But then if I just ask him 'are you gay?' then I am making such a big deal about it, which in the face of the gospel it really isn't. If he isn't gay then that's cool, maybe I offend him and we have an awkward friendship..? If he is, what the heck do I do? I'd pretty much have to talk about it with him, which I really didn't want to at the time. Plus then if he was then maybe it'd be way more tempting. AND it would present another barrier for me to sharing the gospel if I didn't share my own testimony.
> . <
I ended up not doing anything productive. Instead of being direct and honest and humble, I hide in darkness. I compromised on sin in my life as a method of not completely doing what my flesh wanted, but also giving in. It sucked. After a certain point it needed to stop and it was rough to the end of August.
After a while it was evident that God wanted me to tell like all my friends in Saskatoon and I started telling a few people. Late July the guy I had a crush on came with me for lunch with YF and I shared with YF about my struggles over the idea of hypocrisy, as I had mentioned in another blog post.
So, about him, I didn't do anything about it until like the middle of August on his last day at work, when I finally just asked him if we could talk and told him I had had a crush on him and apologized if I had been treating him differently (like avoiding or other stupid things). He had a boyfriend back home and was completely fine with talking to me about his own story and experiences. He was pretty introverted, so I still don't know what sort of a friendship we have, but ya... it was good to just talk it out.
I had a tough summer. But God is still good. God is always good and I know even through all of this God taught me a bunch, especially about being open and honest with others about my life and what God has done in it. But there's also still a whole lot more to learn about how to rely on God in every situation and be bold in proclaiming the gospel.
2.11.13
Sasaktoon Part 4: Univeristy of Saskatchewan
Life at UofS
It's kinda funny that although I worked on campus at the University of Saskatchewan (UofS) I barely met any students from UofS... haha. I think I met like 10 by being involved in P2C, but other than that I met like 2 who worked with me and then like no one else... lol.
The campus was really nice and people would regularly have wedding photos taken there. lol.
I got involved in P2C and we read a book over the course of the summer. It was called Fireseeds of Spiritual Awakening and looked at the great revivals of the last couple centuries as well as how it happened and how we can play a part in bringing about the next great revival
But ya, other than that I didn't really do much on campus. haha.
Went to the gym with FB like 4 times a week, work everyday, not much else. lol
You can pray for the regular P2C group and the students involved as they attempt to seek God's will and reach out to students on campus with the gospel.You can also pray for the International Students outreach ministry of P2C as they reach out to the very large international student population on campus. Pray for students to be open to the gospel message.
Saskatoon Part 3: Church Hopping
Saskatoon Churches:
This summer was my first time actually away from my home church, OCBC. So, at firs I was excited about 'church hopping' since I always meet the new first years and it sounds like fun when they do it, but really it sucks. haha. With a million churches to check out and after a month of hopping from one building to another meeting some people and not meeting so many others I ended up attending three churches more than once: Saskatoon Chinese Alliance Church (SCAC); The Connection at Emmanuel Baptist Church (EBC); and Saskatoon Chinese Christian Church (SCCC).
SCAC felt like home, a
church that was a family with kids running around and grandparents
lovingly watching. It was trilingual services, which was awesome and I learned a bunch of Chinese. xP. I didn't even actually plan to attend their services while I was in Saskatoon, but after I met YF and he asked to go to a church with me I googled Chinese churches and found it. I miss everyone from SCAC and I don't know if/when I'll be back. A large number of the congregation are teenagers still seeking and aren't Christian yet. Pray that God would continue to speak through Pastor
WK and that more of the regular attendees would accept Christ as
their saviour.
The Connection was an evening service at EBC. I ended up here both because a friend went to the morning service and because I wanted to seek out as many congregations outside of Sunday morning as possible, so that I could try as many as possible. xP. It was also actually really close to my house. I actually had a bit of a problem with this congregation. I was trying to see how welcoming people were and so I didn't really introduce myself to people while I was church hopping. The first time I was at EBC no one approached me until the very last second like 15 minutes after service ended. > .> I kinda hated that. The church should be welcoming, and I got pretty angry for a while. But God really spoke to me through that time and I got to spend time with the new pastor and he explained about the history of the congregation and stuff. Pastor CL is doing a series on loving others over this semester. Pray this church grows in showing Christ to others.
SCCC is an amazing church. Although only in Mandarin,
this church has members of all ages who seek to glorify God in their
lives. I actually went there the first week, but left because it was all in Mandarin. haha. Little did I know PG (my coworker) went there, and in August after their main pastor left for BC they were having an English pastor give some messages. I got to go twice and see like 11(?) people get baptized! Later Holy Spirit led me to a Tim Hortons one night and I got to talk to a couple
guys from SCCC the last day before I left. haha I got to encourage them to trust in God for
more and seek after Him because He is always faithful. It was sweet. XP.
Pray for this church's continuing ministry to the international
students and local Chinese community as well as the search for a new pastor.
This summer was my first time actually away from my home church, OCBC. So, at firs I was excited about 'church hopping' since I always meet the new first years and it sounds like fun when they do it, but really it sucks. haha. With a million churches to check out and after a month of hopping from one building to another meeting some people and not meeting so many others I ended up attending three churches more than once: Saskatoon Chinese Alliance Church (SCAC); The Connection at Emmanuel Baptist Church (EBC); and Saskatoon Chinese Christian Church (SCCC).
 |
| Never got a really good picture of SCAC. >.> |
 |
| EBC after service |
The Connection was an evening service at EBC. I ended up here both because a friend went to the morning service and because I wanted to seek out as many congregations outside of Sunday morning as possible, so that I could try as many as possible. xP. It was also actually really close to my house. I actually had a bit of a problem with this congregation. I was trying to see how welcoming people were and so I didn't really introduce myself to people while I was church hopping. The first time I was at EBC no one approached me until the very last second like 15 minutes after service ended. > .> I kinda hated that. The church should be welcoming, and I got pretty angry for a while. But God really spoke to me through that time and I got to spend time with the new pastor and he explained about the history of the congregation and stuff. Pastor CL is doing a series on loving others over this semester. Pray this church grows in showing Christ to others.
 |
| SCCC's building was shared with another church |
Saskatoon Part 2: YF and my Friends
 |
| FB, YF, me, P(?), and Y(?) after dinner at the Asia Buffet. xP |
I think by far the best part of the summer was being able to build real friendships with other students, especially YF and FB. There are no secrets between me and them and we have had so many good conversations.
