A Choice

You know, it is really great to be open with everyone about my struggles with homosexuality while continuing to pursue God's will.

There's just been one issue this week that has really sucked. Because I continue to talk with people about it and everything and be more honest in the things I have been sharing on facebook, I've just been thinking way too much about sex.

For the past couple days it has been nearly all I have been thinking about.

The media I have been seeing and the articles I have been choosing to read have just set me so focused on issues of porn or homosexuality and just my head is out of it.

And like, it really isn't that big a deal. Like if I start thinking of these things I will tell a few friends and they'll give a Bible verse or suggest something to get my mind back on Christ and the cross, rather than things of the flesh.

The one thing I hold in those situations though, is pride. Although my eyes and thoughts may be off, at least I haven't done anything about it physically. Right?

...

So when I do fail, when I do give in to temptation it's like the whole war is lost because of a choice I made. And I assure you, it is a choice. It takes a lot of effort to sin in such a way that no one can see, hear, or discover evidence. There are so many chances to make a different choice. But when I do choose to give in, I am not satisfied. The sin that promised joy and pleasure and fulfillment of what I crave; it falls through on all of its commitments every time.

And after I am worse off, not better. Once I give in I am in this place where I know that it is forgiven by the cross, but I get so depressed about my choices. Why, knowing how God has chosen us and showed again and again His love and faithfulness and purposes for us, would I choose to turn the other way? Why would I choose to go back to the thing that has never and can never fulfill? How can God love me? How could I ever possibly deserve God's grace?

More than that now temptation is litterally everywhere and there is nothing to hold me back. That pride (completely stupid in the first place since the thoughts are just as bad) is gone and I realize how little I really have.

At this place all the thoughts telling me to just give in and try having a boyfriend and doing whatever we want to just come flooding back saying "it might be way better, you know, you've denied yourself this, never tried it. It could be awesome". But I know that would be worse. Even if it was girlfriend instead of boyfriend, I know it would be worse.

It's like if I am thristy and the only thing available right now is some salt water. I have been told so often that it would be worse to drink it rather than just wait for when fresh water is available.

God knows our needs and will provide in time. He alone can satisfy cravings for true love and intimacy and purpose and success and meaning and everything we could hope and desire.

He never leaves us or forsakes us. He is always there. God provides it all.

I know He is worth it and that His grace is fully undeserved, but that He still would give it to us is a mystery and fully amazing and I still want to try and figure it out and know God better.

D.Fa

It's Complicated

Hey,

it hasn't been long since I have brought my struggles with homosexuality to public, if you haven't read yet check here.

So, as I say, I really don't have all the answers and now that this is public information, although I will not be changing how I act and live in general, there are some situations where I do think a change is required or that standard procedures need to be figured out.

The first one that I think is an important change is just making people aware in certain situations. Specifically if I am ever staying over at another guy's house, if guys are staying over at my house, or if me and other guys are staying in the same room, under these situations I feel like I should make sure they know this. By having a quick talk about it we can avoid a lot of issues.

But ya, I still don't know what to do in such situations. Like last semester I was alone in another guy's room and I was definitely acting really awkward. >.> I don't like being alone in a room with only another guy. >.>

I'm sure I'll be explaining more about situations that are difficult for me, but one is like the difficult balance between wanting to mentor or disciple younger guys which does usually require a large degree of openness and sharing, and not getting too close to any guy simply because of temptation and everything that comes up when I get too close to guys.

>.> It's complicated, but I'm sure God'll get me through this and help me figure it out.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Make Me Whole

Hey. Honestly, I'm a pretty skeptical person. But really, you can't argue with experience.

The last week or, actually last few weeks I have been a little sick. Today after DG just before he went to class one of the guys wanted to pray for me and AG who was much more sick than me. He put his hands on us and rebuked the sickness in Jesus' name.

I've heard of people being healed, I've read about it, I've had many friends say it has happened.

I heard a guy give a sermon on the acts of true disciples, and that healing the sick is part of that. This summer one of the weeks of Alpha course was about miracles and healing, but I still wasn't sold.

This weekend, and this week, being encouraged to pray in faith for BIG things, and then, to see God answer these prayers!

So, I was done, I wanted to truly ask in faith that God would heal me.

This surreal sensation swept over through my head and neck. It was scary.

But then I could breathe clearly. No more coughing. Honestly, I think this is the clearest my throat has been in a long time.

!!!

It's actually crazy. So exciting, but crazy. But it definitely happened. Definitely!

What does that mean for me? Will I lay hands on others and pray for them to be healed? I really hope so. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. But if it does, it does and God is praised! And someone is healed!

"You can heal my body, You can heal my soul. Just a touch from You, Lord, can make me whole."

D.Fa

One Piece

Yo, so my day started normal. Wake up go to work. >.> not too interesting.

Oh, at lunch I kinda overheard my entire section discussing teaching the Bible to kids. . ? I'm confused, but I had a feeling LY was Christian. She's really nice. haha

Ummm. Left a bit early to go to school for prayer meeting. I wasn't really excited about it. I had been feeling kinda bad all day. I had been thinking about SD's prayer that today two people come to Christ and only me and ZL were going at 6, so it was upon our shoulders (in a way) and I was ready to just go home. But when I heard of SD getting to see a girl receive Christ yesterday (and she is a co-op student) I signed up for a slot to go sharing today.

Prayer meeting started. MdS was leading, which is awesome, but he hadn't been to Summit and had his butt kicked by God, so we were a little bit on different pages. We had 15 extra minutes. JC said "why don't we just pray for big things?! like 30 seconds big prayers!" so we did. xP. Only problem is I don't remember too much of it. xP

They prayed and we went out into the quad. I still didn't want to do it, which is stupid. I was getting those good old 'what will they think of you?' fears. You know what? Prayer is awesome. Just speaking with God and asking Him to be there and really use us calmed me down. As always, I don't pick who I approach, I let the other guy do it. There were two guys on benches by the Tory building and I asked who I was going to talk to. ZL said the left guy. Then he started to change his mind. Too late. lol.

Got to meet this guy who plays a lot of video games in his free time, started watching One Piece recently, who comes from a family that is quite broken, but aspires to write a best selling novel in his spare time while designing video games. He had gone to church when he was a kid until highschool. He mostly found it boring / he couldn't watch Sunday morning cartoons because of it. The gospel to him was a lot about working harder and trying your best. He firmly knows that people can never live up to a standard of perfection, but didn't think Jesus was God's son. We got to talk a whole lot about a range of topics and difficult questions and share the gospel a couple times. Pulled out a Knowing God Personally (KGP) booklet after we found out he would be skipping his class and was fine with it. lol. He really got the whole need to receive a gift concept of eternal life as a free gift and when we were on the page with two different lives, he said he would want the one that is satisfied in God. He wants to learn more before making a decision, which is fine. xP

We exchanged numbers and are meeting up on Friday to discuss John chapter 1. xP

I hadn't planned to go, I didn't even want to go, but God brought us to this super open first year guy who would usually be playing video games, not on campus. xP

I'm excited.

D.Fa

Butt-Kicking

So I haven't really posted in a while. To summarize the reason it's really a bit of 'getting used to life back in Ottawa' combined with 'I procrastinated a lot on my testimony' and then a touch of 'I was in the middle of nowhere Quebec'. I will hopefully elaborate on each of those in the near future, but right now I would like to briefly elaborate on the most latter of the three.

This weekend was the Power to Change retreat, Summit, for Eastern Ontario and Montreal, so we were out at Mille Iles and a camp. Over this weekend the speaker really challenged our view of a polite and quiet Jesus, but rather one who gave up everything and became nothing for the sake of the world, and was raised again back to the power and glory He had in the beginning. Then the challenge to really follow Him and take risks, praying for Him to do huge things and then actively pursuing it.

