Exited to Go!

You know, I'm so, so, so, so, so excited right now. haha

I've kinda been telling everyone how excited I was all week. haha

I'm a certified ESL teacher now. =D

This week I'd been taking part in a TESOL class (Teachers of English to Speakers of Other Languages). And after a very long week I now have certificates that say I can teach English. haha

Now, if you haven't heard anything about this so far you may be wondering "wait, I thought he was really bad at English and kinda hated it? Why is he going to teach it??" And I would fully agree with that thought. I also have had many of those thoughts this week and before as well. So let me explain how I am now at a place where I cannot wait to teach English. xP

So, I've been trying to figure out what I should do after I graduate. There's a huge list of things and options and that's great, but I really want to figure it out and the thing I really want most is to go overseas somewhere for a coupe years and do mission work. I really didn't have much of a plan. Kinda the same places as always where I'd been with P2C and just figuring out whether I should go to one place, or the other, and what God's will was.

I was talking with Pastor DB and sharing a little about this and he told me about this CRAZY AWESOME opportunity to go to Japan!!!!! Apparently we have a sister church in Tokyo! They are a newer multicultural church and they need some people to come help. Apparently they've got a bunch of Mandarin speaking seekers too, which is also cool. BUT! Tokyo is a really expensive place to live. I wouldn't be able to go over and just rely on support raising. The guy from the church apparently has some English teaching positions available. So I had been thinking about this quite a bit.

I was praying and really, I want to go to Japan. Since back in like grade 10 I'd been saying I'd go to Japan after university. So I started praying a bit for clarity about what I should do after I graduate and kinda also asking that I can go to Japan. A few weeks before it occurred to me that I can pray for what I want, which is true. If it is in accordance with God's will He will make it happen. And if not it'll be pretty clear.

Before taking with Pastor DB I had been rewatching Cardcaptors and had noticed that my Japanese is actually good enough to not need to read the subtitles to get the gist of what they are saying. The day after I got an email with the following subject "Hawaii, Panama, Tokyo – the world has never been closer". A day or so later I had a dream in which I was a missionary to this random island in the Caribbean or something. I needed to get a direct flight back to Canada so I needed to talk to the airport workers. They asked me some questions and I ended up telling them I believe in Jesus. They asked what I think about prophecy and I said something about how me going to Japan to share the gospel would be an answer to prophecy or something. (It was a great dream btw) And then a couple days later just walking through the University Center there was a career fair. There was a booth for an ESL Teacher course and the only flyer they had on their table was for the JET programme which is for teaching in Japan. At a weekly meeting the speaker talked about a Carleton student who went to Japan and was praying for them and crying. 

Somewhere in these weeks I needed to sign some banking things and ended up by the Clubs office. Right across from it is the students association and in the window was a poster from like back in 2nd year frosh week. The Buried Life was visiting and on the poster we were encouraged to write one of our items on our bucket list. I couldn't exactly think of anything until I thought "share the gospel in Japan".

I'm SOOOOO Down to go to Japan. haha.

Why do I feel the need to justify this? Why can't I just go?

I made a friend in class. He's so down to go to Japan too. haha. I really want to go together and be like best friends and it'll be so awesome. Teaching English and living in Japan. I'll have so many chances to share the gospel.

Praying for these things. haha

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Completely Surrounded by Legalism

Hey guys. Let's have a chat.

I've been kinda all over the place lately. Before this week I'd had so much work to do with midterms and group projects and lab work and way too many cell phone games. Unfortunately that meant I was spending very little time with God. Every day started sleeping in and waking up 55 minutes before I needed to be somewhere and there were no breaks even on Sundays since my groups needed me to meet up after church. I was so exhausted all the time and just had this feeling of emptiness and hopelessness. Seemed like no way out of the constant stream of responsibilities and was just being worn away.

I also have realized that I don't deal well with challenges or problems that I need to get through. Typically pretending they don't exist or just installing rules to minimize the effects.

By my own power, I will waste away and burn myself out rather than take help.

Just before the two weeks of dry times I heard clearly the phrase "you need me". And by simply observing my actions, it seems like I would disagree. I was trying to accomplish everything: minister to my friends, get all my work done, lead bible studies, figure out my future; everything on my own and it felt hopeless.

Our salvation is by faith, not by works.

Again, my actions, clearly not agreeing. But I think it wasn't so much I didn't know that, but that I'm not really putting it into practice. Luther said "If I fail to spend two hours in prayer each morning, the devil gets the victory through the day. I have so much business I cannot get on without spending three hours daily in prayer" which seems crazy, but fully reliant on God. Now even with me doing all these things and everything, I know it isn't by works. I love sharing the gospel. What does this mean? It came to me that part of why I love ministry so much is simply that in it is where I see God at work, I see Him doing amazing things and I feel much closer to Him and tangibly can see the gospel at work.

Later into the two weeks I heard another phase audibly "completely surrounded by legalism". Which was kinda harsh to me. It was convicting. But I didn't react in action. I kept to my current life of empty endeavor by my own strength. By this week I was kinda just falling apart.

Certain areas of sin in my life are becoming more 'active' so to say. Again my reactions are to enforce legalism, which will never solve the problem. I've read a bit recently in a couple books that recommend taking radical action against sin, but clearly state these things are merely to help get you to a place where you can more easily be free to call on God to help you and grow in Him. And the idea that stuck from Overcoming Sin and Temptation that I am currently thinking about was Owen's comment towards Catholicism of how they (and people in general) end up looking to these rules and regulations as the end goal rather than a simple helpful step, or the idea that we get so stuck on "well, this isn't as bad as that" when the true thought should be comparing to purity not worse impurity.

Hmmm.

The coolest things though is that it is so clear how God is pursuing me. A year ago I had a friend who was really struggling with motivation and had a huge essay due and didn't care that much. The day it was due God really spoke to her and showed her how our relationship with God isn't one sided, that God is fighting for us, not just reciprocating our efforts. Her favourite phase was "God is soooo BIG!" Which really doesn't mean all that much to me in the literal size, but I think I am starting to understand a bit of it in the not literal.

These weeks I've heard God speak a couple times directly (which I nearly never do / I should be listening more), had so many awesome things happen (ran into a guy AM and had an awesome conversation about Jesus), felt clearly provided for after essentially starving on Friday and He provided meals and warm places and smiles, and truly speaking through worship times and his word more recently.

God is seriously pursuing me, despite how distant I am currently being.

God is good.

All the time.

This week I really pray I'd be able to spend more time with Him and meditate on His word throughout the days. May a real relationship with Him free me from legalism and allow me to freely live in Him.

D.Fa

Summit '14 #2

Hey guys, as I said, I'll tell you about Summit. haha. The second I went to post the last one, my internet died, soooooooo, I've been playing Legend of Zelda everyday for the last 3 days. haha

Anyways, Summit was cool. There were a LOT of students. 130! from 7 campuses. We had 14 from Carleton and it was a great time. Gregg Hinzelman was the speaker (he's the regional director). He had 3 main sessions to speak at and so he spoke about Prayer, Evangelism, and the life of Peter. All three were really great talks.

Prayer was all about praying specifically, seeing God answer prayer, and the resulting increase in faith and asking God for bigger things, and just the cycle there.
Evangelism was all about just looking at the Acts Church and what they were doing and how they saw God bring so many people to a saving knowledge of Christ. He looked at like the word counts and essentially it all boiled down to: you see people come to know Christ when you share the gospel. As simple as that.
Peter's life was all like, just taking those steps of faith. Peter followed Jesus, took initiative, took risks, was bold, humble, and focused, and we see him being used to start the Acts church, we see him do crazy things, but at the same time, he was just a normal person.

Carleton as always had awesome campus times, and so much Spirit. haha We didn't do very well at Soccer or Ultimate though. haha but we had the best team cheers! We teamed up with uOttawa and Vanier College to form a team of 10 students to face off against Queens, Concordia, and McGill, who each had like 15-20 people on their teams. Anyways, 1. We are the Ravens, 2. We are the GeeGees, 3. We are the Cheetahs, 4. More, more, more!!!

I think everyone had pretty awesome times. Got to share a testimony on the Sunday morning and ya. Good time to get away. My phone got wet in the lake (after sports we ended up throwing everyone into the lake. lol) but is fine now. Uhh. Ya.

I think the main things I am taking back are just the need to pray specifically and to go share the gospel with people if we want to see lives changed.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Taking Steps

Yo. This week was pretty cool. I guess I haven't really told you guys anything about Summit yet. I will in a post in a minute or two. But it was awesome.

Coming back from Summit was a chance for us all to take steps of faith and Discipleship Groups were starting! =D Unfortunately this week was also the week where I had two really big midterms, both Biotech and Mycology.... haha

So this week I had this tension between studying, going out sharing about Jesus on campus, and also working on my thesis, just to throw that into the mix (I got to talk to my prof and decide some things last week).

At the end of Summit as normal, there was a challenge to trust God with a faith barrier and I made 4. haha. Kinda just what I figure God had already been telling me to do, but had been too relctant to actually do them. One of my faith barriers at Summit was to share Jesus with 4 of my classmates, 2 other friends, and my Philosophy prof (if that all counts as one barrier... haha). So I wanted to meet up with each of them.