FB is a Bichem major from UVic. He is the kind of guy who is proud in his accomplishments and thinks he knows everything. He has seen the bad side of Christians (judgemental and hateful, close-minded and boring) and so he lives as he thinks he should believing religion was made to control people. He strongly advocates making the most of the time you have and living as you want to. I have tried to be real and answer any question he has while still following Christ in decision making and problem solving.
I've mentioned YF a lot before. He is an international student from China doing his masters degree in Biochem at UofS. He is open to learning more about God and taking it at his own pace, really trying to figure out what is true. I have shared the hope I have and the gospel many times, during the last week we saw Despicable Me 2 and then had a long talk in McDs where I had the chance to share a booklet about Chinese characters describing Bible stories. He's a really awesome guy and has invited multiple people to come to church with him. He has recently been busy with school and hasn't been to church much, but I pray he continues to grow in his faith and discovers a personal relationship with God.
I have not kept these two apart. Lol. The risk that FB dissuade YF from learning more about God was there, but YF isn't easily pursuaded. XP. Often we would all meet for lunch and it would turn into a bit of dark side versus light side; FB's suggestions versus mine. We never argued, and I never pushed YF to do anything he didn't want to. After a conversation about partying YF actually said "Don't drag me to the dark side, Thank you." Lol.
YF is like a smart younger brother while FB is often like a kid in a bearded man's body. God loves both of them and has plans for them. Pray I'd be able to keep in contact and that God would reveal Himself to them.
Saskatoon: Part 1 (PG and my job with NRC)
This summer was a complete blessing from God to be in a lab experiencing a taste of that work and also being able to have a chance at living as light in a workplace.
In my lab were an overly busy director, a friendly supervisor, and a jocular field technician. Other than those three, two who I rarely saw, the other five were four Chinese post docs and another student.
Mainly I got to know one guy, PG, over the course of weeks. We'd sometimes talk a bit after work in our office and we were both working on the same project. I found out he had a wife and two kids and started praying for them specifically. Later I found out he has gone to the Chinese Christian Church regularly for years, but doesn't have a close relationship with God and rarely reads the Bible. He is worried about the future and his kids. His wife has a home daycare and helps with children Sunday school. They invited me for dinner the last week I was in Saskatoon. I love this family and pray God would bless them and work in their lives, opening PG's eyes to all He is, helping him to trust for His provision in everything, and continuing to use his wife as the means by which faith may grow in this family.
As for my actual job, well, I could probably talk for a while about it. But basically it was a project where we were trying to find out what exactly the resistance genes against leaf rust in wheat actually do. Like the final disease state is well documented and visible, but at the molecular or microscopic level, what is happening??? So I was on the microscope a lot. > . < I really enjoyed my co-op term report / NRC presentation which I needed to do a bunch of research on the topic to prepare for. xP
I am not opposed to working in a lab again, but the open-endedness of my specific tasks kinda bugged me. I like having things that are completable.
A Blog Buffet
Yo,
so, I haven't blogged in a while. This means I also haven't really updated the majority of my friends and everyone who I don't see regularly.
So, instead of overloading them, I will be overloading you!
Instead of writing a 20 page email, I am going to provide a short email with a number of pictures and links to blog posts, so, that means you guys will get a lot today and tomorrow. xP
I hope to be blogging again regularly once this has been done.
It's one of those "I haven't in so long that doing so would be a pile of work to catch people up, so I've procrastinated it, making it worse" situations.
So, enjoy the many many many blog posts.
D.Fa
so, I haven't blogged in a while. This means I also haven't really updated the majority of my friends and everyone who I don't see regularly.
So, instead of overloading them, I will be overloading you!
Instead of writing a 20 page email, I am going to provide a short email with a number of pictures and links to blog posts, so, that means you guys will get a lot today and tomorrow. xP
I hope to be blogging again regularly once this has been done.
It's one of those "I haven't in so long that doing so would be a pile of work to catch people up, so I've procrastinated it, making it worse" situations.
So, enjoy the many many many blog posts.
D.Fa
1.11.13
Summit 2014 Testimony
"Hey, my name is Dylan [and I am in my fourth year studying Biochemistry at Carleton University] and during my time at University God has really changed me. When I had arrived I had never shared my faith. I used to be scared of evangelism, scared of awkward situations, scared of people’s reactions, and scared of leaving my comfort zone. Over the last few years I have been privileged to see God work in the lives of some of my friends. And I say it like that because really, it was God who was working, not me.
What if I said you could eat lunch, reply to a text, use a booklet about the gospel and see someone come to know Christ as their Saviour? I would think no way that’s too easy!
But that’s pretty much all I did this last year.
The story starts at church on a Saturday morning. I had just had worship practice and had a meeting in a couple hours. Our church was having a luncheon for international students. I hadn’t planned on going, but the opportunity presented itself so I wanted to make the most of it. I’d been on a couple short term mission trips and was really impacted by God’s heart for the lost. I wanted to play an active role in God’s work and so I just prayed for tge chance to make a good friend that day. Normally I am a bit reserved when I meet people, but for the gospel I was willing to do whatever. Lol.