The weekend really impacted our little group from Carleton turning 13 students into a group of God's children ready to work and see God do great things.

Today at 5:30 there was a real prayer meeting, probably the best prayer meeting I'd ever been to at school. The group had increased to nearly double the normal amount on Mondays and this was real prayer, not wishy washy useless requests we could do on our own, but asking God for more, both for us and the campus. At the end our friends were going to go out on campus and have some conversations with any students that would still be around. We really prayed they'd find someone who was desperate for the truth, at a place of brokenness and openness to the gospel.

Not long after I got home I got a text "WE HAVE A NEW SISTER IN CHRIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

WHAT?!

God fully and truly answers prayers and acts when we put all our trust in Him to work!

Plot twist: Before going out SD had earlier asked that God would have bring someone to Himself today, AND JB was praying for the muslim students at Carleton at nearly the same time as their conversation (her family is muslim)

May this passion really increase, not decrease in the next few days and weeks! May God give us more compassion and love for the students on this campus!

D.Fa

Incomplete Composition

http://youtu.be/Z4uXLTD7akQ

Hey, my name is Dylan. I have just finished my third year of biochemistry in University and have been a Christian for nearly five years. With just that some of you may now be thinking, “wait, he is studying the sciences, how is he also a Christian? Those don’t go together, do they?” that’s a whole other story but scientists aren’t the only group of people that are difficult to imagine being Christian.

What if I said I was gay? 

What would you think of? Protests; Parades; Rainbow stickers; among other things? Well, that’s not exactly what I mean, although I do empathize in many ways.

I see how often the church, a body that is to love unconditionally, as God does, is portrayed as hateful and violent, which is definitely a generalization. Even so, I know how it feels to hide from the church for fear of how they may treat you.

I’ve been at that point where you are just furious that you are different, you hate yourself, you scream at God asking “why would you make me like this?” and think it would be easier to just end it, and die. I know these thoughts, these feelings, this confusion and uncertainty.

This part of my story starts back in grade 7 when I realized I liked guys. Our health teacher said it could just be a phase we go through and I really hoped that was the case. At that point I had never been to a church, but I really wanted to have a wife and kids when I grew up. I had steadily had crushes on girls for years, so this didn’t make any sense. It must be a phase.

Years passed and really, not much changed. My crushes changed, I grew older and I started trying to figure out how to ‘fix’ myself. By now I had a steady relationship, with pornography.

In grade 10 my friend invited me to her youth group. And it was there at church where for the first time I heard of God’s love, of sin, of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross; it was there I experienced God for the first time. I started to pray and read the Bible although this was off and on for a while. Later in grade 11 I was done playing around and wanted to make a real commitment, so I decided to ask God to be in my life.

I started going to church on Sundays and made a real attempt to read the Bible, but I was doing a lot on my own, trusting in myself and my actions, and keeping my struggles to myself.

I tried to fix myself. I tried to stop looking at porn. Whether it lasted a day, a week, or a couple weeks, I always had to start over, more disappointed in myself and frustrated that I was getting nowhere. I couldn’t change myself. No matter how much I tried, no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn’t change myself. Fortunately, I don’t need to make myself perfect to ask God to forgive me, to help me.

When you come to God you surrender all. You acknowledge you are weak and can’t do it alone. But the idea that I needed to have it all together before coming to God, the idea that the church is perfect and only for holy people; these lies kept me from coming to God for so long.

Beginning a relationship with God is about realizing the wrong things we have done or continue to do, and also God’s love in that situation. While we were still stuck in this mess we made, He sent His only Son to die for us, to pay the price for our crime so we could live a new life and trust in Him to help change us.

I didn’t have to be perfect before asking God to be part of my life. So three years ago I was baptized and wanted to trust Him with everything I was.

These last few years have been really difficult. Both being able to see God do amazing things in my life as well as the people I have met around the world, while also continuing to fight this internal battle against homosexuality. Because of it I could never go forward in relationships with girls I had crushes on. It infuriated me that as much as I loved them emotionally or spiritually, I couldn’t promise to love them physically. I was still holding onto that hope, praying that it would go away without me ever having to tell anyone.

I was scared of what others would think. Scared that if they found out my friends who were guys would avoid me, my friends who were girls would never become more than friends. I was scared of losing reputation. I was scared of the church’s reaction.

But the bottom line is this: Although the Bible teaches to hate evil and sin, it doesn’t say to hate the person. Although Jesus may have never said anything specifically on this subject, His whole life speaks way more. He came and ate with people labeled as sinners showing them love no matter what they had gone through, even to the point of dying on the cross for them. But He also always told them to turn from their ways back to God. Although acts of homosexuality are detestable, God loves the person despite what they have done or what they may be struggling with.

I had to tell someone. I really didn’t want to, but felt God telling me to do so. And as much as I liked this girl, I knew I’d have to be honest and tell her before we could be a couple.

I started by telling a couple guys I had known for a while and really trusted. Each time I was paralyzed in fear. I couldn’t get any words out of my mouth. I was about to tell my brothers that I had what I thought was the worst sin.

When I had finally managed to say it, the outcome was always the same. Nothing was different.

In the family of God we are brothers and nothing can change that. We had discussions about God’s love and how this is no different than any other sin. They prayed for me and just showed love.

It was kinda weird.

I have continued to feel God telling me to just make this public, to show how even though I struggle with homosexuality I know God and experience Him in my life. This is no more incompatible than God and science.

I want to share this verse from the Bible. 1 Cor 6:9-11 “Do you not know the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”

Although these things may have described you, either now or in the past, they don’t control your future, they don’t determine who you are before God. His grace, undeserved forgiveness, and love are extended as a gift to all who would accept them.

We cannot continue in these things, but we can’t change ourselves either. God alone can.

I don’t have all the answers. I still struggle, and it’s been nearly a decade, but I want to continue trusting God, walking forward wherever He calls me, whether or not He takes this struggle away. If you have any questions just ask me.

And don’t treat me any differently. I’m still Dylan and this is just my story so far.

Be Strong and Courageous

Hey.

Not gonna lie, I haven't enjoyed my new job too much yet. It should get better when I get access to a computer. lol. But ya, it was the longest day in the world and I nearly fell asleep like three times.

But everything got better when I went to school. Got to see a bunch of people and then drive off to a worship concert.

It was with All Sons and Daughters. I think that's what they are called. Basically the idea of the night was that God is always with us and that the devil tries to make us think He isn't and that is what lead to sin, but God is with us. haha. Don't forget.

I didn't realize til tonight that so many of the songs we sang in church in Saskatoon were by these guys. lol.

Forever Reign is like the best song ever right now btw.

Tttl.

D.Fa

PS. There are four students other than me at work. They are all very talkative girls. >.>

Motion causes Blur

Yo. I don't have time to say much. haha.

Saturday was sweet. Got to infiltrate the UofT P2C Student Leaders Training day. xP. Wearing my brand new UofT sweater. haha. Every time we did intros and I'm like "I'm from Carleton". lolll Got to help with worship with JL and JW and DG.

After we went for sushi. Got to meet a bunch of Toronto staff and catch up with some friends from a mission trip a year ago. Really good times. We pretty much loitered in the sushi place for a few hours. haha ND came from Guelph for the day. We were going to go watch a baseball game. Just chilled for hours then walked to a field and had 'real talks' which meant we talked about RS's toes and threw sticks at each other and realized how old we all were. loll.......

After we subway'd to RS's car and he drove me to TC's house. I had never been there, I had only met TC for a couple hours two years ago, I forgot what he looked like, and it was dark outside. lol... so when they left me it was a little sketch. haha.

I pet his cat Mimi, we ate mooncakes, we played guitar / sang worship songs, we played a crazy board game about surviving from a sinking island, and went to bed. lol.