Three of them I got to cram with this week. haha. Two for biotech. We got to meet up in a library study room 1.5 hours before the midterm and just ask each other some questions and study. We felt pretty good, so for the last 20 minutes we just got to know each other a bit better. The other time I got to meet up with my classmate really early. haha. The week before he had asked me about IT who is currently serving as a missionary in Mexico. xP They apparently knew each other way back in first year and she had been able to share about her trip with him. He was like, really stressed about the midterm. We got to study for a bit.

I didn't get a chance to share more about Christ, but I hope to continue to take opportunities to grow these relationships.

I also got to meet up with a friend who used to be a classmate. We did Zumba yesterday (embarassing, but a good bonding time) and I got to share a little bit about how I want to go on missions and stuff.

I also finally got the cell number of one of the other people on my list. She's in my Philosophy class and so we hang out for like 15 minutes after each class in the library reviewing the class material and then talking about random things. Our quiz is on Monday, so we've been texting a bit, and making philosophy jokes. LOL. I emailed my prof and had a short conversation there, told her I was praying for her.

My last friend was too busy. He got a couple jobs recently. lol

So this week was cool times. haha. Can't wait for what else God has in store as I pray for my friends and seek after His will in these situations.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Assured

Hey!

Pretty exciting! Summit is tomorrow and there are a few 1st year students coming with us! There's actually like 130 students going this year plus like 20 staff! Which is insane!! But it'll be so awesome. xP

Today I got to go through some discipleship stuff with AP. He's a kinda crazy guy. lol. So on fire for God and also like a crazy  Physics nerd, no offense. lol... We looked at 1 John 5:9-13 and a bunch of passages that just summarize the gospel. It was a really great reminder of the assurance, the security, we have in our faith. Those that have Christ, have eternal life. As simple as that, no questions about it. And I know Christ has been in my life, so I know that I am saved and have a salvation that will not perish or fade or spoil. I just need to trust in these truths. Praise God for these truths and His immeasurable riches of grace!






I can't wait to see both of us and others growing as disciples of Christ as we help others know what it means to do the same.

I talked earlier in the day with my supervisor and got some work done in regards to my thesis. She seems to think that we may not get super far in the plan, but that's cool. haha. I don't really want to put in a lot of work. haha. I hope we can get very far, but it seems that we are first just testing the ability of the concept, rather than actually doing any of the combining of concepts yet. haha

Anyways, all is good. Tomorrow I'll be going over the same thing with RB, which should be great too.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Strong Scriptures

Hey!

So, today, idk, I guess I've been thinking quite a bit lately about stuff in general, and I've still been a little depressed about temptation and sin and stuff. So I got to thinking and praying a bit and I ended up reading 1 Peter. The whole book. It's so good. haha. And then I read a few psalms. Also great. And later today we read Ephesians 1 and 2, also really great.

All of them really spoke into my situation, and I guess I really just was really blown away by what the Bible was saying, probably like I've never really understood before, which is kinda neat, but ya... I don't like this situation of temptation and sin and everything.

I also guess I kinda realized how much I rely on God working through others and songs rather than just going to God directly in prayer or reading His word. So, I kinda feel like I should do that more in every situation, rather than being carried by the faith of others or by emotion or by words written by others. You know? I'm not saying any of those things are bad, but that it shouldn't be the foundation of my faith.

So I will continue thinking. But I also want to read through 1 Peter again. Everything in the whole book really spoke to me today, so I'd like to look through it in more detail.

Cool things happened today too. My friend RN apparently knows IT and heard about her going to Mexico, and saw me in a picture with her at church. And so we got to talk a little bit. I will talk to him more later. And I got to talk to MJ a bit because she was sick. I said I would pray for her. Hopefully we can talk more later. And Connect meeting was cool. Haha

Anyways, ttyl.

D.Fa

This Can Never Perish, Spoil or Fade

Yo.

So, these last few days have sucked tbh*. Sin, temptation, and overall spiritual attack on my identity in Christ. It's been extremely depressing and it's just been lie after lie from the enemy. And the biggest problem is just that I am listening and was so disturbed about my place in Christ.

My discipler was also really concerned so we talked for a while today. And I wrote out a bunch of probably really depressing garbage about how I have no identity and have no worth.

Then at our P2C servant team meeting, which I normally lead, but didn't have time to prepare for, and so another guy led it, I had however typed like two things into the googledoc, one of which were the Bible verses we were going to look at, which had been kinda determined last week, but that I had spent like no time at all on preparing. XP But the other guy thought I had and so he turned it over to me.

We read Rom9:16-33 (kinda harsh read. Haha, but also great promises of God saving the Gentiles and remnant of Israel, which He definitely didn't have to, so, ya, God is merciful yo) and I had jot down another verse. I didn't remember what the other verse said and so went to it while the others were sharing their thoughts on Rom9 (I know, pay attention when people talk, eh?). It was exactly what I needed to hear.

1Pet1: 3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade--kept in heaven for you, 5 who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9 for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. (my emphases)

So much pure gold of scripture in there! And praise God for speaking to me through it or I'd still be in a wreck. Haha

Anyways, talk to you later.

D.Fa

*pretty sure I'm gonna start using 'tbh' in my regular text vocabulary. It stands for 'to be honest'.

Broken Cisterns

There is not enough time in a day.

That is what I would like to say, but I know that there is in fact enough time in a day for all that needs to be done, it just doesn't get done based on how we prioritize and spend the time that we have been given. As it says in Eph 5:15-17 (ESV) "Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is." Make use of your time, because the temptation is there to use that time for evil. Instead, full of the Spirit, pursue God's will first and everything; this is the best use of time. #howiseeit

I say this largely because there is so much I would like to blog about, and I so rarely find the time to do so.

So, idk. I think I have too many things that I want to do, some of which I know are not worth doing, but I pursue anyways. I started reading Ecclesiastes (more on why later. > . <''') and yeah, the picture that is presented is that "The eye never has enough of seeing, nor the ear its fill of hearing. (1:8b)" and "Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income. (5:10)". Two examples of our misdirected desires seeking for satisfaction in the world and never having enough. And this is largely how I feel about the temptations that I have which say "you haven't tried this, how can you know it is bad for you?" and so I compromise by indulging in a related, but not exactly the same sin, which leaves me empty and unsatisfied and with a further desire for the thing I know is bad, but haven't tried.

The Bible says these things we desire, are desired because we are broken and want to be filled; more directly it says we are now enslaved to these passions and desires. The image given is that we are thirsty for true water, and instead of looking for a fountain of living water, we complain and start digging our own muddy cisterns, not daring to leave them (Jer2:13 "My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water").

To quote lyrics from Still Want You by Andrew Huang:
Chorus:
Even though you try to make it hurt me, 
Even though you want to pick up and desert me, 
I still want you baby; I still want you baby.
Even though the sky we built was starless, 
Even though you leave me in the coldest darkness, 
I still want you baby; I still want you baby.

The verses speak of the love as hate, a poison, alcohol in the dark, causing him to be lost, and in danger, something that is killing him slowly, and the bridge goes as far as to beg for a kiss, for love, for a hit, to be cut again.

Left in the coldest darkness with nothing, a starless sky in the middle of winter, with no warmth or affection or emotion, but so deluded to desire more of it; that pursuing it further is the only answer left.

The biggest problem here, though I often don't say so, is not that we are left empty, but that for our rebellion and forsaking God, the spring of living water, we actually have chosen death and destruction, we have chosen hell. To disobey a king is treason, punishable by death. Christ offers so much more than anything this world can offer and leaves us with life eternal, a thirst satisfied, endless delight at His side.

Majesty - KG Ch8

August 25 - 11:58am

The night before last I went to the dock to see the stars. The expanse of heavens, the amazing vastness of creation, the glory of lights billions of miles away, a display of splendor and majesty, yet incomparable to the creator who is forever blessed.

The eighth chapter of Knowing God by Packer is upon the majesty, the absolute infinite greatness of God. The chapter is especially speaks upon Isaiah 40 and that rebuke to the Israelites who are not seeing God as great as He is, but are seeing other things as great.

The chapter opens describing majesty, a word I have no acquaintance with practically in my vocabulary, and then essentially a challenge that 'our God is too small'. In our focus on God being personal we have detracted from His greatness. "Today vast stress is laid on the thought that God is personal, but this truth is so stated as o leave the impression that God is a person of the same sort as we are--weak, inadequate, ineffective, a little pathetic. But this is not the God of the Bible! Our personal life is a finite thing: it is limited in every direction, in space, in time, in knowledge, in power. He has us in his hands; we never have him in ours. Like us, he is personal; but unlike us, he is great. In all its constant stress on the reality of God's personal concern for his people, and on his gentleness, tenderness, sympathy, patience and yearning compassion that he shows toward them, the Bible never lets us lose sight of his unlimited dominion over all his creatures." pg 83.

Packer continues by going to the very start; using Genesis as an example of God's mejesty combined with personality.

I thought this was really cool. I had never viewed Genesis as showing the personal character of God, but now that it has been made aware to me, it feels like this is something that is sooo clear that I have been overlooking.