I quickly met a guy who was on exchange from China. We got to talk and make fools of ourselves during ice breaker games. Lol. At the end of the lunch there was a short talk about how to handle stress and then a guy shared his testimony in Mandarin, so I just prayed that God would use it to impact my friend and the others in the crowd since I didn't really understand. I don’t know much Mandarin, but for sure I heard ai (God’s love), and zui (our sin), so I was sure the gospel had been presented. I had to go to my meeting, but I made sure to grab his cell number and contact info so we could stay in touch. Hopefully God would present another opportunity.
Over the next week I had text him a few times to see what was up, but he never really responded. One day I was at work and I got a text from him asking what was happening at church this weekend. Here was another opportunity and it was obvious he was interested since he asked about church rather than just replying to one of my texts. Haha. So, I told him about church service, Sunday school, etc. But he didn't really know what those were so I thought we should meet up, I asked if he was free on Friday and we could talk about why people go to church and he said he was free.
So, this was awesome. xP. I’m pretty sure he heard the gospel the other day, he was probably very open to hear more of the gospel, and was now scheduled to meet up. I was praying I would be able to share the gospel again and answer any questions. Day of I brought a bilingual gospel tract and a friend. We started talking just about Canada and school and stuff. But I really wanted to go deeper. I was going to ask what that guy's testimony was about, what he had talked about and also explain why people go to church, in other words, the gospel, how we go to church because of what He has done for us already through sending His only Son to the cross.
Things went really smoothly and we got to the booklet. He was really interested always asking questions that would be answered on the next page. xP. We got to the fourth point about having to make a personal decision: how can I do that? He asked. By prayer: how can I pray? He asked. And at the end after making sure he knew what everything in the prayer meant and assuring him he could take time and think about it, he still wanted to accept. XP So we prayed with him. After he couldn’t describe what he was feeling, but just that “I know something amazing has happened. Wow”
I really didn't do that much. I just asked God to work, look for opportunities and then watch Him work and use what He had already taught me.
Col 4:2-6
So I encourage you to pray for these chances with friends, to prepare yourself so you can explain the good news, and watch for the opportunities God will provide. Make the most of every opportunity."
What if I said you could eat lunch, reply to a text, use a booklet about the gospel and see someone come to know Christ as their Saviour? I would think no way that’s too easy!
But that’s pretty much all I did this last year.
The story starts at church on a Saturday morning. I had just had worship practice and had a meeting in a couple hours. Our church was having a luncheon for international students. I hadn’t planned on going, but the opportunity presented itself so I wanted to make the most of it. I’d been on a couple short term mission trips and was really impacted by God’s heart for the lost. I wanted to play an active role in God’s work and so I just prayed for tge chance to make a good friend that day. Normally I am a bit reserved when I meet people, but for the gospel I was willing to do whatever. Lol.
I quickly met a guy who was on exchange from China. We got to talk and make fools of ourselves during ice breaker games. Lol. At the end of the lunch there was a short talk about how to handle stress and then a guy shared his testimony in Mandarin, so I just prayed that God would use it to impact my friend and the others in the crowd since I didn't really understand. I don’t know much Mandarin, but for sure I heard ai (God’s love), and zui (our sin), so I was sure the gospel had been presented. I had to go to my meeting, but I made sure to grab his cell number and contact info so we could stay in touch. Hopefully God would present another opportunity.
Over the next week I had text him a few times to see what was up, but he never really responded. One day I was at work and I got a text from him asking what was happening at church this weekend. Here was another opportunity and it was obvious he was interested since he asked about church rather than just replying to one of my texts. Haha. So, I told him about church service, Sunday school, etc. But he didn't really know what those were so I thought we should meet up, I asked if he was free on Friday and we could talk about why people go to church and he said he was free.
So, this was awesome. xP. I’m pretty sure he heard the gospel the other day, he was probably very open to hear more of the gospel, and was now scheduled to meet up. I was praying I would be able to share the gospel again and answer any questions. Day of I brought a bilingual gospel tract and a friend. We started talking just about Canada and school and stuff. But I really wanted to go deeper. I was going to ask what that guy's testimony was about, what he had talked about and also explain why people go to church, in other words, the gospel, how we go to church because of what He has done for us already through sending His only Son to the cross.
Things went really smoothly and we got to the booklet. He was really interested always asking questions that would be answered on the next page. xP. We got to the fourth point about having to make a personal decision: how can I do that? He asked. By prayer: how can I pray? He asked. And at the end after making sure he knew what everything in the prayer meant and assuring him he could take time and think about it, he still wanted to accept. XP So we prayed with him. After he couldn’t describe what he was feeling, but just that “I know something amazing has happened. Wow”
I really didn't do that much. I just asked God to work, look for opportunities and then watch Him work and use what He had already taught me.
Col 4:2-6
So I encourage you to pray for these chances with friends, to prepare yourself so you can explain the good news, and watch for the opportunities God will provide. Make the most of every opportunity."
19.10.13
Center of Attention
Yo*
So, I really don't like being the center of attention. Like ever since back in grade 1. As was typical in my elementary school there was a story-telling 'competition' for the first three grades. Every student would prepare a short story to present. Typically it wouldn't be written by the student. Each student would present to their class having it memorized or on cue cards. After this the class would select one representative to present in front of the school in an assembly.
In grade 1 I was selected.
I had been outgoing and fun-loving and friendly, etc. (as I am told (I don't remember much from even a couple years ago. lol)) But this was a changing point.
I was on stage in front of the entire school. I had presented really well to the class, but now I froze. Not a single word came out. None. So after trying to get me to talk, that was it, and it was the next student's turn.