Sunday morning we went to New Life Gospel Church in Markham. I actually knew a guy there from 4 years ago when I went to TC. lollll.

Sunday afternoon I was in Scarborough at Charis Evangelical Free Church to see the youth from VBS two years ago. The kids have not changed at all. lol. Like, any of them. Got to see LT by chance and see how much the church has grown. from only a handful of youth to like 30 kids in English service with LX playing piano for worship. xP Good times being there.

Bus back to Ottawa.

Drive home.

Minecraft. lol. Sleep.

Work all day. Go to school for prayer meeting. Go to parents' for leftovers / my stuff I left there before going to 'Sauga. Now at home doing stuff.

Gotta sleep.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Like Two Months

Yo, you know that deal where like, a day feels like 5? Well, multiply that by two weeks and you get what I feel right now. This morning I legit didn't realize stuff that happened on Monday had happened this week. haha.

So, today started slow. JW didn't wake up on time, so we got there half an hour late (DG too), but the cool thing was that N(?) and PS just had a prayer meeting in French instead while we had yet to arrive. xP We had an awesome prayer and worship time, and I don't know, I kinda had this like, heart breaking compassion moment for Muslim students. This is just more push for me to end up in Africa this summer... I don't understand why God does this to me. Can't I just have a heart for Asia and go there? Why me in Africa? Shoot! >.< I just realized this may be answered prayer... This morning I prayed that God would reveal His will for me (after reading Daniel 2), and if we look back further, like 2 years, we end up in Asia and I am praying that I would have a moment of such compassion and heart break for the lost as my buddy TL had. >.> Dang. Well, I guess that's cool. lol This si pretty much the decision I had made, and I had now been praying to become ready to be sent there. Soooooo, it could be like 3x or more answered prayer requests.

Ah.

Then later me and PS met up with my friend AY who I had met the week before. They really connected, which is awesome. AY came from a muslim background, and is really interested in continuing to explore 'religion'. He is Libyan / Russian and overall a really awesome guy. haha

We had so many surveys filled out today. Some people were confused because we had a table, but clubs' week is over. We are actually running out of surveys now. lol

Uhh. no. LOL. That would be the better describing 'word' for tonight. I ended up at 'Congee Dynasty' with the main group of the P2C UTM leaders and later went for bubbletea. I'm gonna miss these guys. I have a UofT sweater now. lol.

Kinda said goodbye here too now. Will be awake for tomorrow to say goodbye too, but still. Can't wait for this weekend. UofT P2C Student Leader training tomorrow and I get to help with worship. xP

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Phasing Out

So, today I continued my strategy of phasing out of ministry here. haha.

The day started with a prayer meeting, again we had a couple new girls and got to know each other and went out to start the day again. DG is really taking charge of a lot of the work. Today I was mostly just manning the booth, explaining data entry to a few people, going on a few surveys with a new girl until she felt more used to it, but most of the time I was just writing the room number on the flyers. haha

It was really great to see everyone just going. lol.

Ah... tomorrow is my last day on campus. TT.TT So little time. Two weeks is so short. I guess that's why the real interns do it for a whole year / I don't think I could live that long without an income. haha.

It's tough being in between two places. Everyone here going "what? you are leaving already? Stay! ;P" while many people back in Ottawa beckon for my return.

We'll see what happens. xP yep.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Multiplication!

Yo!!!

Today was so sweet!

It started with a prayer meeting. I mean, last week, maybe even last year, even earlier. If it wasn't for prayer today wouldn't have happened.

Anyways, today we met up at 10 am, JW, me, and 6 other students at first. The amazing thing: all six joined within the last week, 5 were first years and all of them had a desire to see their campus reached with the gospel and see real change. It was amazing to get to know them better, study Acts 17, and pray together. But then throughout the day we also got to go surveying together. Two upper year students had arrived in that time and between the four of us we got to take these new guys out.

At one point I ran into one new girl J(?) and she had become separated from RS. When we did finally get reconnected we went to the North building. RS got distracted by her phone, but J(?) just went and started surveying on her own. xP I wandered away. lol

Later I connected with CCF and got to share a bit about Projects. AS the president had been thinking about missions trips a lot lately, so it was a good conversation. lol. It's always fun to throw 'gototheworld.com' balls at people. lol

Later still we had moved inside and it was really cool seeing everything at work. SA had joined us for a couple hours from the main campus and took TW out surveying, DG was surveying, JW was having an awesome conversation with a Catholic girl, PS was flyering, I was entering survey data. So much coolness. lol.

So, I did some counting. Last week aside from me and JW, there were four students involved, all upper years, all busy. haha. Now, in addition to them, we have 7 first year students, and a couple upper years. 4->12 = 3X! P2C UTM has tripled! At the end of last week I was feeling like nothing was really happening, but now I can confidently praise God that He has been and will continue to be at work on this campus when I leave on Saturday. I can't wait for the P2C+ conference after Christmas in Richmond Hill when I'll get to see most of these guys again. xP

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Chicken Stomach is Delicious. FYI

Yo.

Can't believe it is already Tuesday.

Today we got back to surveying, grabbed a table and went to it. A(?) joined us again today! =D PS was trying to do a lot of different things. A bunch of the other girls helped out today too, which is sweet. Much better than working alone all day. >.<

Today was amazingly hot, like 34 degrees or something in the afternoon as the shadows disappeared.

Talked with a muslim guy for a while this afternoon. It was interesting. He kinda kept talking. lol.

Anyways, I'll ttyl.

D.Fa

Vulnerability

I'm going to go to sleep in a minute, so let me be brief.

I didn't really like today. >.>

I actually do not like talking to strangers, being different in a crowd, asking club office presidents for favours, trying to coordinate people who are either late or unresponsive, phone calls, or entering data into a database. These things I do not like, but talking to students about Jesus, is amazing. Sharing what He has done in my life, sheer grace. Being able to encourage others to trust Him more, a blessing.

So, what was up?

I don't know. I think I was trying to do it all by myself. When I got to campus all I could think was how stressed I was cause I didn't know how to get us a table. Why was I worried? Whether we do or don't have a table God's got it all together. We did end up getting a table.

Later I was so scared of approaching students for fear of rejection and criticism. There were so many students and, really, just me to talk with them all. Why fear when God is with us every second and is so much more than a couple weird looks?

I wish I had just stopped and went and prayed for a bit instead of trying to do it all by myself.

I'm going to sleep now so I can wake up and actually spend time in the word and with God before tomorrow begins.

JW ended up meeting this awesome guy from Benin who wants to change the campus with the gospel. xP So praise God for that and all of the interested students who came and learned more about P2C today.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

It smells so good, but I'm not hungry. >.>

Hey!

First Sunday in the GTArea. Got to go to MCBC with RZ. Kinda slept in and had to get ready fast.

It was cool. Lots of people introduced themselves after service when we were having refreshments. I think the youth are pretty well rooted in the gospel. At lest the youth I met are awesome. I'm gonna miss KC when I do finally leave. He's in grade 12 and thinking of sciences for University. xP

After refreshment time we kinda just chilled on the couches. No adult Sunday school this week. SH is a really cool youth pastor guy and everything he says is just saturated in the gospel.

After the Mandarin service ended we went to Brampton for a gourmet buffet lunch (with coupons. lol). They had awesome sushi, so I ate a lot. lol. Got to have a really good conversation with RZ. Grandma and VZ had to sit separately to get the seniors' discount. lol. Grandma is hilarious!!! ("I think you don't have blue eyes")

Drove home.Spent some time just relaxing. Listened to a couple TED talks about vulnerability and answered some emails.

I do not like spending much time on the internet. >.>

Talked with RZ some more. Got called down for dinner. No one was really hungry. lol. We only got home at like 3:30. VZ was dying his hair with Henna. Turned out kinda golden.