God in Genesis: destroyer of Sodom + Gomorrah; wrathful curser and annihilator of the world by flood; cause of famine; mysterious. God in Genesis, this is what we often remember. His power, and destruction. To add to his majesty: creating the world and universe; cause of life; scattering nations by language; judge of all the earth; God Most High.

But the thing I overlooked here: God who walked with Adam; God who talks to, asks questions, and desires compassion; God who makes promises and loves his people; God of Genesis. A personal God, which continues through the whole Bible.

But nowhere does this personal quality directly go against his majesty. Through the Bible we see people actually scared of God because of his greatness. If they see Him they may well die. I don't know when that thought initially began, but the truth is in His majesty and our sin which deserves righteous wrath.

So, what are we to do to properly see God's greatness? "How may we form a right idea of God's greatness? The Bible teaches us two steps that we must take. The first is to remove from our thoughts of God limits that would make him small. The second is to compare him with powers and forces which we regard as great." pg 85

Packer continues with a meditation on Psalm 139;  which essentially is a meditation on God's unlimited presence, knowledge, and power. This meditation as an example of removing the limits we place on God. Isaiah 40 then is given as an example of comparing God to greatness: great tasks; the nations; the world; rulers; stars.

Thost stars which are so great and incomparable, God is greater. He made each of them.

The chapter ends with Isaiah 40:25-28. ""To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One. Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength. not one of them is missing. Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, "My way is hidden from the LORD; my cause is disregarded by my God"? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He wil not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom." (NIV). A rebuke of wrong thoughts of God, of ourselves, and our slowness to believe in his greatness.

My Bible just flipped pages to Isa26. Verse 10 reads "Though grace is shown to the wicked, they do not learn righteousness; even in a land of uprightness they go on doing evil and regard not the majesty of the LORD."

May we better see God's majesty and may his kindness lead us to repentance and a reliance on His powerful Spirit in us.

TO Adventure; Day 6: Summit Day 2

August 23 - 9:35am

Sometimes I wish I could record my thoughts. When you have a great interaction with God and break down in tears and pray from the depths of a contrite heart, hiding nothing and being so much more real than ever. But then after you might not be able to write it down and the moment is lost.

A lot of the context of the songs we just sang in session were about how Jesus is enough, I'm going to give up my life, take me where you'd have me, all I have is yours. Songs like these provoke my soul because they are so difficult to say sincerely sometimes. If you are not all in, these words are so painful to say. How can you say "I love you" and then not care at all about God and the desires He has expressed to you? When hypocrisy is pointed out to you by a Spirit conviction, it is painful. So I was led to pray; for myself and all the others in the room as we think of faith barriers to break and trust God with more. May He truly be blessed by them. May the lyrics o those songs truly be prayers of our hearts; a reflection true and pure of our lives found in Christ alone.

Anyway, I say that after a great last session. KM reminding us of the greatness of Christ and our call to be on mission with Him and others; to be on commission. And a story of a challenge to share with each of your classmates leading to the life of a guyhere being born into a Christ-loving family. And a rebuke of how so many others are living lives sold out to such weak causes; 55000$ Potato salad yo. This all after a crazy day.

Outdoor showers are refreshing.
Discipleship is key.
You cannot solve inner spiritual issues by external means.
Renegade team = BEAST MODE!
Cheetos + Shaving cream win
Events are complex
Catching snakes + toads; AMAZING.
Canoeing + sunscreen = not as much sunburn.
Archery -- Everything I ever dreamed. Finally.

Summit is a blast. Truly lifelong friendships right here. It's a little odd being distant though. I like it because there's no responsability. I don't need to stay in each of their lives, but the negative is I can't even if I tried. I like making new friends with Christians. We are a family and the unity in the Spirit is actually awesome.

Also, I think I just got a crush on a girl, but we'll see if God brings us together again. I read an article once; I shouldn't get her heart involved in some thing I'm not going to seriously pursue right now.

Anyways again, #Colossiansfordays. Worldly principles, include religion? 2v16-23 seems to say so. Jewish laws, a shadow. Christ, substance. Growth comes from God. Regulations--human precepts and teachings--appear wise, but have no value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh, again seems like chapter 3 of OS+T. Only by the Spirit can we truly live and overcome sin and temptation, and only in Christ are we truly free.

But secondly, even if elemental spirits of the world include my wrong belief thoughts, in Christ I died to them, or should have, or now can. Freed in Christ to live out faith in love, to love by faith.

Idk what I'm gonna do tonight, well, stars, but otherwise. I don't belong here. Haha

May Christ continue to sanctify me and circumcise flesh from my heart; may I be always in the Spirit and in full accord with my brothers and sisters in Christ; may He be fully glorified and I delighting in Him.

Amen

D.Fa

Turn Down for What?

It's been one of those weeks: never any down time. haha

Saturday was pretty chill. Slept in and went to church to make a million cookies for uO church crawl and for the moon festival event the next day. Conclusion: making cookies from scratch is far better than bulk barn instant cookie mix.

Sunday was great. xP. Went to church with ML. Great worship time. So many people that day. The sanctuary was really full. After church I went home. At 4pm P2C people started coming over to my house. We shared highlights of the previous week and when everyone was there we discussed what doing a 'follow-up' meeting would look like. How to call, suggested meeting discussion topic, etc. We had dinner and then started calling. Between 9 of us we set up like 17 follow-up meetings! It was great. xP

Monday. Oh ya... haha. Back to back to back stuff. Classes, classroom surveys, staff meeting, servant team meeting, follow-up meeting. Pretty much everything you could possibly imagine all in one day. haha. But it was good. Made a friend in Philosophy class and found out I know a couple people in my Biotech class. It was a good day.

Tuesday. xP I got to go back to Tunney's pasture. My undergraduate honours research thesis is with Carleton and Health Canada, so I was there in the morning to have a discussion with my two supervisors about the project, which was really cool. I'm really looking forward to the project. xP Afterwards, I had free time so I went over to BGTD and saw my old co-workers, except for the few that were on vacation (as they typically are). xP. I spent a good few hours there talking to them. I'm glad that I'll be in the area regularly. After I had a follow-up with an awesome first year guy and AP. We went and bought ginger (among other things) and later had a bible study time with BR.

Wednesday. I think my classes are a good variety. Philosophy (more in another post) takes so much mental capacity to understand and process these deep concepts. An hour of class felt like 3 hours. Fungus class was a lot of fun. Our prof is so chill. We went on a field trip and looked at fungi in a wildlife center so I got to chill with RN, MJ and CB for a bit. Biotech is a very discussion based class, so I look forward to getting to know some of my classmates a lot better. xP After I had another follow-up with AP. This time the guy was very direct: "tell me about P2C, what you believe, and membership criteria" is essentially what he asked. Overall, he seems really excited to get involved and share Christ with others. xP Then we had dinner in the caf and games after. Really sweet (more in another post).

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Thunder - B-Down

Hey!

Yesterday was actually crazy. I had class for the first time this year. I was slightly late because I had mistaken which room it was in and spent more time in the machining lab than I had meant to, but whatever. I found out I know a couple of my classmates (MJ and RN) and we found out that next week we have a field trip! =D

After class I went to a chemistry class with JC and she made an announcement about Cravings surveys. It went really well, maybe 150 1st year students there. xP Praying God works in their lives.

Afterwards I got to go on a follow-up meeting with SK. The guy we met up with used to go to church, and is now really hoping that university would be a place for him to really grow and get reconnected with God, so hopefully we can help him where he's at and see God really show him who He is.

There was lightning as I walked to residence commons. The sky of rolling dark clouds was flashing with light and lightning. But there was no rain. I was going to be early, so I stopped and watched for a bit. There was a first year guy also watching. We chatted briefly before it started raining. He thought it was really cool (as did I), but he was conflicted because he also had a dream that the world was going to end that day. haha. I asked what he thought would happen if the world ended, what would happen to him, but the conversation didn't go anywhere.

After was English Corner and there were 5 international students from China. Got to play a couple fun english word games and after we were going to go eat. Res caf is expensive. Oasis was closed. So I invited them over for dinner. there was supposed to be a bbq, which I was going to skip. xP. So we went. I went into my backyard for the first time, set up a charcoal grill for the first time, and we had a bbq with BR and a few of his friends. We also ended up having a smash brothers tournament in the basement! So good. But I got 2nd place..... > . < The controller. I blame the controller. But it was a lot of fun. haha

Today I helped make cookies. haha. Don't use BulkBarn cookie mix. Just make it yourself. So much tastier.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

TO Adventure; Day 5: Summit Day 1

Oh man, I stink right now. Lol.

It's been a good first day of Summit. First was just the bus ride. And people started showing up slowly. I was there fairly early, but whatever. I started meeting a whole bunch of people. Let's just try and remember all of their names. Then something kinda crazy happened. I think we were just joking around about someone missing summit being rebellious and I said something along the lines of "we've all been through a rebellious phase. What did you rebellious phase look like?"

Then BAM.