Recess came. Kids like to make fun of other kids and now the whole school knew who I was and something they could pick on me about.
Each student who had been selected received a medal. It was a constant reminder of that day and my failure.
I pretty much swore that I would avoid public speaking for the rest of my life. Each year I would try to just slide under the radar. I now in grade 4 I nearly failed English because of it. I would always play 'the rock' in drama classes. I developed a poker face, a way to hide what I was actually feeling, the ability to distance myself from others and stay in my comfort zone.
Obviously as a student you need to give presentations, group projects, etc. I was often pushed into these positions and, as the A+ student, tried my hardest to do well, but I hated it. I do not like being the center of attention.
One thing that really pushed me to do more was my crush on this girl in elementary school, and our love of singing. We were both in choir, we lived near each other, and we both kept singing. When we got to elementary school the choir was only for grades 2 and 3, but we kept wanting to be in it and so we ended up extending that all the way to grade 6. Singing in a group was fine. I would often be semi-singled out since there were always so few boys, but for our graduation it was me and her singing a song together on stage.
Grade 7 there was no choir at school, so she really pushed for it to start up again. She left in grade 8, but it had been established and a group of soloists established as well, which I ended up being in. Not much happened, it was only one year, but ya small ensemble performances.
Highschool. No choir. But I really liked singing. My friend ended up in the musical and it was really cool. I wanted to be in it really badly, despite how much I hated drama and performing in front of people. In grade 10 I auditioned and didn't get in. >.>
That year I went to church with my current crush. And we sang. I learned of God, I met God, and I started walking with Him. I wanted to be on the worship team. The second I knew it existed. I wanted to sing on it.
I got into the musical in grade 11 and it was awesome. Got to meet so many people, grow personally, and continue to be pushed. It was a lot of fun. I think I changed a lot that year.
So, singing and/or crushes seem to have been things pushing or pulling me out of my comfort zone, but I know ultimately that it was God who was pushing me and growing me and now getting me to trust him whenever I need to give a presentation or teach a lesson or whatever. In the last few years He has just continued to push me and stretch me and use me in crazy ways. I have seen God do amazing things, and although that means I now need to give many presentations, I am so excited about it, not the actual doing it, but the results. If it is giving a presentation about Project that I want to go on, or the report when I return: to glorify God and praise Him for what He is doing around the world, and inspire and challenge others to go and trust Him in that is awesome. If it is giving a testimony just sharing how God has been at work in my life and my friends' lives: it's great to encourage others and see them ask God to do more through them. If it is leading a Bible study or teaching a group about some spiritual truth: I actually can't get enough of it; talking about God and the gospel to any and everyone is the best. Leading worship team and giving mini-sermons: THE BEST. Singing worship songs is honestly the most amazing thing ever. To sing truth, to harmonize and worship the One who is worthy.
Best part: I am not the focus.
Whatever I do, it is not because I want people to see and compliment me. I want them to see who God is and all He has done; how worthy and amazing He is. How beyond anything we can imagine or deserve is the gospel and how Jesus would die for sinners. How great and incomprehensible is this grace He gives us adn the Spirit He pours into us to help us and lead us and change us.
But, I am really conflicted about this: I want to talk to all of my friends about Jesus, and right now that means to share my testimony. But each of those conversations start with either "what if I was gay?" or "have you seen and/or my story?" I. My. So much focus on me. I hate it. But once we get past that the whole conversation is for His glory. I don't care who I was or what I may struggle with or for how long; God is worth so much more and always will be. By the cross I am adopted as His child and my relationship with God is worth more than everything else combined.
So, I gotta figure that out.
Ttyl.
D.Fa
PS. Is it ironic that the character I got to play in the grade 11 musical was gay? I found it quite annoying at the time. >.>
*sorry I haven't blogged in a while. Life gets busy and I get tired really early when I am sick. haha
So, I really don't like being the center of attention. Like ever since back in grade 1. As was typical in my elementary school there was a story-telling 'competition' for the first three grades. Every student would prepare a short story to present. Typically it wouldn't be written by the student. Each student would present to their class having it memorized or on cue cards. After this the class would select one representative to present in front of the school in an assembly.
In grade 1 I was selected.
I had been outgoing and fun-loving and friendly, etc. (as I am told (I don't remember much from even a couple years ago. lol)) But this was a changing point.
I was on stage in front of the entire school. I had presented really well to the class, but now I froze. Not a single word came out. None. So after trying to get me to talk, that was it, and it was the next student's turn.
Recess came. Kids like to make fun of other kids and now the whole school knew who I was and something they could pick on me about.
Each student who had been selected received a medal. It was a constant reminder of that day and my failure.
I pretty much swore that I would avoid public speaking for the rest of my life. Each year I would try to just slide under the radar. I now in grade 4 I nearly failed English because of it. I would always play 'the rock' in drama classes. I developed a poker face, a way to hide what I was actually feeling, the ability to distance myself from others and stay in my comfort zone.
Obviously as a student you need to give presentations, group projects, etc. I was often pushed into these positions and, as the A+ student, tried my hardest to do well, but I hated it. I do not like being the center of attention.
One thing that really pushed me to do more was my crush on this girl in elementary school, and our love of singing. We were both in choir, we lived near each other, and we both kept singing. When we got to elementary school the choir was only for grades 2 and 3, but we kept wanting to be in it and so we ended up extending that all the way to grade 6. Singing in a group was fine. I would often be semi-singled out since there were always so few boys, but for our graduation it was me and her singing a song together on stage.
Grade 7 there was no choir at school, so she really pushed for it to start up again. She left in grade 8, but it had been established and a group of soloists established as well, which I ended up being in. Not much happened, it was only one year, but ya small ensemble performances.