Played the card game version of Sorry with Grandma and WL. Way too much fun playing in Mandarin. lol. Then after played this like game of war on paper with pens with RZ.

Only 5 days left here.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Dumplings!

Yo. Today was a Saturday. So, that means no time on campus. I don't like having time off. haha

Coming up on Monday is the start of clubs' week, so we'll be having a booth and doing more surveys. Hopefully we can make some classroom announcements and survey larger groups that way.

But ya, today I accidentally slept in until 9:30. Woke up and grandma told me "吃了". Breakfast time. Go eat. Or something like that. So caring. lolllll. So I ate quickly and had a shower before going to small group with RZ. He also had a meeting, so it ended up being just me and two others. We were looking through Philippians 1.

We talked a bunch about suffering, like the last verse pretty much promises us suffering. haha. But in all of this it is for God's glory. As long as the gospel is preached, people can be saved. In Paul's suffering is encouragement for others to preach boldly, and by his suffering the gospel is advanced. One thing we looked at was the phase "to live is Christ and to die is gain". The second part is easy enough to understand; if he dies both no more suffering and the rest of eternity with God. The first part is a deeper issue.

A(?) mentioned how usually we hear 'live in Christ', but not 'to live is Christ'. Yesterday Pastor S(?) gave a blurb after games that we are like Christ in this world (1 John 4) that as His children we should look like him. More than that, to act like Him and grow in Him. Our whole lives, reflecting Christ's life. We die as Christ when we put our old lives behind us. We now live as Christ through His resurrection into the new man. But we are also called to suffer as Christ, and reflect His character more and more as the Spirit works in us to this end.

So that was really cool times.

Got home, had lunch (home made dumplings!!!!!! =D) and then beat the next puzzle. lolllll. After I did a bit of work. Played ping pong in the ping pong basement (which I think is a little stereotypical). Dinner. Bible study with grandma. =) (Grandma isn't Christian yet, so please pray for her as well as RZ and his mom's witness to her). Played guitar a bit.

Uhh, ya. Got to talk with a friend and now I'm exhausted. lol

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Glory to God

So today was different.

I had to wake up early, like 7:30. Lol. I had to wake up and get ready early because JW wasn't going to drive me to campus. It was a pretty slow day for us then cause he had the surveys and everything, but was busy with meetings all day at the office downtown.

So I planned a Bible study and prayer and what we'd do with putting survey data into the database and everything. No one was there. Had to borrow a friend's internet credentials and then was just doing it alone for an hour and a bit. >.<

PS arrived, but was busy with other stuff. I ended up doing half his stack of surveys too. lol.

After that I got to talk with MZ for a while. It was good to have an actual talk with him. To laugh at his sarcastic humour. To encourage him in his faith. To be fully honest. He's a good guy and I really pray God challenges him and grows him while he is at UTM.

Got a drive home, puzzle time with Grandma. lol. SO FUN! Actually. Love grandma. haha. Somehow she mixed up the border pieces though. >.>

We had lobster for dinner?? Now I know I am being spoiled. lol

Went to youth group at MCBC and got to know a couple guys pretty well. Seems like a legit group. There was a testimony, a bunch of games, and a small blurb for what they'd actually be doing this year since this was more of a welcome for new grade 9s.

Ah. So tired. lol

Night.

D.Fa

Let's REACH!

So today for frosh week the UTM students weren't on campus. They bussed down to downtown Toronto. It didn't make sense for us to be on campus like that, so we shipped out too. JW picked me up, got DG, went to campus and got T(?) and we were off.

In the car we got to hear more vision and info on the Reach Conference from GH. He told us about the speakers and the seminars and everything which sounds so cool. More info here: http://www.thereachconference.com/

So we went downtown to promote the Reach conference. Got out of the car at UofT and I finally got to meet HF! He didn't recognize me though... lol. Seems no one does. haha. Me and him split from the others to put up posters around campus in the buildings. The others were approaching students on campus to tell them about the event.

After a while I ended up by the Sid Smith building. I had been emailing and texting some buddies from UofT about me being around and was told they'd be in front of that building. =D Met JK and AK and GS and a few other people I didn't know previously. lol. Great to meet them in person. Looks like UofT is having an awesome time.

We had ramen for lunch. xP

Went to Ryerson to give out flyers at the School of Management. Students were very receptive there about the business conference. Really no conversations though... AF CAME AND VISITED ME! =D It's been nearly two years. haha. =D The girls and HF left after an hour or so, but AO and a couple guys JW knew joined us.

JW has this way of just assigning people to do things. It's kinda cool. lol. Kinda intense. Kinda crazy. I think I am picking up on it. lol. In an elevator after we were kinda rejected at a commerce society welcome meeting I was just like "Yo, pray." ? "Like now. haha" ? "like here and now." then the door opened. too late. haha.

Hung out a bit with the guys. Dinner. Bubbletea. Staples (to get name card holders figured out). Etc. haha

Don't know exactly what is up for tomorrow yet. It's an adventure. lol. For sure gonna start doing follow-up emails and calling for the guys we need to meet up with that are interested.

Pray for more first years! DG and A(?) are sweet! Pray for guys! Pray for Awakening! Let's ask for more!

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Our God is GREATER!

Yo! So today was awesome. lol.

Started with JW introducing a first year named DG. She was from Ottawa! =D A couple of the others arrived, PS, and T(?). We went upstairs and eventually RS joined us. JW is pretty good at playing guitar. lol... Worship time was awesome. So much harmony in this little meeting room. xP Then we prayed for the day and week and everything. We then got to properly introduce ourselves, bit of background in P2C as well as testimonies. DG had to leave. Parents in town for the day.

Back to the surveys. lol. Yesterday we had done a bunch and there was so much response, like nearly half of the surveys were interested students. xP So today we focused a lot more on having conversations rather than just surveys. Lines were shorter, frosh were getting ready for a crazy Olympic events day.

I ended up having a bunch of longer conversations.

One was with the quidditch team. lollll They were really interested in Science, but most had a church background and one guy even worked in a church's admin. So we had an interesting conversation about manuscripts and evolution and got free leftover food from the frosh' lunch. haha

Earlier I had approached 4 guys with surveys. Two took them right away and asked more questions about the Does God Exist event, while one guy didn't want to do it, and the girl was distracted on her phone most of the time. The two guys had read most of the Bible. The one said it was great. He had read the KJV and said it was very well written, as far as novels go. haha. But wasn't so keen on it. The other guy actually came from a muslim family and didn't like how religion is forced on people and they just follow it. He had been exploring trying to find out the truth and believes that the unity of all of creation is a great support for the existence of God. Without one ruler everything is chaos. He thinks that all people are born innocent, but that when they come into positions of power they abuse that power and that is where all the evil and corruption in the world comes from. His survey wasn't so interested, but he personally was very interested after our talk, so I'll be emailing him.

Later I got to talk with a few Chinese students. They didn't believe in God. I got to share a bit about how I think it is amazing how Chinese characters actually describe Biblical stories. I only knew a couple characters by heart, so it was just a tease. lol. I may email them to meet up and talk more.

AO joined us in the afternoon to do some surveying after his classes.
RS met a first year girl who wanted to get involved and they just went at it. Immediately doing surveys. lol.

Today was a bit slower, but still amazing. haha. Tomorrow we'll be downtown Toronto doing promo for the Reach conference since the frosh will all be downtown doing stuff anyways, so we can't really do much on campus. Plans are to enter some data too and start follow-up calls. Looking forward to a change as well as seeing some of my friends from UofT SG campus and Ryerson. xP

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Fresh T-shirts

So Tuesday came. Frosh week was upon us!