Things got serious. I had only known this guy for like 10 minutes and he says he was into drugs and a lifestyle life that. o.O Wow man. Actually caught me off guard. And the bus was loading, so before he finished telling the story we got on. Since we did have a fairly long ride he kinda started over so he can tell the whole story. It was pretty crazy. The works that God has done in his life, all amazing, and such a real testimony. He then asked me about my story and so I also shared the long story about wanting to fit in, but not and God calling me to not fit in, so I shared that part of my story too. We talked for a long time after that too. #instantfriendship

I kinda want to follow his example and bring the truth even in smaller questions from now on. Catch people off guard. Astonish them.

Finally got to Summit. Registered. Found our cabins (so far. lol. steep muddy cliff).

Time for session. UTM had two girls so I sat with them. We're overall divided into 4 teams, and UTM/UTSC/GB/YG[/Centennial/Carleton] are on one "Renegade" team. It's really interesting being on the Renegade team. Kinda feeling that we lack team spirit. We have no cheer. We have no unity.

The worship and message was all a reminder of God's love, faithfulness, and grace. Pretty sweet.

Dinner. Workshop #1 (KM essentially rehashing his debrief stuff). Campus times (again, a little depressing). And capture the flag. I don't think the teams were even and yeah, we lost.

Being here is interesting. I wore my UofT sweater to disguise myself. I actually fooled a staff member. Oh, KM is here too. But ya, what exactly is the reason I am here? To relax? To be refreshed? To encourage? How can I help, without taking away from their own campus ministries?

I was reading Col2 this morning. What lies; what deception; what foolish philosophies am I believing?

Today, Hmmm, I guess at one point I had been convicted that I don't believe in God's great ability. The sin I struggle with I have been believing I am never be cured. He can. Anything He can. Nothing with God is impossible. But now thinking, a verse from earlier. We shouldn't seek only to be back in comfort, but rejoice in suffering for the gospel.

Hmmmm. Idk.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

TO Adventure; Summit Quiet Time Journal

God. You are good all the time. I thank you for the reminder that you gave through the band and worship of your faithfulness and love. You will never forsake me. I thank you for your faithfulness combined with your majesty. Although you are great, your greatness in grace, love, and compassion extends to the least.

I pray that I'd always remember these things and that you'd be further glorified in my life. I thank you also for your reminder of grace to all that you spoke through LC God, that you are a God of prodigal grace spent on those who don't deserve it. Both those who would be far by choice  and those who are far by being so close in their own minds.

Am I younger or older brother?
I see a lot of both in me. I see so much of what you gave me wasted and rendered useless. But I don't believe I've hit rock bottom. There's a lot worse I think I could do. I don't want to get there. I pray you keep me in you now and humble me. I also see older brother tendencies. Humble me and bring me near.

TO Adventure; Day 4: Mississauga: Part 2

August 22 - 9:35am

Hey. Yesterday I got to meet up with a friend from UTM P2C. It was great to catch up, have Timmies, hear what is happening in each other's lives and pray for each other. I think I am terrible at being concise. She essentially asked "tell me about everything that has happened in the last year". And I think I talked too much. Haha

Afterwards I just bussed home, we had dumplings for dinner (home made) and me and RZ just played cellphone games for a while, talked a bit and went to sleep. Pretty uneventful. Idk. Maybe we should have talked more? I don;t think he's really the talkative type.

This morning I woke up early, packed, quickly had breakast and then had to say goodbye. This trip was way too short. Took the Go Train with uncle VZ, took the sub, walked here.

Kinda waiting for Summit now. xP.

Should be good.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

TO Adventure; Day 4: Mississauga: Part 1

Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in Christ's afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the church.

Bold words.

How often can I say I rejoice in my sufferings? I doubt that I ever really do so. Sometimes maybe, but definitely not often. But Paul goes further than just saying he rejoices in his sufferings. In his body. he. is completing what was lacking in Christ's sufferings.

Was Christ's sufferings incomplete??

No. Christ, the perfect lamb of God, Son of God, came and died to pay for our sins. Living perfectly by the Holy Spirit, communion with God always, fighting temptation by the Word of God, rebuking and teaching, dying one for all that in Him we may become righteous.

Paul's suffering. It is not by Paul's suffering that we find grace and salvation. In Christ. So what does it mean?
- 2 Cor 1:5-7 - sharing in Christ's suffering to then also share in his comfort
- Phil 3:10-11 - to know Christ's suffering, death, and resurrection power
- Rom 8:16-18 - suffering so that we are heirs with Chrst of the far surpasing Glory to come

These all explain suffering a little bit, but only once did I really understand this passage. John Piper has preached on it before and essentially he says that what was lacking is a physical bodily suffering to show Christ's suffering. A commitment to the gospel that goes beyond comfort to go and be Christ to others. To proclaim Christ's sufferings in word and deed. A visible representation of Christ's suffering.

Paul continues in the passage about an amazing mystery "Christ in us, the hope of glory". Part of this mystery is explained again and again in Acts, but Eph 3 explains well the mystery of the Gentiles sharing in God's kingdom. But a great mystery indeed is God in us, Christ in us, the Holy Spirit in us, and by that, a guide, a comforter, one to purify us from the inside out from one degree of glory to the next as we reflect His image more and more (2 Cor 3:16-18).

"But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.

So then, brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him."
Romans 8:10-17

The Spirit in us, giving life, confirming we are adopted children of God, and that promise of glory in Christ.

May I count my sufferings as joy knowing they are short, knowing He is good, knowing that my hope in Christ is secure. May I count all as loss compared to knowing Christ. May I grow in Him, deny myself and follow after, willing to lose my life for Him and the sake of the gospel going to the nations [bringing true life to others].

TO Adventure; Day 3: Mississauga

August 20 - 11:35pm

Hey! Today was long... Haha.

Woke up, everyone left for work. I worked on my supported list and sent an update. It was a pretty slow morning. Just as I was about to leave, Grandma comes downstairs and shows me some dry noodles. . . . Sure? o.O - - - Grandma made me lunch! =D Noodles with choy and leftover spicy beef. So good.

I bussed out to UTM and met up with a friend. Had some talks about classes, prayed, and studied chemistry together. Bussing back I missed a stop. lol. When I finally did get back home it was dinner. Fresh cucumbers all the time #cukesfordays. After we went to prayer meeting at MCBC and I got to see AL + SM. xP

Man, time flies. Only another day here.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

TO Adventure; Day 2: Part 2: Mississauga

August 19 - 11:21pm

So far so good when it comes to getting around Toronto by bus/train alone. Haha. I made it to 'Sauga and RZ picked me up. Really glad to see the family again. Grandma. So happy to see her . . . was a little confused for a second: is that a cucumber on her face? Maybe she doesn't know . . . I'll just pretend I don't see it. Over dinner I find out she'd had cataracts and had surgery on her eyes recently and also that the cucumber is some sort of Chinese medicine. The two may not be related. I also found out she had done a 3D puzzle! Just like my grandma used to do! Haha

It's crazy I'm only here for a few days, but it feels like nothing ever really changed.

Me and RZ watched Adventure Time again. Haha. Tree Trunks is a crazy character.

Gonna go to prayer meeting tomorrow. Idk what I'm gonna do all day.

Anyways, ttyl.

D.Fa

TO Adventure; Day 2: Part 1: Downtown

August 19 - 4:13pm

There are too many people here in Toronto. The word 'too' indicating that I find it somewhat troublesome to have there be so many people.

Last night at the guy's group we prayed for persecuted Christians and the world and then for Toronto. The passage that DP brought up for Toronto was Acts 17. We should be provoked by idols and injustice around us. We shouldn't view all these people as just nothing. Something annoying to be ignored. May His Spirit provoke, convict and give us more compassion.

I bring this up now though because there are so many people in Toronto that I want to see to the point that I can forget them.

I apparently forgot to tell NJ I was in Toronto. I kinda forgot he lives here too. Haha. It was good getting to catch up over breakfast, discussing life and apologetics and everything. I still really respect him as an older brother; in everything he does, he seeks Christ. In his relationship, in rideshare, in conversations with friends. And he really seeks to improve how to best speak with others and share Christ. Him and FL are total book people though and I completely think it is the coolest thing ever now to be able to just be talking about deep theological principals and to quote great theologies and books and everything. So, I need to figure out how to read more. Haha

What is cool from what I read today though is that Christ, as the image and fullness of God, in all His majesty, who created everything, still went to the cross to reconcile us, sinners who did and do evil. Col 1:15-29

In this passage too I see the goodness and grace: He has reconciled us and now by faith, He presents us holy and blameless. Not us: Christ. Not by works: by standing firm on the hope of the gospel.

May I see more and more His majesty and be able to declare this to others, knowing His great grace.

After, we went to Ryerson and I worked on P2C stuff. Haha

D.Fa

TO Adventure; Day 1: Part 2: Scarb/Downtown

August 19 - 12:02am

I think this time in Toronto will be fairly unscheduled too. Tonight's plans were thrown together pretty roughly this afternoon. Only two things to do: say 'hi' over at Charis and hang out with PD. PD invited me to prayer and to his men's group downtown, so I rescheduled my sleeping arrangements and it was sweet. Got to meet sweet passionate Christians and pray a bit for the world. When at Charis I found out that the youth are going to be baptized! =D I also got to meet and got to know a couple of the youth from Hallelujah CEFC.

Trying to reflect on all of this of how truly it is ust God that has equipped and qualified me for these things.