Highschool. No choir. But I really liked singing. My friend ended up in the musical and it was really cool. I wanted to be in it really badly, despite how much I hated drama and performing in front of people. In grade 10 I auditioned and didn't get in. >.>
That year I went to church with my current crush. And we sang. I learned of God, I met God, and I started walking with Him. I wanted to be on the worship team. The second I knew it existed. I wanted to sing on it.
I got into the musical in grade 11 and it was awesome. Got to meet so many people, grow personally, and continue to be pushed. It was a lot of fun. I think I changed a lot that year.
So, singing and/or crushes seem to have been things pushing or pulling me out of my comfort zone, but I know ultimately that it was God who was pushing me and growing me and now getting me to trust him whenever I need to give a presentation or teach a lesson or whatever. In the last few years He has just continued to push me and stretch me and use me in crazy ways. I have seen God do amazing things, and although that means I now need to give many presentations, I am so excited about it, not the actual doing it, but the results. If it is giving a presentation about Project that I want to go on, or the report when I return: to glorify God and praise Him for what He is doing around the world, and inspire and challenge others to go and trust Him in that is awesome. If it is giving a testimony just sharing how God has been at work in my life and my friends' lives: it's great to encourage others and see them ask God to do more through them. If it is leading a Bible study or teaching a group about some spiritual truth: I actually can't get enough of it; talking about God and the gospel to any and everyone is the best. Leading worship team and giving mini-sermons: THE BEST. Singing worship songs is honestly the most amazing thing ever. To sing truth, to harmonize and worship the One who is worthy.
Best part: I am not the focus.
Whatever I do, it is not because I want people to see and compliment me. I want them to see who God is and all He has done; how worthy and amazing He is. How beyond anything we can imagine or deserve is the gospel and how Jesus would die for sinners. How great and incomprehensible is this grace He gives us adn the Spirit He pours into us to help us and lead us and change us.
But, I am really conflicted about this: I want to talk to all of my friends about Jesus, and right now that means to share my testimony. But each of those conversations start with either "what if I was gay?" or "have you seen and/or my story?" I. My. So much focus on me. I hate it. But once we get past that the whole conversation is for His glory. I don't care who I was or what I may struggle with or for how long; God is worth so much more and always will be. By the cross I am adopted as His child and my relationship with God is worth more than everything else combined.
So, I gotta figure that out.
Ttyl.
D.Fa
PS. Is it ironic that the character I got to play in the grade 11 musical was gay? I found it quite annoying at the time. >.>
*sorry I haven't blogged in a while. Life gets busy and I get tired really early when I am sick. haha
12.10.13
A Choice
You know, it is really great to be open with everyone about my struggles with homosexuality while continuing to pursue God's will.
There's just been one issue this week that has really sucked. Because I continue to talk with people about it and everything and be more honest in the things I have been sharing on facebook, I've just been thinking way too much about sex.
For the past couple days it has been nearly all I have been thinking about.
The media I have been seeing and the articles I have been choosing to read have just set me so focused on issues of porn or homosexuality and just my head is out of it.
And like, it really isn't that big a deal. Like if I start thinking of these things I will tell a few friends and they'll give a Bible verse or suggest something to get my mind back on Christ and the cross, rather than things of the flesh.
The one thing I hold in those situations though, is pride. Although my eyes and thoughts may be off, at least I haven't done anything about it physically. Right?
...
So when I do fail, when I do give in to temptation it's like the whole war is lost because of a choice I made. And I assure you, it is a choice. It takes a lot of effort to sin in such a way that no one can see, hear, or discover evidence. There are so many chances to make a different choice. But when I do choose to give in, I am not satisfied. The sin that promised joy and pleasure and fulfillment of what I crave; it falls through on all of its commitments every time.
And after I am worse off, not better. Once I give in I am in this place where I know that it is forgiven by the cross, but I get so depressed about my choices. Why, knowing how God has chosen us and showed again and again His love and faithfulness and purposes for us, would I choose to turn the other way? Why would I choose to go back to the thing that has never and can never fulfill? How can God love me? How could I ever possibly deserve God's grace?
More than that now temptation is litterally everywhere and there is nothing to hold me back. That pride (completely stupid in the first place since the thoughts are just as bad) is gone and I realize how little I really have.
At this place all the thoughts telling me to just give in and try having a boyfriend and doing whatever we want to just come flooding back saying "it might be way better, you know, you've denied yourself this, never tried it. It could be awesome". But I know that would be worse. Even if it was girlfriend instead of boyfriend, I know it would be worse.
It's like if I am thristy and the only thing available right now is some salt water. I have been told so often that it would be worse to drink it rather than just wait for when fresh water is available.
God knows our needs and will provide in time. He alone can satisfy cravings for true love and intimacy and purpose and success and meaning and everything we could hope and desire.
He never leaves us or forsakes us. He is always there. God provides it all.
I know He is worth it and that His grace is fully undeserved, but that He still would give it to us is a mystery and fully amazing and I still want to try and figure it out and know God better.
D.Fa
6.10.13
It's Complicated
Hey,
it hasn't been long since I have brought my struggles with homosexuality to public, if you haven't read yet check here.
So, as I say, I really don't have all the answers and now that this is public information, although I will not be changing how I act and live in general, there are some situations where I do think a change is required or that standard procedures need to be figured out.
The first one that I think is an important change is just making people aware in certain situations. Specifically if I am ever staying over at another guy's house, if guys are staying over at my house, or if me and other guys are staying in the same room, under these situations I feel like I should make sure they know this. By having a quick talk about it we can avoid a lot of issues.