I still got to 'sleep in' as far as I am concerned. Waking up at 8:30 is sleeping in. lol. RZ was asleep and his parents were gone already. I figured breakfast would be similar as the day before. On the table in the dining room was jam and jelly rolls. By the toaster was bread. I also got some milk as the day before. A few minutes later grandma came downstairs and with gestures and Mandarin explained what was for breakfast. She pointed at the toaster and the only Mandarin I caught was 牛奶, milk, so I showed her my cup of milk and she smiled. lol.

JW rolled into the driveway at 10:15. Shiny black car. Windows down. Gangster cap. First impression: This guy is an asian wannabe gangster. Not what I expected of a staff member. lol. But he's cool.

Mississauga is so beautiful. Green trees and blue skies. Cool breeze.

Got to campus. The buildings are so nice! There is lots of green space. and. so. many. STUDENTS! Frosh week!!!!!!! =D So excited to see first year students flooding into the student center. JW had dropped me off with a box of stuff and a banner so he could go park after first introducing me to a couple girls. They were also so excited for this week! =D

Take it all in. Frosh week is here. Thousands of students coming to the campus for the first time. The vision: that no student can go to University without hearing the gospel and having the chance to respond.

Another girl and a guy. Then we got down to it, talking about what would happen and going over basics.

In two weeks on the 18th there will be an event "Does God Exist?" and on the 21st a conference and networking luncheon downtown for business and commerce students. These were what we'd be promoting all week as we survey the students.

After a time of prayer we got to it. Lines are your friend when you have surveys. The UPass line was huge. haha. We pretty much split up to cover more ground. We also went to the Davis building where TCards were being done. LONG Line. lol.

I had many good conversations. One time at the Student center I met this guy (I forgot his name now...) and he declined the survey. I found out he was Catholic and asked what it means to him. He came from Korea and was pretty much forced most of his life. But now he is learning more what his faith means for him. I got to share a bit about why I am doing surveys and found out he was studying commerce, so I told him about the Reach conference and he was interested. xP. In any case I hope it was a conversation to make him think more and that he will go to the conference.

Later at the TCard line I met a guy with the same name as me! =D He seemed intrigued by the survey and we got to talk a bunch. lol. Problem with so many conversations, I don't remember most of it. I was talking with him for a good 30 minutes. Halfway through it seemed like the girl behind him was really interested so I asked if she wanted to do a survey. lollllll. Turns out they were in the same program. lol I look forward to talking with them more.

Got to see a bit of the campus. Got so much free stuff. lolll. Free BMO Mac and Cheese? yep.

Got home. Had dinner and Cheesecake. lol

Labourless Day

Yo, so a couple days ago was Labour Day, September's holiday in Canada. Also typically the first day of frosh week at many campuses across Ontario, but not UTM apparently. Sooooo, I had a day off?

This may actually have been the first real day off I'd had in a long time. Time to just relax, spend time with God, and not be stressed.

Slept in, spent extra time in the word and reading, and after being scared of going downstairs without my bro RZ I finally went down. His family was awesome. His mom and dad are both extremely nice and grandma, even though she can't speak English, is really caring and nice. lol. I ended up helping her do a puzzle. All that was left was a tree. Many many green pieces. haha

RZ was at a meeting with his pastor and other ministry workers at his church, and I hadn't figured out internet yet, so I was mainly just spending time talking with his family, feeling the breeze blow through the house, and reading the Bible more.

When RZ did get home we went out on an adventure. First I half-shaved though. lol. Then we went to the CNE. Got there 4 minutes late for admission. >.< So we walked to Lakeshore park (or something like that). Good talks. Relaxing seeing the sailboats and birds floating on the water.

Got home and had delicious dinner. So many delicious home-cooked meals. xP

Was dying to get on the campus. haha

And So the Sauga Begins

Yo. Today was good.

After spending time at home yesterday with my parents and Max (the dog, who grew so much!!) I was off to church this morning hoping to see everyone! =D

Tbh there was no Sunday school... Just 6 highschool boys on their phones playing games antisocial, and BC + 3 other girls. No one else (other than a few Chinese aunties) was there until service. >.<

I was on worship team. We didn't practice yesterday. We had one quick sound check after tuning. Lol.

The songs and scripture passage were convicting of sin and very strong about God's grace for us. I skipped the sermon to talk with pastor DB.

Immediately drive to bus station. When there I finally read MOdMP's letter to me and the bracelet she gave me. XP. The bracelet is super cool. It is one of those rubber bracelets and reads "在何时间，在何地点，在何代价，只为耶稣" Anytime, place or cost, always for Jesus.

RZ didn't recognize me. Lol We had an interesting night. We just had dinner. Lol. Good chances to catch up a bit.

Can't wait for this week to begin!! XP

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Crazy Situations

Yo. Today I didn't have work. lol.

I ended up not really doing a whole lot for the morning and everything. >.> But after lunch FB made me go to work to play pool with him. haha. So I biked through gale force winds to get there. lol. We played and he returned his work badge and we left. YF wanted to do something before FB left, so we were going to watch Pacific Rim at the theatre near my house. (FB hadn't seen it) So, to get there we walked... lol. It was like 4, so no problem. 5:30 we got there and I ditched my bike behind a dumpster (no lock). JB works at Target (same mall) so FB took the car. lol. We drove to his house and picked up YF and went back and got McDs for dinner.

Pacific Rim was just as awesome as before, not as dramatic though. lol. Or 3D. I ate a lot of popcorn.

YF needed to buy some drinks for a BBQ tomorrow so we went to Safeway. YF accidentally started pouring popcorn onto the floor while selecting a drink. So me and FB ran. haha. (We just ran to the next aisle silently before laughing. llol) YF is hilarious. FB installed a setting that his phone now flashes when it gets a message or call, so now YF is named 'Flashpants'. This actually happened during the movie. lol Anyways, I got a guy to clean it up, and sometimes I ended up laughing out loud. Wehn he went to pay for the drinks the cashiers asked how my plots were going; my evil plans as it were. LOL

So then we got drives home.

My bike.

Luckily the mall is like 3 blocks from my house (normal people blocks) so I walked at 10. Sometimes when I walk by a restaurant I scan the people to see if I know anyone or anything (maybe often is a better frequency word). I saw a couple Chinese guys with IceCaps in TimHortons with a black covered medium sized, semi-thick book with red bookmark strings. . . Bible?!?? Do I just go in and ask? No. Maybe? No. Well, let's get the bike and see what happens. I planned to ask in Chinese "这是圣经吗？" ("is this a Bible?") Biked back to Tims and put my bike outside. Walked in thinking I was crazy. Walked over and said "Hello. Is this a Bible?" (English). They seemed a bit confused, but, it was. lol. Yuss!

So, we ended up having a crazy 2 hour conversation about a lot of stuff. They are gonna add me on facebook. lol. Got to pray for them and encourage them. They actually just had fellowship at SCCC I got to share my testimony, and the gospel a lot, and what God has done in my life, and so much good stuff. =D

Way better than packing. lol. Gotta be at the airport in like 5 hours now. hahahahahaha. >.<

So, ya. Ttyl.

D.Fa

PS. Holy Spirit has hilarious timing

Brave Eagle

I am officially happily unemployed. =D No more rust. *sigh of relief* I'm a little sorry for PG who is taking over for me though. Today was my last day working here in Saskatoon, and although I am sad to leave the people in the lab, it's time to go. Time to move to the next thing.

One day from now I will be sleeping at my parents' house hours from waking up to go to church for jr. high sunday school and then worship team and then bus to Toronto. Everything is worked out it seems rides anyways. Need to figure out how and when to get to Scarborough. Also plans are going for meeting up with friends in Toronto at some point. XP

The guys who live in this house normally were supposed to get back today. I made sure the house was clean before I left. I expected to get home, open the door and see them. When I didn't I let my guard down. Half an hour later as I ate my instant noodles the door starts unlocking. LOL! I had to go though, so I barely talked with them.