D.Fa

Toronto Adventure; Day 1: Scarborough

August 18 - 2:57pm

Honestly, I don't exactly know nearly anything of the reason I am here exactly. I know meeting up with friends is a large point, but I had mostly envisioned this trip as a ministry opportunity to encourage my brothers and sisters in Christ and as ambassadors of the gospel. At this point however, it seems that this trip is much more about my friends ministering to me, and a chance to get out of the rut I was in.

This morning since arriving here I have met up with one guy. Oddly enough this is actually the first time we'd ever hung out, so it was a little awkward, but really good. We are both in very similar situations when it comes to footholds and temptations the enemy has in our lives. Essentially he, intentionally or not, really encouraged me to further prioritizing time with God, to not spend so much time wallowing in sin so much as basking in God's grace, and to just live honestly before others.

Now I am just relaxing at Scarborough Town Center and reading Colossians. Verse 1:9-14 struck me. Paul has told them that he is praying for them ever since hearing of their faith and love for the saints since hearing the gospel and understanding grace. He prays that they'd have wisdom and discernment so they can walk according to God;s will and see fruit in ministry. He prays for God to give them strength to endure joyfully, giving thanks that God has qualified them and delivered them from darkness to light, redeeming and forgiving.

In praying for them to be strengthened, be ministers of the gospel, to be wise, to endure suffering, ultimately any and all of this is by God's glorious might and by what He has done at the cross.

May I better understand the grace of God in truth and live thanking Him that He has qualified me, and in awe knowingHis grace abounds.

May I rely on Him and follow His will more each day.

D.Fa

Classrooms of First Years

Yo guys!

So, yesterday was really cool. It was academic orientation and then EXPO. then at the evening it was the res caf dinner at the same time as the International student welcome dinner.

I was mostly texting guys all day. I still had a stack of guys who were Christian and wanted to grow in their faith, so I invited them to the caf dinner and then once I had done that it was time for me to go to the EXPO. My shift apparently only really was for setup and then I was done and back to HQ. After a while JC came back with a bunch of surveys and more guys for me to text. haha. So I texted more. haha

One thing that worked really well apparently was putting the "HEY CHRISTIAN!" poster on our banner. xP. Made it clear that Power to Change is a Christian group. So a whole bunch of new 1st year Christians came and filled out surveys and wanted to get involved.

So, when it came to be time for the res dinner, we had a bunch of people! =D Like 7 first years and then additionally, our upper years for a total of about 20-25 people?!? It was sweet! We also played some board games after and got to spend time with those first years. One girl said that this was the best day of frosh week yet! =D

What was sweet is that she actually helped out with surveying a classroom this morning! =D

Also, kinda awesome was that I also had a class to go to survey and my two guys were running late, so I was planning to do all the work myself, but when I got there I found one of the first year girls from yesterday! And she helped me! =D So, it was really cool. haha

Classroom surveys are kinda dull, but I think it's still great getting to make the announcement and be visible. There are also some good contacts. Today we had like 80 surveys filled out and a good 8 contacts. I'm meeting up with one of the guys tomorrow actually! =D

Ttyl

D.Fa

PS. Oh! yesterday I got a sprained (or maybe just twisted) ankle and I was like "whatever, this is for the gospel", and just pushed on. haha I stopped and prayed first and was great for 20 minutes or so. haha. then it got painful. but whatever. I realize today that I had read a chapter about God's wisdom and use of suffering for ministry and service which is super cool. haha. Also, what AL said way back when about using eczema for the gospel is still resounding in my memory.

His Praise in Everything

Hey, so, I just want to praise God for yesterday and this week so far. It's just been so sweet!

Yesterday was the day that I had been personally dreading: beach day. The day when all of the frosh leave campus and walk to Mooney's bay to build sand castles, have volleyball  games, and just hang out at a beach. Yesterday morning I had been really hoping that I would just stick back on campus and do surveys there or whatever while everyone else went to the beach.

Nope.

It was me, JC, and E(?) that ended up walking over to the beach.

But it was really cool. We got to hear a bit about E(?)'s story of coming to know God. Mainly him praying and asking for reasons for God and Him providing each time through friends and family. He quit smoking and idolizing relationships with girls. He's a really cool guy, and an international student no less. xP It was actually just last year that he was baptized! Him and JL met up weekly for discipleship. Pretty cool.

While at the beach I got to meet a bunch of really sweet people and especially this one conversation with JM and MS. They both came from Catholic backgrounds of sorts, but were at different places in their faith: JM really looking into it more and growing and MS kinda more reluctant but really interested in creation. So we talked for like half an hour about science and religions and creation and I got to share a bit about Haiti and other projects, and it was just an awesome conversation. I'm praying that JM gets involved with P2C. I really want to be like his big brother and see him grow more in his faith. xP You can pray for that. xP

Free food too. PTL.

Ummm, but ya. Probably one of the coolest things I noticed at the end was how little being at the beach was an issue. Temptation wasn't that bad. I didn't care that much about the people around me. And it was just so sweet to have met so many people and just talked with them.

So in everything, I thank God for these things and look forward to more as the week and month and year continue!

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Today

Today.

Today was crazy. Felt sooooo long. But was so good. Frosh week is just great.

First, I guess, was the crazy awesome surprise of how many people were at prayer / surveying with us! I think there were 17 people, including 6 international student ministry people, and 2 newer people. We ran into a bunch of people excited to get involved in part of what God is doing on campus, and some people interested in talking more about Jesus. xP

Surveying is just so much fun. You get to have great conversations with so many people.

There were some bumps, but just go with the punches, eh? (I don't remember the exact idiom. roll?) God provides and I can't wait to see the rest of the week and the year! =D

Please continue to pray for the days ahead that students would connect with us, meet up with us to survey, have dinner with us on Wednesday, that the EXPO goes well and that more interested students get to hear about Jesus as we get into follow-up next week!

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Frosh Week Is Here!

Hey guys!

I'm back from my crazy random trip to Toronto, which means I will be blogging more soon. I also kept a log while I was away. It was a really great getaway from this ridiculously stale summer I had been having in Ottawa. It was a chance to just be spontaneous, to relax, to spend time with God. It was also really great to go to the GTA Summit and see so many students excited for what God will be doing this year. I also read Colossians which was great. So, look forward to that.

I'm living in my new house now. I moved in yesterday, and I have had no housemates. I'm supposed to be living with 3 other awesome guys. They were all gone yesterday. > . > Empty houses.......... You know I don't like those.

Frosh week starts tomorrow. I cannot wait!!!! Like, at all. I was on campus today. So many new kids! I want to meet them all. =D But I can't............................. Pray for me. xP We're gonna be surveying all week.. XP

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Works of Grace

!!!!

Context: Luke 15.

!!! What is the younger brother actually asked his dad for the inheritance because he thought he'd never be worthy to deserve it. After seeing how his brother slaved away day and night he realized the money wasn't worth all that toil and labour and on the off-chance that his dad would give it to him if he asked, he did, and somehow got it?!

Is this what self-righteousness does to others?

I'm sorry. I tend to be an overachiever. How does that make others feel? When I boast about how excited I am about what will happen because of all our work and planning, how does that make you feel?

I've been in that place, in the shadow of the over achiever, their names are very clear to me. I would never have been able to live up to their standards, so I set my own and waited until they were out of the picture, allowing the bar to drop so I could be at the top once they had lift-off from this reality.

I'm sorry if that is how I make you feel.

How does this make me feel? The standards of over-achievement are also extremely difficult. Are they necessary? Should I feel guilty when I don't live up to them? Should I have been more realistic?

Grace.

We sang of You and Your great majesty all day. Not because we had to. Not because we needed to, but because we wanted to. May You be blessed.

D.Fa

Images and Incarnation - KG Ch4+5

Yo, within the last two weeks I read two chapters of Knowing God by J.I. Packer.

The fourth chapter was called "The Only True God" and I guess the thing I am still reflecting on a bit is essentially that the chapter was about not idolizing anything, which again lined up with what I had been reading in Romans 1. But then it threw me a screw ball when the chapter quickly switched into talking about images of God. "Idolatry consists not only in the worship of false gods, but also in the worship of the true God by images." (p.44)

o.O

Now, this statement really struck me because I can clearly see many ways that I have been encouraged to praise God by images, or how normal it is. Be it stained glass. Be it pictures in church of Jesus. Be it different "images" of the gospel each capturing a different aspect. Be it watching a film about Jesus' life. Be it a crucifix with Jesus on it. These all present images of God for the benefit of us being able to better focus on all God is and has done.

The chapter goes further to go beyond "molten images" (those that are physical and visible, those made by hands) to the images we get in our head, the "mental images".

"The realization that images and pictures of God affect our thoughts of God points to a further realm in which the prohibition of the second commandment applies. Just as it forbids us to manufacture molten images of God, so it forbids us to dream up mental images of him. Imagining God in our heads can be just as real a breach of the second commandment as imagining him by the works of our hands." (pg47)

Examples include "the great architect", "judge", "Father". And the main reasons all of these images shouldn't be used it that they either present false images of God, or they can obscure his glory. Although he is strong and noble as a golden calf, he is soooooo much more and that gives such a reduced image. Although he is the great creator and made everything beautifully, he is more. Although he is ultimately the righteous judge, and redeemer, and atoned for us, he is so much more. Although he is our heavenly father, he is so much more. No image can properly capture his greatness, some deny facets of his greatness, others even those that imagine a superhuman or more, any image we create, rightfully limits his immeasurable greatness.