But ya, I still don't know what to do in such situations. Like last semester I was alone in another guy's room and I was definitely acting really awkward. >.> I don't like being alone in a room with only another guy. >.>
I'm sure I'll be explaining more about situations that are difficult for me, but one is like the difficult balance between wanting to mentor or disciple younger guys which does usually require a large degree of openness and sharing, and not getting too close to any guy simply because of temptation and everything that comes up when I get too close to guys.
>.> It's complicated, but I'm sure God'll get me through this and help me figure it out.
Ttyl.
D.Fa
it hasn't been long since I have brought my struggles with homosexuality to public, if you haven't read yet check here.
So, as I say, I really don't have all the answers and now that this is public information, although I will not be changing how I act and live in general, there are some situations where I do think a change is required or that standard procedures need to be figured out.
The first one that I think is an important change is just making people aware in certain situations. Specifically if I am ever staying over at another guy's house, if guys are staying over at my house, or if me and other guys are staying in the same room, under these situations I feel like I should make sure they know this. By having a quick talk about it we can avoid a lot of issues.
But ya, I still don't know what to do in such situations. Like last semester I was alone in another guy's room and I was definitely acting really awkward. >.> I don't like being alone in a room with only another guy. >.>
I'm sure I'll be explaining more about situations that are difficult for me, but one is like the difficult balance between wanting to mentor or disciple younger guys which does usually require a large degree of openness and sharing, and not getting too close to any guy simply because of temptation and everything that comes up when I get too close to guys.
>.> It's complicated, but I'm sure God'll get me through this and help me figure it out.
Ttyl.
D.Fa
2.10.13
Make Me Whole
Hey. Honestly, I'm a pretty skeptical person. But really, you can't argue with experience.
The last week or, actually last few weeks I have been a little sick. Today after DG just before he went to class one of the guys wanted to pray for me and AG who was much more sick than me. He put his hands on us and rebuked the sickness in Jesus' name.
I've heard of people being healed, I've read about it, I've had many friends say it has happened.
I heard a guy give a sermon on the acts of true disciples, and that healing the sick is part of that. This summer one of the weeks of Alpha course was about miracles and healing, but I still wasn't sold.
This weekend, and this week, being encouraged to pray in faith for BIG things, and then, to see God answer these prayers!
So, I was done, I wanted to truly ask in faith that God would heal me.
This surreal sensation swept over through my head and neck. It was scary.
But then I could breathe clearly. No more coughing. Honestly, I think this is the clearest my throat has been in a long time.
!!!
It's actually crazy. So exciting, but crazy. But it definitely happened. Definitely!
What does that mean for me? Will I lay hands on others and pray for them to be healed? I really hope so. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. But if it does, it does and God is praised! And someone is healed!
"You can heal my body, You can heal my soul. Just a touch from You, Lord, can make me whole."
D.Fa
The last week or, actually last few weeks I have been a little sick. Today after DG just before he went to class one of the guys wanted to pray for me and AG who was much more sick than me. He put his hands on us and rebuked the sickness in Jesus' name.
I've heard of people being healed, I've read about it, I've had many friends say it has happened.
I heard a guy give a sermon on the acts of true disciples, and that healing the sick is part of that. This summer one of the weeks of Alpha course was about miracles and healing, but I still wasn't sold.
This weekend, and this week, being encouraged to pray in faith for BIG things, and then, to see God answer these prayers!
So, I was done, I wanted to truly ask in faith that God would heal me.
This surreal sensation swept over through my head and neck. It was scary.
But then I could breathe clearly. No more coughing. Honestly, I think this is the clearest my throat has been in a long time.
!!!
It's actually crazy. So exciting, but crazy. But it definitely happened. Definitely!
What does that mean for me? Will I lay hands on others and pray for them to be healed? I really hope so. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. But if it does, it does and God is praised! And someone is healed!
"You can heal my body, You can heal my soul. Just a touch from You, Lord, can make me whole."
D.Fa
1.10.13
One Piece
Yo, so my day started normal. Wake up go to work. >.> not too interesting.
Oh, at lunch I kinda overheard my entire section discussing teaching the Bible to kids. . ? I'm confused, but I had a feeling LY was Christian. She's really nice. haha
Ummm. Left a bit early to go to school for prayer meeting. I wasn't really excited about it. I had been feeling kinda bad all day. I had been thinking about SD's prayer that today two people come to Christ and only me and ZL were going at 6, so it was upon our shoulders (in a way) and I was ready to just go home. But when I heard of SD getting to see a girl receive Christ yesterday (and she is a co-op student) I signed up for a slot to go sharing today.
Prayer meeting started. MdS was leading, which is awesome, but he hadn't been to Summit and had his butt kicked by God, so we were a little bit on different pages. We had 15 extra minutes. JC said "why don't we just pray for big things?! like 30 seconds big prayers!" so we did. xP. Only problem is I don't remember too much of it. xP
They prayed and we went out into the quad. I still didn't want to do it, which is stupid. I was getting those good old 'what will they think of you?' fears. You know what? Prayer is awesome. Just speaking with God and asking Him to be there and really use us calmed me down. As always, I don't pick who I approach, I let the other guy do it. There were two guys on benches by the Tory building and I asked who I was going to talk to. ZL said the left guy. Then he started to change his mind. Too late. lol.
Got to meet this guy who plays a lot of video games in his free time, started watching One Piece recently, who comes from a family that is quite broken, but aspires to write a best selling novel in his spare time while designing video games. He had gone to church when he was a kid until highschool. He mostly found it boring / he couldn't watch Sunday morning cartoons because of it. The gospel to him was a lot about working harder and trying your best. He firmly knows that people can never live up to a standard of perfection, but didn't think Jesus was God's son. We got to talk a whole lot about a range of topics and difficult questions and share the gospel a couple times. Pulled out a Knowing God Personally (KGP) booklet after we found out he would be skipping his class and was fine with it. lol. He really got the whole need to receive a gift concept of eternal life as a free gift and when we were on the page with two different lives, he said he would want the one that is satisfied in God. He wants to learn more before making a decision, which is fine. xP
We exchanged numbers and are meeting up on Friday to discuss John chapter 1. xP
I hadn't planned to go, I didn't even want to go, but God brought us to this super open first year guy who would usually be playing video games, not on campus. xP
I'm excited.