Went to the theatre and saw Despicable Me 2 with YF. It was hilarious. XP. Apparently banned in China? After we went to McDs and bought a Chicken Nugget combo. Had good conversation about Canada / China, politeness and overpoliteness, and I also got to share about how Chinese characters tell Bible stories. XPP. Ah, good night.

Having housemates again is weird.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Sojourner

Yesterday I got this thought: I don't belong anywhere.

I'm the kind of person who can't stop moving. Never a second of down time. The last three years I have lived in so many different houses / slept in so many different places, but when it comes down to it, I desperately want somewhere I can call home.

As I get ready to go to sleep, wake up, and take on my last day of work in Saskatoon, I miss Ottawa, am excited for Mississauga, sad for Saskatoon, desperately desiring to go to East Asia, begrudgingly planning to go to Africa instead, and so lost.

I am going to miss Saskatoon, but I didn't get to know this place well enough. I only just now understand most of the main areas I have been to, as I prepare to leave. I had to say goodbye to NG for second 'last time'. TT.TTT

I am going to continue missing Ottawa since 70% of the people I expected to see are gone because it is a long weekend and I will only be back for 25 hours. >.> And YA seems to have changed so dramatically, and I won't even get to be part of it for the next month (nearly).

I have seen pictures of my room in Mississauga. I can't wait, but even then, it's only for a couple weeks and I leave.

East Asia has my heart, but God wants me in Africa for some reason.



Everything is so confusing. And everything is changing so fast. There are huge conversations around the corner.

I was reading a lot of Psalms today. David writing of how he desires to live in the dwelling place of God. May I continue to see your goodness, and desire to live in your dwelling places, oh Lord. May I continue to realize how I don't belong here, but with you. May I lean on you and experience you more fully each day.

Leaving

Yo,

so today was weird. It was a lot of goodbyes from my brothers and sisters at church. I leave Saskatoon on Saturday morning, so I won't see most of them again. >.< Went for lunch after church. Got BBQ duck (and other stuff). lol. Bought soap and toothpaste because I was running out.

Didn't really do all that much. haha.

I returned a pair of tennis rackets I had borrowed a couple weeks ago. My friend was busy when I played with the church fellowship, so I borrowed them. Plans change apparently, so we never ended up playing. >.>

I had my first Slurpee. lol. There's a 7/11 across the street from my house, and a bunch of the Ag Canada kids were from UofM in Winnipeg, which is apparently the Slurpee capital of the world. So I had to get one. Funny thing is that when I got one, my friend who is back in Winnipeg now, actually had one too. hahaha

All day I have been thinking "One week from now I will be ... ". It started at 2. (With time zone shift) At that point I'd be on a bus from Ottawa to Toronto. At 5:15 SaskTime I'd probably be getting a drive to Mississauga. Now I'd be sleeping in my friend's house only hours from the day before frosh week stuff happens. Not sure what will happen that day, but probably see the campus, hang out with JW and the students who'd be helping, get adjusted? Who knows? lol.

Can't wait!

I started texting people to find out if they can give me a drive to the bus station after church next week. I got three "I won't be in Ottawa, or I would do it" texts. >.< Why is everyone gone the one day I am back? TT.TT I guess I'll just have to wait until the 22nd to see everyone..?  Lame.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

4 days of work left!!

I'm Alive, Kinda

Wow. It's been a while since I last blogged here.

Believe me, there are good reasons. I haven't been home at normal times a lot lately. A few students have left now and that means going away parties and stuff. Additionally I have been thinking a lot about stuff.

I only have four more days of work. Tomorrow is my last Sunday. Going to be in Mississauga on the night of the 1st. So much stuff is happening. Oh. I need to pay for my courses. >.> I forgot about my deferred scholarship which would have covered my one course. Lol.

Uhhh. Ttyl? I promise. XP.

D.Fa

Children Ministry = Best Use of Poor Chinese

Yo guys!

So, today was sweet. xP

I ended up going to church three times. lol... But it was sweet. NG is the cutest 2(?) year old kid ever!!!!!!!!!! Gonna miss him. TT.TT

But ya, getting to spend more time with PG today was cool.

I also just spent way too long freaking out about the new announcement to the Pokémon world. >.> Mega Evolutions. >.>

This turned into a useless post. My apologies. lol.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

PS. 20000 Views

Chinese Potlucks: My Spaghetti, Untouched...

So, yesterday was awesome. xP.

I actually didn't work. I was doing homework. >.< I need to finish it ASAP so my supervisor can look it over before I send it off.

After 'work' there was a farewell potluck for MZ who would be studying at "U. of Toronto" the next year. That seemed just vague enough for me to think, "Hmmmmm. U. of Toronto, Mississauga????? =D"

My feeling was right on. xP. SO EXCITED!

MZ is super cool too. Reminds me a lot of a younger me. So I want to get to know him a lot better now and then hook him up when we get to Toronto. xPP

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Sleep In

Hey guys,

what's up?

Today was pretty unusual. I slept in until 9am and then took my time going to work. lol. My supervisor is in Winnipeg? =D

But seriously, I am just taking a bit of time off. lol. Yesterday was the big "Summer Student Symposium" where we all presented our projects for the summer. So it feels like I am done. haha. I actually have 3 days of saved up time that I can spend whenever.

I have a co-op term report to do right now, which is not work, so I'm gonna go to work and do that tomorrow and just take the day off, like be there if needed, but otherwise not do work related things.

I ended up harvesting Arabidopsis seeds from like 100 plants today. The growth chamber is being treated tomorrow so I needed to finish doing that today. Pretty boring work. lol.

PG said he will take me to church this weekend! I actually got to go to the field with just him yesterday and talked a bit. There is a little bit of a language barrier in that he doesn't really know the Spiritual words in English. >.> But ya. lol. So church three times on Sunday! =D lol...

I have nails now. lol. It's one of those weeks where I was just too busy to be bothered to bite them, so now I have them, but for how long? I like them being clean and I mainly use my teeth to clean them, so it's always very close to just biting them off.

Anyways, ttyl.

D.Fa

When Rebukes are Required

Sometimes I feel like a Pharisee.

When the things I tell others do not line up with the things I end up doing.
When my knowledge of Scripture is great, but my time spent with the Lord is low.
When I have a lot of the answers, but haven't applied them.
When I read Jesus' words and then just turn the page.
When my day is going to waste, but I'd rather watch another episode of anime.
When I know God's will for me, but don't do it.

This is when I wish Jesus would show up physically and rebuke me.

It's so hard to rebuke yourself and not end up in a spiral of depression and apathy and lack of motivation.
It's so hard to pick yourself up off the ground if you see the next stumbling block a few steps away.
It's so hard to move forward, when the past and present tell you to just stop.
It's so hard to die to self daily and just let Him live through you.

It's hard. Jesus never said it would be easy.

But He also never said we had to all the work ourselves.
But He also never said we had to make ourselves perfect.
But He also never said we had to bear a heavy burden.

"I am with you always"

"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me ... my yoke is easy, my burden is light"

There is still a yoke; there is work to do. There is still a burden; but He has done most of the work already. There is still difficulty; but He is with us through it all.

Grade 12

Grade 12 was interesting. I think it was the most dramatic year of high school. lol.

< Warning, I may ramble extensively >

So, I had been up and down in my faith the last couple years and was still trying to figure out what it meant to me. Our pastor at some point said that he had a friend who went to church with his girlfriend, but the second they broke up he stopped going. Was I going because of her? That was a question I didn't want to let go by without trying to figure it out. So I think the summer before grade 12 she was gone doing ministry so I had time to think without her. I don't remember what I came to exactly. lol.