"The world by wisdom knew not God" 1Cor1:21 KJV.

"In this light, the positive purpose of the second commandment becomes plain. Negatively, it is a warning against ways of worship and religious practice that lead us to dishonor God and to falsify his truth. Positively it is a summons to us to recognize that God the Creator is transcendent, mysterious and inscrutable, beyond the range of any imagining or philosophical guesswork of which we are capable--and hence a summons to us to humble ourselves, to listen and learn of him, and to let him teach us what he is like and how we should think of him." (pg50) (see also Isa55:8-9 and Rom11:33-34)

Packer encourages us to look to the knowledge of God revealed in His Son Jesus, reflecting on the life and works of God, the very image of God shown in Jesus reflecting the nature and grace of God bodily. With the additional note addressed to concerns of this chapter and images for personal devotion that "some risks are not worth taking".

------------------------

The fifth chapter spoke of miracles and debate on those points as causes of doubt and difficulty, but that the real difficulty, the real stumbling block is that God would become man. Both diving into concepts of the trinity and the union of God and man.

The main passage Packer looks at here is John1 where the Word, who was with God and was God and all things came to be through him, in whom was life, who was the light of men; the Word became flesh. He expounds upon this passage to show the eternity, personality, deity, creating, animating, revealing, incarnate nature expressed in the passage. The baby born was God.

Packer continues and gets into the thoughts about the kenosis theory, the theories based on Phil2:7 where he literally 'emptied himself' as he became man. But holds firm that "The Word had become flesh: a real human baby. He had not ceased to be God; he was no less God then than before; but he had begun to be man. He was not now God minus some elements of his deity, but God plus all that he had made his own by taking manhood to himself." (pg57) After explaining and reviewing thoughts he gives this statement "The impression of Jesus which the Gospels give is not that he was wholly bereft of divine knowledge and power, but that he drew on both intermittently, while being content for much of the time not to do so." (pg61) and the idea that all he did was based on the Father's will, even if not knowing everything at that time was part of that as well.

the finale of the chapter was to restate what the incarnation was all about: God had become poor so that we may become rich through him. He had left his glory to come and be born and ultimately die that we may once again have the ability to know God.

-D.Fa

Nostalgic Impulses

Now here is the thing, I am normally very structured, stick to the rules, try and get others to follow them, and am quick to judge impulsive actions or wasteful spending.

however, I am also someone who will suddenly drift into nostalgia and spend hours if not days doing things because they are nostalgic, I will go to great lengths to achieve the things which aren't very profitable (or sometimes even as enjoyable) because they are nostalgic.

A few weeks ago I just had to watch Death Note. So I started, and it got to that point where the Death Note isn't being used and I just had to watch 8 episodes until it started being used by the main character again. I didn't care / I thought it wasn't that many episodes. So, I ended up watching it in like 3 days. > . >

This last week I wanted to play a game on my Nintendo DS. I had been playing a lot of random flash games online, mostly tower defense, and started missing a game I had for DS, Ninja Town. I never beat it. Also, ninjas. Also, a tower defense game.

I couldn't find my DS. > . > It's gotta be around here somewhere, but I was so sure it was in the box. I don't think I had played it since I had last moved, but idk. Anyways, I quickly moved on to the Nintendo 64 that was living in my parents' basement. All the pieces were here. And a few games. Sooooo, I got to 93% of the Crystal Shards on Kirby in like 3 days. haha. . . My best single play through record yet, but not worth the additional time spent going back (at this time) to find those last pieces without walkthroughs (since I am a completionist, a walkthrough snob (using them is admitting defeat! But you need to get to 100%!!), but also too busy at the moment).

I also ended up on kijiji to get more controllers so we could play Smash Brothers (the original N64 version!! Purposes include YA and inviting other friends to my house) and ended up perusing some of the other N64 wares available. Needless to say, I ended up making a purchase.

I biked about 20 minutes to get the controllers last Tuesday.

I biked 54 km, with another 30 minutes of bus ride, in a round trip to get three games (and a back-up N64).

Now, I really didn't want to bike that far. My bike is falling apart. I've never biked that far. I don't have the time for that. I don't especially have money to spare at the moment. This seems impulsive.

I went.

But it was amazing. haha. It was ~20km East of the Gatineau-Ottawa bridge. It was such a great bike ride along the river for a good 20 minutes, and then a bunch of houses, but it was great. Afterwards, waiting for the cousin of the kijiji person (currently in Alberta without cell service apparently), I got time to spend reading Hebrews, praying, and just relaxing basking in God's creation. So good. My legs did start hurting a bit on the way home, but it wasn't bad. My gear shift broke like a half kilometer from my house (I didn't use it much anyways, but it's a little annoying. haha). It honestly took 6 hours to go, wait, and to get back home. But it was good.

I watched "Yes Man" a couple weeks ago. I feel like it is very suitable to my situation.

I want to make my yes yes and my no no, and to not have so much in between, and so much hesitation. I don't want to be a hypocrite. I want to be a good steward of all that God has given me. I'm glad that taking the time to go wasn't just a waste, but a good chance to see God's creation in a way I never had (I like biking way more now. haha) and to just chill apart from all the busyness in Ottawa.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

PS. I also got a BIG sunburn. lol...... 6 hours outside in the sun will do that. haha

Opinions and Thoughts

I don't really know how to live life anymore.

I don't mean I want to die right now. I mean I don't understand how to live my life.

The life I have been given is extremely complicated, and if it were not for the great hope that is in Christ it would be the biggest vanity of vanities and not worth my time. Although I don't typically think aloud, I think quite a bit about different theoretical outcomes of potential futures to this life. The life which leads down to a life spent in a homosexual relationship pleads with my flesh to allow such a thing, but to my thoughts, this life would not be satisfying because it would be one where, although my flesh would be 'satisfied' to whatever extent that would actually be the case, I would then be living a life devoid of my relationship with God and the hope and joy and peace and life that is truly life that only He can give. And so, although in my actions I bounce back and forth on what may look like support for either side of that question, I would much prefer to live life in purity rather than homosexuality.

However, this and further thoughts can often be difficult to explain or even understand, and thus the reason I spend so much time thinking about hypotheticals and trying to determine what I should and should not be saying explicitly in public venues based on how it could potentially impact my other hypothetical futures and also, I don't really like having strong opinions or arguing with people, which, is an issue I think that I need to deal with at some point. Even just an argumentative tone, despite genuine desire to learn and hear out the other side of an argument, is enough to make me wrench at the thought of continuing such a discussion. However, the opinion that Christ, according to His own words, is the way, the truth, and the life, and that no one come to God except by Him, is a very strong opinion to have. So, I do need to deal with this aversion, additionally in regards to my struggles and how they can be used to help others going through such things and those who although don't understand fully would like to help those who are.

Thus, I do have respect for such an article as the one linked below, and these are all thoughts I have had before. I hate loneliness and that thought had crossed my mind, and it did feel like a death sentence. And so I rejected it, but that just makes things complicated.

But complication is better than death.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Article: http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/orienting-on-homosexual-orientation

Mortify the Sin Alive in You! - OS+T:M:Ch2

This again was a chapter that caught my eye when I read it at first. The chapter stresses the importance of mortification, the fact that we are either killing sin or being killed by it, and goes so far as to even call out those who claim to be Christian and yet live as carnally as any other.

Largely the chapter speaks of the continual fact that sin is alive in us while we are alive on this earth, no matter how much we seek to deny this by changing the criteria by which holiness may be evaluated, if we are true to the level and standards of what is truly holy we know that in us lies nothing good other than the Spirit who has been given us which is in constant and direct opposition to the sin in us. |And that daily mortification of sin must be our duty.

The biggest idea that struck me was that sin never stops, but desires to push forward to the largest and worst sin of its type. What may start as a quick lustful glance, if not killed, will stop at nothing until it has fulfilled the deepest and darkest deeds related to lustful living. And in so many cases we settle and compromise with sin saying that so long as it not be getting worse, it is fine as it is. That is to allow what is a small wound to stay a wound lest it grow larger. Rather than to heal and aim at what was good beforehand, we say 'well, it isn't that bad, it could be much worse, so this is fine.'

"This new acting and pressing forward makes the soul take little notice of what an entrance to a falling off from God is already made; it thinks all is indifferently well if there be no further progress; and so far as the soul is made insensible of any sin—that is, as to such a sense as the gospel requires—so far it is hardened: but sin is still pressing forward, and that because it has no bounds but utter relinquishment of God and opposition to him; that it proceeds toward its height by degrees, making good the ground it has got by hardness, is not from its nature, but its deceitfulness." page 53

But truly, this mortification is to be painful in some senses. How can it not be? Dying, by the nature of the action is to be painful. So our only option is to set our face against that which is evil in us and fight. To choose the Spirit over the flesh and allow the battle to be fought regardless of the pain we may suffer now. The second idea that really struck me was the idea that if you are not facing opposition, is what you are doing really good? If it is not a work that is aimed at holiness, why would sin have any reason to stop you?