D.Fa
Oh, at lunch I kinda overheard my entire section discussing teaching the Bible to kids. . ? I'm confused, but I had a feeling LY was Christian. She's really nice. haha
Ummm. Left a bit early to go to school for prayer meeting. I wasn't really excited about it. I had been feeling kinda bad all day. I had been thinking about SD's prayer that today two people come to Christ and only me and ZL were going at 6, so it was upon our shoulders (in a way) and I was ready to just go home. But when I heard of SD getting to see a girl receive Christ yesterday (and she is a co-op student) I signed up for a slot to go sharing today.
Prayer meeting started. MdS was leading, which is awesome, but he hadn't been to Summit and had his butt kicked by God, so we were a little bit on different pages. We had 15 extra minutes. JC said "why don't we just pray for big things?! like 30 seconds big prayers!" so we did. xP. Only problem is I don't remember too much of it. xP
They prayed and we went out into the quad. I still didn't want to do it, which is stupid. I was getting those good old 'what will they think of you?' fears. You know what? Prayer is awesome. Just speaking with God and asking Him to be there and really use us calmed me down. As always, I don't pick who I approach, I let the other guy do it. There were two guys on benches by the Tory building and I asked who I was going to talk to. ZL said the left guy. Then he started to change his mind. Too late. lol.
Got to meet this guy who plays a lot of video games in his free time, started watching One Piece recently, who comes from a family that is quite broken, but aspires to write a best selling novel in his spare time while designing video games. He had gone to church when he was a kid until highschool. He mostly found it boring / he couldn't watch Sunday morning cartoons because of it. The gospel to him was a lot about working harder and trying your best. He firmly knows that people can never live up to a standard of perfection, but didn't think Jesus was God's son. We got to talk a whole lot about a range of topics and difficult questions and share the gospel a couple times. Pulled out a Knowing God Personally (KGP) booklet after we found out he would be skipping his class and was fine with it. lol. He really got the whole need to receive a gift concept of eternal life as a free gift and when we were on the page with two different lives, he said he would want the one that is satisfied in God. He wants to learn more before making a decision, which is fine. xP
We exchanged numbers and are meeting up on Friday to discuss John chapter 1. xP
I hadn't planned to go, I didn't even want to go, but God brought us to this super open first year guy who would usually be playing video games, not on campus. xP
I'm excited.
D.Fa
Butt-Kicking
So I haven't really posted in a while. To summarize the reason it's really a bit of 'getting used to life back in Ottawa' combined with 'I procrastinated a lot on my testimony' and then a touch of 'I was in the middle of nowhere Quebec'. I will hopefully elaborate on each of those in the near future, but right now I would like to briefly elaborate on the most latter of the three.
This weekend was the Power to Change retreat, Summit, for Eastern Ontario and Montreal, so we were out at Mille Iles and a camp. Over this weekend the speaker really challenged our view of a polite and quiet Jesus, but rather one who gave up everything and became nothing for the sake of the world, and was raised again back to the power and glory He had in the beginning. Then the challenge to really follow Him and take risks, praying for Him to do huge things and then actively pursuing it.
The weekend really impacted our little group from Carleton turning 13 students into a group of God's children ready to work and see God do great things.
Today at 5:30 there was a real prayer meeting, probably the best prayer meeting I'd ever been to at school. The group had increased to nearly double the normal amount on Mondays and this was real prayer, not wishy washy useless requests we could do on our own, but asking God for more, both for us and the campus. At the end our friends were going to go out on campus and have some conversations with any students that would still be around. We really prayed they'd find someone who was desperate for the truth, at a place of brokenness and openness to the gospel.
Not long after I got home I got a text "WE HAVE A NEW SISTER IN CHRIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
WHAT?!
God fully and truly answers prayers and acts when we put all our trust in Him to work!
Plot twist: Before going out SD had earlier asked that God would have bring someone to Himself today, AND JB was praying for the muslim students at Carleton at nearly the same time as their conversation (her family is muslim)
May this passion really increase, not decrease in the next few days and weeks! May God give us more compassion and love for the students on this campus!
D.Fa
This weekend was the Power to Change retreat, Summit, for Eastern Ontario and Montreal, so we were out at Mille Iles and a camp. Over this weekend the speaker really challenged our view of a polite and quiet Jesus, but rather one who gave up everything and became nothing for the sake of the world, and was raised again back to the power and glory He had in the beginning. Then the challenge to really follow Him and take risks, praying for Him to do huge things and then actively pursuing it.
The weekend really impacted our little group from Carleton turning 13 students into a group of God's children ready to work and see God do great things.
Today at 5:30 there was a real prayer meeting, probably the best prayer meeting I'd ever been to at school. The group had increased to nearly double the normal amount on Mondays and this was real prayer, not wishy washy useless requests we could do on our own, but asking God for more, both for us and the campus. At the end our friends were going to go out on campus and have some conversations with any students that would still be around. We really prayed they'd find someone who was desperate for the truth, at a place of brokenness and openness to the gospel.
Not long after I got home I got a text "WE HAVE A NEW SISTER IN CHRIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
WHAT?!
God fully and truly answers prayers and acts when we put all our trust in Him to work!