Grade 12 we pretty much did everything together. Honestly. I guess our classes started to differ, since I continued in sciences only and she only did Bio, but we were still all in the same bands (all of them) and hung out in the music basement at lunch, and went to youth group and church together, now we played on worship team together. I pretty much thought she was my girlfriend, well I knew she wasn't, but I wasn't going to change anything. I was too shy to just tel her I liked her, but I pretty much treated her as a girlfriend, of course there were obvious boundaries since we weren't though.

I tried out for the volleyball team, auditioned for the fall production, and was in Jazz Band. These all conflicted a lot. Jazz was an actual credit course now though, but if I didn't go to practice I wasn't allowed to play volleyball during the games. I had told my boss I would be very busy with the play because my friends said they had a big role for me. SW got it instead and I was probably about 1/10th of a role. lol... So I missed rehearsals a lot. I had three lines. But the times I did go were awesome! Some days our improv games were the most ridiculous amazing things in the world. From volleyball practices we had to do a lot of punishment, like serve practicing if you missed you had to do like 10 crunches or something, if your team lost the mini-match against the other half of the team you had to grab the towel-wrapped boards and clean the gym's floor back and forth (I was really bad at this until I finally understood how to do it). I was so close to having abs. lol. Jazz was always fun. We had a small band and I was lead trombone, so I actually had to play really high notes and be responsible for playing them well instead of hiding under NM as we all used to do (Rolling Thunder *cough*)

And then it turned out that all three had big things happening at the same time. Feeder band tour, OFSAA, and the performance were all within a couple days. I nearly made the decision to drop out of the play and go with the team to OFSAA (in a different city), but at a game later in the day after the tour (in Ottawa) we didn't win and so we didn't go to OFSAA. Oh well.

I think this was the year CR got serious about us memorizing music for Dixie band? Nah. He always did that for JazzFest, but I guess it was the year we had 'new music'. >.> Can't we just play "I Know What it MEans to Miss New Orleans" and "5'2" Eyes of Blue"? lol...

Now this is embarassing . . . >.> 24hr Music-a-thon. I didn't really sleep. I had pop-tarts. loll. I ended up passing out during a performance and one of my steel drums fell over making a huge deal (it was all streamed online live to make it worse. loll). >.> There was a mini praise concert from like 3-4 am. I don't understand this whole situation even now, but before AL went on stage we practiced together Italian run and then she went on alone and it may have been really awkward for me to sing from the audience. lol... / TS yelling 'Yeah! Jesus music!' or something like that. >.>. There was no Jazz Buffet that year.

Um. lol.

So, I went on a trip to Montreal for the third time I think? It was cool as always, but on the bus I texted (I had a phone now? When did I get my first one? Idk, but I had broken my new one in September and now have the one I had then) my buddy RL and told him a secret of the girl I liked.

She was not happy about this. Although it was also not important. It was about a band RL really liked that she would never admit openly that she liked. She said something along the lines of not being able to trust me.

It was winter.

Back in school in January and she has a boyfriend.

Even colder.

They had been dating for a little while now. I had no idea. She didn't tell me.

So now I had to deal with getting over my not-real-girlfriend breaking up with me by cheating on a guy who was also in everything we both were, and then dealing with not hating him as I ended up wanting to for liking the same girl as me and then dating her for the second time. >.>

So there was a whole lot of tension there for a couple months. They were way too close for my comfort, but if I hadn't said anything I can't blame them.

*sigh*

I definitely knew I wasn't in church for her by this point. Instead of ditching the church, I turned closer to God. My real relationship with God was worth far more than my non-existant relationship with her.

Also that year was the Musical "Once Upon a Mattress" which is not a tragedy in anyway. Our drama teacher left for the fancy new school in Barrhaven. >.< I was almost offered a role as the mute King, but I wrote on my application that I did not want to be him since he couldn't sing. lol. So I ended up as Knight 3 after the originally cast person dropped out. Again this was awesome. I got to know NJ pretty well. I really admired her singing since her role in Urinetown, but now we were dance partners. The musical was awesome and we were back on stage at NAC, well, not all of us this time. We (collective) won a lot of awards and JC accepted one in a tiger costume. lol.

I was definitely committed to my faith and when God told me I needed to talk to BC about Him I did not want to. I ended up inviting him to Engage Your World (was that what it was called?) and got a little obsessed with Manic Drive. lol. I ended up asking a lot of my friends to go, but I never shared the gospel.

This year No Other Name was cool. This was the year I found out that there were Christians at MHS. lol KC, RM, MR, IP, HC, to name a few.

This was also the year that DS passed away. He got in a car accident, he wasn't driving, and it wasn't the driver's fault, it was the other car. This threw the whole school into a loop for a week or two. Students were gathered outside his locker with many pictures and tissues for days on end. Honestly, I didn't know him that well, but I was really shook up too. I skipped Physics class to go to the wake. We all walked from school to his church for the funeral service. In both places his family was not grieving, but full of hope. DS may not have said much out loud of his faith, but was firm and knew Christ as his saviour. When we left the service the sun poked through the clouds. I left work early to go to his youth group too.

I haven't even mentioned spares. lol. Cramming with AP every day. lol.

English class. lol. JS is the most hilarious teacher in existence. Ephemeral. Cakes. SC. I didn't read Hamlet. I focused on studying Gatsby symbolism for the exam and got the exact prompt we had all studied for.

I tried out for the baseball team between rehearsals for OUaM. SF.

Gotcha! I was so upset when MT tagged me! I was asking the refs a question about rules because my guy was sick. // I had backstabbed and betrayed so many people. I was going to win for sure. I knew everyone in the school (practically) and they all trusted me. >.<

I applied for Carleton last second. lol. I didn't really want to go to University.

Oh. Summer school with AP and BC / the CB IB kids. lol. Big 2.

Ummmm. I pretty much walked around like I owned the place. lol.

MM! I compleely forgot to mention him in Grade 11! I meant to. I met him in Japanese class! and then he ended up at my school!

Ummm. Oh, Musical rehearsals were on Saturdays in April so I couldn't go to Getaway (OCYM retreat), but KC our stage manager did! >.< Met JS.

lol.... Secret tennis match with my brother's girlfriend? lolllllllll

30 hour famine amazing race / all-star band (I missed my chance to talk about one day without shoes for grade 11. darn. NO! It was this year!!) / One day without shoes. lol. So, I don't care for shoes. So when I hear about this day to raise awareness for people who don't have shoes and this causes serious health problems and makes life difficult, ok, let's do this! So I swear to not wear shoes all day, but just in case, I brought them in my bag. All-Star band rehearsal was at a school like a 20min bus away or something and it is raining now. I wait at the stop by my house with my trombone and no shoes. Get on. He says, no shoes, no service. I say "I have them in my bag". He says, but you weren't wearing them before you got on. So he kicks me off barefoot into the mud puddle and I have to get to practice ASAP. So, I run. lol. When I get there people are like O.o?!!?!? LOL! Cause I am soaked through, muddy legs, with a trombone and no shoes, and a couple minutes late. lol. My music was slightly wet.

Ummm. I'll just stop here. But ya, so much of my time in school was not about school. lol. It's the people and stuff that happens that really counted.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Grade 11

I feel like I don't remember much of the end of highschool. oh well.

< Untimed flashback alert. May be long and boring  >

I know this much, I auditioned for the musical. This year was Urinetown. In the audition I could not sing Bobby Strong's part, it was a note too high. I ended up cast in a somewhat major role as Officer Barrel. However, this meant I missed out on a lot of the singing since I could not just be in the crowds, and the Police Song was more of a rap. This is where my famous laugh was derived. As an evil cop I was required to laugh with evil intent multiple times and since this has become normal. I don't think I ever liked my laugh before this point. I rather enjoy the attention I receive now. lol. Officer Barrel kinda had this thing for Officer Lockstock. I didn't like that about the role, but had to deal with it. It wasn't a huge point in the script, but I guess it determined a lot of what my character was willing to do. This show was a lot of fun. I got to know most of the cast really well and we even got nominated for a Cappie award and performed a scene on stage at the NAC. Cast party singing songs with CN on VB's piano. lol. good times.