"Let not that man think he makes any progress in holiness who walks not over the bellies of his lusts. He who does not kill sin in his way takes no steps toward his journey’s end. He who finds not opposition from it, and who sets not himself in every particular to its mortification, is at peace with it, not dying to it." page 55

Hmmmm.

"When a man has confirmed his imagination to such an apprehension of grace and mercy as to be able, without bitterness, to swallow and digest daily sins, that man is at the very brink of turning the grace of God into lasciviousness and being hardened by the deceitfulness of sin." page 56

"But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people." (Eph5:3)

Overcoming Sin and Temptation: John Owen - Of Mortification; Chapter 1

Hey, so, this book was recommended highly by a friend of mine and seems fitting to be read. I have briefly scanned the first 4 chapters already, but as mentioned, intend to better process as I read. The pdf is available here (click to get the pdf).

I really really liked the first chapter when I read it the first time on a walk home from a friend's house (since I never normally get time to read). haha. The first chapter, essentially is an introduction to the first treatise which finds its subject matter in 'the mortification of sin in believers' which essentially is an expansion and exposition on Romans 8:13 "if you through the Spirit do put to death the deeds of the body, you shall live" (NKJV). In this chapter Owen expands briefly upon each phrase in the sentence and further expands in the subsequent chapters.

I think the idea that caught me the most was the expansion on the word 'if'. As he explains, 'if' normally either denotes and uncertainty, or a certainty (as ironic as that sounds). One way to read the verse would be 'you will live only if you do ____' 'you must do this, or else die'. Very much dependent upon your works. However, Owen explains based on the greater context of the whole that it really denotes a certainty that if this is done you will live, and further that: although it is our daily duty to mortify the flesh, the Spirit is there to help us and is the only true means to doing so; that the ones exhorted to do so are Christians already redeemed from sin and death  by Jesus, now free from condemnation (8:1); and that through Jesus our eternal life is already given as a free gift not something to now be earned. So the condition is more along the lines of a patient who has already been in to see a doctor and has now been given medicine with the instructions "if you take this medicine, you will become healthy".

This is a certainty as we trust and live in Christ; you shall live. So follow me and take up your cross and deny yourself.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Let's Start a Book Club?

Hey guys!

One thing that I have been really learning this summer is the importance of properly processing material in order to more properly apply new information. Whether this be something theoretical that I learn in class, or something very practical to work or life, if I don't take the time and process it so I understand it, it won't translate to practice.

So, I am attempting in any readings I have or choose to have, which I am prioritizing based on value given and need for specific instruction in my life, to spend time and read deeply rather than a shallow reading for the sake of it, followed by a more in depth analysis and thinking through the issues, and depending on the length of the book, potentially a quick read through again.

As part of this, I will likely be posting my thoughts on chapters of the books I read to better process and also share insights with you. xP Also, if you've ever read the book, or if there are free copies I can get you, I'd be happy to hear your thoughts on it too!

I hope you like books. haha

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Openness

Knowing God.

What does that mean and how do we do it?

Essentially that is what a book I am reading right now is trying to explain. The first couple chapters were an introduction into the study of God (theology) and really the immensely (if not infinitely) greater value of knowing God compared to knowing about God.

Hmmmm.

This is even an interesting point in a verse I have been reading lately Romans 1:18-23ish. Ultimately it explains how although people know about God, we have, and still do, transfer our praise from Him to meaningless things. Verse 19 and 21 speak very clearly about this "For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them ... For although they knew [about] God, they did not honour him as God or give thanks to him". And the warning Jesus gives in Matthew 7:21-23 of those who on the last day will say 'Lord, Lord' even having done many things in His name, but will be sent off with the words, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'.

To know God.

And that should be our motive in theology (Bible study, seminary, etc.) as well as reading on the topic. "If we pursue theological knowledge for its own sake, it is bound to go bad on us. It will make us proud and conceited. The very greatness of the subject matter will intoxicate us, and we shall come to think of ourselves as a cut above other Christians because of our interest in it and grasp of it; and we shall look down on those whose theological ideas seem to us crude and inadequate and dismiss them as very poor specimens" (pg 21). And as much as I am still young in my faith, I do see this in my life sometimes. I have been blessed with so many opportunities to learn and study the word and a fairly good general knowledge of many verses. But it does become an issue of pride sometimes.

The bigger thing though is to realize that this isn't the highest thing. God's word is great, but He Himself is so much more and this is one way that He speaks to us and reveals Himself to us.

The third chapter was about being known by God and sundry examples to illustrate what knowing a living and great person is like. The biggest idea that stuck out to me came partially through the following passage on knowing people:

"In the case of human beings, te position is further complicated by the fact that ... people keep secrets. They do not show everybody all that is in their hearts. ... You may spend months and years doing things in company with another person and still have to say at the end of that time, "I don't really know him at all." We recognize degrees in our knowledge of our fellow men. We know them, we say, well, not very well, just to shake hands with, intimately, or perhaps inside out, according to how much, or how little, they have opened up to us.
"Thus, the quality and extent of our knowledge of other people depends more on them than on us. Our knowing them is more directly the result of their allowing us to know them than of our attemptinv to get to know them."

Knowing a person is based largely on how much they allow you to know.

I know this well from my own amount of openness that I can control and looking back at who would consider to know me well or not; how I have or haven't let people know me. But I had never thought of how this is also applicable to God.

Now, this is only applicable one way to God, for as it is written "God knows your hearts" (Luke16:15) and knows everything about you (see Psalm139 especially v.1-4). But the other way is God revealing Himself to men. Which He thankfully is very much in the habit of doing. For thousands of years He spoke to His people and prophets and the biggest thing by far in His revealing of Himself to us was sending Jesus to earth an to the cross. (See Hebrews1:1-3) No longer did God just speak through His prophets, but humbled Himself to be found in human form and share everything with us. He came was tempted and tried and showed His character and wisdom and power to all. "Whoever has seen me has seen the Father" (John14:9).

So although knowing God relies fully on how much He reveals, He has actually gone to every measure to show Himself through creation, through His prophets, and even came to live among us, even now by the Holy Spirit in us who we can walk with each day as we get to know Him more.

But what is knowing God and how?

-To be continued-

Jokes. Lol. Just cliffhanged you.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

John 17:15-16

Yo, today I was going to be going to a Chinese school and helping out with promoting the Vacation Bible School (VBS) that will happen at the end of August at OCBC, but right after my first alarm went off (let's just say I snooze a lot) my boss called and wanted me to work for a few hours. 'Produce emergency'. lol. I am not very productive in the first few hours after I wake up, so work is kinda slow then. haha Ended my shift with packaging cookies. (y)

After work I went home and didn't do all that much while I had lunch, answered some emails, whatever. My brother came home and we went to play tennis, but the courts were locked. After I went to school for the prayer meeting which was sweet.

Anyways, the main point of this post is this continuing struggle with the concept presented in John 17:15-16 where Jesus is praying for his disciples then and to come praying that they not be taken out of the world, but be protected from the evil one and he continues to say that they do not belong to the world. All of this which as been boiled down to "Christians should be in the world, but not of the world". How do you do that?

I come back to this question a lot more when I consider one of my friends. He definitely has a heart for God, and discipleship, and missions, and sharing Jesus with those who normally people don't, but he also ends up in many situations where I begin casting judgement on him.

Now, the issue is where is the balance, to being in the world, but not of it? How can you participate in the world's events while at the same time not agreeing with worldliness? Because there are two ways to do this wrong: to take yourself out of the world, and to be so much in the world that you start to belong to it. The examples that come to mind are that of a monk, secluded and separating himself from the world as much as possible so he can better know and understand the greatness of God and fellowship with him; and maybe 'Christian hipster culture' that almost waters down the gospel to fit in.

Because I see the benefits of both, but to both extremes you lose out on what God was saying. We are to be in the world: there is no other way to share with others and witness what God has done. We are to not be of this world: to be consecrated wholly to God and to stand out in a crowd because of God in our lives helping us to reject sinful or destructive actions / habits.

So, I think I may be too quick to judge my friend based on the outward appearance, but I pray that his heart is in the right place and that I'd be able to encourage and support him through these things rather than sitting and judging him as he attempts to reach others with the good news that Christ died for them.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

3 Things

Hey,

I'm really not being productive with much these days. Today I snoozed 5 times until I had to go to work without breakfast or a shower or anything.... haha. Needless to say I was kinda braindead at work. haha.

This afternoon was fun though. I got to skype with my buddy BL who, oddly enough, I think is one of my better friends, but I'm pretty sure we haven't spent more than like 10 minutes in a row together in the last 3 years and even then I barely knew him. haha. We pretty much just played hotseat for two hours. lol. Basically asking each other questions back and forth about any and everything. I'm pretty excited for him because he's going to be going to East Asia for about a year starting in August. xP

Later I got to play softball again. xP. This week we actually had like 20 people there. I only got to bat 3 times during the game. I think I should not be on 2nd base. I did very poorly with those grounders. > . > After the game we had Bible time from Philipians2:1-10 and then we played a mini game for fun by splitting into two groups. A couple of the OCBC youth and a couple girls that maybe were just at the park ended up playing part of that mini game. xP It was lots of fun and GC is also pretty good despite not having played in a very long time. xP

I should sleep. xP. I've got worship team practice at 11. Preparing for worship team was good as always. Singing songs of worship is always a great way for me to connect with God.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

PS. Maybe I will be going somewhere for a VBS after all! =D Maybe.