Plot twist: Before going out SD had earlier asked that God would have bring someone to Himself today, AND JB was praying for the muslim students at Carleton at nearly the same time as their conversation (her family is muslim)
May this passion really increase, not decrease in the next few days and weeks! May God give us more compassion and love for the students on this campus!
D.Fa
26.9.13
Incomplete Composition
Hey, my
name is Dylan. I have just finished my third year of biochemistry in University
and have been a Christian for nearly five years. With just that some of you may
now be thinking, “wait, he is studying the sciences, how is he also a Christian?
Those don’t go together, do they?” that’s a whole other story but scientists
aren’t the only group of people that are difficult to imagine being Christian.
What if I
said I was gay?
What would you think of? Protests; Parades; Rainbow stickers; among
other things? Well, that’s not exactly what I mean, although I do empathize in
many ways.
I see how
often the church, a body that is to love unconditionally, as God does, is
portrayed as hateful and violent, which is definitely a generalization. Even
so, I know how it feels to hide from the church for fear of how they may treat
you.
I’ve been at that point where you are just furious that you are different, you hate yourself, you scream at God asking “why would you make me like this?” and think it would be easier to just end it, and die. I know these thoughts, these feelings, this confusion and uncertainty.
I’ve been at that point where you are just furious that you are different, you hate yourself, you scream at God asking “why would you make me like this?” and think it would be easier to just end it, and die. I know these thoughts, these feelings, this confusion and uncertainty.
This part
of my story starts back in grade 7 when I realized I liked guys. Our health
teacher said it could just be a phase we go through and I really hoped that was
the case. At that point I had never been to a church, but I really wanted to
have a wife and kids when I grew up. I had steadily had crushes on girls for
years, so this didn’t make any sense. It must be a phase.
Years
passed and really, not much changed. My crushes changed, I grew older and I
started trying to figure out how to ‘fix’ myself. By now I had a steady
relationship, with pornography.
In grade 10
my friend invited me to her youth group. And it was there at church where for
the first time I heard of God’s love, of sin, of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross;
it was there I experienced God for the first time. I started to pray and read
the Bible although this was off and on for a while. Later in grade 11 I was
done playing around and wanted to make a real commitment, so I decided to ask
God to be in my life.
I started
going to church on Sundays and made a real attempt to read the Bible, but I was
doing a lot on my own, trusting in myself and my actions, and keeping my
struggles to myself.
I tried to
fix myself. I tried to stop looking at porn. Whether it lasted a day, a week, or
a couple weeks, I always had to start over, more disappointed in myself and
frustrated that I was getting nowhere. I couldn’t change myself. No matter how
much I tried, no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn’t change myself.
Fortunately, I don’t need to make myself perfect to ask God to forgive me, to
help me.
When you
come to God you surrender all. You acknowledge you are weak and can’t do it
alone. But the idea that I needed to have it all together before coming to God,
the idea that the church is perfect and only for holy people; these lies kept
me from coming to God for so long.
Beginning a
relationship with God is about realizing the wrong things we have done or continue
to do, and also God’s love in that situation. While we were still stuck in this
mess we made, He sent His only Son to die for us, to pay the price for our
crime so we could live a new life and trust in Him to help change us.
I didn’t
have to be perfect before asking God to be part of my life. So three years ago I
was baptized and wanted to trust Him with everything I was.
These last
few years have been really difficult. Both being able to see God do amazing
things in my life as well as the people I have met around the world, while also
continuing to fight this internal battle against homosexuality. Because of it I
could never go forward in relationships with girls I had crushes on. It infuriated
me that as much as I loved them emotionally or spiritually, I couldn’t promise
to love them physically. I was still holding onto that hope, praying that it
would go away without me ever having to tell anyone.
I was
scared of what others would think. Scared that if they found out my friends who
were guys would avoid me, my friends who were girls would never become more
than friends. I was scared of losing reputation. I was scared of the church’s
reaction.
But the bottom
line is this: Although the Bible teaches to hate evil and sin, it doesn’t say to
hate the person. Although Jesus may have never said anything specifically on
this subject, His whole life speaks way more. He came and ate with people
labeled as sinners showing them love no matter what they had gone through, even
to the point of dying on the cross for them. But He also always told them to turn
from their ways back to God. Although acts of homosexuality are detestable, God
loves the person despite what they have done or what they may be struggling
with.
I had to
tell someone. I really didn’t want to, but felt God telling me to do so. And as
much as I liked this girl, I knew I’d have to be honest and tell her before we
could be a couple.
I started by
telling a couple guys I had known for a while and really trusted. Each time I
was paralyzed in fear. I couldn’t get any words out of my mouth. I was about to
tell my brothers that I had what I thought was the worst sin.
When I had
finally managed to say it, the outcome was always the same. Nothing was
different.
In the
family of God we are brothers and nothing can change that. We had discussions
about God’s love and how this is no different than any other sin. They prayed
for me and just showed love.
It was kinda
weird.
I have
continued to feel God telling me to just make this public, to show how even
though I struggle with homosexuality I know God and experience Him in my life.
This is no more incompatible than God and science.
I want to
share this verse from the Bible. 1 Cor 6:9-11 “Do you not know the wicked will
not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually
immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual
offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers
will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you
were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord
Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”
Although
these things may have described you, either now or in the past, they don’t
control your future, they don’t determine who you are before God. His grace,
undeserved forgiveness, and love are extended as a gift to all who would accept
them.
We cannot
continue in these things, but we can’t change ourselves either. God alone can.
I don’t
have all the answers. I still struggle, and it’s been nearly a decade, but I
want to continue trusting God, walking forward wherever He calls me, whether or
not He takes this struggle away. If you have any questions just ask me.
And don’t
treat me any differently. I’m still Dylan and this is just my story so far.
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