What else happened? Oh. I nearly got in a lot of trouble for 'academic dishonesty'. Not my own, but a friend who had borrowed my accounting workbook, and seemed to be copying it. >.>

I think it was this year that vocal jazz started.

Officially in Sr. Jazz band.

This was probably the year that I went to Naru2U with LS and TWH.

Physics class was cool. GG for Bio and Chem. ML for music / SecondCup class. lol. Probably around now I had a mild crush on CC, but she had a boyfriend.

This year I played trumpet at Chinese New Year. And the food was so good. lol.

Was this the year I watched Tengen Toppa Guren Laggen? I think so? Uhhhhhh........

=) I'm pretty sure this was the year I was 30 minutes late to my English exam, yet had the highest English mark I ever got. The substitute teacher was sooooooooooooo much nicer than our original teacher and my mark went up like 15% in like 3 weeks. >.> Just saying.

KC was now at MHS. She dropped IB and was now the source of all things Korean. lol.

No Other Name on Good Friday at the MET. I made a real commitment to trying to follow Christ more and had to tell my boss (got a job the summer before) that I could no longer work on Sunday mornings. Ended up going to service to which CW has told me it was like 'all a sudden there was another white guy!' or something like that. lol.

Definitely the year I told SZ to ask AL about the gospel five-coloured bead bracelet. Lol. I was pretty awkward. lol.

When did I start blogging? I think it was this year. I think.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

Grade 10

Yo so, this is kinda a big year, so maybe it will be longer?

< RAMBLE ALERT! this could be long and disjointed >

Grade 10 as far as school goes, was fairly similar. Gifted classes, gym, music, History instead of Geography, and some careers and civics stuff. lol.

I remember very little about Careers. lol. I know me and HB had some sort of "Pancake Party of Canada" in Civics. History class was the best, despite my not liking the subject much. Our teacher was amazing. Always bringing the material to life and getting us into it. We played an extended game of Diplomacy and I remember that night at the Coffeehouse performance bringing a map of Europe to help figure out what my next moves would be. I had studied the rules thoroughly and definitely had a better grasp of the game and the people playing than the others did. I started as England, so I was the only one who really needed to understand boats at the beginning. lol. Another point I was a Tsar with the epaulettes and everything. Later on I was Trudeau with rose and all. But at the end I was alone in the office taking both Accounting and History exams at the same time.

I remember talking to SZ about Maplestory in History class a few times. I think at this point things were ending and I was playing around with different in game professions with newer characters. I think I really did like my archer, but was always far more happy about the cost-efficiency of having a cleric who doesn't need potions to heal. lol.

Ummm. I know this was the first time I auditioned for a play. I auditioned for BatBoy, but was not selected for further auditions or a role. >.< My high school had a long tradition of Tragic Comedy Musicals and despite not liking drama, I liked singing enough to want to be in it. I later ended up in a One Act play about the greek gods? It was slightly confusing. We sang the Prince of Bel Air in gangster getup. lol...

This year I had met a girl a year younger than me. She was also in the One Act. At this time I thought a lot about how there are really more than one facets to who we are. When I am in a gifted class, you very much get the academic D.Fa, stoic, controlled, quieter, has the answers but doesn't show it. But if you meet me in a dramatic context you meet drama D.Fa, who does random things, is mysterious but entertaining, laughs more often. She met drama D.Fa, and I guess I was leading her on because eventually she was like up in my face about me not asking her out on a date yet. If this hadn't happened right before the summer, when she then left to visit family strewn across Ontario, I would have potentially ended up having a girlfriend. But ya, that did happen and all this just faded away. lol.

I don't remember a whole lot of specifics through this year. lol...

But one of the biggest things by far that did happen was my friend AL invited me to her youth group. I remember talking to my mom and she was saying "they are just trying to convert you". What does that even mean / AL wouldn't do that. I don't know. lol. I actually told AL about the conversation I think, or asked her if she was trying to convert me.

I ended up going, we played volleyball, smash brothers, had dinner, I re-met RL whom I hadn't seen in years (he went into IB at CBHS), but I'm pretty sure most of the time I tailed AL. I was a shy kid. lol.

This year I did not go to Chinese New Year. I remember Alpha was cancelled because of it, so I had a week off. Pretty sure this was the year AL was baptised and something happened in History class about it..?

Of Alpha I don't remember all that much. I know I was separated from AL by age-defined grouping. It wasn't just her church, but also a Cambodian church and an Anglican church. MM was my group leader with SB and I was with the older students, SZ, a red haired girl who may have been in a nursing program(?) and a cool Cambodian guy. Our discussion time was usually pretty quiet. lol. MM gave me my first Bible and encouraged me to pray. There was some sort of example of something blocking our relationship with God using like the "Claritan Clear" idea. I know I had mustard covered marshmallows dropped on my face during a sleepover night. lol... I know I went every week and got a free book at the end banquet thing.

I think that's it. lol.

Ttyl.

D.Fa

PS. Playing tennis felt so good today. lol.

Grade 9

And so I entered High school.

< Ramble Alert >

I feel like I won't really be able to distinguish too much from one year to the next. >.>

Ummm. Grade 9 was the first time I was in a gifted class, where there was actually like 20-30 other gifted kids. We went from class to class together. Music and Science and English (there were more in English). ML, RM, SZ, AP, AdSB. New best friends.

English and Geography class was the worst. French was the worst. Presentations every two weeks. >.< Cannot take that much public speaking, or that much French pressure. lol. AL and AdSB made some sort of Scarf video.

Science class. The best. Our teacher was hilarious. I don't really remember why though.

I think this was when I got my first mp3 player. lol. The only songs I had were Japanese anime opening or ending songs. My cousins were over for Christmas? I think? Maybe not.

We went to Halifax on a band trip at the end of the year. I have this thing where I really don't like using toilets that I am not familiar with. I remember I didn't go to the bathroom from Ottawa to Halifax. >.<

Ummmm. I auditioned for the Jr. Jazz band. 'Mack the Knife'? Is that what it was called? I also joined the Dixie band and I think I had to share with E(?) for a little bit then he left and joined the other dixie band or something. I think this was the year we had ND as tuba player for us.

I still had a crush in this girl. But then it ended up that a friend also did, which made me a little angry at him. I think it was this year (or maybe the next? but I think it was this year) that I made a fool of myself and I think I actually did tell her I liked her. I bought her a CD of her favourite artist, and a large stuffed animal. And then it was like, oh, you have a boyfriend... A guy I do not respect. Hmm....

I completely do not remember anything about lunch breaks or gym class.

Oh. I wasn't in the steel band, but really wanted to be so I asked CL to teach me how to play bass guitar so I could join them in the second semester. Lessons were slow. lol..... I feel like I really didn't learn that much, just where the notes were?

This year there was also an Intermediate band led by this awesome Tuba guy. I was asked to join and it was a lot of fun. I really liked playing trombone. Learning the music, overcoming the hard parts, playing in harmony and time with everyone. It was a good feeling. (Maroon band sweaters. loll) AdSB was always a joker though. TS and EA too. We were a good group of trombone players. Was it this year that I took EA's trombone and hid it in a locker and then later got a call from his mom because she asked why he didn't have it to practice when he got home? Maybe. Awkward...

Ttyl.

D.Fa

PS. Swamped in Work Presentation Preparation right now...
PPS. Trinidad and Tobago!