Thunder and Lightning High Above

I don't know if it's just me or not, but my favourite part of going to watch fireworks isn't the fire (the lights and sight), but feeling the sound burst and boom when it hits your body with the heavy bass resonating in your abdoman.

To feel that might and power.

While watching the fireworks and crowds today (it's Canada Day btw) the thought crossed my mind of how much more worthy of worship and so much more mighty and powerful is God.

We (the general average person in Ottawa) come to Parliament Hill twice a year: Canada Day and Winterlude. Both times, with numerous friends and tens of thousands of strangers, we all come just to see and feel the resounding majesty of sundry explosions high over the river.

But then it's gone.

The crowds go back to their golden calves and worship what else they will. The one singular united crowd worshiping in awe of sparkling pyrotechnics becomes once again the disjointed and distant tens of thousands of individuals each seeking their own paths to success and fulfillment.

Oh, that we would all turn aside as quickly from these other vices and things that, although less majestic, last slightly longer, and promise more, still fall far short of true satisfaction; these things which distort small beauties into idols which draw our gaze from the true beauty of grace in the cross!

Myself included.

May I see again and again the far greater majesty of God's grace and abundant eternal life purchased through Jesus' sacrifice and completed through the Spirit's work to daily mortify the body.

May we come to worship in Spirit and truth.

D.Fa

To Lead is to Serve

Yo,

One thing I was thinking about a lot today while I was at work (my third shift. xP 3 more this week. I got to meet, or I guess re-meet, one of the new produce guys who used to work pushing carts) was this idea of leadership as a supportive role. One thing I have mentioned many times before was the thought that I'm really not a leader, but prefer the behind the scenes supportive roles. This summer I was challenged as to how my roles, which I though of so little as being part of 'leadership' were actually very much beneficial to the guys I was leading and that qualities such as empathy, delegation, overseeing, shepherding, encouragement, time management, organization, team planning, mentoring, and others, although not the typical image of leadership where the most important guy just kinda does what he thinks is best and everyone follows in his wake, are all great characteristics of leaders.

So, in my next year where I have been given (and have accepted humbly) the role of key student leader at Carleton P2C-S, which although I foresaw me eventually getting into this position, I never thought I would be qualified. My image of a leader was not the idea I would in any way want: the center of attention, making huge decisions for the group, and essentially being the one driving the ministry with others just following what I say. However, seeing the position as one in which I am to serve all the others and really oversee the ministry so that it can really be owned by each of the students involved; that is something I am so excited about!

This summer I have a number of things to prepare for and pray for so that I can be sure we have really put our best effort into the work at hand and not just naively praying without doing anything: I want to put that faith into action and do all we can!

The main point of the second thought is this: I am not a lone leader doing things by myself for myself; I am a dispensable temporary leader whose main role is to encourage and equip others to the ministry that God is calling them to and to build up future leaders. My role is to serve the others and make God (in our lives as well as in our focuses) increase as we decrease and allow Him to be the true leader. Is our mission one of men or of God? Are we continuing by the flesh where we had started and had been called by the Spirit? If that were the case we would fail miserably and be utterly foolish. May God continue to be the focus and true leader of our ministry!

Word.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

A Job Well Done

Yo.

Today I got to work at the grocery store for the first time again in nearly a year and a half. Legit nothing has changed. haha. And like, actually, the staff in Produce have not changed at all except for one guy they just hired a couple weeks ago who I haven't met yet. Otherwise it's all back to the norm.

I'm kinda actually treating my time at work as a workout. This comes back to the philosophy of a housemate I once had who believed that the way North Americans pay a gym 25-45+ dollars each month to go and push around heavy gym equipment is so much worse than the way it used to be where you were paid to push around heavy things as a living (or whatever other jobs were physically exerting). Instead of making money by putting our bodies to use, we pay others to let us sweat semi-publically.

So, getting paid to lift and move 40lb boxes of produce for 4-8 hours a day, in addition to all the other associated physical aspects of the job, is actually very much a benefit of this job compared to others.

I also have been thinking a lot about about a job interview I had last summer over skype. This was with the chemical waste company, where the guy pretty much spoke for 40 minutes trying to convince me why the job would be great. The biggest selling point for me was definitely the fact that, unlike a large number of government or research jobs, there are results at the end of the day and physical things that you accomplish.

When I go home at night and see the produce cooler 3/4s more empty than when I got there I feel some sort of accomplishment. When I look over the tables and see stacks of well organized, delicious produce that is all appealing to the eyes and good for food, I feel accomplished.

Hmm. I can rest. Knowing I have done my job well, I can rest. [more on that later? xP]

Oh. I also got to meet the 'new guy' in Salad Bar (nearly a year is hardly 'new'). Seems like a cool guy. I look forward to getting to know him more.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

PS. Today we played softball. It was great! I'll probably talk about softball some other Friday. xP

Working Once Again

Hey guys! I just moved back into my parents' house for the first time in a while and I'll be here for the summer. I hope I can blog more regularly for the time being.

I had intended to put up a post the first day after I moved in. The reason I haven't? Anime. Flash Tower Defense Games. Youtube. Facebook. Sleeping in (a little). But overall: the internet? So, I'm gonna seriously try to not waste so much time on the internet. In a day these will be the maximums: 2 episodes of anime; 5 youtube videos; 1 hour of games; 15 minutes on facebook at a time with at least 30 minutes in between.

I'm almost at the point that I'd like to just not use my computer at all, but my to do list is mostly related to the computer. > . >

This is one reason why I am really looking forward to work tomorrow. The day after I moved in I went to the grocery store to talk to my boss so I could work 10-15 hours a week or something for the rest of the summer so I can pay rent in the fall/winter. He almost gave me a project manager position. I wouldn't have said no. Long story short, that position won't be available until the fall, so I'll be in produce / salad bar again for 10-15+ hours a week over the summer depending on shift availability and others on summer vacation. Cool.

I also emailed my prof about starting my honours research thesis during the summer. We talked on Tuesday and there's this super cool project involving E.coli and Health Canada. So, I'm gonna read over the papers she gave me and get back to her about that. It sounds great though.

There are so many trees that have been chopped down in my neighborhood that it almost doesn't feel like home.

I had a 12ish year old girl get down on one knee and propose that I be her best friend. I would need to put on the rubber band bracelet she was presenting to accept. I declined encouraging her to find a more appropriate best friend since I probably don't understand her very well / I would probably be a bit negligent in our friendship considering I kinda don't have the time for that friendship at the moment.

Anyways, tomorrow is my first day at work. I look forward to actual manual labour for the first time in a year and a half. Should be the same as always, which after a year of co-op will be refreshing. I seriously need a break from spending 7+ hours a day staring at a computer screen.

Yep. haha. I'm actually really grateful for all these opportunities. I need to remember to thank God for them more often.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

How Can I Keep From Singing?

Not like I really need to tell you, but I will be going on a short hiatus. haha


I don't know exactly what I want to say at this point. It's been a bit of a tough semester again and a struggle all the same, but God has definitely also been encouraging me through it. Recently the song above really encouraged me. Although there are tough times, I know God's grace is the reason I am where I am now and there's so much ahead. I am His now and always. He has done so much for me and I do want to tell others more and more.

The following song also really spoke to me. haha

http://youtu.be/ya5lpGxMB30

Anyways, ttyl. Co-op was awesome. I should have talked more about that. lol And adopt a family / adopt a student program. And so many other things. lol

D.Fa

All I Have Is Christ

Today I was reflecting on just the phrase "all I have is Christ" and typically a phrase like that (with anything other than Christ) would have negative connotations like, I have nothing, but ____, which would usually not be much. 

But in this case, having Christ, to know and be united in Christ, to have eternal life and be found in Him, to have your name in the book of life, to be called His friend and son, to have Christ means so much that parabolically when you find it you'd go and willingly sell everything you have.
 

Sitting at the otrain stop facing financial 'difficulty' in the next year, practically starving, exhausted from this life and burning out rapidly,




 
I have Christ.

Who cares about he rest of that?
 
I have Christ, but more so, God has me in His hands and won't let me go.

this week I've felt so humbled

last Sunday I felt like crap and just hated everything and said a lot of garbage to a friend without thinking it through. So I stopped everything and just went and prayed. Probably the best quiet time I'd had all year. 

I know God loves me.

Monday as I was leaving work I tripped on the stairs and like smashed my head into the super hard staircase

my neck still hurts,through all of the translation and lunch overseeing I felt so helpless havign no ability to actually do things, but being fully reliant on what everyone else was doing.

Having my friend leave halfway through thursday when I had planned to spend all day with her and share the gospel hopefully, and instead I was now alone at the dinner, which is the thing I wanted to avoid.

having to go to work on Friday morning with like no sleep.

I have nothing

but Christ

and it's really humbling

but I know I have Christ

All I have is Christ, and that is enough.